


Moments

by distractionpie



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Drabble Collection, Multi, Tumblr, headcanons, prompt fills
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-11-04 01:00:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 170
Words: 132,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10979073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distractionpie/pseuds/distractionpie
Summary: Various drabbles/promptfills/headcanons from tumblr, for archiving purposes.





	1. Funfair headcanons - Various

luz screams - all the time on everything, rollercoasters = arms in the air and screaming, but also gentle kiddie boat ride = arms in the air and screaming. the only thing he shuts up for is the big wheel and that’s because joe toye goes on with him and kisses him when he tries to start

shifty can win any of the shooting games without even trying ofc, but he doesn’t normally play them because it’s too easy and he feels bad for the people running them also any other players when he always wins. The only time he will agree to them is when somebody really, really wants a certain prize and they can’t win it for themselves. like Webster and the giant shark plushie

Lieb is very annoyed that Web asked shifty for help get the plushie instead of him, and takes ten turns so he prove he can also win one (”I didn’t want you to spend all your money on trying to win that one thing!” Webster protests) - so then Webster has _two_ giant shark plushies and he can barely manage to carry them.

Guarnere keeps going on about he can just tell that Dick is going to be one of those people who insists that bumper cars are actually dodgems and you aren’t supposed to crash into people. Eventually Dick goes on and kicks everybody’s ass crashing into them really fast but never being hit. (If there’d been a no hitting sign he’d have obeyed it and made the others so the same, but there was no sign and he’s kind of competitive even if he would hardly ever admit to it okay)

everybody expects lipton to be pretty tame but actually he really loves the thrill rides that everybody is scared of and spends the whole time on them laughing and grinning

babe always gets over excited and eats too much cotton candy/doughnuts/slushies and makes himself feel ill and spends half the trip just sitting on a bench, but Roe is always happy to join him even if he does scold babe for having so much sugar when he oughta know better


	2. Proposal - Webgott

  * So they’re sitting on the couch one night watching some cooking show that’s having a wedding themed episode and Web is complaining about how terrible one of the ideas is and Lieb is like, “So, Web, do you want to get married?”
  * And Webster blinks and pauses, because he’s never really thought about it, when he thinks of marriage he just thinks of the boring overly fancy weddings he got dragged to for family members and he already has everything he wants and doesn’t see them ever breaking up, but if Lieb wants to make it official then of course Webster is happy to give him that, so he’s says, “Yeah, yes. Of course I do,” and Lieb smiles at him and they go back to watching their show and maybe it’s very low-key and other people would think it was boring, but being at home and cuddled up and cosy and happy together is exactly what Webster would want in a marriage, so why not start as they mean to go on.
  * And so Web looks up what the need to do to get married in terms of paperwork and starts to think about what he would want his wedding to be like (nothing too big and elaborate, but he would like his friends to be there, he isn’t bothered about having any sort of religious ceremony but he would go along with it if Joe wanted that), and a few times he mentions thing to Joe and Joe is like, “Yeah those are all interesting ideas” but he doesn’t seem that urgent to get on with planning but Web is fine with this being a long engagement so there’s no rush.  
  

  * And one evening Lieb suggests they go for a drive, and he takes them to a little stretch of beach that is further way than the one Web usually goes to but also not so busy with tourists, and they walk on the beach for a bit, and there’s a sea breeze but it’s still warm, and the sun is just starting to go down, turning the sky all sorts of shades of pink and gold without it being dark yet
  * And then Joe drops to one knee in the sand, and he grabs Web’s left hand with one of his and with the other he pulls a ring box from his pocket
  * And he tells Web that he loves him; that he can’t imagine any other person being as perfect for him as Webster is; and that there is nothing he wants more than to be with him for the rest of their lives, no, for forever; “…so, David Kenyon Webster, will you please marry me?”  
  

  * And the ring is gorgeous and Lieb’s speech is so romantic and Webster should just smile and say yes, because of course he will. Instead his mouth moves faster than his brain and he says, “But you already asked me weeks ago????”
  * “What?” Lieb is so confused. Web is so confused. Something has gone very wrong here and it is rapidly becoming horribly awkward.  
“We were watching that show, and they were doing weddings and you asked if I wanted to get married.”  
And Lieb stands up and crosses his arms and says, “That was just to get your opinion on if you were the sort of person who believed in getting married. Did you really think I would make such a crappy proposal?”  
  

  * Because wtf, Lieb has been agonising over this for ages. Web said of course he wanted to be married and Joe doesn’t want to disappoint him. He went to a dozen shops to find the right ring, something fancy because Web deserves the best, but not too flashy because that wouldn’t suit Webster’s taste.
  * (The only easy part about this whole thing was getting Webster’s finger measurement for the ring - he’s a really deep sleeper.)
  * And then he had to work out the actual proposal! List of dismissed proposal ideas:


  1. At the aquarium. _Pros - Web loves the aquarium. Cons - it is probably too hard to distract him from the fish for long enough to ask._
  2. Scavenger hunt. _Web doesn’t have as good a sense of direction as he likes to think and he gets tetchy when challenged on this. Annoyed and defensive is not the mood Lieb wants to set for his proposal._
  3. Where they had their first date. _Their first date was actually a disaster, the restaurant had a kitchen fire and they all had to evacuate and stand in the rain while it was dealt with. It was a miracle they got to a second date at all. There is no way Lieb will risk things going wrong again._
  4. Ring in a book. _It might work for people on the internet, but Web would probably just get upset thinking about a book being cut up._


  * He spends weeks carrying the ring around while he planned because if he leaves it in their apartment Web will find it, but also he’s always checking his pockets because carrying it means he worries about dropping or losing it. It is very stressful for him
  * And even though he already knew Web would surely say yes, he was still nervous when asking because he wanted to make sure it was all perfect. He finally got it all figured out a week ago, but the weather forecast kept saying it would be cloudy, so he has been waiting impatiently for a sunny day.  
  

  * And Web is like “Well I never asked you to go to so much trouble!”
  * “But you thought I would just expect you to marry me without me putting any effort in to it?!” Joe’s feelings are sort of hurt. He tries so hard to be an excellent boyfriend for Web, and Web thinks he would put so little care into something so important?
  * “Yes! Why would I need anything fancy when you are already perfect for me just by being you?!“
  * And they’re just standing on this beautiful beach with the sun setting behind them and staring at each other, so wound up and so in love
  * And then Joe grabs Web and kisses him, and tries to put the ring on his finger at the same time and nearly ends up dropping it, but it doesn’t matter because apparently Web doesn’t need the ring or the grand gestures, even Joe still wants to give them to him, because what does any of that matter when they have each other.  
  
  
 
  * It is an ongoing point of debate in their marriage as to which proposal counted. They are in their nineties and in an old peoples’ home and some unsuspecting worker asks them about when they got engaged only to be asked to pick as side in a dispute that has been going on since before the worker was born.




	3. Parenting sick kids - Various

**BabeRoe**

  * Normally Doc is very calm about all things medical, he knows how to identify and treat illness and it’s just a normal part of life and nothing to freak out over. This goes right out of the window when it’s one of his kids though.
  * If one of Doc’s kids starts to so much as sniffle, that’s it, bed rest and chicken soup and he’s checking their temperature once an hour and keeping track of any fluctuations or new symptoms.
  * He knows he’s being ridiculous and that all kids get colds and it’s good to build up their immune system, but he can’t help but wondering what if? What if this is the time when it’s something serious and it slips by him? He knows all the worst case scenarios and he knows that they’re rare, but rare means it happens to some people.
  * Babe understands Gene’s worry, he really does
  * but sending the kids to bed whenever they’re even a little unwell leads to bored, cranky children
  * And Babe doesn’t want to undermine Gene or make his worry worse, but he can’t just sit by and let the kids be miserable
  * Babe is a great believer that the most important thing for sick kids in a good distraction
  * So he will teach the kids all the card games that he knows, and tell them all the best stories, and put on the movie he said they couldn’t see until their next birthday as a treat (there’s nothing wrong with the movie, but Babe spend his childhood sneaking about to watch movies that he was too young for and it made him feel grown up and he wants his kids to have the same experience, except without the nightmares he got from stealing an 18 horror movies from his cousins)
  * And Gene wants to be annoyed at him for getting the kids excited when they should be resting, but also seeing them having fun makes him worry less



**Speirton**

  * You know Lip is the parent that ends up catching whatever his kid has because he is taking care of them but not himself.
  * He tries to deny it but a few days after the kid starts sneezing he is sneezing too.
  * He tries to push through and hold things together like normal, because he needs to be able to look after the kid, and b/c Ron is a good parent but Lip knows that he does not want to come home from work to a runny-nose, crying little kid, because nobody likes that
  * But the next day when he wakes up it’s not because of his alarm, and he checks his clock and oh shit it is past 10am and how did he ever sleep in so late
  * And he leaps out of bed and goes to check on the kid
  * But the kid isn’t is bed
  * And he’s lowkey freaking out,  
  * but then he goes into the living room and Ron and the kid are curled up on the couch watching cartoons. But not regular cartoons, Ron has linked his computer to the tv and is showing the kid all the classic cartoons
  * And Lip is like, okay well if you’ve got the kid I’m going to go catch up on the cleaning, because dealing with a sick kid means there’s a stack of dishes by the sink and the laundry basket is overflowing
  * But then he goes to the kitchen and the dishes are done and the washer and the dryer are both running
  * And he goes back in the lounge and Speirs is like, “Happy? Now come get under the blanket.”
  * And Lip doesn’t get under the blanket, b/c he’s thinking of what else needs doing, but then Ron says, “I called into work and said I had to take the day because I was taking care of my sick kid and husband, and you don’t want to make me a liar, so you’re going to get on this couch and let me take care of you.”
  * And so Lip and the kid spend all day napping on the couch while Ron brings them crackers and tea and medicine
  * And the next day Lip wakes up and for the first time in days his head doesn’t feel stuffy and he can breathe through his nose again, and he can’t help but say that it’s the fastest he’s ever got over being sick.
  * Ron is smug.



**LuzToye**

  * This kid. This kid raised by the two of them is so cheerful and so tough and is no way going to miss the fieldtrip they’ve been looking forward to for months just because they’re just *cough cough* a little bit *sneeze* sick. They’ll wear a sweater! It’s the zoo! There’s no such thing as too sick for the zoo.
  * And Joe and George look at one another and sigh.
  * One of them is going to have to be the mean-dad.
  * “Look, sweetheart,” Joe says, “You can go to the zoo some other time.”
  * And this kid can tough out sickness, but the thought of missing the trip has their lip wobbling and their eyes are getting all watery
  * And Joe is shooting George these sideways looks, because their kid about to cry and Joe has been the one to break the bad news and now it’s George’s time to step up b/c crying cannot happen okay it’s just can’t
  * “Yeah, you can’t go today,” George says, “Because we’re having an party.”
  * And the kid looks up, still all teary but with a little hopeful smile. “Party?”
  * “Yep! An ice-cream pyjama party just for the three of us. And a movie marathon. With the sing along DVDs.”
  * And the kid perks up at that, and says, “I’ll get the blankets,” and runs out. Because family singing and icecream is even cooler than the zoo.“
  * "Was that really the best thing you can think of?” Joe asks.
  * George sticks out his tounge. “Next time I’m gonna say disneyland.”



**Webgott**

  * So Web is stay at home dad, because writing means he can work from home and set his own hours.
  * The hours Web & the kid keep are good hours with a long lie in every morning.
  * (Lieb, who leaves for work at the crack of dawn, wonders how he ended up in a family with such layabouts.)
  * But this means that Lieb is long gone in his cab by the time Web wakes up and realises that the kid has a fever
  * And Lieb doesn’t use his phone while driving so Web has no way to contact him.
  * So it’s just Web and this sick little one, and Web doesn’t know what to do because this has never happened before.
  * He googles it, but the results just scare and confuse him.
  * And he’s panicking b/c he knew in his head that this was a thing he would have to deal with when having a kid but he was not prepared for the reality, because his baby is all tired and sad and feverish and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
  * So he does the only sensible thing.
  * He calls Lieb’s mom.
  * Mama Liebgott will know what to do.
  * When Joe gets home from work the kid is cheerfully practising their reading with Web, with no sign of any problems
  * Joe sniffs the air
  * “Is that my mom’s matzo ball soup?” It’s a recipe that has been passed down since Joe’s great-grandma and he’d recognise it anywhere.
  * And Web looks up from the book and says, “It’s like magic.”
  * And Joe knows that recipe is the one his mom always used to make him when he was sick, and honestly the scene in the living room is just a little too perfect for him not to be suspicious, but the kid looks fine and Web looks fine, so he’s not worried.
  * He does call his mom later though.
  * “You gave Webster the secret family recipe…”
  * “Of course I did. He gave me my first grandbaby.”
  * “What? I don’t get any of the credit for my own kid?”



 

**ETA: Winnix**

  * Dick seems like the sort of person who should be good at this sort of thing but honestly, all the germs and the snot and potential sick kind of grosses him out. When his sister got sick growing up he would avoid her until she was better and he claimed it was so his parents wouldn’t have two sick kids to deal with but mostly it was because he didn’t want to deal with her being icky.
  * Lew can see that Dick is struggling and offers to take point instead
  * Deep down Dick is a little bit unsure that Lew can handle this, but it’s Lew’s kid even if he missed the baby stage and has never really had to deal with sole responsibility and Dick’s gotta show a little faith in him
  * Lew is… surprisingly very good at it. He spends a lot of time talking to her in a low voice and dimming the lights by putting a scarf over the shade and bringing her cures for headaches and upset stomachs.
  * His trick is treating her like a hungover adult. He knows what he wants when he’s feeling crappy, so logic says his kid is going to want mostly the same. Plus the stuff pony toy that she adores. Nix has never cried for one of those when he was hungover - although he wouldn’t say no to one if offered.
  * He thinks about confessing the truth of his skills to Dick, but honestly he’s kind of enjoying having dick admiring his parenting skills, so sue him




	4. Parenting older kids - various

  * Winters and Nix deliberately adopt an older kid, partly because neither of them are 100% confident in their ability to deal with small children (especially Nix) but mostly because Dick points out that it’s ridiculous for them to go on a waiting list to adopt a baby/toddler when there are older kids who need homes but can’t find a place. They only have the one but they love their little family.



 

  * Speirs and Lip never permanently adopt but they foster dozens of kids over the years until they’re finally too old to keep up with having kids in the house anymore. Every year they get cards and visits from kids they fostered in the past and they have a whole battalion of honorary grand-kids whose art gets stuck up on the fridge.



 

  * When Babe and Gene find out their baby girl is going to be a mom Babe freaks. Not about her having sex or getting pregnant because she’s grown up and married by this point but because according to Babe he’s, “Oh my god, too young to be a grandparent, what the fuck.”



 

  * Web and Lieb are on the verge of adopting a little pre-school boy when they find out he’s got an older sister also in the system but they were split up to heighten their adopt-ability. Web and Lieb were always planning on having more than one kid eventually so it just makes sense to keep the pair together. The social worker arranges to have the girl placed with them as a temporary foster to keep her back with her brother while they sort out formal adoption, but Web and Lieb weren’t prepared for a second kid, especially a girl, so she ends up arriving only to be put in the spare room with all of their junk like Web’s shark artefacts and all the old comics and collectable figures that Lieb keeps for sentimental value. They leave the kids to have a little reunion while they try to plan for this extra addition and come back to find the siblings staging an elaborate battle of Lieb’s superman and batman figures vs aqua-man and Webster’s shark plushies, and that’s when they become 100% sure they made the right choice



 

  * George and Joe wait to have kids, they spend a lot of time enjoying getting to be the cool/fun uncles and then also going back to their easy childfree lifestyle, until some extended family complexities means that they end up taking in several nieces and nephews so that they can stay with family despite being with their birth parents not being an option. It’s only a temporary measure until the problem is solved but the closer relationship with those kids stays.




	5. Student Council/Politics AU - Webgott - Parts 1 & 2

# Part 1

 

  * Lieb’s decision to nominate himself for the student council was only ever supposed to be a joke
  * Lieb thinks the whole student council is a joke. It’s just for people who need an extracurricular for their college applications but don’t have any hobbies so can’t join a club.
  * So when announcements come about about people signing up for elections he signs up with no intention of taking it seriously
  * Meanwhile Webster also thinks the student council is a joke, but for totally different reasons
  * they’re supposed to represent the student body and argue for student issues with the staff
  * except for the last few years running the student council has been made up by the same clique of people because they’re the only ones who care enough to run and vote, and they only look out for the own interests
  * and last year Webster tried to run but he got no votes. none. zero. nil. Hoob was off school with a dentist appointment on election day and Web didn’t realise he was allowed to vote for himself. it was mortifying
  * but he still wants to change things so he needs a new plan. that’s when he sees Lieb’s name on the sign up sheet
  * and Lieb is popular in a rebel way, even if he only got his own friends to vote for him then he would probably be a threat to the current group. and lieb wouldn’t just use student council to suck up and agree with every stupid rule that’s suggested, he could actually make things change. Suddenly Web has a plan.
  * And when Webster turns up at Lieb’s lunch table asking all enthusiastic about his student council election campaign plans Lieb’s initial reaction is just: who the fuc??? wtf??????
  * he tries to explain to Webster that it was just a joke, but all he achieves is setting Webster off on an impassioned rant about how yes the school council is a joke and must be fixed
  * and Lieb thinks Web is a little nuts, but also he thinks about how hilarious it would be if he somehow managed to get himself on the student council even though he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t actually have any power or be able to do anything with it
  * so he makes his friends promise they’ll actually turn up and vote for him and agrees to make a few campaign posters and put them up around school to see if he can get a few extra people on board
  * and that should be the end of it
  * except that a couple of students in a social group that is a rival to Lieb’s see the posters and decide that even if student council is dumb they don’t want him voted on, so they start their own campaign
  * and Lieb doesn’t care about winning a spot on student council, but he does care about winning, and he doesn’t want them to beat him so he goes to Web and insists they up the campaign. More posters, flyers, can they borrow a button maker from somebody?
  * And then the rival group ups their game too.
  * At which point the regular student council people realise their position is under threat and they start campaigning too.
  * And somehow the student council election that maybe a few dozen people even pay attention to has turned into a school-wide fight, with a level of campaigning normally reserved for aspiring prom queens in teen movies.
  * Web has volunteered with actual political campaigns less intense than this, he’s really excited by this development except also concerned because everybody is very invested in winning, except there’s no actual plans for when they’ve won. They’re pulling ahead but at the price of Web’s ideas about reform and student empowerment slipping away under the election turning into just another popularity contest.
  * So as the campaign is growing in steam tension is mounting between Web and Lieb. Webster wants Lieb to take the responsibility seriously, Lieb was only ever in it for fun and wants Webster to see that student council is not actually that important.
  * It ends up in a row in which Webster says he doesn’t want to campaign for Lieb if Lieb doesn’t respect the opportunity. Lieb says he doesn’t need Webster’s help anyway, Web came to _him_ because Lieb had what it took and Web’s serious issues based campaigning isn’t something anybody cares about anyway. There winning votes with memes not manifestos.
  * So they part ways.
  * And Webster says he’s fine and he doesn’t want anything to do with any of the dumb student council nominees, he isn’t even going to vote because none of them will do any work anyway.
  * And Lieb says he’s fine, his campaign is so much more fun without Webster constantly spoiling their fun by making them do actual planning and work, even if things are going a bit off the rails it doesn’t matter because student council isn’t important.
  * Come election day it’s the highest student body turnout in the school’s history and Lieb wins by a landslide. It’s all very exciting and he goes out to celebrate with everybody who helped him. Except for Webster, who has been there from the start, who Joe keeps looking over his shoulder for, except Webster’s not on the team anymore.
  * And a few weeks pass, and everybody quickly forgets about student council now the excitement of elections are over. It’s like Lieb said from the start - nobody actually cares.
  * Except that perhaps once or twice a week he gets an email about student council issues. Mostly they’re just generic stuff and he deletes them, but also there’s this one little freshman who is determined to get the student council to back an improved anti-bullying policy, and two girls that Joe thinks might be in his math class who apparently feel really strongly about the poor quality of the school lunches, and a few other small people who aren’t really the type to stand out or get listened to if they speak up for themselves, but apparently share Webster’s belief that student council can help.
  * And Joe deletes those emails. The people sending them should learn that life doesn’t work like that. Except they keep coming and he doesn’t want to give them any thought but he reads some of them and sees problems that would be so easy to solve if somebody just did something.
  * And so Joe turns up at Web’s lunch table, and starts asking about the plans he had for student council.
  * And Webster is all wtf and who does Lieb think he is, is he trying to make fun of Web or something??
  * And Lieb says he still doesn’t believe in 90% of Web’s hopes for student council improvements, but maybe there’s a few things that can be done.
  * and i never really worked out how it would wrap up except that Lieb keeps ending up doing ‘just one little thing more’ with student council until whoops he’s turned it into an effective source of change. All the while still complaining that “it’s all dumb - hey Web pass me that folder - we won’t actually achieve anything. Just because we got the school board to institute dress code reform and put funding back into the softball team, doesn’t mean they’re going to… oh hey I think I found a loophole!”
  * (when prom comes around you know all the intensity of that first campaign comes back full force. it’s like round two - this time with formal-wear and floral arrangements. Joe really really _really_ doesn’t want to be prom king, he wasn’t even planning on going… but once again there’s that allure of winning)



 

 

# 2: 10-15 years later

 

Liebgott is a rising star in region politics, who started out campaigning related to one small issue affecting him personally because he realised if he got his community to organise a little then it wouldn’t be so hard to force the politicians to stop listening to one or two rich people and start listening to them for fear of being voted out, and then he just ended up getting pulled more and more into things and now he is on the verge of breaking through to national level with reputation for unusually high rates of honesty even when it’s not in his favour and a knack for pulling in votes from groups who usually don’t turn out and getting shit done.

And Webster is a semi -successful political journalist, not a household name but recognised in political circles with good career progression, but he’s jaded by watching so many years of personal ambition supplanting the public good and backstabbing power grabs and he’s shed his illusions of any politicians being in it for anyone other than themselves or people being able to make real change. it’s all about lying to get votes then not using the power for anybody else

And one day Liebgott is doing an interview/press-conference and somebody asks him why he got into politics

And they’re expecting him to talk about issues or causes or the importance of democracy. But Lieb’s answer:

“David Webster.”

And the interviewer is like ‘ummmmmm…. tryna make sense of that. Does Lieb mean he read Webster’s articles, but lieb was in politics before Webster was making his name in journalism. so how???

And Liebgott gets this nostalgic expression on his face as he reminisces about Web coming up to him in lunch to talk about student council, this nerdy kid who should never have been near the cool kid table but was so full of enthusiasm he didn’t care, he was determined to share his passion with joe. and at the time Joe was too much of a dumb teenager to really understand, but the experience of winning that election made him realise he could do it and gave him the idea to try his first time in real politics, and he was dismissive then but as he got older he’s come to understand what Webster’s passion was all about because what they did was more important than he’d realised because all change starts small.  and people won’t care unless you make them care and it was Webster who made him care about this.

and Webster watches the interview and his heart just ~mends~ a little, because he’d had political disappointments before Lieb but they were all at a distance big grownup things that he’d always known he couldn’t change because he was a kid, but he’d pinned a lot of his shiny teenage hopes on Joe’s candidacy and for a short time he’d really thought that he, that they were on to something, but then high school status quo had restored itself and he’d been cut from the campaign and left right back where he started with his hopes crushed while Lieb and his buddies enjoyed their victory and then went back to fooling around and didn’t even try to make a change. except now here liebgott is saying that he had been listening. and webster’s naive teenage beliefs in change were finally coming to something, maybe not a big something or what he had imagined back then, but he’d briefly poured his soul into that dumb student council election and it _had_ mattered just not in the way he thought it would.

and webster mostly covers east coast politics and Joe is still on the west coast, but maybe Web could make an exception since what Joe is working on is so important, and of course he’d have to fly out there to research it properly but web is a good enough reporter that his boss doesn’t come down on him too hard about what he expenses, so maybe he should set up an interview


	6. Webster's hellcat - Webgott

To Joe’s frustration, Webster had never quite taken to his dog, [Ace](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAce_the_Bat-Hound&t=YTAwMWFiMWMyMGMyY2E2NDI0NDhkOWI5MTg4YTNjYWY0YTRjMDE2MyxDcERQZjVCbQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AD4ywn9-dWA1UDVgaQPS39A&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdamnyoualex.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157038053835%2Fwrite-about-websters-hellcat&m=1). Oh, Web would walk him readily enough, and pet him when Ace came over and deliberately got his attention, but mostly he was awkwardly indifferent.

“I’m more of a cat person,” was Webster’s excuse, when Joe had finally called him on it, which made no sense to Joe, but Webster had always had weird tastes so Joe had let it go. It was kind of annoying when Webster would come in from work shedding cat hair from his sleeve, but since Joe waged a constant war against the coating of dog hair that was constantly being shed throughout his apartment, he couldn’t really complain.

Honestly the most annoying thing was that Webster was constantly taking the tuna that Joe planned on eating and feeding it to neighbourhood strays instead.

So he knows Webster’s flaw for cats, he accepts it, but he’s still not quite sure how to react when he comes home from work one day to find Webster clutching an enormous ginger monster of a feline.

“He was trapped in some scrap in an alley,” Webster explains. “And when I got him out he looked hungry.”

Joe stares.

“He likes me,” Webster adds. “I think.”

“It knows you’re a sucker who’ll feed it,” Joe corrected. A hulking grizzled alley cat like that could certainly have got its own way out of trouble, it had probably just figured out that Webster was an easy source of food. Joe could have almost understood if it was kitten, something small and soft and defenceless that Web had felt the need to help, but the thing is an enormous monster with a squashed looking face and an evil glare. It obvious to Joe that it doesn’t need protecting from the streets, the streets need protecting from it.

“Well it does need taking care of,” Webster says, and oh shit, Joe can see where this is going.

“You can’t keep it,” he says quickly. “Dogs chase cats.” The only thing Ace had ever actually chased had been butterflies, and he’d never caught any, but that’s beside the point.

As if on cue, Ace wanders in and right up to the cat, wagging his tail tentatively as the cat looked on disdainfully. Ace gave a friendly yap and in response the cat puffed itself up and hissed viciously.

Ace yelped and promptly darted behind Joe’s legs.

Webster, damn him, looked amused. “Dogs chase cats?” he teased.

“Oh, stow it.”

*

Webster had been cycling through names for days, calling it Pluto and Dinah and Tom but settling on nothing. Joe had hoped the inability to name it might keep his attachment down, but when he’d found Webster with the demon cat curled up in his lap purring smugly, while Webster was browsing a book of _baby names_ , he realised that particular hope was futile, and instead he needed to cut the situation off before it escalated any further.

“You’re still determined to give the evil thing a name?” he asked, though he already knew the answer.

“Of course,” Webster said. “He can’t not have a name. I just can’t find of anything that fits.”

Joe sighed. “Alright then.” He could think of a few names for the damn thing but most of them he knew Web would take offense to, but there had been one lurking in the back of his mind, “Call the damn thing [Macavity](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fmonologues.co.uk%2FChildrens_Favourites%2FMacavity.htm&t=NmJiY2Q4ZWFlMGM5YTYyYmE1MTgyMzgyODk4ZGQ0YWQ3OWQzNmIyMyxDcERQZjVCbQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AD4ywn9-dWA1UDVgaQPS39A&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdamnyoualex.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157038053835%2Fwrite-about-websters-hellcat&m=1).”

Webster had raised his eyebrows. “You’ve read T.S Elliot?” he’d asked, sounding unduly surprised, but also a little impressed.

“We studied that one in middle school,” Joe said. “Your literature isn’t so obscure as you think it is.”

“Macavity,” Webster repeated, running his fingers through the monster’s fur. “ _Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity_ …” he recited, and slowly his lips curved upwards into a blinding grin. “It’s perfect.”

*

Joe had just been finishing up the dishes and was trying to decide if there was likely to be enough hot water left in the tank for a shower when he heard several suspicious noises from the bedroom.

He sighed and went to investigate and was tragically unsurprised as he witnessed the scene taking place. Webster’s pet monster had poor Ace pinned down on the bed and when Joe cleared his throat the cat looked up at him – caught but showing no sign of guilt. Ace just looked defeated.

“For fucks sake,” Joe leaned over to grab the damn cat, but it swiped at him, only his own fast reactions keeping it from drawing blood.

The cat hissed at Joe. “I know you’re evil,” Joe hissed back.

Until Web had somehow freed this demon cat from the dungeon dimensions where it clearly belonged Joe had never realised that cats could smirk, but that was definitely what the cat was doing now. Joe wasn’t sure how long the standoff might have lasted had they not been interrupted by the sound of the front door opening, and then Webster’s voice calling out, “I’m home.”

Immediately the cat lost interest in the fight, leaping from the bed and making its way towards the sound of Webster clattering his keys and coat in the hallway, the picture of innocence.

Conniving beast.

Joe sat down on the bed, next to where Ace lay, apparently to cowed to move even now his oppressor had departed. “Urgh, you dumb dog,” Joe grumbled. “You know the cat is evil, just stay away from it.”

Ace looked at him sadly, as if reminding Joe that this had been his home first, and Joe sighed, reaching down to scratch his ears. “What are we gonna do buddy?” he asked helplessly. “I’m pretty sure Web loves the bastard.”

*

A week later, Joe let Ace out into the yard and then ducked back into the kitchen, pouring himself a coffee as he contemplated what to do about the cat situation. Webster was blind to the damn thing’s faults, fooled by the monster turning into a purring kitten whenever he was around, but Joe wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to be able to live with the animal. The best solution would be to talk one of their friends into taking the evil creature so that Web could still visit it, but there was nobody Joe could in good conscious subject to the hellion. He was vaguely contemplating the improbable plan of swapping the monster with an identical looking but much sweeter tempered animal when he heard the frantic yapping of a dog in distress.

Ace.

A huge black unfamiliar dog growling and standing over a cowering Ace. Joe’s stomach lurched, he dropped his drink and raced forward, already damning his lack of attention, knowing there’s no way he could cross the yard fast enough to prevent contact. The bigger dog snapped its jaw at Ace but as Joe vaulted the railing of the deck there was a piercing yowl, and out of nowhere a bristling ball of ginger fur _launched_ itself at the intruding dog.

The bigger dog staggered backward, Ace forgotten in the face of the whirlwind of fangs and claws tearing into it. The noise was horrendous as the dog’s fierce barking mixed with Macavity’s caterwauling until finally the bigger dog howled and turned, bounding towards the hole in the fence through which it must have entered, and Joe stared as Webster’s freak of a cat chased it from the property and down the road.

Joe dropped to the grass beside Ace, checking the whimpering dog over for injuries. There was no sign of his skin being broken, not any injury Joe could feel, but he was shaking as he curled close in Joe’s arms, and Joe knew he’d need to get a vet to check before he felt content again.

Macavity slunk back into the yard, blood around his mouth and splattered up one of his forelegs, looking inordinately smug. He made his way over to them, ignoring Joe and butting his head against Ace’s until the dog finally the puzzled dog lifted his head and let out a little yip.

Slowly the cat climbed up to join Ace on Joe’s lap, positioning himself between the dog and the rest of the world.

Joe stared down at the cat. The cat stared back.

“You’re still a demon cat,” he grumbled, tentatively scratching behind the hellbeast’s ears.

Macavity purred.


	7. Speirgott

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This drabble was the precursor to my fic [the way we remember us](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10711068)

It’s been so long since Joe has allowed himself to indulge.

In the forests around Bastogne, they were spread too thin and under too much pressure for distractions and anyway it was too damn cold to get his blood flowing enough to make it worth it. The snow stifled his urges, blanketing the whole world to a dull hum punctuated only by the artillery which rains down.

Taking Foy had been like waking up. A real action and a real victory. It hadn’t lifted the weight of the war from his shoulders but it had broken through the numbness that had crept it.

Though that’s no excuse for what he’s doing now.

It’s probably unwise to be giving an officer the eye. He‘s always kept his fooling around away from anywhere he might be recognised though he’s let himself look at the other men in the company on the grounds that he could laugh it off if he had to. He wouldn’t be able to make a joke of it if an officer got the impression he was thinking untoward thoughts.

And Joe’s thoughts would make many a fella’s hair curl.

He doesn’t mean to let his mind wander quite so much but he’s not had anyone but his hand to occupy him since before he shipped out. He was sure the limey’s must have had places like the ones he went to back home, but it hadn’t felt worth the risk then. He regrets that now, when he’s so pent up he feels like he could burst with it.

All those millions of guys in the army and he had to end up under an officer who’s just his type.

Of course, Speirs had been around for a while, but he’d just been a figure of myth for Joe before. The dread lieutenant of D-company was Joe’s sort of soldier, but nothing more. The newly promoted Captain Speirs steals Joe’s attention every time he passes by and then lingers in his thoughts.

Army life doesn’t present a lot of opportunities for privacy, at least not privacy enough for Joe to get some relief. Instead he has half remembered dreams of rough hands and dark eyes, maddening but so much better than what they replace, and a daily exercise in self-control every time Speirs says his name in that low, even voice to issue another command.

He knows it’s probably only his own perspective that makes it seem like it’s always him that Speirs calls upon, but he revels in his place at the man’s side nonetheless, savouring every private glimpse he has of the man behind the legends.

He’s just done giving a report to Lipton in a house they’ve commandeered for the officers for the night, is making his way back to the barn the enlisted men and bedding down in and he encounters Speirs in the foyer. He nods in acknowledgement, they’ve all been through too much to stand on the strictest formalities, but as he’s passing a strong hand wraps around his arm. Every instinct tells him to break away from the threat of restraint, but instead he turns to his commanding officer.

“Need me for something, sir?”

Speirs stares long and hard at him, until Joe starts to worry. He might pay closer attention to Speirs than any other man in the company, but he has no illusions of understanding the man.

“Need you? No, I don’t suppose I do,” Speirs says slowly.

“Sir?” Joe asks, uncertain.

For a moment Speirs’ grip on him tightens, then he drops Joe’s arm like it’s burning. “Dismissed, Liebgott,” he says sharply, turning on his heel and leaving Joe standing in the middle of the foyer feeling oddly bereft.

Joe watches him walk away and wonders.


	8. Bakesale - LuzToye

Joe doesn’t doubt that George’s heart was in a good place when he offered to supply cakes for the bake sale, but he clearly wasn’t using his head at all because George _can’t cook._ Joe had come home from work to a flour covered boyfriend and a batter strewn kitchen with all the windows flung wide open in a hopeless attempt to remove the smell of burnt cupcakes.

Joe stares around the room and sighs. George doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty. “So, it turns out cupcakes from scratch are a lot harder than cupcakes from box mix,” he announces, “But ta da!” He gestures to a tray of cupcakes that actually look like they could be edible. At the very least, they aren’t charred, although Joe wouldn’t be surprised if they had salt instead of sugar in them. “I just need to decorate them now.”

George holds up a bowl of frosting. There’s a streak of it on his cheek and it makes it hard to stay too mad at him. Joe reaches out and wipes the smudge of frosting away and then licks his thumb clean. “That’s seems like a lot of frosting for one tray of cupcakes,” he observes.

“What, you thought I’d trash the kitchen and not make it worth your while?” George says with a saucy wink.

For a moment Joe hesitates because he can guess George is imagining doing with that frosting and god knows George won’t be the one to clean up the aftermath, but what the hell, the place is already a mess. Anyway, it’s a hot mental image. He leans in to kiss George, but George sidesteps him at the last second.

“Gotta get these finished first though,” he declares, because he wouldn’t be George if he weren’t a pain in the ass.

Joe takes a seat at the kitchen table. “You’ve got five minutes,” he says, “Frost the damn cupcakes.”


	9. Moving in together - Webgott

when Web and Lieb move in together they get an unfurnished apartment and bring the furniture from their own respective apartments. HOWEVER, these two guys, they have very different tastes in interior decorating. Webster likes old fashioned stuff, even some of his things are antique, whereas Lieb has a super modern minimalist style, so they end up with this really clashing mismatched decor and after a few months they both agree that the current set up was a good idea in theory but hideous in reality so they decide to sell and donate everything except for a few key pieces which they both agree on and refurnish the place together.

First stop: IKEA

Webster has a list of all the things they need to get and tips on navigating the maze that is ikea, but Lieb steals his list and says they should embrace the moment and that’s how they end up lost for 45 minutes in the kitchens department but it’s all good because they get some lunch in the ikea restaurant and Lieb gives Web his list back because he admits he underestimated how much of a maze ikea was.

and when they get to the bed section they lay down on one of the beds to test it, and Lieb closes his eyes and thinks about it for a moment and is pretty sure he’d be okay with that one, so he is like “Web, what do you think?” and Webster doesn’t answer him and so Lieb looks over and realises that Webster has fallen asleep for real because he was up so late writing his shopping list. and lieb is just laying there watching him half in awe of how cute Web is and half trying not to laugh at him until eventually one of the workers comes over and makes them move

and in the end they only get about half of the things that were on their list and they’ll have to make another trip but lieb does remember to put one of the huge ikea shark plushies in their cart because he has good priorities


	10. night on the town - luztoye

George double takes when he walks into the living room. He’s honestly proud he doesn’t just fall over. Joe is wearing the tightest black t-shirt that George has ever seen, and jeans that look like they were cut to fit him as closely as possible.

“What are you _wearing_?” he blurts out.

“Fran lent them to me,” Joe explains, and George already knew that Frannie was an evil genius but this takes it to new heights. “Bill managed to fucking drench me in beer, so she lent me these so I wouldn’t have to mess about changing here before I head over to the bar. I guess they’re Bill’s.”

They are _not_ Bill’s and George doesn’t know how Joe could think that they were. Presumably Fran stole them from some passing supermodel or pornstar or something. “Wait… wait…” George says, horrified. “You’re going out dressed like that?” Joe is going to a bar? Looking like that. It’s like he’s trying to end George.

“Uh, yes. I have to be there in ten,” Joe says, acting as if he isn’t a walking public indecency charge.

“Well you can hang on a second while I grab my jacket,” George says, “Jesus. And a prybar to fight off all the people who are going to be trying to get into your pants.”

“Fine. And after you can use it to help me get the damn things off.”

 

*

 

“You got a cute butt.”

“And you’re a goddamn lightweight,” Joe complains as he wraps his arm around George to stop him from staggering off of the sidewalk.

“Yeah,” George says agreeably. “But am I a lightweight with a cute butt?”

“Yes,” Joe says, he can feel his cheeks heating but he also knows that Luz will just keep asking until he gets an answer. “You have a cute butt.”

“You’re damn right I do. Do you wanna touch my butt?”

George sort of sings the last words, although they aren’t part of any song Joe recognises. Still, with how heavily George is leaning into him it’s clear that he’s utterly trashed so that probably explains it. “Yeah, but only when you’re sober.”

Now if only Joe could say something about it when George wasn’t too wasted to have any chance of remembering their conversation in the morning.


	11. tired - luztoye

Joe’s a little startled to walk in and find Luz sprawled across the floor of the lounge. There doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with him but he’s staring at the TV with a glazed look as a DVD menu loops. When Joe had left for work that morning Luz had been on the tail end of an all-nighter, marathoning some sitcom Perconte had recommended.

“What are you doing down there?”

Luz groans. “We need a new couch.”

Joe shifts his gaze from Luz to the couch. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with it. “Why?”

Luz waves an arm. “It’s too narrow. I was laying on the couch and my arm was going numb so I tried to roll over and I fell off.”

“Well have you considered that maybe couches are for sitting on not laying,” Joe says, and more importantly, “Why are you _still_ on the floor?”

Luz blinks up at him and then yawns hugely, an answer in itself.

“Right, that’s it,” he says, stooping down. It’s not the easiest of angles but Luz is pretty light so it’s not difficult for Joe to drag him over his shoulder and lift. “Bed.”

Luz hums. “You going all caveman on me Joe?” he says. “Because I can be into that.”

Joe snorts. “You stay awake five minutes past your head hitting the pillow and you can be into whatever you want.”


	12. chauffeur Liebgott, PA Webster - webgott

Lieb works as a chauffeur to this absolute asshole of a guy. Honestly, the biggest bastard that he’s ever met, super rude and bossy, terrible attitude, Mr. Sobel doesn’t even seem to acknowledge Lieb as a person, always screaming at people on the phone, also he keeps saying he’s going to fire Lieb and honestly Lieb would just fucking quit except for this is the best paid job he’s ever had. It’s well above standard rates, so he figures he’s stick at it another six months, maybe a year, just until he’s got enough saved in the bank to make the deposit for a place of his own and still have a safety net. In the meantime, he just quietly hates everything

And his shitty employer is rarely alone, he’s almost always accompanied by this other guy - Webster. And Joe figures he’s a co-worker because Joe’s boss is kind of rude to him at lot but also talks business with him and this other guy is clearly the brains of the operation, knows where they’re going to and briefing him on meetings and business plans. But he’s just another suit, even if he is pretty enough that joe sometimes can’t help checking him out in the rear-view mirror when they’re stopped in traffic.

And one day for whatever reason Joe’s asshole employer is meeting with some people who have their own driver and he’ll be going places with them but he’ll be needing Webster to meet him after, so he instructs Joe to drive him over. And he gets out of the car and shuts the door behind him and starts walking down the street.

And then Webster presses his face into his hands and screams. For an uncomfortably long time. Joe is slightly concerned.

And finally he straightens up, a little out of breath and kind of wild about the eyes, and he makes eye contact with Joe (actual eye contract, when the usual standard is just to ignore ‘the help’) and says, “Sorry. I… sorry, he’s just been driving me crazy.”

And that is a sentiment Joe can agree with, and its rush hour and they’re going all across the city, they have time, so he looks over his shoulder as is like, “Tell me about it,” excepting some random minor complaint about a business disagreement, but instead it all comes rushing out.

Webster isn’t Sobel’s colleague, he’s his personal assistant and it is apparently the Worst. Job. Ever.

Sobel is exactly as much of a bastard as Joe had the impression he was, and then worse. And Webster has to be with him from first thing in the morning, bringing his coffee and breakfast and dry cleaning, to last thing in the evening – at which point he goes home and rewrites the reports that Sobel is supposed to be in charge of except he always fucks them up but it’s Webster’s job to proofread them so if they’re shitty it will get blames wholly on him. Webster is doing like 75% of Sobel’s actual job, and the other 25% Sobel fucks up and expects Webster to fix it.

But even though he hates it, Webster can’t quit this job because before he was working for his family’s business but then he fell out with his parents and they didn’t just fire him, they had him blacklisted and sobel’s company was the only one willing to employ him. The only advantage he has is that even though Sobel complains about Webster a lot he can’t fire him because he actually knows Webster is basically irreplaceable, he does so much work – anyone else on Webster’s talent level would demand twice as much in wages or go elsewhere.

And Joe brings up Sobel’s constant claiming Joe is fired for stupid stuff like that fact there is traffic or a diversion but not following through and Webster says that’s because Sobel says it but Webster is the one to have to put it into action and they went through six drivers in six months offering higher pay each time because they managed to get Joe to stick around and Webster doesn’t want to have to organize a replacement so he just ignored Sobel’s order to fire Joe on the grounds that Sobel doesn’t actually pay enough attention to staff like his driver to notice that Joe hasn’t been replaced.

 and just like that they have an alliance. now when Sobel is paying attention to his phone while Web is trying to explain things to him Webster will catch Joe’s eye in the mirror and roll his eyes. And when Sobel is ranting at Joe about how he’s incompetent and why is it so hard to find good help in this city Joe just remembers that Webster is the one that gets stuff done so Sobel can’t affect him.

And Webster starts finding reasons that he needs to borrow Sobel’s chauffeur while Sobel is in meetings and get Joe to drive him places - like to get bagels for a meeting from a very specific bakery that is an hour away, no he can’t get them from someplace nearer, their clients would be insulted at anything less than the best bagels and the whole business deal might fall through, and those are the best bagels. and it gives Webster some time to de-stress and Joe likes driving Webster around more than he likes waiting in parking lots for Sobel to need him. So they keep stealing time to talk and it starts off just being about how they hate their jobs, but then Web sees the comic books Joe’s brings to read when he’s not driving and one of them is aquaman so that sets Web off talking about books _and_ sharks, and gradually they get to know each other better and get closer

and a year later when Joe finally quits, Webster hands in his resignation right alongside him, because there has to be a better life than that one and they’re going to go find it together.


	13. Tab + Trigger - I'll never leave you

“I’m never going to leave you,“ Tab muttered drunkenly into the thick fur at the dog’s neck.

He hadn’t even had that much to drink, at least not that Luz had seen, but the stills they’d found at the back of the latest farm they were bunking in apparently contained strong stuff.

It was pretty impressive Tab had managed to keep Trigger with him so far - but the dog could keep up with marching pace and Tab had somehow managed to sneak it under the benches and hide it with his legs on that last truck ride. Still… "What if we have to jump again?” George can’t help but point out. “You’ll have to leave him behind then. A dog can’t use a parachute.”

Tab pulled away from the dog for long enough to scowl up at George. “Neither could I when I joined up,” he argued. “If they can get men and gear and supplies to drop, stands to reason a dog could drop too.” His eyes were glassy from the liquor and George would honestly be surprised if he even remembered this conversation once he’s sobered up.

“What, you’re just gonna jump out of a plane holding him, or what?” George jokes.

Tab shrugs. “Can’t be any worse that those goddamn leg bags.”

Well, George can’t argue with that.


	14. Hug - luztoye

George had never doubted that Joe would do well at college. No, the doubts had been all Joe’s. During their senior year of high school Joe had been all set to take his Saturday warehouse job full time and it had taken endless complaints of boredom and loneliness of George’s part to get Joe to put in even one application - which he claimed would certainly be turned down and would therefore be proof that George should shut up.

Now George is cheering Joe as he watches him walk across the stage to receive his degree after four years on a full ride scholarship and he knows he’ll never need to worry about shutting up because he’ll be able to just look at Joe and Joe will hear the ‘I told you so’. It’s a gift.

George’s own applications had met a somewhat less enthusiastic reception, and so for the last four years they’d been hanging out during every vacation and every few weekends they’d trade-off who would take on the two-hour drive between Aldbourne University and Toccoa community college.

George hadn’t elected to let Joe know he’d be coming, had wrangled tickets through one of the many friends he’d made at Aldbourne while he was visiting - but he cheers loud enough that Joe finds him in the crowd, his eyes widening for a moment before he rolls them, though he’s still grinning as he accepts the certificate and makes his way back to his seat.

The rest of the ceremony doesn’t drag on too long, there isn’t much alphabet left after ’T’, and as soon as they’re all let out George makes his way over to Joe, flinging elbows in order to make space in the crowd without an ounce of shame.

As soon as he’s close enough George launches himself at Joe in a move that’s half hug, half tackle, but Joe doesn’t even flinch. “What did I tell ya?” George says, because it might not need saying but he wants to. The fabric of Joe’s graduation robe is itchy, but between the chaos of the end of the semester for both of them, plus internships and the looming spectre of careers it’s been way too long since either of them has made the trip to see each other and he’s not ashamed to show that he’s missed Joe. He doesn’t know what is going to happen to them now, though Joe hasn’t said a word about his future his mom has let slip that he’s already got interviews being offered by firms on both coasts, but Joe’s arms wrap tight around his shoulders like a barrier against any potential worries that might bother him.

Today, they celebrate.


	15. Rival literature professors au - Webgott

basically Webster obviously has his doctorate in classical literature from Harvard and Liebgott got his doctorate at Berkeley which is a good and respectable college but it’s not _Ivy League_ so there’s some snobbery there. And they are both the two newest faculty members at a smaller university, getting their first starts at being fully qualified and working independently and they’re mostly working on totally different things but there’s this one course that the college runs that is a general literature course that covers classic to modern including poetry and plays and new Professors Liebgott and Webster are being asked to work together on it. And at this point they’ve only really seen each other around and it’s a new job so they aren’t going to be argumentative so they agree and they meet up to work.

And you can imagine the first time they get into a room to work together and start talking - Webster, who rarely lowers himself to read anything published after 1900 let alone within his lifetime; and Joe who has no patience for the overly wordy out of date tomes that make better door stops than they do reading material.

They both would say they honestly try to be professional but their first impressions of each other are exactly the same: “ **He’s so hot but he has bad taste and a terrible personality**.” And it’s followed up with grudging working together and a lot of “Why is he so defensive of such terrible writing and also have you seen his hair is he washing it in the tears of baby angels or something?” and “All of his opinions are wrong but I can’t help paying attention to them when they’re coming out of that mouth.” And the work gets done but only after they’ve argued every little thing and both of their friends as like, “Y’know, you could get this over with a lot faster if you just conceded a few points,” but their response is always, “No I am right and I will make him see it even if I have to stay alone with him in that office all night.”

Then they start to teach it and… it’s chaos. They interrupt each other constantly, and when one of them is lecturing the other one is sat to the side pulling faces and not even trying to hide their disagreement. Their classes keep turning into unplanned debates because when they can’t agree on something they start asking the class’s opinions.

The students find it hilarious and a great change from most of their classes where’s they’re just being talked _at_ for two hours and being told that they should think the exact opinion of their teachers. Also there’s a small subset of them who have taken to diving themselves up twilight style into team Liebgott and team Webster. There are badges.

But the first set of essays come in and they’re really good because if there’s one thing the students have learned from watching them it’s how to argue a point, and they’re both quite proud of that and they go out to celebrate and when they start talking about non-work things they find they have a surprising amount of things to talk about – they both speak german, they both like ww2 history, they both have surprisingly strong opinions on chocolate, and yes movie adaptions (even though i can’t think of any examples right now either), etc. And they have to agree that while they still each think the other one has no idea about literature they do have right opinions about some things and they are good to talk to.

So they’re still having those literature arguments when they’re both getting so passionate and leaning into each other’s space, eyes getting dark and intense, and Web starts to flush when he gets really angry and Lieb will growl in frustration as he runs his hands through his hair in annoyance and it’s all very _intellectually_ stimulating

But they also start slipping into nice conversations every once in a while. And Web will toss Lieb a candy bar that he got for lunch but then realised it was dark chocolate which is Lieb’s favourite while Web prefers milk, and Lieb starts keeping a box of the tea Webster likes in his office so that Webster doesn’t have to go back to his own for drinks when they end up sitting in there bickering for hours in the name of prep, but still argue b/c they wouldn’t be literature professors if they didn’t enjoy talking about books,

And here comes the part which I always struggle to write which is the exact turning point in their relationship, but at some point, all of that tension comes to head and their arguing and getting more and more each other’s space until suddenly there’s no space left between them at all and they’re making out. And if they’re in Webster’s office his desk is nice and clear and a great surface for making out against, if they’re in Liebgott’s office the desk is covered in mess but it wouldn’t even matter by the point – it’s all just gonna end up pushed onto the floor to make room.

Then when the course is over and the feedback is submitted the university asks them if they’re willing to teach it every year – apparently, they do a great job of getting students understanding different perspectives in literary analysis. Of course, the rumours of their …tempestuous… working relationship have spread around the department so if they don’t want to keep working together that could be arranged.

And Webster is like, “I would never let his annoyingness get in the way of my teaching the classic literature,” and Liebgott says, “I refuse to risk letting him be put with somebody who won’t stand up to him and poke holes in all his pompous classical snobbery” but what it really comes down to is that they are having far too much fun arguing to stop


	16. Looking for you - RoeToye

Gene is recounting the supplies in his med kit, holding onto a futile hope that his previous three counts have been errors and he isn’t as woefully under-supplied as he thinks he is, when he hears the familiar scuffle of crumbling dirt and falling gravel that means a hasty entry to a foxhole.

He closes up his kit and glances up at where Joe Toye is settling in beside him. Joe isn’t supposed to be anywhere near here, he has his own foxhole a few hundred yards up the line towards where Spina’s stations himself, but Gene has learned not to question how guys get by out here so long as they’re doing the important things right.

Joe looks as washed out and tired as anybody else in this forest, and his uniform is the same sorts of dirty and worn thin, but there’s no blood on him and he doesn’t look any sicker than the rest of them are.

Gene frowns. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Joe says, like it’s obvious.

Gene looks him over once again, but there’s nothing calling out to him as a symptom. “Where you hurt?”

Joe shakes his head. “Not here for me. Saw Spina’d been moved up, figured I should come check you hadn’t ended up without a buddy.”

“Oh,” Gene says, a little mystified as to why Joe would think that needed him to check personally. “It ain’t a problem.” It’s better probably, spending too much time in a foxhole with a guy only led to talking and getting interested in their person, which the army discouraged in its medics and especially wouldn’t have tolerated from a guy with Gene’s leanings. “I get by best without, truth be told.”

Joe shakes his head. “Don’t forget, I did some medic training,” he says, “I know about keeping your distance. But you gotta keep warm too.”

“It ain’t your job to keep me warm,” Gene points out. Looking out for people’s physical wellbeing is his job, just the same as the chaplain tends to the spiritual for those guys who can still bring themselves to see him. Joe’s got plenty else to be getting on with.

Joe just rolls his eyes though. “Well I ain’t gonna sit by all cosied up with Bill and Buck and Heffron all squeezed into one hole and waiting to see what Dike thinks of that, when you’re out here getting half frozen Gene.”

 _Gene_ , Joe was calling him, not Doc nor even Roe. This wasn’t about a sergeant making sure the medic could do his job, this was about Joe taking care of Eugene. He knows from his training all the important steps of sharing body heat and since Joe seems like he’s gonna insist Gene buckles his medic bag back up and then offers up his hands – the coldest part of him.

“No gloves?” Joe asks, though he doesn’t sound surprised.

Gene flexes his stiff fingers. “Can’t have ‘em in the way.”

Joe nods understandingly, but strips his own off anyway, leaving Gene confused for a moment before Joe’s hands wrap around his. They’re not hot by any stretch of the imagination, but as Joe rubs Gene’s hands between his own Gene can feel the blood flow improve, the chill and the numbness receding just a little.

He can also feel a warmth in his chest that has nothing to do with the temperatures around them.

When Joe looks up from their hands his eyes are dark and intense. “Feelin’ warmer yet?” he asks, voice even lower than usual, and the corner of his mouth quirks up ever so slightly when Gene nods.

Eugene has talked enough of the other guys in the company about keeping warm to know that it doesn’t normally involve looks so intense, but this ain’t the time or place for exploring what that look might mean.

Gene knows he won’t forget it either.


	17. Balence - Bill/Luz/Toye

They find a balance. It takes time, as all things do, but they have that now. They’ve survived the war and they have their whole lives ahead of them.

Each of them gets home in their own time, but Bill invites them up to Philly as soon as he’s out of hospital. George comes first, sticks around and helps Bill prove to his mother that he can hold down his own place without her hovering, and by the time they’re half set up, Joe joins them. It turns out discretion is easier with three. Two bachelors sharing an apartment might draw talk from those who liked to judge and question, but three was beyond the scope of their imagination. Luz finds work fast, and Bill knows the right people to talk to that are happy to find work for a neighbourhood boy and his buddy - two legs between them but the work ethics of four men each.

Three wages and only one set of rent and bills isn’t a bad arrangement and they fall in to a routine, working Monday to Friday with their evenings to themselves, and then going out on Saturdays and to church most Sundays and always lunch at Bill’s momma’s. Sometimes Bill wonders if she doesn’t suspect something of the fact he lost his interest in chasing skirt in the war same as his leg, and that he’s shacked up with two guys who do the same, but if she does she never calls him on it.

It’s easy, more easy than any of them would have suspected. George is messy but Joe doesn’t mind doing more than his fair share of cleaning so long as he doesn’t have to go shopping and Bill is always happy to drop in on the butcher, the baker, and the grocer for a chat just so long as he doesn’t have to cook, and George who grew up at his mama’s side over the stove is always ready to whip something up and tell a tall tale about how he learned it too. There are things the Joe and Bill share that George will never understand, but George has his own experiences that neither of them can touch and that doesn’t stop them from pressing in on either side of him and grounding him when the memories get too much, and in turn he doesn’t press at them when they need their space.

They spent three years laying their lives on the line to ensure the world’s future, and they’re going to enjoy every minute of what they won.


	18. Kick a ginger day - BabeRoe

Eugene Roe was pouring over his anatomy textbook when he heard the familiar sequence of rattling keys, creaking hinges and the thud of the front door being allowed to swing shut of it’s own accord which signified Babe’s return.

His greeting, however, was not the one Gene had come to expect.

“Do we have ice?”

“In the freezer,” he said, immediately looking Babe over for signs of injury. He was used to the man getting into scapes, but there was no sign of injury on him.

Or at least there wasn’t until he returned from the kitchen with a bag of ice, flopped down on the couch and rolled his jeans up to place the ice on his shins.

_Merde…_

The redhead’s shins were black and blue, bruised from ankle to knee.

“What happened?” he asked.

Babe shrugged. “Well it’s kick a ginger day.”

Gene paused, trying for a moment to make sense of that statement and failing miserably. He would be the first to admit that he didn’t much engage with commercial holidays, but that sounded excessively odd.

“I… what?”

Babe laughed. “Oh it’s from something, South Park I think, or something along those lines. Happens every year. It was okay when I was back home because it knew a coupla other gingers to stick close to and it got spread out, but this time I got it from everybody.”

Gene frowned. “You telling me your pals did this to you, Heffron? And this happens every year.”

“Hey! Don’t you start with that Heffron business again,” Babe said, apparently more upset by Gene than his injuries. “It ain’t nothing. Not like that time my brother broke my arm giving me the birthday beats,” he smiles with nostalgia. “My ma walloped him good for that one.”

Gene looked from Babe’s battered legs to his fond grin and sighed. He hated to see people hurt, Babe in particular, but it seemed Babe had no such reserve, especially when it was all in the name of good fun, and there was no good trying to stop the shenanigans. Still, he made a mental note of the date so that he could make sure that next year Bill was reminded that if he made a habit of sending Gene’s boyfriend back to him beat up then he could wait in line at the clinic for stitches instead of coming to Gene next time he was the one with some fool injury.


	19. Pirates - LuzToye

“Bill was done with the navy after the accident, and the navy was done with me, so when Bill said he was starting his own crew and needed a first mate I joined up, and when he got a second ship – well, who else was he going to give it to?” Joe said, unsure of why it was he was sharing so much of his history. Perhaps because George was the first of the crew to _ask_ how he’d ended up captaining a pirate ship, instead of telling tall tales. “Why did you join up?”

“Honestly, I’m only really in it for the rum,” George said, then paused, looking Joe up and down with a drunken grin, “Well, the rum and the booty.”


	20. 19th century whaling ship - webgott

“What are you writing now?” Joe asked, when he found his bunk occupied by David Webster, the enigma who had come aboard with shirts too clean and hands too soft, but never been seasick even on the stormiest nights, only scribbled away until he was called upon to work.

“It’s for my book,” Webster said, setting down his pen and shifting to one side to make room, “A study of whales and life aboard a ship.”

“Nobody is ever going to buy a book about whaling,” Joe scoffed, slipping into the bunk beside him - after all, unless he wanted his book banning for indecency, Webster would have to leave all the best parts out.


	21. Teacher + Parent - Established Luz/Guarnere, implied potential Toye/Luz/Guarnere

Joe Toye both loves and hates the first day with a new class.

Meeting the kids he’s going to be teaching for the next ten months is so important and it’s always satisfying to get them settled in the classroom and making sure their first experience of school is a good one.

But oh god – the _parents_.

From the clingy first timers who refuse to leave their kids no matter how many times he tells them it’s time to go; to the ones whose kids are dropped off in a rush because they’re more interested in their jobs than their offspring, leaving their kids weeping and confused – or in the case of Beth Andrews, handed over by a harried au pair who had looked desperately relieved to abandon the already watery eyed five-year-old to somebody else’s care.

That first hour was always chaos

Maria Luz-Guarnere’s parents hadn’t made any significant first impression, but Maria had when he’d turned around from attempting to pry one particularly reluctant mother from her squirming child to find her perched on a desk with half a dozen other children gathered around her as she ‘read’ them a story. He’d known then that he’d have to keep a close eye on her – kids like that could be angels or little monsters but it was rarely wise for them to be left to their own devices.

As the term rolled on thought, it became very clear exactly where Maria had gained her charming but mischievous nature.

Parents who flirted were inconvenient but not all that uncommon. It was usual the single moms, although the occasional would-be adulterer wasn’t unheard of, though Joe had never personally had such an encounter.

Flirtation from both of a student’s parents, who were by all appearances happily married, was a new one though; and the combination of a quick wit and a mischievous streak meant that Maria needed her parents calling in more often than any of his other students but stubborn little Ruth Webster.

It comes to a head at their first parent/teacher night. Joe is expecting Maria’s parents to be more restrained since they will be in each other’s presence, but he quickly starts to second guess that when Mr Guarnere (“Call me Bill, christ I’m not _that_ old yet,”) greets him with the most flirtatious smile that Joe has ever seen, and Mr Luz (“Just Luz, seriously,”) holds his handshake just a little too long, hand dragging over Joe’s as he withdraws. It seemed that they were on the same page with regards to that matter.

They do at least seem to be genuinely interested in Maria’s progress although it quickly becomes clear that they have very different educational priorities to the school board. Apparently, they see no reason why Maria’s habit of looking at the pictures and then telling a story from imagination in at least half of the class reading sessions isn’t acceptable, given that she’s proves her literacy is perfectly good for her age in the rest of the sessions. And as for the barter economy she’s been setting up within the class – well in all his years of teaching Joe doesn’t think he’s ever seen a parent look quite so proud as George Luz does when he hears that.

The meeting ends just the same as it began, and Joe could swear that Bill- _Mr. Guarnere_ winks at him on the way out.

It would be totally unprofessional to _respond_ to their flirtation especially while Maria is still in his class but, he tells himself as he lies in bed that night, they are both good looking men and there’s no harm in _thinking_ about it.


	22. Various AUs - Webgott

**· _who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter_**

were-Web is the worst excuse for a wolf Lieb has ever encountered. Even transformed he’s got no killer instinct at all. Joe had though Web might be a useful partner on his hunts for tracking prey by scent or chasing down other animals, but when he’s transformed Web is mostly ruled by his wolf instincts and those instincts are more interested in trying to act like a lapdog and curling himself on top of Joe like a giant furry blanket.

**· _who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman_**

Webster is out on his boat one day, and he gets into trouble in a storm and is swept overboard and the last thing he remembers before passing out is a pretty face with red lips and sharp teeth. He wakes up on a little island, and at first he thinks he alone but then Lieb sticks his head out of the water and oh this wasn’t a rescue buddy, this was the start of an interrogation

Lieb wants to know what humans thing they’re doing with all the fucking pollution and litter and irresponsible fishing and global warming that’s messing with the tidal flows of his home, and he’s prepared (eager) to argue all this with a human, but it turns out Web agrees and he’s writing a book on those exact topics and, hey his notebook and pencil managed to stay in his pocket, as soon as they’ve dried out he’d love to interview Lieb as a primary source on the issue – he can’t credit him ofc because people would think Web was crazy if he wrote in his citations ‘a merman told me’ but the information is still useful to him.

So Web spends some time on the island and there’s a freshwater stream and some edible fruits and he’s pretty comfy listened eagerly to everything Lieb has to say about ocean life and slowly Lieb’s rants get calmer because he realises Web is taking him seriously and they talk a lot but the island isn’t fit for permanent living and Web needs to actually write his book, so he builds a raft and Lieb swims alongside him to make sure he stays out of trouble as he paddles the few miles back to shore.

He writes his book and it does well and he thinks it might be inspiring real change, but even though he has everything he’s been passionate about for so long anybody can see that he doesn’t seem satisfied, spending all his time looking sadly out at the ocean like he hasn’t just written a book that might save it. And during his book tour they stop off a few days in new orleans and Web starts asking around about witchcraft and when asked he says he’s researching for his book and that doesn’t make sense but he’s a bestseller now so he’s indulged and he goes to dozens of little secret shops searching for what he needs and finds nothing, but when he’s drinking alone in a bar that night he’s joined by a wild eyed cajun who claims to know something of wanting to get back to a loved one left behind, and gives Web a potion that he says can’t give him who he wants but will get him to the right place to look.

And Web finishes his book tour but when his agent calls him a few days later he doesn’t pick up the phone and then some walkers find his clothes and his wallet and a mystery empty bottle left on the beach not far from where he washed up the first time he went missing, but this time he really is never seen again.

**· _who’s the witch and who’s the familiar_**

webster is the witch and Lieb is the overly clever crow who is his familiar but eventually gets turned human

**· _who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict_**

okay so they are OBVS both coffee addicts, but for the sake of this question Web is also a barista b/c he got a scholarship to cover his tuition and his parents are covering his rent but he still needs his own income to pay for books and his aquarium pass and working the coffee shop means he gets a staff discount to meet his own coffee cravings. The thing is, Web is really really terrible barista. Like, he constantly gets distracted and burns the coffee, or panics and hurries during the morning rush and ends up forgetting essential steps, because there are ten different sorts of syrup and three kinds of milk and this is his first ever job and it’s all just a bit too much. But Lieb comes in every morning and every morning has the same order – large coffee, black. And every morning when he comes into the coffee shop the cute barista with the blue eyes smiles at him like Lieb is making his day just by showing up and it ain’t just a customer service thing because something Lieb drinks in and he doesn’t smile like that for anyone else, and that smile + coffee are the two thoughts Lieb holds onto to motivate him to not just smash his alarm every morning. And the reason for Web’s smile is that Lieb is his favourite customer because he’s the only person who can be relied upon to order something simple that doesn’t stress Web out but then he starts flirting and Web starts to spend all his shifts looking up every time he hears the door open and hoping it’s Lieb until Web’s co-worker gets sick of the gooey eyes and writes Web’s number on Lieb’s cup.

**· _who’s the professor and who’s the TA_**

Web is the young genius professor and Lieb is the guy who took a few years out to save up for his studies and is only TA-ing this class because it gets him out of having to complete a higher English credit through studying. Lieb also seems to think the A in TA stands for annoyance not assistant.

**· _who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)_**

Lieb is a pampered prince and Web is the guy who signed up to be a knight because he thought it would mean adventures that would make good stories but ended up getting assigned to the royal guard which ought to be a boring job except for Lieb might actually be more trouble than anything found out at the wild edges of the kingdom.

**· _who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent_**

Lieb is the laid back elementary school teacher who encourages his students to colour and says comics and picture books are just fine during quiet reading times and Web is the overly stressy parent who keeps emailing the school with questions about child development and assessment levels and his kid says he only has one homework assignment are they sure that’s enough for a well-rounded education until Lieb finally tells him to make an appointment because he’s decided he needs to have it out with this asshole who doesn’t understand that learning can be fun but oh no, he’s hot.

**· _who’s the writer and who’s the editor_**

I mean there is an obvious answer here, but I’m gonna reverse it just cause and say that Lieb is writer who comes up with all sorts of wild stories and Web is his longsuffering editor who loves Lieb’s plots but also ‘bitch have you ever heard of a comma’, except also there’s no way he’s letting anybody else get their hands on Lieb’s manuscripts because Lieb’s words are _his_ and anybody else trying to edit them would just ruin them.


	23. Various AUs - BabeRoe

**· _who’s the werewolf and who’s the ~~hunter~~ passing human whoops_**

Babe’s buddies are supposed to be in charge of making sure he stays locked up on the full moon, not so much because he’s a danger to other people but because running around on wolf-brain he’s a bit of a danger to himself and whaddya know tonight he’s ended up running straight into a trap.

Gene’s out for a late walk trying to clear his head after a chaotic day in the ER when he hears the howling, and wanders off the path a little ways to find a wolf with it’s leg caught in a trap. Now, he knows in his head that wolves are dangerous, but something in his heart is telling him he doesn’t have to worry about this one and he was raised on faith, so he comes a little closer and sees that the wolf is bleeding and maybe he’s a doctor not a vet but he never did like to see a living thing in pain and he spent plenty of time nursing wounded birds and bunnies back to health as a kid, sure wolves are a fair bit bigger and this thing’s got a jaw as could bite him in a half, but when he reaches out the animal doesn’t snap or snarl, just whines and looks at him with big scared eyes, so gene comes a little closer until he can break open the trap, he learned how to work these things as a kid – has no problem with hunting if it’s done quick and clean, it’s the suffering he can’t stand. He expected the wolf to flee but it just watches him, and when he starts to walk back to the road it follows a few yards behind him, slinking after him even after he shoos it away. It makes sense, he supposed, the wolf is bleeding and there might well be other predators around it thinks it can avoid by sticking with gene. But it’s late and suddenly all the tension is washed out of him and he just wants to go home and sleep, if needs be he’ll call animal control in the morning.

He’s a little freaked out in the morning when he wakes up to find a cute redhead curled up on his porch stark naked, but he’s a little relieved too, because he’s got a lot more confidence in his ability to treat that wound now it’s on a human leg not a canine one.

**· _who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman_**

Gene’s seen a lot of strange things out on the bayou but never anything stranger than the redheaded merman who claims he ain’t a _mer_ anything, he’s lived his whole life in the Delaware river and it was letting his buddies talk him into swimming in the sea that got him into this mess in the first place and where the hell is he anyway

and so Gene hasta sit down and explain to him that he is _real_ lost and he’s gonna have a long swim back up north, but the merman – Babe, he says, I saw it on something that got thrown in the river and it sounds good doesn’t it… baaaaabe, baaaaaaaaaaabe, baaaaa… uh anyway – isn’t going anywhere back near the sea until the seasonal tides change for fear of getting turned about and ending up even further from home and anyway babe likes the water there it’s warmer than home ever was

**· _who’s the witch and who’s the familiar_**

babe is the witch but he doesn’t even know it himself when the black cat shows up in his apartment. He checks all the windows and the doors and he can’t see how it got in but he’s pretty sure cats each chicken and there’s some leftover nuggets from where bill made too many like he always does so he feeds and lets out it, expecting it to wander off but instead it follows him to work and hangs around the construction site, moving from sunny spot to sunny spot and always within Babe’s sight.

Gene doesn’t know how long it’s gonna take his human to wake up and realise his magic, but nine lives make for plenty of time and chicken nuggets taste better than mice.

**· _who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict_**

look gene doesn’t get a lot of sleep and he’s wandering into the coffee shop at all hours to get his fix and he hasn’t noticed yet that babe keeps drawing hearts on his cups whenever he’s on shift but all of gene’s coworkers have and sooner or later gene is gonna be awake enough to ask why they’re all giggling at him.

**· _who’s the professor and who’s the TA_**

Professor Gene Roe knows his course inside out and gives brilliant lectures in a voice you can’t help but listen to but all of his students are supremely grateful to his TA Babe for being the one to actually make sure the syllabus is put up online and send out email reminders about pop quizzes and deadlines. The class has excellent online support but If you have a question for professor Roe you should really turn up at his office hours since he answers his emails about once a month – all the computer stuff it Babe’s handiwork.

**· _who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)_**

Babe is Bill’s squire who borrows (steals) his armour and enters a tournament impersonating him in the hopes of impressing the prince and because those who performed well were invited to ball to celebrate afterward with the chance to meet him.

Prince Gene is kind of confused, kind of charmed by this strange redhead Sir Guarnere who did so well in the tournament and who has such a sweet nature when they talk despite the wild stories of his brawling and unruliness. Next time there is big celebration he extends Sir Guarnere a personal invitation, only for a very amused Bill to turn up to the palace, a shamefaced Babe doing his best to hide behind him.

**· _who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent_**

Babe is the shiny new teacher who keeps getting mistaken for somebody’s older brother because he doesn’t look like he should have finished high school never mind college and teacher training. Gene is mortified when there’s a mix up and the sitter thinks he’s collecting his daughter from school and he thought the sitter had her and he gets out of performing surgery to ten increasingly frantic calls from the school receptionist asking where he is and saying that if he doesn’t show up school then they’ll have to take emergency measures, and he rushes down to the school with his head filled with apologies to his little girl because he’s wracked with guilt at the thought of abandoning her, but when he gets there she’s happy as a clam in Babe’s classroom and covered in stickers as she helps him work on the newest class display and Gene is so relieved that he forgets himself for a minute and hugs _both of them_ and as soon as he realised he’s horribly embarrassed but Babe is super chill about it.

**· _who’s the writer and who’s the editor_**

Babe is the writer and Gene is the editor and Gene is flattered when Babe writes in his acknowledgements that the book would have never happened without Gene but less flattered when it’s time for the book tour and Babe keeping tryna drag him on stage and give him half the credit but Babe might think that Gene is the most super awesome person who made the book happen, but the people who bought tickets are here to see Babe.


	24. Various AUs - LuzToye

**· _who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter_**

At first Joe thinks he’s just found an unusually large and intelligent dog, but no, it turns out he’s dealing with the smallest, dumbest werewolf he’s ever met. It keeps wagging its tail at him and trying to get him to play fetch. He thinks that the werewolf will be embarrassed by this behaviour when it transforms back, but it turns out Luz has the exact same personality when he’s human.

**· _who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman_**

Joe is the mermaid and George is the wannabe fisherman who isn’t actually great at fishing he just likes messing about on boats and falls in with baffling frequency. Joe just wants him to stop splashing about and making noise because he’s scaring all the first off, but keeps finding himself drawn into strange conversations. Also Luz keeps dropping references to Disney’s little mermaid whenever they’re together and Joe is frustrated.

**· _who’s the witch and who’s the familiar_**

Joe is the witch and George is his familiar. Joe points out that “Familiars are supposed to be helpful” and George insists that he helps by keeping Joe’s life interesting and exciting.

**· _who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict_**

Joe would claim that he drinks a perfectly reasonable amount of coffee and could stop if he wanted, he just doesn’t want. He does have some concerns though about the barista covering the night shift at his usual place, who seems to have sampled so much of his own product that he’s practically vibrating.

**· _who’s the professor and who’s the TA_**

Eccentric science professor Luz who gets very enthusiastic about experiment demonstrations – fortunately for all involved, Joe Toye, his TA, is always on hand with a fire extinguisher.

**· _who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)_**

George is the prince, though his siblings seem to find the thought of him being king absurdly funny. Joe is a visiting knight sent from a neighbouring kingdom with a much more formal court who is very shocked when he learns that the funny, scruffy guy who’s always hanging around the stables and chatting and flirting with him is not a groomsman as he’s assumed, but is in fact the crown prince.

**· _who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent_**

Luz teaches one of those pre-school parent and child exercise/activity classes and Joe has a toddler with a penchant for jumping and climbing that could really use an outlet involving crashmats so that Joe doesn’t keep turning his back for ten seconds and finding his toddler three feet off the ground and ascending the bookshelves like Joe’s ended up with spiderbaby or something.

Luz adores every child that comes to his classes but he’s totally got an extra soft spot for Joe’s fearless little monkey and the way her dad never stifles her energy even when he’s hovering behind her 100% ready to catch her if she so much as starts to wobble.

**· _who’s the writer and who’s the editor_**

Joe is the writer and George is the editor. George doesn’t actually do much editing, Joe just feels better knowing that somebody else has had a look over his work for any mistakes which he thinks he makes a lot more of than he actually does.


	25. Various AUs - Guarnere/Toye

**· _who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter_**

bill is the werewolf who is top dog of the philly pack and likes to sneak out of the city to run wild on the full moons. Joe is a hunter who is about to take down a stag when suddenly this enormous wolf comes out of nowhere and takes it down before he can get off a shot. For the rest of the hunt the wolf beats him to every kill he gets, until the sun comes up right as he’s about to take down the last one and suddenly there’s no wolf just a naked guy laughing at him but also offering to help clean up the kills.

After that Bill makes a semi-regular nuisance of himself and Joe complains that he doesn’t know if the giant kill stealing wolf is more annoying or the philly guy who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of ‘going to be arrested for public indecency’. He starts to bring some of his clothes for bill to wear, but that honestly might be _worse_

**· _who’s the mermaid and who’s ~~the fisherman~~ on a boat_**

bill is on the boat and very, _very_ drunk because they rented the boat as part of his brothers bachelor party and so when he goes from leaning over the back of the boat groaning drunkenly to leaning over the back of the boat babbling to ‘a merman you guys! an actual fuckin’ merman what the fuck’ the others all just laugh and ignore him, and honestly when Bill wakes up the next day and remembers it he also laughs and thinks, what the fuck was in those last few drinks. Except his family has a beach house on that stretch of coast that’s shared between the many relatives and every time he goes back there for a party or a bbq he keeps catching the merman watching him from the water even when he’s not drunk at all, so one day he decides to go and spend a week alone at the beach house and try and get proof.

(he gets photos but he also destroys them because in the process he gets to talking frankly with Joe who is pretty vocal about how he will find a way out of the water to fuck bill’s shit up if Bill exposes him and bill kinda likes his attitude.)

**· _who’s the witch and who’s the familiar_**

Bill is the witch, in your face and never afraid to flash his power about and Joe is the familiar that always lurks by his side as a quiet threat to back up Bill’s brash words.

**· _who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict_**

Joe is the barista and Bill is the asshole who thinks it really funny to always come in and order off menu the most ridiculous combinations until what he has is basically a highly caffeinated mix of whipped cream and syrup. He likes to mention the secret menu and wink dramatically despite the fact that Joe’s pointed out at least a dozen times that they aren’t in a starbucks and even if they were that’s _not a real thing_.

**· _who’s the professor and who’s the TA_**

aaahhh this was a particularly tricky one, neither of them really give off a professor vibe to me, but I did think of them both being exasperated TA’s to the very very incompetent professor Dike and basically hijacking his lessons because half the time he’s talking rubbish and the other half he’s leaving the room to take a phonecall or get a coffee in the middle of the class, so Bill ends up taking the stage when he leaves the room and doing a crash course that will get them through the exam and Joe is like, “Don’t go to Dike’s office hours. Dike doesn’t go to Dike’s office hours. Just email us”, and them commiserating together about Dike’s awfulness and how one day they’re going to see him sacked

**· _who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)_**

Joe is the prince and Bill is the knight who never went easy on him or hesitated to knock him on the ass when Joe trains with the knights while all the others were letting him win. Bill immediately became Joe’s personal sparring partner and soon after that friends - they have been attached at the hip ever since and while Joe’s parents plan suitable matches for his sisters, partners that will make them happy but also strengthen the kingdom’s wealth and key political ties, they never even talked about Joe because it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that there’s only one person their future king is interested in spending the rest of his life with.

**· _who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent_**

Joe is the teacher and Bill is the parent who encourages free-range children and independence and has taught his little girl to hit bullies not make nice with them which has got her in trouble more than once so when he gets called up two weeks after she starts a new school about her getting in a fight with some boy he’s ready to make the usual arguments. But when he gets there instead of a teacher giving him a pitying look and speaking in a soft voice about how Hattie needs to practise being a good little girl and controlling her temper, he finds himself facing vice-principal Toye who looks as pissed off as he feels and tells him that disciplinary measures in line with the school bullying policy have already been agreed upon and Bill is just starting to bristle when he turns to Hattie and tells her well done for standing up for herself, and damn, Bill thinks they’ve finally found the right place after all

**· _who’s the writer and who’s the editor_**

Bill is the writer and Joe is the editor, mostly because Joe has a little more pace to go through and actually check things and also he’s the only one who can make sense of Bill’s weird made up abbreviations and words that don’t exist except how according to Bill, “Everyone says that in Philly”.


	26. Various AUs - Winnix

·         **_who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter_**

Dick is a werewolf who is good a keeping himself under control but there’s another werewolf in his area making trouble so Lewis Nixon of Nixon & Son. Hunting is dispatched to -ehem- _deal with_ the situation. Unfortunately, the mishmash of reports means that Nix isn’t taking the threat particularly seriously and between that and his rough week he ends up pretty drunk by the time he stumbles onto the trail of the rogue werewolf – or rather, right into its path. Fortunately, Dick has been keeping an eye on Lew’s hunt since he arrived in the guise of a friendly local providing small town hospitality, so happens to be nearby to transform and take down the other wolf, saving Nix’s life. When Nix gets himself together he assures Dick he’s got no intentions of causing him any trouble since he’s pretty sure with the rogue handled the complaints will clear up. Instead he offers Dick the chance to join him, he could use some backup (most hunters have a partner but Nix can’t seem to make one stay) and also he gets a bit of kick out of the thought of working with a werewolf right under his father’s nose.

·         **_who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman_**

Dick goes out fishing for calm and quiet so imagine his surprise when his net comes up with what from the tail looks like the biggest fish he’s ever seen, but with the upper body of a man. He’s quick to put Nix back in the water when Nix starts thrashing about on deck in obvious discomfort, and he wonders if it’s sunstroke despite the overcast sky, but Nix resurfaces quickly and spends the rest of the day trailing after Dick’s boat and offering idle commentary on seemingly anything that crosses his mind. It’s not the undisturbed quiet that Dick was planning on, but when he finally pulls his boat into the dock that night he feels more soothed than he has in a long time.

·         **_who’s the witch and who’s the familiar_**

Dick is a witch who favours elbow grease over actually using magic most of the time but has a pretty impressive herb garden. Nix is his black cat familiar who appears to be asleep 90% of the time, but will occasionally wake up just long enough to try and get Dick to take unnecessary magical shortcuts, like summoning fish into the pond instead of just opening a tin of tuna.

·         **_who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict_**

Nix will walk all the way to the coffee shop with his eyes still shut, he can’t wake up without it. He doesn’t so much order as flop pathetically over a table until somebody supplies him with enough caffeine to rouse him. Dick has taken to calling dibs on being the one to serve Nix as the other baristas tend to take advantage of his semi-unconscious state to rip him off and accept the over the top tips he often ends up giving because he just pays with random bills out of his wallet without checking what they are. Nix, who isn’t fully aware until at least 30 minutes later when the caffeine takes full effect, believes he’d having recurring dreams about a redheaded angel – although he’s not sure what sort of angel wears an apron.

·         **_who’s the professor and who’s the TA_**

Dick is the professor and Nix is the TA who was assigned to him who slacks off a lot and Dick really should replace him with somebody who actually does the work, except Dick likes his company too much and honestly doesn’t mind doing Nix’s share of the work too. When exam marking comes around he actually steps up and does his share of the work and more, plus keeping them both supplied with coffee although Dick wishes he’d be a little more subtle about irish-ing it up when they’re on campus.

·         **_who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)_**

Dick is the people’s prince, always ready to ride out and solve their problems with his own hands and lend an ear to troubles that would usually be seen as beneath the notice of royalty. Lew comes from a noble house and could have – should have – stayed home and prepared to take over as lord of their lands but instead he’s trained as a knight in the royal court, possessed by an urge to _do something_ and to make some sort of a difference, only to find that all a knight of his statue got to do was fight in tournaments and serve as an honour guard. Until he gets assigned to Dick’s staff, and at first he is perplexed because he doesn’t understand why Dick is so interested in dealing with the trivial problems of commoners, but the more time he spends the more he learns and one day he wakes up and realises that this was never how he expected it to go, but by Dick’s side he is finally making a difference and that’s what he wants for the rest of his life.

·         **_who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent_**

Nix is the AP politics teacher who never seems to take his job very seriously and gets a lot of annoyed phonecalls from parents when their kids come home talking about watching videos and playing games in class, yet all of his students get good grades and the teachers who have them next have to admit that they know the material. Dick is the parents who is initially sceptical of his methods but then after the first round of tests come in and he sees that his son is suddenly understanding parts of the subject he always struggled with before, Dick starts to take a serious interest in Lew’s teaching and championing his alternative methods to the school board, who have always been suspicious of Nix.

·         **_who’s the writer and who’s the editor_**

Dick is the writer, but he self-edits a lot, going over and over his pages until by the time he hands a draft to Lew it’s as perfect as he can make it and so Lew has very little to do when he gets it. Deprived of editing, he takes it upon himself to be Dick’s de-facto publicist instead.


	27. Various AUs - SledgeFu (look i know, i know, but i'm not starting a new work or dumping this whole thing in the pacific tag just for one little tumblr post)

**· _who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter_**

Snafu is there werewolf and Sledge is the guy hunting down myths and legends and cryptids to find out the true stories behind them who finds himself rapidly in out of his depth when it turns out that this particular story is hunting him right back.

**· _who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman_**

Sledge is the fisherman who is just out for a relaxing day on the water and Snafu is the creepy sort of merperson, all teeth and gills and webbed fingers who usually swims deep down among the reeds, but Sledge’s boat catches his eye so he swims after him. Snafu would swear he didn’t mean to almost drown Sledge when he capsized his boat, he was just curious and how was he supposed to know that humans were so soft they couldn’t breathe underwater even a little bit.

**· _who’s the witch and who’s the familiar_**

Snafu is the witch and Sledge is his familiar who spends a lot of time talking him down and keeping him out of trouble. Strangers whisper that Snafu keeps his conscience and his sense on his shoulder and not in his head, but they both get by okay and neither of them care about the opinions of people rude enough to gossip.

**· _who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict_**

Sledge is the barista although technically the shop hired him to be their tea expert and Snafu is the coffee addict who he always ends up serving because all of the other staff seem to get mysteriously busy elsewhere whenever they see Snafu coming through the door. Sledge knows that they’re all scared of Snafu but doesn’t quite understand why since they’re the ones with the coffee and therefore the power.

**· _who’s the professor and who’s the TA_**

Sledge is the professor of ornithology and Snafu is the TA to a senior professor and expert whom Sledge wants to discuss his recent research with, except instead of helping him set up meetings Snafu seems determined to be as obstructive as possible – stalling him on the phone, constantly ‘forgetting’ to let the other professor know Sledge has arrived therefore keeping him in the waiting area with Snafu.

**· _who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)_**

Sledge is the pretty pretty prince and Snafu is a commoner who fights in rusty old armour until he saves Sledge’s life and is knighted as a reward. He’s not actually keen on being a knight but he is keen on Sledge and there ain’t no other way he’s liked to get more opportunities to chase after royalty so he just goes with it.

**· _who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent_**

Snafu is real proud when his kid gets a full ride to the fancy private school and he does want his kid to have all the best chances in life but also he’s pretty freaked out because he’s worked for the sort of people who got their education in places like that he knows what they think of people like him and he could deal with fancy rich people looking down their noses at him, he’s learned not to let himself care, but his son is sensitive and if anybody so much as looks at him funny there’s gonna be trouble. Sledge is the teacher who is all about learning through nature and acts like Snafu’s son is the star of the class because of all his knowledge about wildlife that’s just common sense for anybody growing up on the bayou, and Sledge is doing wonderings for the kid’s confidence and Snafu hasn’t got the first clue what to make of all this but every single merit certificate is carefully stuck up on their refrigerator.

**· _who’s the writer and who’s the editor_**

Sledge is the writer and Snafu is the editor who goes through his stuff dramatically cutting it down and putting in into smaller words so that it’s actually readable to more than like five experts. “You understood it, so it can’t be that impenetrable,” Sledge complains, but Snafu just points out that’s because he’s used to Sledge’s manner and has already heard him talk it all to death before putting words to paper.


	28. Love confession prompts - BillToye

Joe has had plenty of time since their first meeting at Toccoa to get used to the way Bill tended to talk himself to sleep, usually all the while insisting he wasn’t tired. At first the noise had been a nuisance but he’d learned to tune out the babbling long before they’d ended up in bed together.  Mostly Bill tends to talk about his day, things he’s heard on the radio, the game if there’s been one. The chatter is almost soothing, these days it takes him longer to fall asleep when Bill isn’t there, finds himself turning the radio on to ward off the silence.

“-‘course she’s bang outta luck there ‘cause I love you.”

Joe stiffens against the pillow, not sure if he’s imagined the words or not.

Bill keeps talking, about how Babe is thinking about getting a puppy for his little girl, but the way his arm tightens around Joe makes him believe his ears.

He’s never joined in Bill’s late night ramblings, not past the first few times Joe had interrupted him and tried to shut him up, but tonight he rolls until he’s looking Bill in the face.

There’s nothing guarded or nervous there, no sign of the scale of what Bill has just confessed. But then, why would there be? It might have gone unspoken, but the feeling has been clear between them for so long.

Bill falls silent, the opening hanging heavy between them before Joe presses his lips against Bill’s, mouth forming the words even if he can’t yet put his voice behind them.


	29. Love confession prompts - Speirton

“You’re so good to me, so perfect, I love you.”

The words fall from his mouth in a litany of praise, all of the emotion which overflows in his heart whenever he has Ron close.

Carwood has always believed that to be intimate with anyone you must be unguarded, willing to let them into your heart, your mind, all of you. But as Ron’s hands and hips stutter to a stop, he wonders for a moment if perhaps a little restraint is to be advised.

Ron is not the cold man he’s often perceived as, but nor is he given to sentimental outbursts. Carwood has never doubted that Ron cares for him, the man has shown as much in gestures, but he’s never put a name to his sentiments.

Then he sees a dam break behind Ron’s eyes, and Ron presses closer, arching his back to let Carwood deeper, as the words fall from his lips over and over, “-oh god, Carwood, I love you. Carwood, I love you, I-” as if now they have been freed they refuse to be stopped until Carwood bends forward and seals the words between their lips.


	30. Love confession prompts - LuzToye

_beep …… beep …… beep ……_

The beating of the heart monitor is steady and George tries to match his breathing to the steady rhythm.

This isn’t like last time, he reminds himself. It was a routine procedure. There’d been no sudden blast or rush of blood seeping into snow. Joe had spent the whole time laying in a hospital bed, every cut made by the steady hands of doctors while nurses saw to it that he was kept in a comfortable sleep.

There was nothing to fear, and yet George couldn’t relax. The nurses had said it would be hours before Joe woke, that George should go home and get some rest, but he would sooner lose his hand than unlace his fingers from Joe’s for as long as the man lay unconscious.

“You’re gonna turn me grey,” he murmurs, then, “I spoke to your mother earlier. She sends her wishes, says she hopes the operation’ll mean your leg stops giving you trouble now. She doesn’t understand why I’m here.”

He sighs, shakes his head. “Hell, nobody understands why I’m here. Bill’ll be stopping by in the morning, says he’s gonna bring you a proper breakfast instead of hospital crap, and Malark’s offered you a ride home if you can make it as far as the doors, ‘cause you know how he gets about hospitals. They all told me to go home, I mean whaddya need me here for when you’re old cold, but I just fucking can’t. At first I told myself it just felt wrong to leave you here alone, but that ain’t it Joe.” He rubs at his eyes with his free hand, blames exhaustion for the madness of talking to an unconscious man. “It’s me. I just can’t sleep, can’t go fuckin’ home without you, cause I’m… shit, I’m in love with you, you fucker.”

_beep … beep … beep_

At first George thinks he’s imagining the way that Joe’s hand twitches in his own, but slowly, an inch at a time, Joe’s fingers curl upwards to squeeze against his own…


	31. Love confession prompts - Webgott

“Fuck! He’s blocked off the north stairs!”

David slams his hands against the keyboard. He’s got the building plans up on the screen in front of him, and if that route is cut off then the only other way to the target is straight through the heavily guarded centre of the building.

“Liebgott, forget about the file and just get to the extraction point!”

Liebgott swears. “There are hostages in here too.  Kids. I’ve got to stall him.”

“Pull back, wait for backup,” David orders, tabbing through the mission briefing and trying to figure out why there’d be kids in a facility like that. There was certainly no warning that there might be a chance of civilians in the crossfire.

“You know the higher ups won’t authorise that,” Joe argues. “I’m going in. Those mission notes I said I’d send you are in my locker. The passcode is… well, you’re a genius you’ll figure it out.”

“You can bring them to me later,” David protests, but Lieb ignores him.

“If Guarnere tries to hit you up for the fifty bucks he thinks I owe him, tell him to fuck off because he’s a liar. My dog sitter is paid till the end of the week, her number is in my file, let her know what’s going on and she’ll know what to do. And Webster?” Even over the static of the radio, David can hear him drawing in a deep breath. “I love you.”

David’s hands freeze on the keyboard. “You… Liebgott? Joe?” he hears Joe let out a low chuckle, and then there’s a burst of gunfire and the line disconnects. “Joe? Joe?” he repeats, even though he knows what a dead signal sounds like. He opens his mouth to try a final time, a hopeless plea, but he can almost hear Joe’s voice in his earpiece asking why he’s talking to somebody who’s not listening, like Joe ever listened to him.

He shuts his eyes, breathes deep, then turns all of his attention onto the screen.

He’s going to salvage this mission and get Joe out alive, even if he has to go into the field himself to do it.


	32. Love confession prompts - Winnix

Dick looks up at Nix, taking in the soft fall of his hair into heavy lidded eyes, the way he’s sunk low into his chair, loose and easy not just from the whiskey but from knowing that they’re at peace. He’ll never find a better time to be honest than now.

“I love you.”

Nix blinks at him, and then laughs, low and bitter. “You’re a lightweight.”

Dick stares at him, considering for a moment, and then decides no - he’s not that intoxicated. “I’m not a child, getting drunk off two sips of whiskey. You drink it often enough to know it isn’t that strong.”

“You had a little more than two sips,” Nix argues. “And I saw you drinking champagne with Lipton earlier.”

“That was hours ago,” Dick points out, and it had only been one glass. One generously filled glass, that had been topped off several times after Harry had joined them. He takes stock of himself, the slump of his posture and the gentle fog keeping his worries at bay and realises that it’s quite possible he is intoxicated, but he certainly hasn’t been drunk the whole time he’s felt that way about Nix. “And even if I am, didn’t they teach latin at Yale - in vino veritas. I love you.”

“In vino…” Nix smiles. “Drunk and speaking latin, what will I do with you?”

“Believe me?” Dick suggests, but Nix shakes his head.

“You’re drunk, Dick,” he insists. “Perhaps you should get some sleep.”

“Would you believe me if I were sober?” Dick asks. It would be harder to say, without the aid of what some men call dutch courage, but not the hardest thing he’s ever done. Nothing could be truly difficult with Nix by his side. “I’ll tell you the same thing in the morning.”

Nix smiles, getting up from his seat. “Sure thing Dick,” he agrees. “If you remember in the morning, I’ll believe you.”


	33. Love confession prompts - Speirs/Malarkey

Don sighs his frustration at the scene he’s just left, replacements scared half out of their wits by Ron as his most troublesome. “Did you have to frighten the life half out of them, they’re only kids.”

Ron seems unperturbed. “If they’re old enough to gossip like that then they’re old enough to feel the consequences.”

“It was cruel,” he points out. “Disproportionate.”

Ron looks up at him, curiously. “You’ve said that before. If you think so poorly of me, then why do you stay?”

Don shrugs, and then decides on honestly. “Because I love you.”

“You think I’m cruel,” Ron says with a frown, “but you love me?”

Don shakes his head, suddenly exhausted. “I don’t think you’re cruel, I think what you did was cruel. Or at least, unnecessary. You didn’t need to pay them any mind, all you do by that is make trouble for yourself.”

“And you don’t want me in trouble?” Ron asks, “Because you love me?”

Don grimaces. “Yes… because I love you.”

Ron watches him slow and thoughtful, and then nods. “Okay.”

“Okay, I won’t do it again,” Ron says. “If it bothers you. Because you love me.”


	34. Guarnere/Toye - Cheese

Bill Guarnere - not so secret cheese hipster.

Their first real fight is because Bill found out that Joe bought pre-sliced processed american cheese for his sandwiches. “Yeah, and? It’s convenient.”

“It’s unnatural is what it is. And it doesn’t even taste like cheese.”

“You know there’s more than one way for cheese to taste, right?”

“Yeah. And it’s not. like. that.”

Bill gets his parmesan from a place that imports the real stuff, and he doesn’t hold with these knock-off cheeses from other places calling themselves parmesan - that’s illegal in italy for a reason, don’tcha know. All Joe wanted was a bit of extra flavour he could put in his sandwiches without it taking extra time to make ‘em not a whole debate about how he’s somehow personally insulted Bill’s entire family, but if Bill cares so much about what he puts in his sandwiches then Bill can fucking make ‘em from now on.

“If it’ll keep that shit outta my goddamn refrigerator you bet I will,” Bill says.

Joe’s gotta admit, his boyfriend makes good sandwiches.


	35. Webgott Musician/Critic headcanon

okay so musican Lieb and critic Web and Webster slams Lieb’s music for being super generic with a bunch of love songs that are clearly not actually about anybody and just written to appeal to a wide audience by documenting a fake relationship for listeners to empathise with, and Lieb is super pissed off, because yes okay he didn’t really write those songs for anybody in particular but that doesn’t mean they aren’t technically good and he ends up confronting Webster about it and Web is like sure they are technically brilliant but there’s just no emotion behind them and they end up going back and forth a lot - Lieb becomes a super fan of every other artist Webster has ever been even vaguely critical of and Webster keeps using Lieb whenever he needs an example of bad writing and they just keep sniping back and forth at each other  
then Lieb releases his next album and it is fourteen tracks of simmering rage and poorly suppressed lust about somebody who is total fuck but also he wants to impress them partly to prove them wrong and partly for reasons he doesn’t know why with teasing notes of a softer feeling and it’s everything Webster had said his last album lacked, he sings with real passion and the raw emotion is so obvious and Lieb says he wrote the whole thing as a ‘fuck you’ to Webster which is true in more ways than one


	36. Flirty dialogue prompts - LuzToye

Joe has just wrapped up a game of darts with Buck and is leaning over the bar to order another drink when he hears a familiar voice from behind him.

“Well, well. My night just got better.”

He turns and sees George leaning again a pillar and leering at him.

He rolls his eyes.

“Don’t be like that baby, if you don’t believe in love at first sight I’m willing to walk by again,” George says with a wink.

“First sight?” Joe echoes, perplexed.

“I just really wanna get to know you better. What do you do for a living?”

“George, what the fuck?” George knows full well what he doesn’t for a living. Joe forgets about his drink, focussing his attention on Luz.

“I bet you’re a magician,” George continues, “Because whenever I look at you everyone else disappears.

Joe stares at him, thinking over the night and trying to account for the fact more nonsense is coming out of George’s mouth than usual. Up till ten minutes ago Joe had been at the table with him and while he’d hardly been sober wasn’t anywhere near this state. Joe would be worried about drink spiking were it not for the fact that he knows George has been splitting pitchers with Skip and Penkala and a glace over in their direction shows they’re fine, if a little giggly.

Actually, more than a little giggly and rather unsubtly watching him and George.

“Did they put you up to this?” he asks, and George stares at him with a perfect air of wide eyed innocence for several moments before the expression breaks and he all but collapses giggling against Joe’s side. “Okay what the fuck?”

“Penk was eyeing a girl at the bar,” he wheezes, “And I started giving him tips, but then Skip told him to ignore me because I didn’t know what I was talking about.”

Joe is starting to see where this is going, braces himself to hear the word bet. Sometimes George is just too predictable.

“Well I said I’ve gotta have some game, right,” George says. “I mean look at you. But apparently, I don’t know how to pick someone up anymore, so I said I did and Skip told me to prove it.”

“So you decided to hit on me like I’m a stranger?”

“Well I could hardly hit on anybody else,” George says, scandalised. “I’m a married man Joe!”

Joe stares at him. “You wouldn’t be if you’d tried those moves when we met,” he informs George.

“But you’re gonna come home with me anyway,” George says with a smug grin, wrapping his hand around Joe’s and holding up so he can see both their rings. “And that’s good enough for me.”


	37. Flirty dialogue prompts - LuzLip

The absence of sound in the mountains is strange. It has a presence that marks it out as a peaceful rather than the rigid silence of waiting in foxholes or the tense quiet of preparing for battle.

Carwood has found a little dock not too far from where they’re billeted, but far enough that he’s apart from the men who choose to celebrate with drunkenness and revelry. He doesn’t begrudge them their chance to enjoy freedom, but what he needs is calm.

Carwood lays back and gazes up at the cloudless and lets the world fall away from him for a long time, before he starts to hear the sound of splashing.

He sits up to see Luz swimming up to the small pier that he’s on.

“Aw, hell, Lieutenant,” George says, flicking water from his hair. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Oh, don’t mind me,“ Carwood says, "I’m just enjoying the view.”

"Heck of a place, isn’t it?” George says. For all that he had a reputation as a talker, Luz never seems to disturb Carwood’s peace, and so he doesn’t mind it when instead of swimming away, George pulls himself up out of the water to lie next to Carwood on the docks.

Carwood wonders where he’s stashed his things, since while standards have dropped a little in recent days they haven’t fallen far enough that George could make his way over to the lake dressed in nothing at all. Still, Luz seems unconcerned as he basks in the sunlight. After only a few days of rest in the sun his skin has already taken on a healthy golden brown tan. Water drips from his hair and trickles down his skin leaving glistening tracks.

“You’re staring,” George says, with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Carwood smiles. “Just enjoying the view…"


	38. striped jumper - muck/malarkey

Nobody is sure who it belongs to anymore, that red and white striped pullover that always prompts Luz to make some kind of Where’s Waldo joke.

It’s stretched out from Don’s shoulders and hangs loose on Skip, but it’s Skip whose wrists hit the sleeves just right while the length is all wrong on Don.

People might tease them about their shared sweater, but the truth is that they share everything, the sweater is just the one that’s obvious.

 


	39. nail polish - baberoe

The first thing Gene notices as he’s handed his coffee is the nail polish.

It’s yellow.

Bright yellow.

The brightest damn thing he’s seen in days. The skies have been dark and the sun smothered under layers of crowds and his time has been entirely consumed by work and sleep, all he’s seen for days now now is the sickly off whites and greens of the hospital or his bland magnolia apartment and the grey of the streets on his commute.

The yellow nails belong to broad hands that are connected to arms that are covered in freckles all the way up to the sleeves of the uniform polo despite the lack of sun. He looks up, only to be faced with deep dark eyes and bold red hair, and then the barista smiles at him and Gene learns a whole new meaning for the word bright, one that couples with the feeling of sparks flooding his insides.


	40. soup - luztoye

It starts with a cough. The annoying kind of cough that never seems to achieve anything other than scraping your throat raw and making being give you odd looks when it hits you in public.

Joe doesn’t really care if other people stare at him though.

Then come the sneezes, sometimes slow building so that he could feel them in his whole body before their final release, and sometimes out of nowhere.

Joe’s a sensible guy, buys a bulk pack of kleenex and gets on with things.

The headaches are annoying, never enough that he really feels he can justify reaching for a painkillers, but enough to fuck with his focus as make his whole day drag on.

It’s when the shivers hit he finally has to concede that he’s more than just the regular sort of sick. He could push through it if he had to, but there’s no sense in going out and risking putting other people in this state - people less equipped than him to cope.

So he calls in sick to work, grateful it’s a Friday so he shouldn’t need to miss more than one day since he refuses to still be sick on Monday, and stays in bed.

He’s not tired enough to sleep, but it feels wrong to be doing anything else when he ought to be resting. As a child his mom had always claimed that if he was sick enough to be off school then he was too sick for television or games, and it’s a rule he still holds himself too.

Staring at the ceiling he thinks about how it wouldn’t be right to go out and do grocery shopping if he’s too sick to work and potentially contagious, then about what he can make based on the contents of his cupboards, then about how he really needs to tidy them up because there’s tins of god knows what stacked at the back and gathering dust. He should probably sort out the attic too, and check the insulation now that winter is close.

Eventually, he bores himself back to sleep.

He awakes to George Luz standing over his bed. It’s something of a shock, although not so much as it could have been since he had given George the spare key.

He’s holding a mug of soup, which he offers to Joe after asking after his well-being.

Joe is hungry but he looks at it warily. He’s been the victim of George’s culinary experiments before, and he’s frankly concerned it’s just going to make him sicker. He doesn’t smell burning though.

“Did it come out of a tin?” he asks, hopefully.

George has the gall to look offended. “Tinned soup?” he says incredulously. “When you’re sick? How dare you! That stuff is full of salt and uh… I dunno, other unhealthy stuff, I think. That’s what my gran says anyway.”

Unfortunate.

Still, now that he’s up he’s starving, so he accepts the mug when George hands it to him, taking an apprehensive sip.

It takes like chicken. Chicken and vegetables with a hint of spice behind it that means even through his cold-dulled senses it tastes good.

“You made this?” he asks suspiciously.

“Yes,” George looks defiant. “I mean… my mom was on the phone the whole time telling me what to do, but I still did the actual making.”

Right. Whaddya know, there’s at least one thing that Luz can cook, at least with appropriate supervision.

Joe takes another mouthful, and wonders if there’s enough for a second helping.


	41. Ten dollar bill - Webgott

David doesn’t need ten bucks. He’s a successful writer with an upward career trajectory and healthy bank balance.

But the ten dollar bill pinned to the corkboard taunts him.

It’s not about the money, it’s about winning.

It had started two week ago, when Luz had complained about their public displays of affection and accused them both of being exhibitionists.

David had, quite reasonably, apologised and joked that he’d try to resist next time Lieb got carried away in public.

Lieb, incorrectly, had claimed that it David’s clingy and affectionate nature that lead to such incidents, going so far as to imply that David would come out of nowhere and all but ravish him as if David weren’t the picture of decorum and restraint.

The slander was unfair, yet none of their friends would support him - although at least they refused also to support Lieb’s assertions that he was innocent in all of the PDA incidents.

In the end Luz had suggested there was only one way of settling things - a bet.

It was agreed that the one way to know who was at fault was to see who could go longer without kissing the other. Whoever broke first was obviously the one responsible for the times they had come way too close to facing public indecency charges.

The ten bucks bet between him and Lieb was largely symbolic, it was being proven right that was important, although David knows that their friends have a side pool running over who’ll break first and how and when it’ll happen.

And so it had been two weeks, three days and seven hours since David had kissed his boyfriend. But at least he wasn’t counting the minutes, except in so far as he needed them to mark the horus. It was strange. He’d figured it would be easy - after all, David wasn’t the handsy one in the relationship and it wasn’t like he was going totally without contact. After all, they weren’t about to let their relationship descend into frigidity for a bet - they still fucked often and enthusiastically - they simply stopped kissing as they did it.

To himself he can admit that he misses the easy affection and the comfortable familiarity of it, but he can’t kiss Lieb with his pride on the line. He knows that he shows his emotions easier, can sometime fall prey to melodrama and excessive sentimentality, but he refuses to believe that he has no control over this.

Right now he’s feeling pretty goddamn shaky though. He’d sent a chapter to his editor, only to have it returned to him ripped to shreds, and with orders to start again from scratch and this time try to write something that would be at least worth the paper it was written on. David normally liked his editor’s willingness to be brutally honest with him but this had been the most damning response yet. He’d reopened the document and tried to restart the chapter, only to find that he seemed to have forgotten how to write entirely. The whole day had been a waste, and when he finally concedes defeat and leaves his offices it’s to flops down on the sofa, dragging a cushion up so he can wrap his arms around it. Normally if he felt even half this bad David would try to distract Lieb from his show until David could wrap himself around him and draw strength from his presence, but right now that feels too much like admitting defeat and he feels like too much of a failure already today. Instead he curls tighter around the cushion and just tries to soak up the sound of the TV and the knowledge that Lieb is close.

Lieb looks away from his show anyway. “Web? You okay?”

David shakes his head. “Just ignore me though. I’m overreacting anyway,” he admits. Logically he can see the sense in everything that’s happened today, but for some reason all the criticisms being right doesn’t make them hurt any less.

Even contrary, Lieb reaches over and puts his hand on David’s shoulder instead. “You’re always a drama queen Web, I’m used to it. What is it this time?”

David shakes his head. Having Lieb calling him out for his lack of control over his emotions just reminds him of why he has to win this stupid bet and prove himself.

“C'mon,” Lieb implores, voice turning whiny. “You don’t keep these things from me,” he sounds almost worried, or maybe disappointed, like he thinks there’s some nefarious reason that David is refraining from his usual habit of venting all his concerns to Lieb.

David blinks several times until he’s sure his eyes aren’t embarrassingly damp, then pulls his head up from the cushion.

Lieb leans over and presses his lips to David’s, kissing him slow and chaste as he slips a warm arm around David’s shoulders. It’s like Lieb is somehow drawing all of his stress away and he can feel himself relaxing into the touch before he remembers that they aren’t supposed to be doing that.

He pulls back, and stares at Lieb in shock. “But, the bet…” David says, perplexed. “Why did you…?” A few times they’d both nearly slipped up while they were fucking, temptation and proximity nearly taking them out, but there’s no reason for Lieb to break now. And it simply isn’t in Lieb’s nature to give up without good reason.

Joe half shrugs, one shoulder coming almost to his ear before he drops it back down again. “You’re smiling now, aren’t ya?”

With a start, David realises he is.


	42. Speirton - Lego

Carwood has never been one to rush in. His mother had raised him too sensibly for that. He’d seen plenty of school friends fall in love too fast - be married within a year, have kids by the next, and divorcing in year three - to do anything without careful deliberation.

Six months was far too soon to move in with Ron, but a burst main had flooded out his apartment building and while his friends’ doors were always open, too many of them had lived in that same building for them to be able to offer practical assistance. It might have have been sensible to accept Ron’s offer, but nor would have it been sensible to end up crammed into Dick’s living room with three other guys.

Ron’s easy enough to live with. He’s quiet and tidy, something that’s reassuring to know, and takes care of his possessions. He has a nice house, not an apartment like most of the people their age Carwood knows, something he puts down to family money although as far as Carwood can see Ron also works hard to make the most of everything he’s been given. Ron welcomes Carwood into his home as an equal occupant with only one stipulation.

Don’t go into the attic.

It ought to be an easy instruction to follow. Ron has been so generous and Carwood wants to respect his boundaries, but at the same time there will always be something tempting about the forbidden and Carwood was not an incurious man.

He’d found himself inadvertently mentioning it in conversations, unable to keep it from lurking in the back of his mind. It seemed to spark curiosity in others too, although they speculated in a way that Carwood was disinclined to. His sister worries aloud to him that Ron might have a secret wife, although Carwood is quick to point out that he is no impoverished governess and that his experiences very rarely resembled those found in nineteenth century novels. Malarkey, upon hearing it, mutters ominously about weapons, and Luz spins a tall tale about stolen goods that he persists with even after Carwood points out the difficulty Ron would have in being an international cat burglar and still making it home in time for dinner every night.

Weeks pass, and the curiosity lingers, but Carwood learns to live with it. Sometimes he’ll go out on an evening or weekend, and comes back to find that Ron has been up in the attic but he always exits quickly when Carwood is around.

He likes to think he would have controlled himself and let it be for as long as Ron needed him to, would have if not for the fact the one Sunday evening he comes home and calls out to Ron in greeting and instead of an answer all he hears is a loud CRASH from the attic and then silence.

He takes the stairs two at a time until he reaches the attic door, then knocks, trying to keep his voice steady and not overreact as he calls out, “Ron? Ron, are you okay?”

For a few more seconds there is silence, and then he hears a faint groan from the other side of the door.

“Fuck…”

“Ron?” he calls out, fighting the urge to press on the handle and check on Ron for himself.

“Carwood?” Ron answers.

“Ron, I heard a crash,” he says, “I just need you to tell me you’re okay.”

There’s a pause, then, “Fine… just a stupid mistake,” Ron says. “I fell.”

Carwood nods. He’s rather see for himself but he trusts Ron and he knows that Ron doesn’t want him in the attic. So he’s surprised when he hears Ron call out, “Carwood… you can come in…”

He fights to keep the tension out of his voice as he pushes the door open. The first thing he sees is Ron, sitting on the ground but seemingly unharmed as he rubs his elbow and scowls.

The second thing he sees is tiny plastic bricks scattered around Ron. Then he takes in the structures displayed on shelves around the room.

Lego. Dozens of neatly assembled lego models of everything from the Taj Mahal to the Death Star line the room, and on the table beside Ron is another partially completed structure although Carwood can’t make out what it’s going to be.

“You built all these?”

Ron looks sheepish. “It’s a habit I formed as a child,” he explains. “I picked it up again a few years ago, I find the whole process of building calming.”

He’s biting his lower lip and Carwood realises with at jolt that Ron is embarrassed. He’d kept Carwood out of this room because he was worried that Carwood might judge him for what brought him peace.

“They’re amazing,” he says, stepping over to the shelves to take a close look. “I’ve never seen anything like them. I built lego models when I was younger, but nothing like this.”

“You should have her send them up,” Ron says, then grimaces, “Or… I mean, you could, if you wished. There’s space and I could always build more shelves.”

“They were always shared with my siblings,” Carwood admits, “And I think most of it has been broken down and passed down to younger cousins now, that’s how we got a lot of it in the first place.”

“Oh,” Ron says. “Well… I have a few unopened boxes. I mean, if you ever wanted to join me up here.”

Carwood looks around the room, Ron’s private sanctum, and smiles. “I’d love that.”


	43. Winnix - Cat

Nix likes dogs. He doesn’t think that’s unreasonable.  You knew where you stood with a dog; they were straightforward creatures, loyal to their masters and, at least in theory, fierce when faced with enemies. Of course, every dog Lew had ever owned happened to possess the kind of disposition that meant any burglar with the sense to carry a few sausages would be met with a wagging tail and a dog which rolled over to be petted, but it was the principle of the thing.

So when he wakes up just past noon one Saturday morning to find a ginger tabby cat staring balefully at him from the window ledge, he ignores it. He fries up some bacon for breakfast and ignores the way it watches him judgmentally; then he takes a shower and ignores the way the cat is waiting outside the door when he exits. He listens to the radio and reads the newspaper and that cat stays right there, surveying Lew like it can see right through him in a way that only one person ever has before.

He hasn’t written Dick in awhile, not since the last time he’d seen him when things had ended sour between them and Lew had been left not knowing how to mend their fraying ties. Everything has been said a hundred times before, and Lew doesn’t blame Dick for getting sick of him, there was nothing else to say. He’d lasted longer than anyone else, but in the end what did Lew have to give?

Well, news that he’d got a cat would certainly bring a surprise to Dick’s day.

He goes to his desk and pulls out a pen.


	44. Speirton - Are you flirting

Carwood has escaped the party and is leaning over the edge of the balcony catching a breath of fresh air when the door swings open behind him.

He glances back over his shoulder to see Ron step out, and straightens, but Ron waves him off before he can salute. “No need for that,” Ron says, “Not on such a beautiful night.” He flushed, with their victory and no small amount of champagne, although his eyes are still bright and alert, he’s not fallen into the bottles like some of the men at the party.

Ron crossing the balcony to join Carwood at the railing, laying a hand on his shoulder and, “Are you flirting with me?”

Carwood doesn’t mean to blurt it out like that; hadn’t meant to say it at all but it’s out there now and so he steels himself and looks Ron in the face.

Ron’s eyes are soft and his lips curl up a little at the corners. “Who else?” he says, and it’s true that he’s been attentive to Carwood all evening, unusually so, but Carwood wouldn’t have dared to assume… It’s obvious though, now he looks back, in the way that Ron had hovered close and kept both their glasses filled, a subtler play than most men would make but the moves suit Ron immensely.

Carwood can’t help his own answering smile. “Bold,” he says, and Ron shrugs.

“I’d be bolder,” he confesses, eyes raking over Carwood. “If you’d let me.”

The intensity of his tone sends a shiver down Carwood’s spine, but it’s not enough to keep him from admitting, “I would…”


	45. babeRoe - accident

Gene is startled when his phone begins to trill the ring tone he’d set just for Babe. His other half was spending a long weekend in Vegas as part of Bill’s bachelor party and Gene hadn’t been expecting contact.

The signal isn’t good when he picks up, but he makes out Babe’s voice saying, “There’s been an accident.”

Gene’s heart leaps into his throat, the only thing keeping it beating the knowledge that whatever had happened Babe was still well enough to make a telephone call.

“Where are you?”

“At the hotel, but I was gonna go down the street and-”

“Wait right there, don’t move,” Gene orders. Whatever has gone wrong, Babe wandering alone down unfamiliar streets during the night was unlikely to improve thing. “Have you called an ambulance?”

“Aw shit, Gene, no,” Babe says hurriedly, “Not like that, nobody’s hurt or arrested or anything-” and, lord, Gene hadn’t even thought to worry about that but he will from now on.

“What happened?” Gene asks, hoping to receive an answer that will steady his nerves but not confident. Of the emergency services alone several options remain, and it wouldn’t be the first time some of the guys at that party had caused the fire service or coastguard to be called out.

“Bill lost the plane tickets,” Babe admits, “So we’re gonna be kinda late, depending on how long it takes to get unstuck.”

“Bill has lost the plane tickets to get him back for his own wedding in three days time?” Gene checks, finally able to breathe deeply again. Tickets are just paper in the end.

“He ain’t trying to get out of it,” Babe says quickly, “Hell, I ain’t ever seen Bill so freaked out as when he realised he couldn’t find ‘em. He’s got George looking at road maps, he’ll drive back to Philly before he misses his wedding.”

Gene hadn’t really been worried about that. He’s slightly concerned about this potential impromptu road-trip though; he’s seen how Luz drives. “Babe, you take as long as you need,” he says firmly. “Just get back safe.”

He can hear a chuckle over the crackling line. “Love you too Gene.”


	46. luztoye - are you flirting

“-… Well I’m not sure about the new uniforms,” George says, spearing a carrot on his fork and gesticulating with it. “I mean who picked orange, and what were they smoking?”

“It suits you,” Joe interrupts, it’s kind of a terrible shade of orange but on George it just looks lively and summer-y. “Then again, you managed to make that chicken mascot costume look good so…”

George cocks his head, blinking at Joe, “Wait, wait,” he says, “Are you flirting with me?”

Joe stares back at him, wondering what he’d done wrong. He’d figured he was being pretty obvious.

“Uh… yeah.” He’d feel embarrassed about apparently not being clear enough were it not for the way George grins.

“Really?” he says, then shakes his head. “No, of course really, why would you lie about that? I just wasn’t expecting it.” Then he drops his spoon. “Oh shit!” he looks around the restaurant as if see it for the first time. “This is a date isn’t it? You were asking me out, and I totally fucking missed it like an idiot.” If Joe were in George’s shoes right now he thinks he be mortified, but George just looks amused with himself. “God, you must think I have no class at all turning up dressed like this.”

Honestly Joe hadn’t thought much at all of his dress, sure jeans and a plain t-shirt were a little simple for the restaurant but not outrageously so and they suited George.

“It’s fine,” he says, but George shakes his head.

“Nah, I’m an idiot,” he says, “But hey, we should do this again sometime - get it right. There’s a place I know on third, definitely date material, and I’m free Saturday night, whaddya say?”


	47. BabeRoe - getting sick

Gene sneezes.

It’s one of those teasing sneezes that builds through his chest and throat and nose and then does come, waits until he thinks it’s passed and then explodes out of him

Babe reacts like a bomb has just gone off.

“Wait right there, don’t move!“ he says, leaping up from the couch.

Gene stays put, mostly out of befuddlement, until Babe returns, staggered by the bulk of what looks like every blanket and pillow in the apartment.

"What in the world-?” Gene starts, but he’s interrupted when Babe drops the whole heap on top of him.

“Edward, what are you doing?”

“You’re sick,” Babe pronounces, as if one still sneeze is enough to give a diagnosis. Well, there had been a few sneezes earlier too, but it was winter - everybody got little bursts of the sniffles, but they didn’t mean much on their own.

Gene tries to push the pile off. “It’s just a bit of a cold…”

“Nuh-uh,” Babe says, leaning over to tuck the blankets in around him tight enough that they work as restraints. “You know I do listen when you’re fussin’, even if I can’t be taking the time off to do the stuff you say. Now you gotta lie down and gargle with salt water.”

“I don’t have a sore throat,” Gene protests. “And I ain’t that sick.”

“Okay maybe not the salt water thing,” Babe concedes, but he starts placing pillows behind Gene’s head as he does so. “But you should be resting more even when you’re not sick, and vegetables are always good for you, right? I think we’ve got a carton of orange juice around too.” Momentarily distracted from his attempts to render Gene one with the soft furnishings he turns towards the kitchen, but when Gene makes another attempt to free himself Babe’s head whips right back around.

Then he sighs, looking Gene over with an unexpectedly serious frown. “Look, you’ve got two whole days off work,” he says, “And I say we’re gonna use them to make sure you don’t get sick for real because if you do I know you’ll try and work through it and then I’ll have to worry about you for real Gene. Hell, I might even make myself sick from stress, and you don’t want that do ya?” he says, guilting Gene with wide innocent eyes that are as effective as they are fake. Babe knows exactly what strings to pull, because the last thing Gene wants is to cause him harm, and while there’s certainly chores to be done around the house over the weekend, he supposes there’s no harm in camping out on the couch and watching Babe take charge, just as a one off. Specially if there’s things to be lifted off awkwardly placed shelves.

“Alright,” Gene says, although he tugs his arms free from their blanket bindings, “You wanna play nurse, Edward, lets see what you got.”


	48. Bill/Joe - Not sad, just quiet

It had been two weeks since Joe had first moved into college and he’s still not sure what to make of his roommate.

On one hand Bill seemed to share a lot of his interests and hadn’t sexiled him or anything yet, didn’t stay up too late or get up too early, and while he was messy he wasn’t disgusting with it.

On the other hand, he was kind of obnoxious at times.

Take now, Joe was just sitting on his bed trying to download the software he needed for his statistics class, but Bill was hanging off his own bed and would not stop cracking terrible jokes.

“Hey, hey Joe, what do you call a fake noodle?” he says, and doesn’t wait for Joe to answer -not that he would- before saying, “An impasta!”

Joe types in the license code his tutor had given him, working through the menus. Bill doesn’t seem to care that Joe’s not listening. “I’m gonna get you to laugh,” he declares, “Or at least smile. How about this - how many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles!”

Joe looks up from his laptop to make sure that Bill receives the full force of his judgemental look, but Bill seems impervious. “No? Okay,  well, why are pirates called pirates?”

“Why are you doing this?” Joe says, exasperated. It’s not like he has anything better to be doing, but Bill surely has.

“I’m just trying to get you out of whatever mood you’re in,” Bill says with a shrug. “First week of classes shouldn’t have you this low already.”

“I don’t wanna hear corny jokes,” Joe complains.

“What about a movie? Or we could go out. I know you don’t have a fake, but there’s gotta be somewhere on campus that doesn’t check,” Bill says. “It would be a good time. We could invite a bunch of people, who are your friends in your classes? I bet that would perk you right up.”

“Stop trying to cheer me up,” he says, throwing his arms in the air. “I don’t need cheering up. I’m not sad.”

“Are you sure?” Bill asks. “You’ve been real quiet.”

“I’m a quiet person,” Joe snaps. Fuck, anybody would be quiet compared to how much of a motormouth Bill has been proving himself to be.

“You were plenty talkative when you moved in,” Bill huffs. “Wait, are you pissed at me? Is that it? Are you giving me the silent treatment but pretending not to be?”

“No,” Joe says, “Moving in was just… not usual…” It’s embarrassing to admit he was following his mom’s suggestion to try and put himself out there a little, open up to make a good impression, because people couldn’t always tell the difference between taciturn and rude. But by doing that he’d exhausted all of the obvious avenues of conversation in one night instead of pacing them out over a few weeks. He should have known there would be a catch.

“What do you mean not usual?”

Bill is looking at him suspiciously and Joe sighs.

“I mean you know where I’m from and what my major is and what sports teams I follow, and even about my siblings, and that’s kinda it,” he confesses. Bill has all sorts of wild ideas and outlandish opinions he likes to talk about and that have already made him popular with their neighbours and Joe just… doesn’t. “I’m not very interesting.”

“Oh. Alright,” Bill says, falling silent for a moment before blurting out, “Aw shit, I didn’t give you the punchline to my pirate joke and now I’ve forgotten it!”

Joe sighs. “Because they ‘arrrr’,” he supplies, and Bill grins, bright and wild and like Joe’s done something so much more brilliant than recite a lame punchline.


	49. Toye/Malarkey - Rollercoaster

Joe hates everything.

He also thinks he’s gonna be sick.

There isn’t much that he’s afraid of but there are some things in life that are just wrong and this is one of them. Humans are meant to be one way up and he’s quite happy to stick to that.

Shame his friends are all giddy as fuck over the chance to ride the hideous metal contraption in front of them - six loops, two of which go backwards, combined with corkscrew turns and a whole bunch of other shit he doesn’t understand but which sounds absolutely nauseating.

Fucking roller coasters…

He can’t think of anything worse but he also knows he can’t look like a chickenshit in front of the guys. They’d let him duck out if he admitted how much he hated them but none of them would ever let him live it down.

So he grits his teeth in the line and when they start grouping up to work out who is going to sit together he gets the hell away from Bill and Babe who are clamouring from the front row, sidestepping Luz for the good of his hearing, and has practically joined the group of boy scouts behind them when Malarkey grabs his arm and says, “Dibs.”

Nobody was exactly fighting to sit next to Joe anyway, but he doesn’t so since it works out to his benefit. Finally they get to the platform and as soon as he’s in his seat he shuts his eyes, tries to imagine that he’s any place else, although it’s hard with all the noise around him.

The safety bars lock into place with a thud and he can’t hold back his groan.

He grabs ahold of it, gripping so tight the sticky metal is digging into his hands, then feels a hand close over his, when he opens his eyes Malarkey is grinning.

“Don’t look so freaked out,” he says, “You don’t have to hold on like that. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Slowly, Joe peels his fingers from the rail, flipping his hand so he’s grasping at Malarkey’s instead. “It had better be.”

Malarkey squeezes his fingers. “I’ve got you."

 


	50. BabeRoe - Morning

Eugene is going to be late.

They’d fallen behind on laundry again after the machine had gone on the fritz the previous week, so he’d bought a pack of cheap shirts from the store until they could get the situation under control again. He’d let himself sleep in, still adjusting to a new shift rotation, with the plan of a quick shower and dress, then coffee and out the door. Instead, he’d got out of the shower, gone to pull his shirt only to find that in addition to the cellophane wrapping each shirt has a tag affixed with plastic cord, and the tags have been designed too large and with too many edges to just discreetly tuck it in and go about his day.

He’s got to get the damn thing off and trying to snap it with his hands has only left red raw grooves dug into his fingertips. He’s tried the medicine cabinet and the kitchen drawers but there were no scissors to be seen, just the usual clutter and also several rubber band balls that he’d thought Babe had got rid of.

He knows that Babe would just use a knife on the tag, but Gene’s put too many stitches in too many hands to accept that a reasonable option. Still, he might know where the scissors are, since he’s the only other person who could have moved them.

Babe should be up by now, was already stirring when Gene had gone to shower even though he had plenty of time to get ready.

Gene makes his way back up the stairs; pushes the bedroom door open. “Hey, have you seen the…? Oh.”

Gene doesn’t like to make assumptions, that sort of behavior could get a person into trouble, but there are only so many reasons that could explain why Babe has a black velvet box with a ring in it resting in his hands.

“Oh!” Babe says, snapping the box shut as he looks up at Gene with wide startled eyes. “Gene… I thought you’d already gone.”

“I should be, I was having trouble getting this tag off,” Gene says, waving the shirt distractedly. Suddenly the fact he’s going to be late feels very low down his list of priorities. His eyes keep drifting back towards the box against his will “You… uh… you got somthing to ask me?”

Instead of answering, Babe sets the box down on the bed and grab the shirt from his hands and, before Gene can stop him, lifts the tag to his mouth and rips it off with his teeth. “No,” he adds.

Gene blinks, glancing from Babe’s face to the ring in his hand and then back again. “No?”

“We have a date tonight, and I have plans,” Babe says, with a grin, handing the shirt back to him. “Have a nice day Gene!”

Gene pulls the shirt on over his head and doesn’t press the issue. He knows it’s going to be on his mind all day, but his curiosity could never beat Babe’s stubbornness. Anyway, as much as he wants Babe to tell him that ring is what he thinks it is, he’s also intrigued by what it is Babe claims to have planned.

Good things come to those who wait.


	51. Webster & Hoobler - cheer up

Hoobler stands in the doorway, watching Webster where he’s curled up on the couch wallowing in his misery. Web had been having a bad day. He’d split the last cup of his favourite tea that morning, staining his tie in the process, and had to go to work frazzled and uncaffeinated. From the texts he’d sent during the day, Hoob figures his boss had been giving him hell again, and when he’d come back through the door at seven thirty that evening, having be kept late, he’d been soaked through, having got caught in the rain on the way home from work. Hoob has planned on leaving Web to watch Shark Tale and cool off but when it had played out and Web had reached for the Sharkboy and Lavagirl DVD Hoob had known drastic action needed to be taken.

Web’s collection of shark related goodies was impressive, but his pride and joy was the person sized shark plushie which was resting in it’s usual home on the centre of his bed when Hoob slips into his room.

It’s easy enough to sneak back into the living room, Web is too distracted by his own bad mood to be paying attention, and so it’s easy enough for Hoob to duck down behind the couch.

He holds the shark above him as he crawls along the floor, knowing how upset David would be if he got carpet fluff on it. When he gets behind the couch he starts humming the jaws theme as he edges the fin slowly up over the back of the couch.

It takes a few seconds for Webster to acknowledge him, as Hoob holds back his laughter as he slowly moves the shark in Webster’s direction.

“Put that back,” Web grumbles, “Stop trying to cheer me up!” and Hoob can’t see him over the back of the couch but he’s can tell from his tone that Web is pouting.

He hums louder as he gets close, raising the shark higher so that it’s whole body becomes visible.

When he pokes his head up he can see the corners of Web’s mouth twitching. He falls quiet, counts to thirty in his head, waiting until Webster relaxes as little and then dive bombs him with the toy,

Web shrieks in surprise as he’s half suffocated by the enormous plushie, grabbing wildly at it as Hoob growls theatrically.

“Sharks don’t growl!” Web splutters, grabbing at the shark but getting Hoob wrist instead, pulling hard enough to drag him over the back of the couch by accident. There’s no room for them both on the couch and they go sprawling to the floor, but Hoob doesn’t quit until Web is laughing uncontrollably, both arms wrapped around the shark and his face pressed into its soft fur.

“What the fuck, I’m not five,” he says, when he finally gets a little control over himself, but he’s grinning as he asks, “Why did you even think that would work?”

“Because I know you,” Hoob reminds him. “Don’t gotta be cool with me.”

Webster’s grin softens a little at the edges, but it’s still fond as he mutters, “Shark attack, honestly, it’s like I’ve taught you nothing…”


	52. Webgott - THE sharks

Okay so imagine Web and Lieb set up by mutual acquaintances, and from what his friends have told him Web is excited because they say Joe is a big fan of sharks and he’s so happy to have someone who he can share his passion with.

So they get to their aquarium date and the thing is that Lieb is actually a fan of THE Sharks as in the hockey team, everything he knows about the animal could be summed up to ‘watched sharknado once while drunk’, but Web is so cute and enthusiastic about having somebody who shares his interest and Joe wants the date to go well

Cue elaborate romcom shenanigans as Joe tries to maintain the misunderstanding and pass himself off as knowing lots about sharks while simultaneously romancing Web

web things Joe is bored with him first, but then he starts to catch on that Joe is not so sneakily googling shark facts, and he lets it play out because he wants to see how far joe will go and he's charmed by the effort

Joe finally gives himself away when he reacts with shock and anger to learning something about shark culling than any enthusiast would already know, but Webster loves his anger


	53. Luztoye - quiet, they can hear us

It had taken enduring days and days of constant shelling for Easy company to earn a little respite, and they had only a night before they were to be loaded into trucks and roll towards wherever the fighting was thickest.

But it was a night the whole company was taking advantage of.

Many were simply catching up on their rest now that they finally had a little peace to do so, but a few of the livelier sorts had broken off in the hopes of finding some local booze or, better still, accommodating local girls with which to amuse themselves.

Joe Toye found he belonged to neither group. Instead he was with Luz, tucked away behind a dingy barn in Holland, still more in their ODs than out, but pressed close enough for pleasure.

George cries out, tantalising but far too loud when there are guys just the other side of the wall - hopefully sleeping but there’s no guarantee of that.

“Quiet,” he hisses, clapping a hand over George’s mouth, “They can hear us.”

George falls obediently silent but as soon as Joe starts to move again he gasps against Joe’s hand and Joe knows it won’t last.

George is incapable of restraining his own pleasure, let’s it all out with an abandon that frightens Joe almost as much as it thrills him. Luz seems to know nothing of shame and little of self-preservation and so Joe has to be the voice of reason, even if he’s tired of it. It’s that weariness that makes him slip, makes him whisper in Luz’s ear, “Not tonight George, but some day I’ll take you some place I can make you  _scream_.”

 


	54. Titanic AU - Alternate ending in which Webster is the survivor

Webster doesn’t fall down in the water while helping the third class kid, he doesn’t end up quite so cold and wet, he doesn’t hit his head, and though he’s still distressed by losing Hoob he’s not quite as out of it, so he remembers to warn Joe that the biggest danger isn’t drowning it’s the cold and that even a strong swimmer wouldn’t last long in the water and that’s why they need to stay on the ship for as long as they can.

What this means is that when they both end up in the water Joe isn’t going to be taking “I’m the better swimmer for an answer,” and they fight. Eventually Webster concedes to taking the door just because he can see they won’t give in and he doesn’t want them both to die of stubbornness, he keeps a look out for other likely looking bits of debris that Joe could use and is planning to swap out with him after a passage of time. Joe keeps stalling him, complaining that they’ll just make things worse by climbing on and off the door - they might break it or sink it or lose it. Web keeps trying to argue with him, but he’s so tired and cold and he closes his eyes… just for a minute… just while he thinks about how to persuade Lieb, and when he opens them again… well, it’s been more than a minute and it’s too late to convince Lieb of anything.

He’s picked up by a lifeboat, and if you asked him afterwards he couldn’t even have said if there were people he knew in it, he was too far gone for that, and taken to the Carpathia where he basically completely shuts down. For the rest of the way to New York he’s physically present but mentally completely out of it.

He makes it home and everyone is shocked by his ordeal and he gets plenty of fuss made about him, especially when it comes out he didn’t make it onto a lifeboat originally but was plucked from the water - one of the very few to go down with the ship and survive. All of his high society set are fascinated with the drama of it all, but their fascination and pity quickly wears thin when it becomes clear that he won’t be telling them any thrilling stories, indeed, he won’t be doing much other anything.

He doesn’t marry the girl, by the time he’s got to the point of being socially acceptable again she’d already with somebody else and he’s glad of it. There are a few more girls his mother tries with but he turns them all down. He takes a job below his station in a firm that impresses nobody and does it just competently enough to keep from being fired. Everyone knows it was the sinking that changed him, but none of them understand why he’s unable to move on with his life. The year anniversary hits and people expect him to be over it, while David can’t understand how he can live knowing Hoob and Lieb both dead of trying to keep him safe, that the last words between him and Lieb were a fight, and why he got to live when so many others died all around him.

He hasn’t swum since being pulled out of the water. He doesn’t even take baths anymore, just showers. Once water was a place of peace for him but now it just reminds him of cold lifeless bodies floating on the icy black sea.

Austria-Hungary declares war on Serbia. David goes to work, he eats dinner alone, and he sleeps poorly. He gets up the next morning and does it again. He slowly stops waiting for the nightmares to stop coming, his family have stopped expecting him to improve, his co-workers ignore him. Two years pass like that until the United States enters the Great War and David Webster shocks everybody he knows by quitting his job and joining the army.

Nobody knows what to make of it, but nobody tries to stop him. For the first time in years he argues for something, stirs enough to talk about duty, about the fact the war needs to be fought and it might as well be him, and so he’s one of the first batches of new recruits to ship out to Europe.

He does his best, it’s not like he’s about to rush out on some ill-conceived charge and get more people killed because of him, but there’s just no fight in him anymore. For a few months, he is a solider - not especially brave or popular, but not disliked either. He fits in poorly, all posh airs and education, like he ought to be an officer but somehow isn’t, but he’s as at ease as he can be, surrounded by people who don’t know where he came from or who his family is, don’t know what he’s experienced - don’t know him at all. People who certainly wouldn’t die for him and he’s so grateful for that.

He dies in a pointless battle, no ground is gained or lost, and it will go largely forgotten by history. To his fellow soldiers, he’s just another in a long line of deaths; his family and his old friends will mourn him appropriately, but the truth is they all know that David Webster never truly made it back from Europe the first time around.

 


	55. Titanic AU - Joe's aftermath (Webgott)

When he’s lying on that door talking about going out with Webster in New York, Joe has already accepted that they’re both going to die. The thought of going out to parties is better than the truth, something that drowns out the sounds of the dying who surround them and who they’ll soon be joining. Joe can feel Webster fading, his grip getting looser and his responses getting less coherent, and just keeps soothing him through it until finally he falls still and silent and then Joe can let his own eyes slip shut, falling into oblivion.

He doesn’t think he’s going to open his eyes again, but he does.

Webster’s eyes are shut, but that’s the only mercy Joe gets. He looks wrong, strange and pale and still and his hair frozen in the curls he always tried to style out. His face has ended up half in the water but his life vest keeps him afloat.

Joe shuts his eyes again, waits and waits, but death doesn’t come, a lifeboat does.

He cusses them out through chattering teeth and frostbitten lips that if they’d just been a little faster… well he doesn’t say what but they’re rowing through an ocean of corpses - they know. Joe doesn’t even know how long he was out for, but it’s easier to hate them than to wonder if there was something else he could have done.

When investigators ask him to talk about the sinking, to recount every detail that he knows, he leaves Webster out entirely. He knows, vaguely, that he ought to say something. He hears whispers about recovering the bodies and even quieter murmurings that so many are already lost to the water. There are bound to be people looking for Webster, wondering about him, but Joe doesn’t think he can tell one thing about Webster without telling it all and that would destroy him.

He copes marginally better than Webster did in the other version - at least on the surface. He throws himself into his work, using routine and hard labour to shut out his thoughts as much as he can although he manages to find work with somebody other than the White Star line as soon as they get into New York. He drinks too. Joe lost friends too, but he didn’t see it happen and while he struggles with guilt that he got out and they didn’t he has no direct reason to blame himself for their deaths.  He doesn’t bond with his co-workers this time, gets a reputation for being shut off and sullen but also terribly safety conscious.

The war breaks out and Joe is affected by it even before the USA joins in - the Atlantic crossing killed its fair share of people during WWI, combatants and not, and Joe keeps waiting for it to be his turn but it never comes.

He lives.

Slowly, he learns to stop thinking about dying screams and frozen bodies and the sacrifices he didn’t make. The memories don’t go away, but he’s able to get on with his life. He never settles, always sticks to the lonely drifting life of a sailor, but he lives.

Joe lives and he lives and he lives, lives long enough to abandon New York and the transatlantic routes for the west coast and Pacific crossings, to fall in love again even if it doesn’t last, he sees another war, and Webster’s face fades from his memory though his eyes remain as sharp in Joe’s mind as ever. He grows too old for ship labour eventually, and works in the docks instead. He reads in the newspaper of riots and then marches, of liberation and then pride. He listens to young sailors telling wild stories about sharks, and remembers an indignant voice defending the predators, though his words are lost to time. He finds a third love, although it’s an older, quieter sort of love, and this time it doesn’t end.

He lives to be older than he could ever have imagined that first time he accepted his death, and when it finally comes it’s to an old man as an old friend.


	56. Luztoye - you want me to do what?

“You want me to do  _what_?”

Joe didn’t blame George for his surprise. It was the kind of idea that Joe himself was usually committed to talking George out of, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

“You’re the only one who’d fit,” he admits. The only one who’d fit and might actually be talked into it, anyway. “If you don’t then I’m gonna have to take a chunk of the wall down, and the landlord would have my ass.”

“Oh, well if it’s your ass on the line,” George teases. “You know how far I’ll go for the things I like.” He still looks a little doubtful though, as he eyes the ventilation shaft. “But seriously, are you sure I’ll fit. Because you’ll have to take an even bigger part of the wall down if I get stuck in there.”

“You’ll be fine,” Joe promises, he’d considered that before even suggesting the idea to George. They’re big air ducts, just not big enough for Joe himself to get into.

A plaintive mewl from inside the wall wipes the trepidation from George’s face though. “She can’t get herself out?”

“She’s been in there since yesterday evening,” Joe confesses guiltily. At first he’d assumed that she was just being a typical cat, crawling into an awkward space and refusing to come out, like the time she’d appeared trapped behind the bathroom pipes, only to slip out easy as pie once Joe had already going to the trouble of taking half of the off trying to access where she’d appeared to be stuck. When the whole night had passed and she hadn’t come out to be fed, though, he’d started to take the situation more seriously. From the sounds that she was making, his cat would be out of their if she were able to.

“Well then,” George says, ducking down and easing his head and shoulders into the space where Joe had removed the grille from the shaft. “Let’s get her rescued.”


	57. Various babysitting/childcare headcanons

  * luz knows everything about little ones. EVERYTHING. he might come across like he is messing around and not paying attention but he is The Expert. He had a big role in raising all his siblings and is totally at home with holding a kid in his arms, and having another one sat on his shoulders, and one clinging to each leg - he can walk about like this as if it’s totally normal to have small humans pilling on him.
  * on the other hand nix knows NOTHING about them. He likes them okay, he’s just clueless. Do they eat the same food as adults? Can they watch sports? He’s pretty sure they’re supposed to have a bed time, but he has no clue what time that ought to be. 
  * Dick is okay with kids, they’re usually much more honest and logical than adults and he appreciates that, but he struggles with them when they’re just upset for no apparent reason because he always keeps trying to fix it even when there’s nothing to fix
  * School age kids and older are terrified of Speirs like everybody else. Strangely though, pre-school children universally  _adore_ him - to the bafflement of everybody including him. Possibly they can sense that they are one of the few things he fears.
  * Kids like Webster because he’s total sucker for them, he can be convinced to do anything if asked with puppy eyes.  _Anything_. Chocolate for breakfast, dropping everything to play games with them, letting them watch movies in their PJs all day. All it takes is some puppy eyes and acting cute - he is a terrible authority figure but they are all fond of him.
  * Joe Toye alternates between treating kids like small adults and like pets. This works about 80% of the time, because the kids like playing along - the other 20% is a disaster, that’s when he calls Luz.
  * Everyone acts like Babe IS a kid still maturity wise, he’s always game to play with them but nobody would let him supervise a kid without somebody else to supervise him, which he is very offended about because he’d be great with kids
  * Bill claims to have played a major role in raising Babe - this fills no one with confidence about his kid raising skills (Babe is offended about this too - why do his friends have so little faith?)
  * Doc Roe has done paediatrics rotations and he’s pretty good with reassuring kids and keeping them calm and happy, but he doesn’t have much experience with them outside the medical environment. He can take care of them and they like/respect him, but he doesn’t know how to be fun and play with them.
  * Liebgott is pretty good with kids in a grumpy kind of way, he’ll tease them and complain that they’re annoying brats but also he’s always looking out for them. He makes them behave but doesn’t mind kids that argue back to him if they have a good argument and aren’t just being obnoxious
  * Carwood Lipton babysat all his neighbourhood kids growing up and had a reputation for somehow getting the kids to eat their vegetables and do their homework and go to bed on time, and still somehow be the favourite babysitter who the kids want to come back. Even as an adult he is always the first person people come to when they need somebody to watch their kids, and he always tries to help when he can even though he now uses his child-caring skills as an elementary school teacher and should honestly really use a break from kids and contact with actual adults in his free time.




	58. Webgott - Shhhh, come here

Joe had known Webster had been sick when he’d left for work that morning. He’d been coughing for days, had lost his appetite, and when Joe had seen how flushed and warm Webster had looked that morning even he’d agreed that a day of bed rest might be beneficial. Joe wouldn’t have done it himself, but Webster’s employment was a little more flexible and so Joe had left a glass of water on the nightstand and told Webster to spend the day sleeping the illness off.

He’d expected to find Webster on the couch when he’d returned, or perhaps even sitting up at his typewriter, but instead the apartment is quiet. Joe puts his keys down and decides to look in on Web and see if he wants coffee while Joe is making a pot anyway.

The first thing he notices when he pushes the bedroom door open is that the glass of water on the nightstand is still full. The second is the pallor of Webster’s skin against the tangle of untucked sheets on the bed. As Joe crosses over to him Joe can see the way sweat slicks his brow, matting his hair, and even before Joe touches him it’s clear he must be burning up.

“Web?” he says, and he feels a rush of relief when Webster opens his eyes, but he doesn’t look at Joe, just stares ahead without focus. “Jesus. You need a doctor.” When he lays a palm across Webster’s forehead he feels like his hand is nearly scorched. “Actually, fuck that. You need a goddamn hospital.” He grabs Webster’s arm, mind on getting him down the stairs and into the car out front and of making sure he keeps his face real indifferent when he tells whoever is manning the hospitals reception that they’re roommates, so he’s not expecting Webster to jerk away from him.

“Web?” Joe says, reaching out to him again. Could the fever be causing hallucinations? He remembers a bout of influenza as a child, of the monsters he’d seen. “Web, it’s me, it’s Joe. I just wanna get you down to the car, okay?”

Webster shakes his head, cringing away from Joe. “No. No, don’t make me,” he says. “Not the hospital!”

His eyes are wide, but they’re glazed over and he’s glancing wildly around the room but focusing on nothing.

Joe climbs onto the bed, wrapping both of his arms around Webster and stroking his back. “Shh, c’mere…” he says, attempting to guide him to the edge of the bed. “You’re just sick. The doctors’ll get you fixed right up.”

David shakes his head, then heaves with a whole body shudder at the motion. Joe holds him still, until he’s settled again and then Web mumbles, “You never did go to one did you?”

“A hospital? No.” He’d been proud of that, he’d ended up in aid stations a few times but he’d never been off the line for long.

“They weren’t what you’d think,” Webster says. “What you thought. They weren’t nice or comfortable. They were just places men were sent to so they could die out of the way. And the ones who weren’t dying just screamed all night.”

It’s a horrible thought, but it’s also one Joe knows isn’t true. Plenty of guys he knew ended up in hospital and came back talking about pretty nurses and coca cola - maybe they’d bitch about the lack of beer, but everyone knew the hospitals were good places. But with the fever Web is running, Joe doubts he’s gong to be persuaded by that. “This won’t be an army hospital,” Joe tries. “It’s gonna be full of civilians, little kids who’ve been jumping out of trees and dumbass drunks who’ve fallen a bit too hard out of the bars.”

Webster just shakes his head though. “I can’t. I can’t go to a hospital.”

“You need to,” Joe explains. He’d no expert but he knows if they called a doctor out they’d just get the same advice but with the addition of dangerous questions about their living arrangements.

“You don’t understand,” Webster complains. “Lieb will be angry. They’ll all be angry. I should have just toughed it out, I’ll be better this time.” And jesus, what is he thinking? They aren’t at war anymore, and even if they were it had never been the hospital trip anyone had resented, just the luxury of spending so long off the line.

“The war is over Web,” Joe reminds him, “You don’t need to fight anymore.”

But when he tries once again to help Webster out of the bed, Web still struggles in his arms.

 


	59. Toye/malarkey - please come and get me

* * *

It’s not that Joe doesn’t trust Don, he trusts his partner plenty.

Don’s friends, not so much.

But he can’t exactly muscle in on a bachelor party, even though he just knows it’s going to end in trouble, so he puts on a movie and waits up - ignoring Bill’s text asking if he wants to place a bet on exactly what sort of trouble the party will get into by the end of the night.

He makes it twenty minutes into the third Fast and Furious movie before his phone buzzes with an incoming message.

It’s a blurry photo of a street sign in a part of town nowhere near the party’s planned location. Then again, Joe had never really expected them to stay put.

The next message is a blurry selfie of Don, leaning against the sign with what appears to be a mostly empty bottle of tequila clutched in one hand.

It’s capped off with a text, the comprehensibility of which is a testament to the wonders of autocorrect.

“Skip’s a demon,” it reads, “Please come get me.”

Joe grabs his car keys from where they’ve been sitting on the arm of the couch in preparation. It’s not that he loves having to rescue Don’s ass from the gutter after he’s proven that his irish blood doesn’t help him hold his liquor, but the way Don shows his appreciation when they make it home is always worth his while.

 


	60. webgott + loss of a parent

Growing older has it’s downsides, stiff joints if he sleeps funny and taking longer to get it up even when Webster is as beautiful and eager as he’s ever been, but Joe did enjoy the fact that he now has sufficient seniority at the company to pick and chose the shifts he wants. After years of pulling nights or earlies he’d finally working regular days, getting to wake at a sensible hour and eat breakfast with David before working a day and coming home in time for dinner.

He clocked out just before sunset, trading the company cab for his own car to drive home, and is pulling up outside their their apartment building by dusk. He let himself in and grabbed the mail from the slot as he made his way up the stairs. It was mostly junk, there was one for him -from his bank, going by the return address- and two for Webster, one that looked like university correspondence and another that was addressed in feminine handwriting and postmarked in New York. He made a mental note to make sure there were beers in the refrigerator when he got in, there were only a few people that particular letter could be from and it was unlikely to contain anything that would be good for Webster’s mood.

The apartment door was locked when he gets to it, courtesy of David’s ridiculous insistence upon thinking of their neighbourhood as shady and requiring security precautions despite the fact it’s decidedly richer than where Joe was raised. He let himself in, kicking his shoes off in their cramped hall and making his way to the living room when Webster is.

He’d obviously been home a while because he was hunched over his typewriter in near darkness and the curtains were still open despite the fact the sun had almost set.

Joe flicks the overhead light on, then crosses the room to draw the curtains. “I suppose it’s too much to hope that you’ve prepared dinner while I’ve been working?” he asked.

“If you wanted that then you should have got yourself a wife,” David said glibly. In the early days it had been difficult, Joe’s only model for domestic routines had fit them poorly and he’d found it hard to adjust his expectations to account for the fact that David was no more a traditional homemaker than he was, but time had let them form habits and with habits came comfort.

He deposited the mail on the coffee table, making his way to the kitchen and pulling a container of casserole leftovers out of the fridge to reheat. It wouldn’t make for impressive eating, but Joe only had the patience to prepare meals from scratch a few times a month and while Webster would occasionally cook his concoctions could at best be described as ‘technically edible’ - and the war had lowered Joe’s standards considerably.

He turned the gas on, using his cigarette lighter to get it burning, and then got the food ready to simmer. “How’s the writing?” he calls and Web huffs in the familiar way that means things are going as usual, not one of those days that delights David when the words come easy, but he’s not excessively frustrated either

“I just need to finish this page,” Web said, which Joe knew meant he’d type at least three more before he was done.

With dinner on, he took a knife through to the main room with him, slicing the seal on his own letter and then left it on the table for Web. The bank letter is a routine thing, a statement and a service update, but Joe skimmed the whole thing anyway to ensure there’s nothing noteworthy slipped into the small print. By the time he was done, Webster had packed up his typewriter and already torn into the university letter.

“Anything good?” Joe asked, and Webster scoffed.

“Just the alumni fund after donations again,” he said, setting it aside. “I’m tempted to write back and say I’d be more interested in contributing if they ever sent me anything other than begging letters.”

Joe laughed and for a moment hopes that Web will skip over the other letter, knowing that whatever -whoever- it is will only bring him down. There are only so many women he knows in New York and his grandmother he gets along well enough with but his mother writes with disapproval, his sister will guilt, and old society acquaintances write with propositions that Web would never entertain even if Joe didn’t have a prior claim on him.

He set to double checking that there was nothing important mixed in among the mail that looked like junk and it wasn’t until he’d gone through all of it that he noted how uncharacteristically quiet Web was being. When he looked up he realised that Web was staring fixedly at the New York letter - a sure sign that things were as bad as Joe had predicted if not worse. “What is it?”

David turned to face him, face unreadable. “My father…”

Joe sighed. He knows far more about Webster’s father than he’d like and little of it endears him to the man. “He’s trying to pick another fight?”

“No,” Webster said, refolding the paper and slipping it back into the envelope. “He’s dead.”

“Oh.” For as long as Joe had known him Web’s relationship with his father, with both his parents, had been strained at best. There’d been tense dinners, then yelling on the phone, and then months at a time without so much as a letter. Joe had distanced himself, all too aware then he was one of the many points of friction between them, but in that moment it meant that he was too out of touch with the situation to be able to guess how David might be feeling.

His face was blank, but the tight grip he has on the paper suggested that he was far from indifferent. For all their difference Joe knew that David had never been able to fully cut himself off from the man who’d raised him, even if all they’d done in recent years was hurt each other.

Joe went to the kitchen and ignored the planned beers, instead fetching the bottle of good whiskey from the top cabinet and taking two tumblers through to the lounge with him. He pours David a generous measure and himself a more restrained one, and then sits by Webster’s side.

Joe can fix up most regular problems with a car and do all the simple sorts of household repairs, the years he’s spent with Web have forced him to pick up the basics of boat engines too, but he never had any skill for fixing hearts. Something broke deep down between Webster and his father years before Joe was in the picture and Joe had come to understand there was nothing he could do for that wound but listen on the days when Webster was driven to speak about the pain, and all he can offer now is his presence.

“I…” Webster set the letter down to take a deep gulp of the whiskey. “I feel like I should have… said goodbye. I haven’t…. hadn’t spoken with him in years, but I, fuck, I can’t even remember the last thing I said to him, but I know it wasn’t anything good.”

Joe wasn’t around for that final fight but he knew enough to know that there were no pleasantries is any of the last conversations between them - Webster’s father hadn’t deserved any. There’s no space for Joe’s anger now though, that’s not what David needs. Joe might have been ill equipped to cope with David’s emotions, but that didn’t render him useless. “Do you want me to call the airport about flights to New York?” Perhaps he’d be able to offer better comfort once David had a little closure and stopped looking so conflicted and settled on one way to feel that Joe would be able to respond to.

David shook his head. “The funeral is tomorrow morning. I…” his hands curled into fists. “They’ve timed it so they can say that I was invited but I couldn’t possibly get to New York and show up and embarrass them.”

“You don’t need them,” Joe said, though he knows the words are a cold comfort even as they come out of his mouth. Joe’s family had accepted him and quietly made space for David even if they didn’t understand how Joe had ended up with an awkward and oft-irreligious college boy instead of the nice jewish girl they had always anticipated.

“He was the one who taught me to sail,” David said suddenly. “I used to look forward to it for weeks, those rare weekends he would take me out on the boat were everything as a child. He never talked much, but he’d let me babble on about school and my friends and the books I’d read, all the childish nonsense he never normally indulged.”

“So he wasn’t always a dick,” Joe said, and David shook his head again.

“He… I… I can’t help remembering something he said to me during one of our better periods,” David explained, a tremor in his voice that he swallows down as he progresses. “He told he didn’t agree with any of the choices I was making, but that he was proud to have raised a son who make those decisions with his head held high instead of hiding. I…”

He choked on his words, screwing his eyes shut like he might be fighting tears.

Joe leaned across the couch, wrapping an arm around him. He couldn’t pretend that he’d ever understood why David kept trying to salvage his relationship with his family, he knew nothing of that particular sort of rejection, and there was nothing he could say when it was so clear David couldn’t even make sense of his own feelings, but no matter what happened he’d be there just as soon as David knew what he needed.

 


	61. please come and get me - Webgott

The only reason Joe picks up the call is because it’s from an unknown number.

When he hears Webster’s voice he nearly puts the phone back down again.

“Please don’t hang up!” are Webster’s gasping first words though, almost garbled with how fast he tries to get them out.

The sensible thing would be to ignore him, to put the phone down and go get as many stiff drinks as it took to forget Webster had ever existed, but instead Joe snaps, “Why the fuck not?”

“I… I’ve been mugged… my bag got stolen, my wallet, my keys, everything, they won’t even let me back into my hotel room because they say I had no proof it’s mine - I had to ask a stranger for change for this payphone,” Webster babbles. “I know, I know we agreed on space but I… I need you. Could you please come get me.”

Oh. Oh, so Joe’s driving is good enough for him when he needs a ride? Well isn’t that nice.

“Agreed on space?” Joe says. “See, how I remember it is you deciding I was beneath you just because I didn’t have some fancy corner office and me telling you to get the fuck out of my goddamn apartment if you think you could do so much better.”

“I didn’t mean it like that-” Joe scoffs “-Joe, I didn’t. I just meant that you have so much potential and I don’t want to see you waste it.”

Right, of course he thinks that now that he needs something from Joe. “Where are you?”

“Santa Monica,” Webster says, “Thank you.”

Jesus, what had he ever seen in that arrogant, presumptuous little fuck. “Well if you’re in Santa Monica,” Joe snarls, “then sleep on your fucking boat.”

“Joe, I wouldn’t have asked you if it weren’t awful here,” is Webster’s cowardly reply. “There are heavy storms forecast. I-”

The click of hanging up the phone is so unsatisfying, but Webster can spend the rest of fucking life in Santa Monica for all Joe cares.

 


	62. luztoye - quit it or i'll bite

In a small apartment on a city street two men lay curled around each other in a bed lit only by the dim glow of streetlamps outside the window. A naive onlooker might mistake their closeness for romantic -hell, George would probably claim the same if Joe called him out- but Joe knows better, and he pushes George away from him.

“Quit it or I’ll bite,” George grumbles, rolling back towards Joe and nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

Joe ignores him and keeps pushing. George does an impressive job of making himself an immovable dead-weight, but ultimately size is on Joe’s side. Anyway, there’s just no need for them both to be crammed so close together that three quarters of the bed remain empty.

“Share…” George whines, stubbornly resisting Joe’s attempts to steer him into the empty space.

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Joe whispers back, “You’re the one that keeps rolling into my half of the bed.”

“You’re trying to push me into the cold spot,” George protests.

“No I’m not-” Joe says. He honestly hadn’t even thought of that. It’s not cool enough in the room for there to be a real cold spot, but if that’s what George is worried about then there’s an easy solution. He pushes himself up with his arms and then rolls right over George, ignoring the startled squeak his manoeuvre provokes, until he’s the one laying in the empty half of the bed.

The sheets are a little cooler there but that’s not something that bothers Joe. He stretches out, making himself comfortable, and then shuts his eyes. It’s late, he’d guess the small hours of the morning from the total lack of traffic noise, and the embrace of sleep comes quickly, his limbs relaxing and then his head sinking fully into the pillows, and then a warm weight hitting him in the side… “What the fuck?”

“You’re the warm spot,” George mumbles, face pressed against Joe’s chest and Joe sighs and wraps his arms around him.

“You’re lucky I love you, you pain in the ass.”


	63. ship headcanons - luztoye

·          **who hogs the duvet**

Joe doesn’t  _want_ the whole duvet, but Luz gets to hot when he sleeps and usually ends up pushing/kicking it on to him.

·          **who texts/rings to check how their day is going**

Luz texts to ‘see how Joe’s day is going’ but actually it’s because he’s bored and is hoping Joe will entertain him

·          **who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts**

Joe. He’s never really embraced the ‘treat yo self’ mentality but he really enjoys treating the people who matter to him and will put a lot of time and effort into finding them the perfect thing that they would like but never indulged in on their own.

·          **who gets up first in the morning**

Luz is the most annoying sort of morning person, he’s not just away he’s cheery and full of energy. He wants to put the radio on and dance around the kitchen as he makes breakfast, while Joe is still quietly adjusting to having sunlight in his eyes.

·          **who suggests new things in bed**

George sometimes gets a little carried away wanting to copy things he’s seen in porn – Joe usually talks him down because “that might look good on camera but there’s no way either of them are enjoying that” and “you can’t bend that way George. Nobody but a professional gymnast can bend that way”. If George comes up with something that sounds like it might work that Joe is willing to give it a try but generally he’s a guy who sticks to the classics and does them well.

·          **who cries at movies**

Joe will very occasionally get genuinely emotional, George is more likely to turn a sad movie into a joke.

·          **who gives unprompted massages**

George often offers to take care of any soreness Joe might have after a tough workout. Given how often these massages end in sex Joe is beginning to suspect an ulterior motive.

·          **who fusses over the other when they’re sick**

Joe will fuss over George because he sees sick people as vulnerable and to be protected – something that’s compounded by the fact their neither of them get sick very often. George is more matter of fact – he’ll make sure a sick person has what they need but between his siblings and experiences with sick friends he’s not prepared to make a drama out of a 48hr bug.

·          **who gets jealous easiest**

Joe will be having a pleasant normal conversation and suddenly he’s got a lap full of George Luz, he knows exactly what’s going on and when the other guy leaves he’ll be like, “he was just asking for workout tips,” but George will just cling and be like, “That’s what he wants you to think, he’s luring you into a false sense of security and then BAM you’re married with three freakishly athletic kids”

·          **who has the most embarrassing taste in music**

For ages Joe won’t share his music collection with George because he’s a little worried that George will make fun of his old fashioned tastes, especially since they skew more 70s pop than classic rock. When he finally does George is delighted and puts Joe in charge of all their future car playlists.

·          **who collects something unusual**

neither of them a big hoarders, although George has a usb stick for storing his favourite memes

·          **who takes the longest to get ready**

Joe because he tries to do something with his hair whereas George conceded that battle a long time ago.

·          **who is the most tidy and organised**

George because he goes through life in a whirl that means he has to know where everything is because he doesn’t want to waste time looking for stuff. Having grown up in a house full of kids where there wasn’t much room for mess and things left in communal spaces were quickly considered communal objects he’s very meticulous about putting his stuff away out of habit.

·          **who gets most excited about the holidays**

George Luz has a different ugly Christmas sweater for every day of advent. Enough said.

·          **who is the big spoon/little spoon**

George thinks it’s really fun to be the big spoon and try and wrap himself around Joe. Joe, who never gets to be the little spoon, discovered that he actually really likes it.

·          **who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports**

Joe is more competitive about sports but George insists on being the number one champion of every game he plays.

·          **who starts the most arguments**

George is usually the cause. Joe loves his energy most of the time but sometimes it can get wearing and he just needs some time to chill and if George is still in a bouncy mood he can get irritable. This becomes less common the longer their relationship goes on and George learns to spot when Joe needs quiet time and Joe learns to speak up when he’s getting overwhelmed instead of putting up with it until he snaps.

·          **who suggests that they buy a pet**

George decided he wants something to snuggle, he always had pets in the house growing up and it doesn’t feel like a home without one, but Joe doesn’t really want an animal that’s get underfoot and be a trip hazard. It takes some time and research to find an animal that fits both of their criteria, but a few months after George first mentions it they have Bessie the ball python settled into their house and gradually getting used to riding around the place wrapped over George’s shoulders.

·          **what couple traditions they have**

They always go grocery shopping together, with Joe focused on getting what’s on the list while George adds their weekly treats to the cart depending on what bargains catch his eye

·          **what tv shows they watch together**

Ninja warrior and wipeout. George likes to laugh at people falling over and ogle all the fit contestants while Joe is like, “I could do that” and then George tries to goad him into entering.

·          **what other couple they hang out with**

George is a social butterfly and will hang out with everyone and anyone, he loves to throw house parties. Joe prefers smaller hangouts and they become the couple who hosts dinner parties, their most common guests being Bill and Fran and Lipton and Speirs.

·          **how they spend time together as a couple**

they often go for fairly low-key hangouts that are more about existing in the same space than doing an activity together, although they try to go out at least once a month for a ‘proper date’ trading off who gets to pick so it’s 50/50 if it’s classic dinner and a movie or go-karting.

·          **who made the first move**

George flirted outrageously because you never know unless you try, right? Joe is pretty suspicious of this at first, but gradually accepts that although George’s methods are ridiculous his meaning is sincere and he really does want to date.

·          **who brings flowers home**

George will occasionally buy gas station flowers in the spur of the moment that then end up living in the sink or a bowl because they don’t own any vases.

·          **who is the best cook**

they’re both pretty good cooks, although George prefers baking to main meal and Joe has to discourage him from doing it too often because george’s cakes and cookies are too tempting to gorge on.


	64. ship headcanons - winnix

·          **who hogs the duvet**

Nix gets all twisted up in the duvet when he sleeps and usually ends up dragging it off Dick in the process.

·          **who texts/rings to check how their day is going**

Nix does this often, although it’s more about procrastinating on work than it is about being a clingy boyfriend. Most of the time Dick refuses to answer because he doesn’t want to encourage/enable but he always looks at the messages and every once in a while Nix has said something too sweet to resist.

·          **who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts**

neither of them are very creative. Dick tends to give practical presents (socks, who couldn’t use a nice warm pair of socks. He’d be delighted with them.) and Nix’s tend to be flashy but either cliché or ill-thought-out – think a car or some unnecessary fancy gadgets.

·          **who gets up first in the morning**

the only time Lew has ever been awake when Dick woke up is when he hasn’t gone to sleep yet from the night before.

·          **who suggests new things in bed**

Nix will jokingly suggest things he  _knows_ are way out of Dick’s comfort zone to reinforce the joke of Dick being innocent and vanilla. Dick responds by tell Nix about all the things he does want to try, and that how he discovers that it is still possible to make Nix blush.

·          **who cries at movies**

Neither of them usually, although Nix will sometimes have emotional outbursts if he’s watching things drunk.

·          **who gives unprompted massages**

Nix used to go on spa days with his sister semi-regularly and has picked up a few tricks that he will use whenever he feels Dick is getting too tense.

·          **who fusses over the other when they’re sick**

Dick doesn’t like to make a fuss, but he does take care of Nix (provided he’s actually sick and not just hungover). Nix tends to fuss if Dick gets sick, both because it’s rare and because Nix doesn’t know what to do with sick people, though it’s more panicked fussing than caretaking.

·          **who gets jealous easiest**

Nix. He rarely shows it, just drinks more, but the jealousy kicks in hard when he sees Dick with women or the kind of nice men who could live with him in a house with a big yard and a white picket fence, and give him kids and go to church with him on Sundays. No matter how long they’ve been together he never full shakes the fear that at some point Dick is going to realise he could do much better.

·          **who has the most embarrassing taste in music**

Richard Winters listens to Nickelback unironically. Nix is ashamed.

·          **who collects something unusual**

Nix would collect dogs if he could, but Dick reins him in. Instead they just have two dogs and a  _massive_ collection of dog toys.

·          **who takes the longest to get ready**

Nix is the sort of person who will start to get ready and then get distracted and Dick will come back ten minutes later to ask what the hold up is only to find Nix in shirt, boxers, and one sock reading the newspaper like he’s got all the time in the world/

·          **who is the most tidy and organised**

Dick is and he gets frustrated sometimes because it seems like Lew doesn’t even try – he’ll leave drawers open and his laundry on the floor even though the hamper is  _right there_.

·          **who gets most excited about the holidays**

surprisingly Nix. He was never a big fan of the holidays before their relationship -holidays with his family are just him and Blanche drinking and rolling their eyes at their parents- but holidays with Dick’s family are like something out of a postcard or a holiday themed movie. Everything is so quaint and cliché and he loves it.

·          **who is the big spoon/little spoon**

Dick will start out as the big spoon but usually wakes up to find Lew has turned around in his sleep and is clinging to him.

·          **who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports**

Nix finds Dick’s hardcore competitive streak hilarious. Dick is not a sore loser because the game isn’t over until he’s won.

·          **who starts the most arguments**

They try hard not to fight, they knew getting into the relationship that there would always be things they would never agree on and they would just have to accept those difference but sometimes things bubble over. It’s genuinely about 50/50 on who starts it, Nix will get moody and then bitingly sarcastic, Dick will get more and more tense until he snaps.

·          **who suggests that they buy a pet**

Dick. He doesn’t want to be the guy who treats animals as replaceable but after hearing Lew pine after his old dog for so long he can’t help but be like, “Maybe a new dog would help.”

·          **what couple traditions they have**

Dick likes them to eat together whenever possible, sat at the dining table and talking about their days.

·          **what tv shows they watch together**

Dick likes documentaries and Nix prefers reality TV – they both get a kick out of mythbusters though.

·          **what other couple they hang out with**

They spend a lot of time with Harry and Kitty, and they’re good friends with Lip and Speirs so in verses where those two are a couple they also get invited to the couples weekends.

·          **how they spend time together as a couple**

they both spend a lot of hours at work (Dick because he gives 100%, Nix because he often goes slow then has to stay late to get caught up) so they both try hard to keep couples time free of bringing work home or shop talk. They often read together and Nix likes to take Dick to the movies on a semi-regular basis.

·          **who made the first move**

Nix would flirt and then be like ‘haha just kidding we’d be a terrible couple you could do much better’ and the Dick responds with a disarmingly sincere comment about only wanting Nix.

·          **who brings flowers home**

Nix will get flowers when he’d feeling guilty about something or suspects Dick is mad at him because that’s what you’re supposed to do despite the fact that Dick has light pollen allergies and Nix always forgets which types of flowers don’t make him sneeze.

·          **who is the best cook**

Dick is the best at simple home cooking, but he likes to make Nix help out by chopping vegetables and opening tins. Nix can cook he just finds in a lot of work and would rather get something delivered.


	65. ship headcanons - baberoe

·          **who hogs the duvet**

Gene. It’s not so much hogging it as it is he’s usually the only one who wants it. If they’re in Louisiana then Babe is hot all the time and wants covers nowhere near up, if they’re up in Philly in winter then Gene is half frozen whereas Babe is excited by the thought of snow.

·          **who texts/rings to check how their day is going**

Babe will text Gene when he’s working, usually jokes or cute images - he knows Gene can’t get his phone except for on his rare breaks but he wants Gene to have something to boost him through the day. Sometimes if Gene is off shift and Babe is working then Gene will be the one to text but he has to be careful because Babe is too easily caught up in a text conversation when he should be working.

·          **who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts**

Babe has a gift for finding thrift store treasures that borders on magical and means he gives unusual but impressive gifts.

·          **who gets up first in the morning**

Babe. He has a more regular routine so he tends to wake up naturally a few hours before he’s due at work as a matter of habit. Gene’s irregular shifts mean he’s up at all hours and generally needs an alarm to keep him on schedule.

·          **who suggests new things in bed**

Gene has an imagination and a range of kinks that surprised Babe at first because he’d always thought Gene was too nice and pure for those sorts of things, but he’s happy to be taught otherwise.

·          **who cries at movies**

it would be Babe, but Babe tells Gene is he wants to watch sad movies he can do it with one of his friends because Babe only watches happy stuff.

·          **who gives unprompted massages**

Gene has got those healing hands. At first Babe worries that Gene will feel it’s too much like work, but when Gene claims it relaxes him who is Babe to argue?

·          **who fusses over the other when they’re sick**

Babe always gets in a flap when Gene is sick because he knows Gene comes in contact with some many sick people but also has an immune system of iron so he tends to assume that if something is bad enough to affect Gene is must be very serious.

·          **who gets jealous easiest**

Gene gets pretty jealous sometimes, especially when it comes to people who would be more able to be there for Babe and make him second guess if he can be enough.

·          **who has the most embarrassing taste in music**

neither of them are embarrassing although Gene tends to listen to a lot of French stuff and jazz and can be kind of unaware of what’s cool.

·          **who collects something unusual**

babe collects cati. He likes plants and cati are easy to keep alive.

·          **who takes the longest to get ready**

Babe, and he’d tell you that it’s not a fair competition because his morning routine isn’t  long or complicated it’s just that Gene wakes up looking perfect while Babe has bedhead and pillow creases and crusty eye gunk to contend with.

·          **who is the most tidy and organised**

Even their friends are shocked when the realise that this is actually Babe’s role in the relationship. Gene tries to be but he usually has too much on his plate and things always end up piling up and then slipping. Babe has handy colourful charts with stickers and labels on all of the drawers because he’s not a naturally organised person but he’s learned to be because it makes life so much easier.

·          **who gets most excited about the holidays**

Babe is an excitable darling. He loves to go all out for the holidays and can usually be found planning things weeks in advance. Gene likes this because he enjoys holiday celebrations but finds the planning that goes into them hard work.

·          **who is the big spoon/little spoon**

Babe is a cuddler but he’s not fussy about positions so he usually ends up being the little spoon because if Gene has to get up for a shift it’s easier if he doesn’t have to pry himself out of Babe’s octopus death grip. If Gene is confident he’ll get to sleep in then he’ll let Babe be the big spoon.

·          **who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports**

Gene… doesn’t get it? Like, he understands doing these things for fun and that winning feels good but he just does not get emotionally invested in those sorts of things like Babe does. He is happier to be babe’s cheerleader than his competition when it comes to games.

·          **who starts the most arguments**

It takes a lot to get Gene mad and while Babe has pushed him once or twice that line has never been crossed. On the other hand Babe will sometimes let the little frustrations built up and wind up getting snippy with Gene who is usually just confused at the cause and tries to smooth things over

·          **who suggests that they buy a pet**

Gene suggests a pet to keep Babe company when Gene can’t be around. Babe gives it some serious consideration but the truth is a pet would be a terrible substitute for Gene and he’d just end up spending his work days missing them both.

·          **what couple traditions they have**

they will always stop what they’re doing to greet each other if they run into each other or if one of them comes home. For Gene this is just usual and polite but for Babe who grew up in a house where nothing would get done if they ground to a halt for every new arrival it’s about making a special effort to acknowledge Gene and that they’re going to spend time together.

·          **what tv shows they watch together**

they don’t have a lot of time for TV – their schedules mean they don’t have much overlap and when they are together they prefer to be doing more interactive things. If they do have the TV on it is most likely to be showing documentaries in the background.

·          **what other couple they hang out with**

they aren’t big on couples hangouts but their friend groups overlap quite a lot so they’ll often inadvertently end up hanging out with friends and those friends S/Os. Bill is always gonna be a prominent feature in Babe’s life so anybody close to him is close to them.

·          **how they spend time together as a couple**

They both spend a lot of time outdoors, though it’s usually just chilling in cafes or parks. They like to cook together when they have time (see final point).

·          **who made the first move**

Babe. He wasn’t planning on it b/c Gene was so attractive it made him nervous and he didn’t think he had a chance, but nervous Babe is a babbler and it just sort of slipped out. Babe didn’t even realise that Gene had agreed to a date until ten minutes after the conversation was over when he finally stopped being overwhelmed and started processing again.

·          **who brings flowers home**

Babe again – he just loves having nature around him whatever way he can manage it in the city with such a busy lifestyle.

·          **who is the best cook**

Gene learned to cook growing up and is generally better, although he does have to try hard to remember for modify the spiciness of dishes to Babe’s palate. Babe is working hard to learn though because Gene’s shifts mean he doesn’t get to cook as often as he likes and so Babe wants to take that chore off his hands.


	66. ship headcanons - webgott

·          **who hogs the duvet**

These boys do not share well. It’s not even a question of being warm, often they’ll pull the duvet over to them and then leave it half hanging uselessly off the side. Neither of them are used to sharing a bed and while they’re awake they make an effort but subconsciously they don’t do so well. They finally come to a solution when their heater breaks and they put a second layer of blankets on the bed to keep warm and wake up with one blanket each.

·          **who texts/rings to check how their day is going**

Lieb, although it’s less about checking how Webster’s day is going and more about making sure he’s noticed the passage of time. When Webster gets into his writing Joe can come home from a day of work to find Web sitting at his laptop still in his pyjamas with a cold cup of coffee next to him having not moved all day. But Web doesn’t like to ignore Joe’s messages (except when he’s mad at him but that’s another story) so if Joe texts him asking him if he had a good lunch then Webster will remember to actually eat lunch.

·          **who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts**

Lieb, much to Web’s frustration. Webster wants to be good at giving thoughtful meaningful gifts but he can never actually think of good ideas. Lieb picks perfect gifts 50% to see Web’s eyes go wide when he unwraps it and finds that Joe had got him that one thing he glanced at in a shop window three months ago and thought about but never mentioned and 50% because he knows it infuriates Web and it’s funny. Lieb is perfectly happy with comic store vouchers and Web’s simple gifts.

·          **who gets up first in the morning**

David Webster believes being a morning person is a sign of an organised mind and sleeping in is wasting the day. He’s also pissy as hell if he has to get out of bed before 9:00. Joe loves to sleep in but is also perfectly capable of setting an alarm for six am and getting up without hitting snooze.

·          **who suggests new things in bed**

Web has a private checklist of things he’s always wanted to try but has been waiting for a partner interested in things other than vanilla stuff without him having to persuade them. Lieb’s ideas tend to skew more to the shower/kitchen/car/slightly sleazy alleyway behind their favourite bar.

·          **who cries at movies**

Lieb will tear up a little bit at a lot of sad movies but is generally good at keeping it under control. Webster doesn’t often cry and movies but when he does he’s open about it to the point that Lieb gets second-hand embarrassment for him, because “It’s not real, Web, c’mon stop blubbering about a kids movie.” Web has never got past the beginning of Finding Nemo.

·          **who gives unprompted massages**

Webster does when Lieb has come in from a long day of work with stiff shoulders or a tense back, Lieb was ready to be dismissive when Web first started rubbing his shoulders because he thought it would be pointless, but Web has good hands and half an hour later Lieb was moaning his pleasure and all his muscles felt like goo. Lieb will often end up giving Web little head massages when he’s cutting his hair.

·          **who fusses over the other when they’re sick**

Lieb fusses, it’s sweet but Webster is the kind of person who just wants to curl up in a ball and sleep whenever he’s sick so he tends to be tetchy about Lieb coming in to check his temperature and make sure he’s taken medicine, getting plenty of fluids and healthy food, although he tries to remember to show his gratitude once he’s well again.

·          **who gets jealous easiest**

Joe. When it happens he usually tries to retaliate by making Webster jealous, but Web is as oblivious to Joe getting overly cosy with somebody else as he is to the fact whoever he’s talking with is getting bold enough to make Lieb jealous, The thought of cheating on or dumping Lieb or the other way around is so outlandish to him that Web doesn’t even think of the jealousy angle, something which Lieb would find charming if it didn’t mean he had to constantly get creeps to back off from his oblivious boyfriend.

·          **who has the most embarrassing taste in music**

Webster’s taste is not exactly embarrassing so much as it is behind the trends. He’s not very open to new music so his ‘new’ is usually five or ten years old. It’s very frustrating for him to be getting into a band only to find out that they’ve broken up. Lieb is very trendy and also seems to know which local indie bands are going to hit big, but if he wants Web to listen to new stuff he has to subtly mix one or two songs in with Web’s existing stuff and then give him time to adjust.

·          **who collects something unusual**

Webster has a very large collection of bookmarks to go with his book collection. He doesn’t believe in dog-earing pages and using a receipt or other random item is a last resort. He’s very particular about them having to be flat so they don’t crease the book and made of a sturdy material, ideally the design that hooks onto the pages so it can’t slip out, but nothing that grips too tightly and might cause a tear. If Lieb needs to stop in the middle of reading a comic he just places it open pages down on the nearest surface, but if he leaves it more than a few minutes he’ll come back to find it’s been properly bookmarked – Webster just can’t help it.

·          **who takes the longest to get ready**

On a regular day it’s Web, but on a special occasion it’s Lieb, because Web’s casual and formal are differentiated mostly by subtle details and take around the same amount of time, whereas Joe’s casual is ‘whatever is on top of the laundry pile and maybe finger comb his hair’ but when he does decide to look smart he goes all out with a sharp suit and styling his hair until he looks like he should be on a red carpet.

·          **who is the most tidy and organised**

Web is the tidy one but Lieb is the most organised. Web likes his spaces to be neat and things to be put away but often loses track of things whereas Joe is messy but that keeps everything he needs to hand and has a much better memory for dates/plans/appointments.

·          **who gets most excited about the holidays**

Webster is a recovering grinch. He used to dread the holiday season because it meant family time and he had a strained relationship with them, which transformed into him becoming cynical about all parts of the holidays as a commercial celebration of things that don’t really mean much to him. As he’s got older and repaired his relationship with his family into something more stable he’s warmed back up to the holidays a little, and tries to make an effort to embrace the spirit of things for the sake of his cousin’s kids who are at the age where Santa is real and Christmas is magical.

Lieb isn’t that fussed about secular holidays but he goes all out for the major Jewish holidays – he isn’t somebody who focuses a lot on his faith as part of his normal routine but he finds occasions where he can connect with his culture/heritage/community important.

·          **who is the big spoon/little spoon**

Web is usually the big spoon but if he’s feeling down then Lieb will wrap himself around Web and be a barrier between him and the world.

·          **who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports**

Sports is Lieb 110% of the way, Webster does not care for sports – or at least isn’t going to admit caring when he’s basically certain to lose. For games it’s more even – videogames or games of chance it’s still Lieb, but if it’s trivia games or card games where there’s an intellectual element Web’s competitive streak comes out full force.

·          **who starts the most arguments**

Technically Web, but he does so in a passive aggressive way that means it’s usually Lieb who escalates things to an open row.

·          **who suggests that they buy a pet**

Lieb really wants a dog but it takes him a while to work past Webster’s hesitancies about if they can deal with caring for a dog without it disrupting their lives too badly.

·          **what couple traditions they have**

Anti-valentines day. They both want to reject the commercial holiday so they do things that are the opposite of cliché valentines activities every February 14th – no flowers, no chocolates, no sappy declarations, they go paintball and action movies followed by cheap takeout and rough sex.

·          **what tv shows they watch together**

I can see them watching a lot of crime shows. Web likes drama types with an ongoing plot and Lieb prefers procedurals where it doesn’t matter if he misses an episode but they can usually find something they both agree on. I can also see them watching GoT/Westworld type shows and arguing over their different theories about what’s going to happen and what future reveals will be.

·          **what other couple they hang out with**

they are either the annoying arguing couple or the that’s not PDA it’s public indecency couple depending on their mood so nobody wants to double date with them

·          **how they spend time together as a couple**

they both love to travel so they’ll often spend time either out on Webster’s boat or going on driving day trips. They know basically every cool location with 100 miles of where they live, from scenic nature viewpoints to tiny museums of obscure stuff to bizarre tacky tourist trap theme venues.

·          **who made the first move**

Lieb. Webster had been making signs that he was into Lieb for a while and Lieb got impatient waiting for him to act on it and decided to get in Web’s face like “I know you want me.”

·          **who brings flowers home**

Joe. He tends to be all, “Here, have some dying plants as a cliché gesture of affection,” about it, but when he sees them in a vase on the table and the care Web puts in to keeping them alive as long as possible he knows he’ll end up doing it again even if he does think it’s stupid.

·          **who is the best cook**

Lieb, but he doesn’t really like doing it. He likes grilling or things you can put in the oven with no prep and take out an hour later and eat right away. Webster likes cooking but isn’t very good at it – he can make decent stuff as long as he follows a recipe closely so they have a pretty big collection of cookbooks, but as soon as he tries to improvise or substitute and ingredient it all falls apart.


	67. ship headcanons - babejulian

·          **who hogs the duvet**

Julian! He likes to be warm. It’s fine in the summer because Julian can be a blanket burrito and Babe can still open the window so he’s nice and cool but in winter Babe does want a share of the covers and he really has to fight to get any away from Julian who is got spoiled from having them all to himself.

·          **who texts/rings to check how their day is going**

there’s no need for a special “how you doing?” text between these too because they are texting constantly when they’re apart – at least during the first half of the month until they both get notifications they’ve nearly used up the whole allowance on their plans and then they have to carefully ration it so that they take turns to check in every remaining day.

·          **who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts**

Babe is a  _wild_ gift giver. Who knows where he’s getting his ideas - sometimes they are good, sometimes they are bad, but they are always interesting.

·          **who gets up first in the morning**

neither of them is morning people. if there’s no alarm Julian will usually wake first, but if an alarm is set Babe will usually the one who gets up to deal with it while Jules pulls the pillow over his head and tries to pretend it’s not happening.

·          **who suggests new things in bed**

Both of them are pretty experimental and eager to learn more. Babe is more likely to come up with spur of the moment suggestions of the “I just imagined something and now I want to see if it works” variety, whereas Julian is more likely to want to try something he learned about from the internet or read in one of the old Cosmo’s at the dentist waiting room.

 ·          **who cries at movies**

Julian cries at tragic movies, Babe cries at uplifting/cute movies. Each of them is convinced the other is the weird one, but they have a pact to make sure that they help each other avoid tearjerking movies at group movie nights.

 ·          **who gives unprompted massages**

Babe just likes touching Julian and any excuse will do. He’s not very effective at massage but Julian still likes the affection even if it does nothing for his muscles.

 ·          **who fusses over the other when they’re sick**

Babe is a not so secret worrywart. He’ll try to bluster about how it’s boring when Julian is sick and he wants Julian better so it can be fun, but he also won’t let Julian do anything at all strenuous until Julian is 100% better.

 ·          **who gets jealous easiest**

Babe gets lowkey jealous fairly often. He isn’t confrontational about it but he’ll get sulky if he feels like Julian isn’t paying him enough attention. Fortunately, Julian is pretty good at spotting this as soon as it gets started and making sure Babe knows he’s still number one. Julian gets jealous very rarely, Babe is a people person and Julian knows he’s just being friendly, but if somebody mistakes Babe’s friendliness for something more then Julian will be right there to correct them.

 ·          **who has the most embarrassing taste in music**

Babe  _adores_ the cringe-iest pop.  Can be found bopping along to the Spice Girls or early Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana stuff without any sense of shame. It makes him great at karaoke.

 ·          **who collects something unusual**

Julian collects baseball cards, but not like the valuable historic ones, he just wants the full set of new releases each year. He started when he was a little kid and just never outgrew it – he has over ten years of nearly perfect catalogues of all the cards released with just a few infuriating gaps. Babe finds it strange but cute.

 ·          **who takes the longest to get ready**

BABE! Julian has the more complex routine of getting ready, but he has it down to a science and can go through his routine fast, whereas Babe has a simpler approach but will often end up second guessing himself and changing or constantly going back to try and ‘fix’ his hair.

 ·          **who is the most tidy and organised**

Julian has a system. It might not make a lot of sense to anybody other than him, but he always knows how to find whatever he needs. Babe just heaps things anywhere and hopes for the best.

 ·          **who gets most excited about the holidays**

Babe loves the big holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving that give him a chance to spend time with his family and his extended family of the Guarneres and other neighbourhood families. Everybody comes home from college and their new jobs to spend time together and it’s great. Julian embraces the lesser holidays like Halloween and Valentines that are shorter but celebrated with intensity. They have the best couples Halloween costumes, Julian will surprise Babe with whatever he wants him in and Babe has never chickened out of a costume yet.

 ·          **who is the big spoon/little spoon**

They switch. Both of them are pretty fidgety sleepers so it’s not uncommon for them to wake up in a totally different position to the one they fell asleep in. Their weirdest time was the night they somehow swapped sides of the bed.

 ·          **who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports**

They both like a bit of friendly competition but Babe is the one who is most likely to go overboard – too much time competing with his siblings and also Bill has ingrained that habit of winning at all costs. Babe will blue shell the shit out of his bf, if Julian wasn’t ready for that then he shouldn’t have agreed to play Mario kart.

 ·          **who starts the most arguments**

they aren’t really a couple who argues, they’re more like to end up acting distant to each other if they’re going through a disagreement, but Babe is the one more likely to speak up about his frustrations.

 ·          **who suggests that they buy a pet**

Babe wants a puppy! no, a kitten!! wait, a baby goat!! what about a turtle!!! and oh my god BUNNIES!!  Every cute animal he sees he suggests them getting, even when they’re living in separate college dorms and have no place to keep a pet. But Julian is the one who realises, “Hey, we really could get a pet – it’s allowed by our lease,” when they move into their first real adult apartment together.

 ·          **what couple traditions they have**

They don’t have many firm traditions because neither of them are great at remembering those sorts of things -their anniversary is the entire month of September because neither of them can remember the exact date- but they have lots of cutesy little habits like semi-regular movie nights and getting up and getting good breakfast on Mondays to make the morning better.

(Also, in sweetheart au verse Babe will regularly text Julian before important events reminding him not to get hit by any cars this time – he’s only 50% joking.)

 ·          **what tv shows they watch together**

when it comes to serious TV their tastes are actually pretty different – boxsets are a thing for friends not each other. But they both love trashy reality TV and will spend a lot of time watching over the top wedding shows and also housing shows.

 ·          **what other couple they hang out with**

Bill and Fran a lot, simple because the Babe+Bill bromance is inseparable. Also, Renee and Gene due to Julian and Renee being friends, which leads Babe to becoming good friends with Gene too.

 ·          **how they spend time together as a couple**

they are a fairly lowkey couple, they are most likely to be playing videogames together or hanging out in a park. Their couple time is most distinguishable from their friend hangouts by them sitting closer together and engaging in more PDA.

 ·          **who made the first move**

This could go either way, but mostly I think Jules would be the first one to go for it although Babe would definitely get their eventually if Julian was holding back for some reason.

 ·         **who brings flowers home**

Babe picks random flowers out of trees and roadside flowerbeds because he sees them and thinks they’re nice and so decides to bring them to Julian. From this Julian leans that Babe really likes flowers although wouldn’t think to buy them and so starts buying him potted flowers as gifts - although it takes them both a while to stop killing them.

 ·          **who is the best cook**

To begin with Julian. Slightly. He reads the microwave instructions on the hot-pocket packet and follows them, including stopping to turn it and letting it stand for a minute once it’s done, while Babe just throws it in for three minutes and hopes for the best. At some point they’re gifted couples cooking lessons (b/c there are concerns if they move in together they’ll get scurvy) and it turns out Babe is actually has pretty good instincts for it although he’s still really bad at actually following the recipe.


	68. Webgott - place to crash sex

Joe surveys the bar with an expert eye.

Hotel prices in Boston are a bitch, but he’s spent enough time on the road to know that there are ways of finding a bed for the night that won’t use up what was left of his sparse convention travel budget. Convention attendance was pretty much required to promote a comic effectively, but he knew enough about the industry to know it would take time to build up an audience big enough that the trips would no longer be making him a loss, but he wasn’t willing to let that scare him off fighting to put his work out there. He was too good and had worked too hard to quit just because a ten car pile-up on the freeway had meant missing his non-refundable flight out and having to spend his hotel money on rebooking onto a later plane.

It sucked, but it was better than having been in the pile up.

The bar is a nice place, a lot more upscale than his own preferred haunts, and he’s been nursing one drink in the half hour since he’s arrived because the prices make his eyes water, but while the people might be richer they’re still just people and Joe has always had a knack for finding the right person in a crowd.

There’d been a stunningly hot blonde at the bar earlier who’d seemed like she might be a likely prospect but talking to her had revealed a vicious streak to her personality, which Joe admired but which also made him suspect she’d be the type to kick him out as soon as she’d got what she wanted.

Now he’s got his eye on a pretty dark-haired wallflower who looks like an easy target. The group of people he was with when Joe walked in have all drifted away and now he’s all alone at the table and has been shooting shy looks Joe’s way pretty consistently for the last ten minutes which practically screams sure thing – the only thing holding Joe back is the danger of getting mixed up with somebody who is too interested.  While Joe doesn’t want somebody who’s going to kick him out of bed before morning, he’s only in town for the weekend and the last thing he needs is to get tangled up with someone who’ll get clingy and act all heartbroken when Joe doesn’t leave so much as a number behind on his way out the door.

He glances around the bar, seeking out a safer option, but his eyes happen to fall back on that table just as it’s occupant he plucks the cherry from his cocktail and sucks it between his lips, and jesus christ but Joe is only human.

He downs the rest of his drink and makes his way over.

The kid at the table watches him the whole way over, and those have to be contact because never in his life has Joe seen eyes so blue.

“You look lonely,” he says, resting one arm on the back of one of the empty chairs so the he can lean casually across the table as he introduces himself. “I’m Joe.”

“David Webster,” the guy says, looking Joe up and down as if he can’t been eyeing him across the room, before saying, surprisingly direct, “Want to get out of here?”

There’s one last thing Joe needs to check, this guy looks like a college student and Joe doesn’t want to end up slumming in a cramped dorm. “You’ve not got some roommate who’s going to interrupt have you?” he asks, and Webster frowns at him, lips twisting into a sulky pout, like he’s not used to not getting what he wants when he asks for it. It makes Joe want to mess him up a little, put some bruises on his pristine skin and watch those pretty blue eyes fill with tears, make him beg and then give him everything he wants and then a little more.

“I have my own place,” he says, tone haughty like that should have been obvious. “It’s only a few minutes walk from here.”

*

The building is fancy once, but Joe is fairly sure everyone in that bar lived someplace fancy, it was just that kind of scene. Perhaps the fact Webster pulls out a key for the elevator instead of pushing one of the buttons should have been a clue, but the elevator goes up and up and up and it’s not until he’s stepping out of the doors that Joe realises he’s being taken back to a penthouse apartment.

His natural instinct is to play it cool, but it’s impossible to resist the urge to look around as he steps inside and realises that this apartment probably costs more than most people earn in a lifetime.

It’s neat like something out of a magazine -and there’s no way that’s not done by a professional service- with sleek modern looking furniture. The layout is open plan, he can see the bed once he’s taken a few steps inside and that’s his goal but he can’t help the fact his attention is stolen by the view. The place has almost wall to wall panoramic windows and they’re high enough to have an unencumbered view of the city sprawling out beneath them in lines of glittering lights and beyond that the bay. Joe revises his first assessment, this isn’t the apartment of a college student - even the wealthiest and most indulgent of parents wouldn’t fund this.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” David asks.

It is, despite the fact there’s something off about the room that he can’t place, and Joe couldn’t lie convincingly to the contrary, instead he glances back over his shoulder to Webster and says, “Depends if it’s compensating for something.”

“It’s not,” Webster says, and he slides his shirt off. Joe doesn’t know what fancy tailoring went into that fabric that had him looking so slight because bare chested it’s clear to see he’s broad shouldered and well muscled. Add on the thick dark hair that covers him from his collarbones down his chest to disappear below his belt and Joe has to admit that he might have seriously misjudged this one. He’s not quite sure what Webster’s deal is, but innocent little college twink he ain’t.

Joe isn’t going to be beaten in their unspoken game of chicken though, whips his own t-shirt over his head and waits to see how Webster will meet the challenge.

He answers with a kiss, mouth catching Joes’ like he’s done this a thousand times before, one hand settling at the small of his back to press their bodies close. Nobody should be this good at kissing, especially not on the first try when they hadn’t yet had a chance to learn each other - not that they would, this being a one night thing. Or perhaps a two night thing if that bed was as comfy as it looked, after all Joe would need a place to crash tomorrow too.

As they kiss David keeps pushing Joe slowly backwards until he hits the window and shivers at the cold press of glass along his back.

It’s then that it hits him what’s strange about the room - all those windows opening the place up to the world and not one of them has a blind on it.

He feels vulnerable, bare back pressed against the glass. He doesn’t doubt that the building is securely made but he can’t help but think of the hundreds of feet of sheer drop behind him. That pales in comparison to the knowledge of how exposed he is.

Whatever concerns he may have evaporate from his mind as Webster slides to his knees, looking up at Joe hungrily.

He makes short work of Joe’s belt while Joe’s palms are pressed helplessly against the glass, pulling his pants right now to his ankles before encouraging Joe to step out of them, Joe going along mostly on instinct. Joe is used to directing his encounters, but it’s quite clear that Webster has plans for him as he slips a hand under Joe’s thigh, hooking it over his shoulder, and it’s hard to remember how he’d expected this to go when there’s a tongue dragging up the underside of his cock and then the prettiest lips he’s ever seen sucking him down.

One of David’s hands slides between him and the glass to grope as his ass, and a moment later he can feel a fingertip tracing his rim. No pressure, just a teasing touch that has him bucking his hips, thrusting into Webster’s mouth.

“Fuck,” he gasps, “And here I had you pegged for shy.”

It shouldn’t be possible to smirk with a mouth full of dick, but god help him Webster manages it.

A moment later his fingers are slick, and Joe sure as shit didn’t notice him getting lube but it’s hard to focus on the details when Webster is swallowing him down so Joe can feel Web’s throat fluttering around the tip of his cock and his vision nearly whites out.

He loses time, loses every sense except the twin sensations of thick fingers opening him up and the way that every thrust of those digits has him driving forward between Web’s lips. It’s could be minutes, could be hours, all Joe knows is the overwhelming pleasure coursing through him until Webster finally pulls away.

Joe can’t help the way his hips jerk, chasing Webster’s mouth. He’s so close, he swears he can feel the beginnings of orgams as Webster licks his lips and looks up at Joe.

“Best view in the city…” he says, “But I think it could be better yet.”

Webster stands in one fluid motion, kissing Joe quick and dirty before flipping him around until he’s braced against the glass. For a moment Joe sees the whole city spread about beneath him, a hundred thousand tiny lives passing by oblivious, and then Webster is pressing into him and all he sees is stars.


	69. Don't make me regret saving you - ToyeMalarkey

By the time you heard the shot it was too late.

That’s what flits through Don’s mind when he hears the crack ring out above him. It’s too late to move, whether he’s hit or not is now entirely down to the aim of an attacker he never even saw coming.

He hits the ground hard, air knocked out of him by the heavy weight that lands on him as he falls, head knocking against a fallen branch hard enough to rattle his helmet. For a moment he’s breathless and disoriented, flailing to get the weight off of him and back on his feet, before he turns his head enough to realise that whats pressing him down is Joe Toye, who’d tackled him out of the line of fire.

“Stay down,” Joe hisses. “He’s behind the oak tree, about ten yards right. As soon as we move we’re out of cover again.”

“Oh.” Don mutters. “Oh shit.”

At that distance they’re screwed. Only a real idiot could miss them both.

“If we make a break for it in different directions…” Joe suggests.

…then only one of them could be hit. Don shakes his head. It’s not good enough, especially not when Joe wouldn’t be in this mess if he hadn’t dived in to rescue Don.

“We both come up shooting,” he counters. “Heavy enough fire will keep him behind the tree.”

It’s not ideal, firing wildly is likely to lead to running out of ammo before the fight is over which is an incredibly risk position to be in, but right now they need to do whatever is necessary to get themselves clear of their current position. Long term strategy could wait until they weren’t pinned down.

Joe visibly thinks it over, then nods. “On three.”

They count down in unison and then go.

The next minute is nothing but wild adrenaline. Don squeezes the trigger tight as it will go, knowing half his shots are even going near the tree because he can’t aim when he’s running and trying to keep an eye on Joe to make sure that they both get clear, but finally they both stagger into a ditch that’s long and wide - offering cover to strategize and plenty of different directions to move off in if they’re caught again.

He collapses to the ground, leaning against Joe’s side as he laughs with relief. Damn. He’d thought was a goner but now here he is. “You’re not even on my team!” Don wheezes. “I mean not that I’m not grateful for the save but…?”

“Red team drew Speirs and Shifty,” Joe points out. “The rest of us are gonna have to work together to take them out before we even have a chance at a fair game.”

Don nods, it’s a good idea, take out the biggest threats first and then turn on each other, and he doesn’t think he read anything in the rules that explicitly prohibited joining forces with other teams. Just so long as they can trust each other not to use the cooperation as a trick to get under the other’s guard.

As if reading his mind, Joe lays a hand on the barrel of Don’s gun and pushes it firmly away from him. “Don’t make me regret saving you,” he warns.

Don can’t touch Joe, clad head to toe in state mandated safety gear as they are, but he leans over and presses their helmets together, blue and yellow paint smearing together so they’ll be matching shades of green when they part. “Partners before team,” he promises. “Anyway, you could never.”


	70. Hold my hand, we have to make this look convincing - babejulian

Babe is just trying to drink his coffee when Julian crashes onto the bench beside him, satchel swinging perilously close to hitting one of them and a wild look in his eyes. “Hold my hand, we have to make this look convincing!”

“What?” Babe asks, but Julian was already pressing their palms together and lacing their fingers together.

“Look there were some girls and two of them were flirting and they scared me, I mean seriously I didn’t even know nails could be that long, so I told them… well, that I was taken.” He waved the hand clasped in Babe’s demonstratively.

It would be a strange excuse if not for Julian’s well documented fear of girls and flirting. He was fine with Renee and Anna (he never had to worry about them flirting with him) and after a bumpy start he’d gotten used to Fran, but girls in general -and pretty ones particularly- flustered and frustrated Julian, making him say and do dumb stuff like whatever had him holding Babe’s hand. Babe suspected it was a side effect of not growing up with sisters. “Jules, I’m sure if you’ve told them you’re not interested you don’t need some act-” Babe starts to rationalise, because he knows his chances of getting through to Julian are slim but he has to try - not least because Julian is gonna break his fingers if he squeezes any tigher

“Oh shit! They’re coming this way!” Julian says, and Babe is about to suggest they just leave if these girls are that predatory when Julian pivots in his seat and kisses him. It’s a pretty good kiss, warm lips pressed firmly against his and a hand wrapping gently around the back of his neck, or at least it would have been if it weren’t coming from Julian. Since it is Julian, who Babe obviously had no interest in kissing because Julian was just his slightly annoying roommate, the obvious thing to do is to pull away. In a minute, because Julian’s lips have parted and Babe imitates on instinct and that thing he’s doing with his tongue feels really nice and Babe wants to feel it a little longer - just because it would be useful to be able to imitate of course.

His hand slides up Babe’s neck, fingertips brushing over the fine hairs at the nape of his neck in a way that sends shivers down his spine and Babe gasps a little, his own fingers digging into his thighs.

There is a loud cough beside them. When they pull apart Bill is staring at them with suspicion.

“What are you two doing?” he says warily. “Other than the obvious.”

“Julian needed to put off some girls who were coming over,” Babe explains, though as he looks around the quad there are no girls to be seen.

“Uh-huh?” Bill says,

Julian shrugs and smiles, innocent as a babe, although not innocent as Babe which wouldn’t be very innocent at all if you went to the right people for gossip. “Guess it worked,” he says breathlessly. “I’ll have to keep that in mind for next time.”

This is the point where Babe should definitely be protesting that he doesn’t want Julian surprise kissing him whenever he gets freaked out by other people flirting, but Babe’s mouth has never been very good at matching the words in his head so what comes out is, “You know I’ve always got your back, buddy.”

Julian holds up a fist for Babe to bump and he can hardly refuse.

Beside them Bill rolls his eyes so hard it’s a miracle they don’t come clean out of his head.


	71. You don't need to protect me - Toye/Malarkey

“Faggots.”

The word pricked at Joe’s ears, nothing he hadn’t heard plenty of times in plenty of bars, but one that never failed to set his teeth on edge. The speaker was a few feet to his left, a barfly who’d been slugging gin and ranting at no-one the whole time Joe had been here. As he looked over their eyes met. Joe frowned, turning his attention back to his beer. It was too late.

The guy turned in Joe’s direction and said, “You know there’s a whole bunch of ‘em meet a few street from here. Cops have been in and sorted ‘em out but they just keep coming back, guess they never learn.”

Joe nodded, vaguely, not interested in engaging, but the man kept going. “Somebody should go in and sort ‘em out final like, you know what I mean?” and Joe couldn’t help tensing though he tried to keep it from showing. The guy got up from his seat staggering in Joe’s direction. “Anyone who don’t want rid of them is one of them, that’s what I say. You queer?” The asshole was so drunk he could hardly stand up straight, nearly toppling when he tried to shove at Joe shoulder and missed, but that didn’t stop his mouth. “Well?” he said, venom thickening in his voice. “Cat got your tongue, buddy? Do you talk like a fairy or something?”

“Shut your mouth and go back to whatever piss you’re drinking.”

The voice came from behind the stranger, as he he turned, spitting more bile, Joe saw it was Malarkey, back from the bathroom, his face twisted with anger.

Other people were turning to stare the the commotion and every instinct Joe had was telling him that this was likely to end badly. A sideward glance at Malarkey showed that he wasn’t the only one realising that they weren’t just surrounded but badly outnumbered. Malarkey nodded towards the door, and Joe decided that since it was his local it was probably best to follow his lead. He finished his beer in one long swallow and then stood, letting Malarkey lead him out of the bar.

They walked in silence for a few blocks, putting distance between themselves and the bar, Joe replaying the encounter in his mind. “You shouldn’t have done that,” he said. It wasn’t that he doubted that Malarkey was able to handle himself in a fight, Joe had trained with the man, had fought by his side, and knew damn well that Malarkey was no weakling. He also knew that it had been a long time since he was young and overeager enough to go throwing himself into trouble he didn’t need, and this seemed to be the embodiment of that. “You don’t need to protect me.”

“Who says it was about you?”

“What?” Joe stopped, and a second later Malarkey stopped too, turning to look him dead in the face.

“Maybe I just didn’t like the way he was running his mouth,” Malarkey said, quiet and serious. “Maybe he was bothering me.”

For a moment the words hung in the air, the implications subtle and easily deflected should the conversation turn bad but definitely there if you knew what to listen for, and Joe knew.

“You?” he said, unable to contain his surprise. He was usually pretty sharp about noticing when guys were his way inclined and Malarkey had never dinged his radar.

Malarkey shrugged. “Sometimes,” he said, looking at Joe oddly. “I… always figured you noticed.”

“Noticed?” Joe asked. “What, during the war?”

“Guess I felt pretty obvious sometimes,” Malarkey confessed. “Especially around you. But, hell, there was a lot on everyone’s minds.”

Joe nodded. Fuck knew there’d been times he felt like he was slipping under the scrutiny that was inevitable when spending so long in close quarters with a hundred other guys. He’d never done anything stupid that might be used as evidence against him and he was good at keeping up his share of the talk about women, but sometimes he still felt like people were looking at him funny or asking questions in a way that felt more like an interrogation than a conversation. “Wait, especially around me?”

Malarkey laughed, unexpectedly loud in the quiet street, bumping his shoulder against Joe’s. “You really didn’t realise a thing, did you?” he said, and where it anybody else Joe might have bristled because he’d been making plenty of observations back then, they’d just been of the enemy not his own guys. It was hard to feel mad though, when faced with the softness in Malarkey’s gaze, the rueful fondness of his smile, and the hint of possibility as he said, “You know, I’ve got a bottle of decent whiskey back at my place. Maybe we should take the conversation out of the street, and I’ll let you know what you missed.”

“I…” Joe hesitated, suddenly struck by a strange sense that this decision was about far more than where they were continuing their drinking. “I think you should,” he decided. “Thoroughly.”


	72. car sex looks easier in the movies - BabeJulian

Privacy is hard to come by.

Both of them moving out of their parents’ places seems like it ought to have made things easier, but it turns out intrusive relatives have nothing on downright nosy roommates, and while if Julian’s siblings walked in on them making out they would get a cushion thrown at them, last time Bill interrupted them they were treated to a distressingly lurid play by play, complete with bonus commentary on their technique from Fran.

It’s a problem.

A problem which has demanded creative solutions.

At first they’d just tried subtlety, but Julian’s bed frame is creaky and Babe’s bed is pressed up against a thin wall with the living room just the other side, and anyway neither of them is very good at keeping quiet - it’s hard to focus on repressing yourself when you’re having so much fun.

Other people’s empty bedrooms at parties had served them well, there was nothing like thumping bass to cover up the sounds of a headboard hitting the wall, but those opportunities were limited.

Neither of them has enough spare cash for them to start getting into the habit of booking  motel rooms and that was how they’d ended up here.

Applegrove Hill was what  Julian’s parents would have called a ‘make out point’ because they were old and had obviously never gotten further than making out - Julian and his siblings were all miracles, no procreation had been involved, or at least that was the story Julian liked to believe.

Julian was planted squarely in Babe’s lap, grinding together as they made out and about to get a lot further.

Or at least that was the plan.

“Ow!” he cried out, as his head collided with the roof.

He glanced over Babe’s shoulder, wondering if taking this out of the driver’s seat would improve things but the backseat of Babe’s little three door hatchback is barely big enough to sit in, let alone fuck in.

“Car sex looks so much more easier in the movies,” Babe said. “Can you get back in your seat a sec? My legs are getting pins and needles.”

Julian rolled his eyes, but clambered off Babe lap and settled back in his chair, rubbing his bruised skull as Babe shifted in his seat, trying to shake the numbness out of his legs.

“I’m pretty sure all the people in the movies don’t drive shitty cars,” Julian said consideringly. “I mean, that wouldn’t make for good product placement or anything.”

Babe’s mouth curled into a wicked grin. “You know who has got a big car?” he says.

Julian frowned. “Who?”

Babe smirked. “Bill.”

Julian gaped. Bill probably would let Babe borrow his car, but if he found out that Babe had been using it for the purposes he was implying… “He’d kill you.”

Babe looked Julian over, lecherous expression slightly at odds with his sweet face, but Julian was getting used to that. “It’d be worth it,” he said decisively.

Julian considered for a moment. On one hand, he’d be sad if Babe died, but on the other, it had been weeks since he’d gotten laid. “I’ll make sure you get a good funeral,” he promised. “And I’ll wait at least a month before I hit on that cute girl at the Shake Shack.”

“She’s outta your league,” Babe scoffed.

“But you’re not?” Julian pointed out. “Self burn.”

Babe rolled his eyes. “I’m being magnanimous,” he announced. Then, “Wanna get on top of the car.”

Julian leaned across and punched his arm. “It’s gonna take more than five minutes of making out to get me to risk public indecency charges for you,” he complained.

“Then get back over here and let’s make out till you’re up for it,” Babe said, and who was Julian to argue with that?


	73. Behave - LuzToye

As they’re making out, pressed close on the bed and quickly moving towards something hotter and heavier, Luz squirms beneath him, making an ineffectual attempt to flip their positions. Joe rolls his eyes.  “Behave.”

“What did you just say?”

Luz’s smirk ought to be a warning but Joe’s frustration is at it’s limits.  “I said behave,” he repeats, and feels the shiver that runs through George.

“What if I don’t?” George’s grin is cheeky and defiant and doesn’t wilt in the slightest when Joe leans over and pins his wrists above his head.

“You can keep them there until I’m done with you,” he offers, “Or I’ll go get my jump rope from the yard and keep you tied up and waiting all day.”

George pokes his tongue out. “It’s not like I’d just wait here while you went to the yard,” he points out.

Joe laughs. “Oh you can try to get away if you want,” he says, “But we both know I’ll catch you and when I do you’ll be in even more trouble.”

George arches his back, pressing against Joe distractingly. “You know me,” he says, and then takes advantage of Joe’s distraction to slip out from under him. “I like trouble.”

Joe sits up slower, stretching before he pushes off the bed to chase after him. He doesn’t need to rush, this is a game that Joe always wins because that’s how George likes it, but there’s some fun to be had in the anticipation.


	74. is that my shirt? - Webgott

“Is that my shirt?”

“No,” Joe lies. He makes too much fun of Webster’s wardrobe to admit that he not only stole Webster’s dress shirt for the interview but has found that he quite likes the feeling of grey silk against his skin. Joe is a practical dresser, when he buys his clothes he looks for materials that wash easily and will take heavy duty wear, but there’s something about the decadence of the delicate fabric that he finds he likes. He wouldn’t spend his own money on it, but he’s starting to understand why Webster would. Next time it gets cold he might have to try out one of Webster’s scarves - Joe’s not quite sure what the difference between cashmere and regular wool is other than being way more expensive, but if it feels as nice as this shirt then he wants to know more.

Webster frowns at him. “Are you sure?”

Joe wants to laugh. Of course he’s not sure. The shirt barely fits him, to anybody else his lie would be obvious, but Webster is so gullible that Joe could probably convince him. Instead, he chooses a middle ground. “It was in my closet,” he lies again, “But maybe it was hung up wrong. I was in kind of a rush.”

“Grey isn’t your colour,” Webster says. Because apparently Joe has colours.

Joe raises his eyebrows. “Not my colour?”

Webster shakes his head and says, almost comically serious, “It’s too drab.”

“But not too drab for you?” Joe asks.

“Obviously.” Webster is still looking him up and down. “Go change.”

Joe splutters. “What?” Maybe grey isn’t the best colour for him to wear, but seriously?

“Urgh, yes, you look weird in a dress shirt,” Webster says. “Like a stranger.”

Joe shrugs, slipping into his bedroom and digging through the drawers until he finds the ratty ‘Magneto was right’ t-shirt he’s had for years and is more hole than material after all this time. He’s still tugging it over his head as he walks back to the lounge and he’s expecting Webster to roll his eyes and tell Joe he didn’t need to get that dressed down, but when he finally rams his head through the neck hole and can see again, he’s met with a soft grin.

“That’s better.” Webster lifts an arm, making space for Joe beside him on the couch. “You look like home again.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” he grumbles as he flops down into the space beside David and lets himself be tucked up against the other man’s side, but in his own comfy shirt and with Webster’s ludicrously soft sweater brushing up against his arm, there’s no place he’d rather be.


	75. first one to make a noise loses - webgott

Joe is just pulling down Web’s zipper,  their tongues entwined and their bodies pressed tight together in the narrow spare room Lipton had offered to let them stay in for the reunion when Webster twists his head away. “We can’t,” he says,  “The walls are too thin, somebody will hear.”

Joe rolls his eyes impatiently. “So be quiet.” Webster looks dubious and honestly Joe can’t blame him. Neither of them have the best track record of keeping things between them restrained in the heat of the moment. However, “What if we make it a bet?” he suggests. Winning is about the only thing either of them likes more than wild, unrestrained sex, and with the right incentive it just might work.

Webster looks thoughtful. “Winner tops for a week?”

“That’s boring,” Joe says, the bet will be useless if the stakes are low. “Winner gets sex in any location they choose-” Webster will probably pick somewhere tame like on his boat, but they’re going on vacation in a few weeks and Joe has ambitions towards joining the mile high club “-and the first one to make a noise loses.”

“Any noise?” Webster says, hesitantly. He’s obviously realised such a wager wouldn’t be in his favour, since while Joe is louder Web tends to make more noises even if it’s just quiet sighs and impatient whines.

“Would it help if I gagged you?” Joe offers, already eyeing Webster’s discarded tie. Normally he likes to hear the noises Web makes, but if they can’t be loud then he wouldn’t be averse to making things interesting some other way. Webster always looks so pretty when there’s something in his mouth.

“Oh, would you be into that?” Webster says it like it’s a joke, but Joe most definitely is - and he’s pretty sure he could convince Webster to be into it if he just tried it. Webster, he’s been delighted to learn, is into pretty much everything as long as Joe is the one doing it. Right now though, he has a bet to win.

He snakes his arms around Webster’s shoulders, kissing him soundly and guiding him back towards the wall. He grinds their hips together, until the heat that Webster’s concern had interrupted is back sizzling between them, then he drops to his knees.

Joe grins at the look on Webster’s face. It practically screams that he thinks that Joe is cheating, when really it’s just good tactics, and it’s obviously killing him not to bitch. This is going to be almost too easy.

However much Webster might be pouting at the unfairness of Joe using a blowjob to get the upper hand in their competition, it’s apparently not annoying him enough for him to want Joe to stop. He let’s Joe open up his fly, then wiggles his hips until he’s shimmied his pants down to his knees. It’s the sort of thing that ought to be ridiculous but ends up instead being both hot and kind of endearing because it’s Webster.

He takes is slow at first, both so that he can enjoy Webster’s reactions -the way he tenses with anticipation as soon as Joe draws near, the jerk of his hips as Joe slides one hand up to tease at his balls, and the way he always, always shivers when Joe scrapes his teeth over the sensitive spot just beyond his tip- and to let Webster’s get cocky before Joe makes his winning move.

Webster’s hands have slipped into his hair, pulling Joe closer urgently with the impatience that let’s Joe know what Webster is thinking more about Joe’s mouth than the bet right now.

Joe swallows him down, Webster’s fingers clenching tight and then loosening, hands dropping down until his fingers are pressing up against the knot at the join between Joe’s neck and skull. He’s been paying attention when Joe cuts his hair, picking up the tricks of scalp massage, and while Joe hasn’t been able to find quite the right angle to release the tension he’s been holding there Webster’s fingers push for a matter of seconds and Joe can already feel the discomfort slipping away from him. He moans in relief, and even muffled around Webster’s dick filling his throat the sound is obvious.

Webster looks down at him, triumphant even as he keeps working over that spot on Joe’s neck that has been bothering him for days but is now suddenly a source of bliss. He’s pissed about losing but it’s hard to hold onto the anger when he feels so good.

Web could smirk all he liked. Joe wanted to see him try and keep that smug look on his face while screaming Joe’s name.


	76. you've got something on your cheek - grant/roe

Chuck Grant woke up aching and with no memory of falling asleep.

This was not an entirely new experience, but he wasn’t nineteen and new to whiskey anymore, and since the last thing he could remember was occupation duty in Austria he wasn’t entirely sure what opportunity he would have had to get sufficient drunk. Perhaps Japan had surrendered. Certainly the morning after V.E day had been the closest he’d been to finding himself in this state in months and the war being entirely over was the most obvious potential reason for a little more excess.

Still, he’d thought he would have remembered a thing like that. It wouldn’t be any good if his nieces and nephews ashed what he;d been doing when he learned the war was over and he had to make up some excuse or lie to get around admitting to getting blind drunk in celebration and not remembering a thing about it.

He tried to sit up, and was immediately overcome by a wave of pain far beyond anything that could possibly be attributed to drink unless his beverage of choice had been gasoline.

Groaning, he settled instead for opening his eyes, which caused only a bearable level of agony.

The first thing he saw was a ceiling made of wood that had been whitewashed and looked to have later warped. Nothing about it was particularly unusual, except for the fact that Chuck had grown so accustomed to waking up with a roof over his head at all.

He turned his head first left, and saw a window with off-white curtains, and then had to screw his eyes shut against the light and rest a moment while the pain of movement subsided. Much slower he turned his head to the left and, after a deep breath, carefully opened his eyes again.

It took a moment for him to focus, he tried to blink and needed what felt like an age to muster the energy to open his eyes again, but finally his vision cleared and he could make out the rest of the room - mostly empty but for a low metal cabinet and a single metal chair in which Doc Roe was curled.

The chair was small and the angle Doc was wedged in at twisted him in a way that had to be uncomfortable but he appeared to be dead asleep.

Chuck swallowed, suddenly realising that his throat and mouth were bone dry, and once again tried to cast his mind back to the night before. If Doc Roe was watching over him then it was clearly more than a hangover that had him feeling this way.

He opened his mouth, trying to call out to Doc, trying to get some answers, but all that came out was a weak rasp.

It was enough.

Doc’s eyes snapped open, bright and clear like he’d never been resting at all, and a moment later there was a cool hand supporting his neck and a cold glass pressed against his lips, angled so that he could sip the water with no effort. His impulse is to gulp is down but Doc keeps the flow of water slow and Chuck knows that while his instincts cry out for more Doc knows best.

“What happened?” he asked when the glass was lifted away, voice still enough despite the water.

Doc busied himself putting the glass on the cabinet before he said slowly, “You were shot. You’re in hospital.”

Chuck tried to raise his eyebrows but that hurts too. If he was in hospital he’d have expected hospital doctors watching over him, Doc Roe had his own duties after all. “How long have I been here?” he asked warily.

Doc’s brow furrowed ever so slightly. Chuck had always admired the other man’s calm and professionalism but his emotions were still visible to anyone who looked closely enough. That close look also drew Chuck’s eye to the dark smudge across his cheek, dirt or possibly blood. Doc had the cleanest hands of the company, scrubbed raw at every opportunity to keep his men safe, but it was impossible for him to remain untouched by the war, especially not when he spent so much of his time down in the dirt with the wounded men. “You’ve got something on your cheek,” he blurted out instead of waiting for an answer.

Doc reached up, wiping at the wrong cheek altogether, and Chuck shook his head. The movement made him feel sick, and even when Doc started trying to clean the right side he was nowhere near the mark. “Come here,” Chuck said, but was surprised when Doc obeyed. It wasn’t pleasant, lifting his hand to Doc’s face, but the man’s pale skin felt better under his fingers than the scratch of overly starched sheets.

Up close, Chuck could see that the shadows beneath Doc’s eyes were even deeper than usual and more than a day’s worth of stubble darkened his jaw. His lower lip was chapped almost to the point of bleeding, and once the dirt was rubbed away some strange instinct had Chuck’s hand drop down, thumb smoothing over the broken skin before weakness overcame him and his arm fell back to the bed. There were more questions on the tip of his tongue, but with every blink his eyelids felt heavier and took longer to reopen and Chuck could feel his strength waning.

“You staying?” he asked, even though Doc must have duties to get back to.

“Tant que vous me voulez,” Doc said, and Chuck had picked up a little French after all the time spent in the country but he wasn’t feeling even close to sharp enough to try and translate. “I can stay a little longer.”


	77. luztoye - put it down

George is proud of his photo albums. He has dozens of them, all filled up with pictures he’d either taken himself -those were usually blurry or lopsided- or scrounged from other people. He mostly kept them tucked up in the loft, but ever so often he’d climb up and flip through them. It helped, having tangible proof of the good times, that they hadn’t spent the whole war blanketed by snow and fear. He’d rather remember his fallen friends smiling than in the way the appeared in his nightmares.

The photos weren’t a secret as such, but he tried not to flaunt them about, knowing that just because they comforted him didn’t mean they’d have the same effect on everyone else.

He’s surprised when he comes home from running errands one day and finds Joe with one spread out across his lap. Had George forgotten to put it away, or had Joe decided for some reason or another to drag himself up the ladder into the loft instead of waiting for George to come home and help and stumbled across them himself?

Ah well, it’s done now. “Sometimes I think there were guys who spend more time shooting with their cameras than their guns,” he remarks. Joe’s got a hard face to read, and George knows that if he wants to know what’s going on in the other man’s head he’ll have to get him talking.

“Why do you have this?” he asks, and there’s a terse note in his voice that suggests to George that Joe isn’t going to be the kind of person to be comforted by picking out the happy memories of those years.

George isn’t going to lie to him though. “I like to remember the best bits,” he says, “All of us in our prime.” The war was the only time in George’s life he hadn’t had at least a bit of a gut, his mom had ten kids but always cooked enough for twenty and George is just as indulgent with his own cooking, and while he doesn’t miss that time he does get a little kick out of seeing them all so young and fit - especially since a few of the old guys in the company had started graying when he saw them at the last reunion.

Joe sighs. It sounds weary and frustrated and George leans over the back of the couch to see what pictures he’s looking at.

Oh.

Oh shit.

He vaults over the couch, and he can feel in his joints that he’s getting too old to do that. “Put it down,” he says firmly. Joe doesn’t look away from the album or the picture of himself.

God he looks so young in that photo, sitting at George’s side with the both of them grinning at the camera in the low light of some barn in France. His hair is overdue a cut curling full and dark over his brow, his face is free of lines, but George knows that what Joe’s lingering over is the way his trousers have bunched up slightly to reveal his socks above his boots and above those two whole and uninjured legs.

Carefully, George takes hold of the album, tugging it from Joe’s hands. For a moment he’s worried that Joe is going to right to hold onto it, but after a second he releases his grip so that George can close the album and put it down on the table.

He knows how Joe feels about his leg and years filled with too many awkward conversations have taught George that there’s nothing he can say or do that will convince Joe not to dwell on the loss or on what could have been if it hadn’t happened. George has everything he wants: a steady job, a man he loves and neighbours who don’t ask too many questions, a family who’ll always take care of him, and as many good friends as a man could ever want. He’d share that all with Joe, share everything he has, but he knows there’ll always be some part of Joe that thinks he could have been more than the person he is and nights where he longs for the life he might have had.

All George can do is stay by his side and wait for a new day to dawn.


	78. Rise and shine - Webgott

Some people claim that in seeking revenge you only harm yourself. Joe disagrees.

David Webster is the worst housemate ever and had kept him up half the night with his stupid shark show and now Joe is going to make him pay.

He crosses their shared sitting room silently and stealthily and manages to push Web’s door open without so much as a squeak. Webster has left his curtains open and anyway he’s not the kind of person to leave crap all over the floor so it’s easy enough for Joe to make his way over to where Webster is dead asleep, breath coming in soft sighs that are almost but not quite snores, blanket tucked all the way up to his ears and his face buried in the pillow.

He’s sleeping so peacefully.

Joe grins.

“Rise and fucking shine, motherfucker!” he cries, leaning over to grab hold of Webster’s cover and pulling hard.

The blanket comes away easy, obviously Webster has just draped it over himself instead of tucking it in like a normal person, and reveals Webster’s entirely naked body.

Joe blinks.

His mom had always said sleeping without clothes was unhygienic and it’s the last thing he’d expected from a neat freak like Webster, but there it is.

He’s completely naked from his broad shoulders to an ass you could bounce a penny off and down to shapely calves. Honestly Joe wonders what he does out on his boat all day because Joe had always figured it was just reading but you don’t get a body like that from books. His back is almost the same shade as his arms but the sudden transition to pale skin that starts and his hips and only fades back to tan at mid-thigh makes it clear he’s been spending a lot of time in the sun.

Not that Joe is staring or anything.

Webster seems utterly unabashed, turning his head to glare sleepily at Joe. “Whaddya want?” he grumbles.

“You’re naked!” Joe accuses.

Webster frowns. “Yes?”

“Urgh!” Joe cries, throwing the blanket back in his direction. “You are actually the worst, you know that?”

Webster seems to consider that statement for a moment, and then gives up and buries his face back in the pillow.

Revenge foiled, Joe turns and storms out of the room.

And if he looks over his shoulder as he goes, well it’s only because he can’t believe his eyes.


	79. Amusement Park Headcanons 2 - Employees

  * Dick is the ride operator who is very contentious about ride safety. He doesn’t care if it slows down the line, he will check every restraint carefully and when he says loose items must be removed or secured he means it. The ride will not be going anywhere until you take that hat off sir he says and stares down the guest until he gets his own way. He will kick people off rides if needs be.



 

  * Nix works in the only one of the park’s bars which serves alcohol and therefore is most often dealing with tired and reluctant to be visiting parents or families who have been fighting. every so often one of the others will make an effort to drag him out so that he can see the fun of the park and not just the people having bad days.



 

  * Webster is full time cast - he works in the sealife show (only using animals rescued from unethical sealife places/circuses who are too used to captivity to be safely reintroduced to the wild) and doubles up as the prince in the stage shows/parade. In peak season his schedule gets really hectic and he gets a reputation for seem like he’s unwilling to socialise with the non-performance crew which people think is because he looks down on their menial tasks but actually it’s because if he’s not running about trying to get his hair dry and into the right costume in time for a show or actually performing he usually just wants to curl up somewhere quiet and take five minutes to himself because socialising with groups can feel too much like performing when he’s self conscious of what they think of him and uses up a lot of his social energy in the job.



 

  * Lieb works concessions and has the bad habit of sampling his own wares (especially the chocolate) but since he’s otherwise a good worker the manages have just decided to treat this as free advertising. If he happens to always be covering the sealife area during Webster’s show times, well it’s only because it’s good for ice-cream and drink sales since the sealife area seems to trap heat, as evidenced by how often he just happens to see that Webster is doing a show with his wetsuit unzipped to the waist.



 

  * Babe is one of the operators for the smallest kiddie rollercoaster. For him the novelty of seeing teeny tiny children get their very first thrill ride experience never wears off and he makes sure to treat his job and his passengers just as seriously as if it’s the biggest coaster in the park.



 

  * Skip and Penkala are also performers- they play a paired set of animated characters and goddamn does it get hot in those suits, anybody with less than their level of enthusiasm would be dying but they use each other and the kids who are delighted to see them to create a feedback loop of endless energy



 

  * Malarkey sells merchandise and would genuinely own most of the products he’s selling if he had the space to put them in.



 

  * Perconte sells helium balloons and the others have a running joke that one day he will be carried away by them.



 

  * Luz is one of the people supervising/managing the lines for rides. He’s great at bantering with the guests and making instant friends with them so that the time in line seems less boring. Sometimes he gets to be on the loudspeaker and will try and start a line wide sing-along - somehow it works. One time when he was on the log flume he managed to get a school trip group of about 100 kids to sing ‘row row row your boat’ the entire way round.



 

  * Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye man the log flume and have an ongoing competition as to who can load the boats in a way that will get the guests the wettest.



 

  * Christenson does face painting and has a reputation for being able to come up with a way to meet whatever the kids request even if it is way outside of the tradition facepaint stand-bys of butterfly/tiger/pirate



 

  * Doc Roe is head of the park’s first aiders and deals will all the minor accidents and people being ill from too much candy + spinny rides. He was working at a different park before he came to his current one as was very tense at first waiting for disaster to strike but gradually become more easy going as he realises that the park has high enough safety standards that his job is mostly putting band-aids on skinned knees and reminding people with heatstroke to drink water.



 

  * Bull operates the waltzer style ride and can push the carts hard enough that even the most experienced of riders come off so dizzy they can barely stand.



 

  * Speirs is park security. Nobody wants to fuck with him, but also all the staff know that they never have to worry about getting fucked with because Speirs will be there. Doesn’t matter that he’s one man and the park is several miles across, whenever Speirs is needed he is there - he just appears wherever trouble is. Management would say he’s a little too quick to kick people out of the park for relatively minor infractions - if not for the fact Speirs would probably find some way to kick them out of the park if they tried it.



 

  * Lipton works on the customer relations desk. He can help anyone with anything, it’s almost magic. It’s like he’s solved the customer’s problems almost before they’ve had them. The only time he gets an unsatisfied customer is when somebody Speirs had told off or kicked out comes to Lip to complain or to get permission to come back in the park because they think he will be a pushover. That’s when hardass Lip makes an appearance. He will accept no nonsense from them and always backs up Ron’s judgement because he knows that if Ron has made that decision it’s for the welfare of the staff or other guests and that’s also Lip’s top priority.




	80. Speirton - Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings - infidelity mentions.

Carwood is proud of how calm he stays when he pulls into the parking lot outside McStephen’s bar and sees Ron with his hands on the waist of a pretty young woman, leaning into kiss her.

She’s vaguely familiar, like maybe Carwood has seen her around town -working as a store clerk or a waitress perhaps- though it’s hard to get a good look at her face when she’s busy kissing his partner.

He waits silently as they part, as she puts a handkerchief from her purse and blots at Ron’s lips (perhaps her lipstick smeared), and then waves goodbye. Once she’s gone Ron crosses the parking lot, slipping into the passenger seat of the car.

When Carwood turns to look at him, he’s smiling and proud.

“I didn’t know you knew…”

“…Barbra,” Ron supplies. “She works in the library.”

Oh. Ron did spend a lot of time in the library. He was an avid reader and constantly despaired of the state of Huntingdon’s bookstores.

“How nice.”

“I remembered what you said about their being talk, people making rumours about us,” Ron explains unprompted. “So, I thought I’d give them something else to talk about.”

“Oh?” Carwood wonders who he’s been talking to that’s put a plan like that in his head, because the idea doesn’t seem quite like the sort of thing Ron would think up on his own. Nixon, perhaps? He knew that Nix and Dick both went on dates with women from time to time, but that was a planned thing, a mutual agreement that they’d discussed in advance of any action.

“Though… uh, she was a little faster than I was expecting,” and Ron has the grace to sound at least a little abashed as he remarks, “I thought women didn’t do that sort of thing down here.”

“We might not be as racy and glamourous as Boston,” Carwood says tersely, “But people are still people, and she obviously thought you were very attractive. A lot of the girls in town do, you know.”

Ron is silent for several long minutes, and then asks hesitantly, “… are you angry with me?”

 _‘Yes_ ,’ Carwood thinks, knuckles going white with how tightly he grips the steering wheel, but his tone stays mild as he says, “I’m not sure you’ve thought this through. It seems like you might have created expectations with her. I’d imagined she’ll be terribly upset to get a kiss like that and then not have you call.” Unless of course Ron does plan on calling, who knows how far this plot of his goes?

“She’s not important,” Ron says, with the cruel honesty that he’d always been reputed for in the war. It’s quite obvious from his tone that it’s true, that she was nothing more than a convenient tool to him, but Carwood finds that doesn’t soothe him.

He swerves, pulling them to an abrupt halt at the side of the road. He’d hoped that any serious discussion between them could wait until they were back at the house and had a little privacy, but he doesn’t trust himself behind the wheel feeling as agitated as he does. The road is quiet and sheltered by trees, they’d hear any approaching car a long way off a few people travelled this route anyway.

“That’s not what everybody is going to think after what they all saw,” Carwood says, because the window of the bar faces out onto the parking lot, and more importantly so does the window of the hairdresser across the street. The whole town will know by tomorrow morning.

“I know,” Ron says, but there’s no proud little smile this time, a hint of uncertainty as he says, “That was the point.”

Carwood might have been proud of his calm demeanour but that didn’t change the sickness roiling in his stomach at what he saw. It felt like a betrayal to have Ron go behind his back like that, meaningless or not. Maybe he’d have let himself be talked into the foolish plan if Ron had asked first, even if he’d hated every minute of it, but that Ron hadn’t said a word… and yet it is so hard to stay angry when Ron is looking at him like that.

It would be easier if thought that Ron had acted out of malice, but every line of Ron’s face shows confusion and no small amount of hurt. He’d thought that has helping, that much is clear, and while Carwood couldn’t agree less the betrayal feels different knowing that Ron’s intentions were pure.

His eyes linger on the worried downward curve of Ron’s lips. Lips that had kissed that woman in the parking lot, yes, but also lips that had given the orders that had protected their men, saved Carwood’s life, that had been pressed against his a hundred times in the darkness, whispering promises of love.

Carwood has never been good at resisting Ron. He tries to keep the frustration out of it when he leans over and kisses Ron, resist the urge to make this a reclamation and focuses on forgiveness. He’s still not sure Ron understands why it hurt Carwood so much, not when to Ron the plan was logical, but he clearly recognises that he did wrong and Carwood doesn’t want Ron to think Carwood is punishing him.

Ron pulls away from him anyway, “I’m sorry,” he says, sounding lost and unsure. “Are you sure you-”

Carwood grabs him by the jaw and kisses him again, and this time he holds nothing back, letting Ron feel his anger, his frustration and be reminded that the only person he should be kissing  _him_.

“Oh…” Ron says, when they finally part, a new light of understanding in his eyes. “Oh, you’re jealous…”

“Don’t kiss anybody else,” Carwood demands, kissing Ron again to distract from the way his voice wavers at the very thought. “Maybe there’ll be rumours, but we’ll deal with them. Just don’t do  _that_.”

“I won’t,” Ron promises. “I love you.”


	81. Winnix - Interruptions

They’ve just ordered drinks when his phone rings. 

A glance at the caller I.D shows its Nix so Dick skips the formalities when he answers, jumping right to asking, “Is something wrong?” 

“I thought I’d call and see if you wanted to hang out?” 

Dick bites his lip but tries to keep his frustration out of his tone. “No, I can’t hang out, I’m on a date and you know that.” 

There’s a long pause. At least Nix doesn’t try to deny it. “I’m… bored,” he complains. “There’s nothing to do here.” 

This a common affliction of his and one Dick knows isn’t true, there’s plenty in the house and Nix seems to occupy himself well enough whenever Dick sees him, it’s only ever on the phone the complaint arises. 

Dick sighs. “Why do you always call me when I’m on a date?” 

“I don’t.” 

Dick sighs. “Last Thursday, when I was out to dinner,“ he reminds Nix, “And the week before that when I was at the theatre and you called me the moment after I turned my phone on for the interval. Not to mention-” 

“Fine, I’ll text next time,” Nix huffs, missing the point by such a distance that it could only be deliberate. He knew Dick hated to ignore a text, would always try and send a message of acknowledgement even if only to say he’d talk later.  

“Okay,” Dick says, because he knows that’s as good an offer as he’s likely to get. “I’ll see you later.” 

His date shakes her head at him as he slips his phone back into his pocket. “You know, I can understand answering every time in case of an emergency, but I really don’t know how you don’t hang up on him when he starts his nonsense.  Not to mention why you don’t, if I didn’t know better I’d think you’d rather speak to him than me.” 

She laughs and picks up her menu rather than waiting for a response, and Dick catches himself letting out a quiet sigh of relief that she doesn’t ask while at the same time his stomach twists with the unsettling realisation that he’s not sure what his answer would have been if she had. 


	82. Shifty/Liebgott - Jealous

Joe and Shifty have always been opposites, at least on the surface.

Joe is hot tempered where Shifty is slow to anger and never shows so much as a hint of annoyance unless he has good reason, while Joe openly bitches about whatever petty irritations provoke him even momentarily. He’s got a sunny disposition to mirror Joe’s cynical one - and therefore his sudden sulk is incredibly surprising.

“You’ve been pouting ever since I went out on that date, what’s up?”

“Who, me?” Shifty said, as if he had no idea why Lieb would suggest such a thing.

Joe frowns, still trying to work out for himself what the cause might be. He’d remember if they’d had plans, not least because it would have given him an excuse to skip out on his sister’s matchmaking, but he can’t think of any other reason his roommate would be mad at him. He’s actually been keeping up with his half of the chores lately and since it was a warm evening he’s wearing his own jacket instead of indulging his habit of borrowing Shifty’s much warmer coats. “Yeah you.”

“I’m fine,” Shifty says, though all it achieves is giving Joe one more reason to rank Shifty as the worst liar he knows. It’s almost painful how unconvincing he is.

Flinging himself down on the couch, Joe leans in conspiratorially and says, “You’re not  _jealous_ are you?”

Bingo!

Shifty’s eyes go wide and he bites his lip. “No!” he says, “Why would I be? Friends don’t get jealous of other friends… going on dates.”

Joe laughs. “You are! Well let me tell you, there was nothing to be jealous of. You wouldn’t have been into her anyway. Total priss – got squeamish because I ordered my steak rare and when she saw the juices she thought it was actually blood!”

He’s been looking forward to telling Shifty that one since it happened, so it’s a bit of a let-down when he doesn’t laugh. Joe had thought it was pretty funny.

“Are you seeing her again?” Shifty asks.

“Nah, now I’ve agreed to go on one fix-up I can avoid them for at least a month or two,” Joe says. He’s pretty sure his sister knows that the dates she chooses for him aren’t likely to go anywhere, their tastes are not at all alike, it’s just her way of pushing him to take matters into his own hands. “And hey, maybe I can use that time to find you somebody so you won’t have to be jealous anymore.”

He’s got no plan of actually doing that, setting Shifty up on dates would intervene with their roommate bonding time, but it’s fun to watch him blush.

 


	83. BabeRoe - Languages

Babe hasn’t studied this hard since senior year of high school when he’d needed an 87% on his history final in order to pull his grade up to a pass and graduate on time.

It’s not that he feels stupid or anything, it’s just that he feels kind of left out when he’s one of the only people in his friendship group that doesn’t speak another language. Whenever Bill is on the phone with his family he lapses into rapid fire Italian, still with a thick philly accent; Webster and Liebgott are constantly talking to each other in German, though Babe really doesn’t want to know what about; and then there’s Gene and Renee who are constantly lapsing into French for their work chat.

He tells himself the reason he picks French is because the local community college just happened to have an intro course starting at the same time he’d been wallow in monolingual frustration. It’s definitely not because he’s far more interested in being able to understand Gene than he is any of the others.

The class had run for ten weeks and by the end of it what he’d mostly learned was that he’d have to study a lot more if he wanted to understand more than one word out of a hundred that passed between Gene and Renee. Still, the baristas at his usual coffee shop no longer pulled faces over his pronunciation of croissant.

“Je t’aime,” he practises, careful to imitate the pronunciation he’d heard in class.

There is a crash from behind him. When he turns he sees Gene standing in the doorway looking at Babe with the air of a profoundly startled rabbit. “W-what did you just say?”

“Je t'aime,” Babe repeats, and it doesn’t sound quite right to him but then again, he hardly knows the language well enough to properly judge.

“Oh,” Gene says, looking around the room curiously. “Who were you talking to?”

Babe laughs. “Nobody, duh. I was just practising.”

“Practising, for who?”

“For you,” Babe says. “I’ve been taking classes. I thought I might impress you, and Renee I suppose, but it’s been turning out harder than expected. But that’s right isn’t it?”

“Ah… I wasn’t really listening for that,” Gene says.

“Oh, I can see it again,” Babe offers, “Je t'aime.” Gene’s cheeks go a shocking shade of scarlet. “You’re blushing so hard,” he notes, “All I did was say “I love you” in French.”

Gene pulls a face and Babe gets a sudden sinking feeling. “Oh shit. That is what I said, isn’t it?” his teacher had told stories of words that could change meaning dramatically with the slightest shift of pronunciation and could lead to horribly offensive misunderstandings but he hadn’t thought that was a risk here.

“No Babe, that sounded… great,” Gene says, though he’s still inexplicably pink cheeked.

“It’s fine,” Babe assures him. “I know I need to practise more. Hey! Maybe I could practise with you?”

 


	84. Speirton - "You always put your arms around me."

Carwood was never quite sure how Ron had coped in Boston being as susceptible to cold as he is.

It seemed that any time they were stuck outdoors -in line for the ATM, on the street looking for a cab, waiting for a green light at the crosswalk- the chill caught up with Ron as soon as he stopped moving,

Of course, Ron would never admit to being cold so instead he resorted to immediately latching onto Carwood as a source of heat.

He doesn’t mind really. It was a little disconcerting the first few times, normally Ron’s personal bubble is large and heavily reinforced so to find himself suddenly inside it was a bit of a shock –he could only imagine how their other friends must have reacted to Ron’s heat seeking tendencies– but Carwood found himself feeling bizarrely proud every time Ron reached out to him.

Deep down he supposed he rather looked forward to it. Even now, as he was pushing his way towards the bar in the crowded nightclub he felt far too old for to join the rest of the group here for Nix’s birthday, he couldn’t help anticipating leaving and the way Ron would press close when they got out onto the cold street and tried to flag down a cab.

“Weirdly packed in here isn’t it?” he turns at the sudden sound of a voice so close to him, and sees a young blond man grinning at him from his right. When he spots that he has Carwood’s attention he looks him up and down, utterly shameless about letting his eyes linger, and Carwood feels himself flush. He’s too old to be getting flustered by just a flirty look, but he honestly can’t remember the last time anybody hit on him and the attention is flattering.

“I suppose so,” Carwood says. “I don’t come here often.”

“And you managed to end up picking a crazy busy night like this? That sucks man,” the stranger says. “Hey, tell me what your order is, I can push to the front and bring it back, save you some trouble.”

“No thanks,” Carwood says, “I need to get a few different drinks for my friends too”. Plus, as friendly as the stranger seems Carwood knows it’s bad form to take open drinks from strangers and he tries to set a good example for his friends.

The guy backs of easily, still smiling as he does so. “Okay, well, want to try and break through together?”

He offers his arm and Carwood is about to accept when he feels a body collide with him. He starts to push whoever it is away as a drunk when he realises the arms around his chest feel familiar, as does the faint scent of cologne he can smell as the firm chest presses closers against his back.

He turns his head and sure enough it’s Ron.

He can’t be cold. Carwood can see the sweat beading on his arms and he’s barely come off the dancefloor all night, air gusting harshly over Carwood’s neck as he catches his breath.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

Ron hums an affirmative.

Carwood turns back to answer the stranger, only to find the man is gone.

“Oh…” he says, a little disappointed. He’d thought…

“Dance with me,” Ron says, and he’s already nudging Carwood in the direction of the floor, whole body pressed against his as he guides him through the crowd.

Carwood’s not much of a dancer but Ron’s not much good at not getting his own way so he lets himself be herded although he doesn’t let Ron push him deeper than the edge of the floor before he stops, turning and wrapping his own arms around Ron’s shoulders.

Five minutes later, the stranger is a distant memory.

 


	85. Webgott - Distraction

David knows that he shouldn’t make ridiculous impractical promises of extravagant and near instant results to his publishers, but sometimes when he has them on the phone he panics. He was all too aware that he was no George R. R. Martin or J.K Rowling with the liberty of spending years pondering over his latest drafts, if he wasn’t making adequate progress towards producing something profitable then there were thousands of other would-be writers who’d do anything to pay off their student loans just waiting to take his place.

So, he’d told them the next chapter would be ready by Monday.

A chapter which was, at the point he’d said it, nothing more than a few scribbled ideas in his notebook and a smudged sketch of a shark he’d seen idling in the shallows.

He’d spent the rest of Friday night on research and outlining, finally falling into bed at four am only to be woken three and a half hours later by his alarm signalling that it was time to start working again.

He’d spent Saturday at his desk, slowly accumulating mugs and empty nutrient bar wrappers, and he’d managed a third of what he’d planned but then had to concede to the pull of sleep before he’d even reached midnight because the shake in his hands was making it hard to type.

Now it was Sunday and he’d lost all sense of time, keeping the curtains pulled shut so that he couldn’t be distracted by the outside world and laid a pack of aspirin by his keyboard so that he could ward off the headaches that came from too many hours staring at a screen.  

It didn’t have to be perfect, he reminded himself, a hasty draft was still a draft and even if they sent it back with a scathing demand for heavy edits they would at least have seen proof that he was making progress.

He could stay up all night putting down enough words to satisfy his employer that he was still useful, email it off at nine am and then get a few hours sleep and clean the apartment up so that it wasn’t overflowing with garbage and authorial despair by the time Joe got back from the cousin’s graduation he’d been spending the weekend at.

Easy.

*

Joe knows something’s wrong as soon as he pulls into the driveway. It’s three in the afternoon and all of the curtains are shut.

Webster is being a brooding  _artiste_ again.

He parks crooked and doesn’t bother to adjust, fetching his bag from the trunk and making his way up the steps.

“Web?” he calls as he walks in the door. There’s mail piled up on the mat, a clear sign that Web hasn’t got out of the house all weekend. He looks in the kitchen first, he knows he won’t find Webster there but the sight of the dishes still on the drying rack where he left them on Friday morning and the bear mug tree cement his suspicions. He skips the lounge and heads straight to Webster’s office.

Web is hunched over his keyboard like some sad writer gargoyle, but he looks up when Joe walks in. There is a thick layer of stubble covering his jaw, and deep, dark circles under his eyes - no surprise when he’s got every mug they own piled around him.

“Come help me with my bag,” Joe says, letting his eyes go wide and his lower lip slip out into a slight pout. Joe’s mother had caught onto the puppy-eyes trick by the time he was eight and the rest of his family had quickly followed -more likely to laugh at him for his exaggerate efforts than have some sympathy- but Web is a sucker.

Joe watches the whole thing play out of his face: the moment of hesitation because he didn’t want to step away from his work; then the guilt he felt at hesitating to help his poor, tired boyfriend; before finally, he stands, coming to take the bag from Joe and so him the unnecessary favour of carrying it the final few feet into the bedroom before returning.

“Thanks.” Joe smiles. And then, because Webster’s eyes are already darting back in the direction of his computer, he dials up the gratitude. “You’re my hero, honestly Web. You would not believe the weekend I’ve had!”

In truth, it hadn’t been bad at all. The worst of it had been the brief moment when Sarah had completely frozen after stepping onto the stage to collect her diploma - mortifying for Sarah but mostly fun for the rest of the family. He’s glad to be back, that’s true, although as reunions go he prefers the sort where Webster is waiting naked in the bed with a bottle of chocolate sauce.

“Book giving you trouble?” he surmises.

“My chapter deadline is tomorrow…” Webster groans, and Joe raises his eyebrows. Last he’d heard, Web didn’t have any set deadlines for this book.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Joe says. Web could have only six words written down and none of them in English and Joe would still tell him that because right now it’s blatantly obvious that what Webster needs more than anything is time away from his keyboard.

“No it’s not,” Webster says, “I need to-”

Joe kisses him and Webster falls silent. If he’d known they met that it was as easy as that to shut Webster up Joes thinks they would have got off to a much better start.

He runs his hands over Webster’s waist, snaking around to his back where Webster’s sweatpants have slid down his hips. Joe runs his fingers over the band of skin, meaning to slip his fingers under the elastic waist of the sweatpants, but in doing so he feels the tension in Webster’s lower back muscles and pauses.

What has Web been doing to himself, to get in such knots? Honestly, Joe had only gone away for a long weekend and Webster had managed to make such a wreck of himself. He slides his other hand under Webster’s shirt, feeling out the points of tension and working his thumbs against them until Webster whimpers against his lips.

A few minutes of this and he’ll be putty in Joe’s hands.

“I know you’re trying to distract me,” Webster sighs. “I ought to be working. It’s important.”

“More important than me?” Joe teases, one hand still kneading the tension from Web’s lower back while the other crept up towards his shoulders.

“You’ve had a long trip…” Webster says. “You should rest.”

Joe lets the statement again, kissing Webster again and pressing where he knows there are dimples at the base of Webster’s spine and Webster gasps.

“Well, Web? Want me to stop?”

“Whatever you want,” Webster sighs against Joe’s lips, then kisses him.

One minute and seventeen seconds. That might be a new personal best.

 

 

 


	86. BabeJulian - Eyes shut

It scares the life half outta Babe when he hears it, and his first thought is that he’s going mad.

He wouldn’t be the first one it happened to. Plenty of guys had struggled with seeing or hearing things that weren’t there at some point or another during the war, but starting to hallucinate eighteen months after it was all over and they’d been shipped back home nearly a year? Well, Babe thought he might be the first case like that.

“Babe?” the familiar voice repeats.

He shuts his eyes, shaking his head vigorously, but when he stops and opens them again the ghost is still there.

John Julian, in a blue shirt and slightly crinkled gray trousers, smiling hesitantly at Babe and looking heartier than he ever had when Babe knew him. Babe fights the temptation to let his gaze settle anywhere near Julian’s neck - he doesn’t know what would be more distressing, that the ghost he’s seeing is a version of Julian untouched by war or that if he lets himself look he’ll see the tear from which Julian’s life had poured out into the snow.

His hands are shaking and his heartbeat thunders in his ears. There are a thousand and one things he wishes he could have said to Julian but he knows he can’t start talking to himself in the middle of a company reunion. Anyway, talking to a version of Julian who existed only in his mind would be a cold comfort.

Drawing a deep breath, he moves forward, stepping past the spectre.

“Babe!” Julian repeats, and Babe tries to ignore him but Julian is reaching out and grabbing him by the arm.

His hand is unexpectedly solid, warm and alive feeling, and Babe has heard of seeing and hearing things but never of feeling them.

“J-Julian?” The shaky whisper slips from his lips and he’s ashamed of the ridiculous irrational hope that he can hear.

“Babe, are you okay?” Julian asks, and no, god no, of course he’s not and he can’t do this here in a foyer when they could be walked in on any minute.

He takes Julian by the shoulders, ignoring his protests at Babe herding him into a storage room. Once the door clicks shut behind them Babe faces him. “You’re dead,” he says firmly. Hallucination, ghost, strange imagining - whatever Julian is the only thing Babe knows how to do is be honest with him.

Julian stares.

“You’re dead,” Babe repeats, “I saw you die. I couldn’t save you. I…” Babe chokes on his words. Facing the truth seems like the most appropriate way to deal with this issue, but even though it’s wrong there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to lose this figment of Julian when it’s all he has left. “I’m sorry,” he says, closing his eyes against the guilt. “I’m so sorry Julian, but-”

He’s cut off by lips against his, warm and soft, vitality in the breath he feels escaping them. A hand wraps around his own, drawing it up to press against Julian’s shirt and he feels a solid chest and the thud of a heartbeat.

“Oh, Babe,” Julian says when they break apart, sounding almost heartbroken. “Babe, I’m here. I thought you knew, I’m sorry.”

Babe shakes his head, suddenly struck by the fear that if he opens his eyes the dream will end. “I lost you,” he says, and it’s haunted him every day since but never so viscerally as this. “Then I left you.”

“It’s okay,” Julian says, and Babe has longed to hear those words in that sweet soft voice, but the undeserved comfort is a bittersweet balm to his wounded heart. “The doctors found me.”

Babe shakes his head. This isn’t fair. He’d dreamed of such a miracle for days after it had happened but there would have been news.

“Please Babe, look at me.?”

After everything it would be the cruellest thing to deny Julian a final wish. Babe pries his eyes open, abruptly aware of the tears spilling over his lashes.

Julian is looking right back at him with an agonised expression that Babe recognises from his final moments, so familiar that he finally loses the battle and looks down at Julian’s throat.

The column of pale skin above his collar is blessedly free of blood, but it is not untouched. A silvery scar slashes across his windpipe, marking the site of the wound that had killed him.

Had appeared to kill him, because everything about Julian seemed to alive and to real to be the phantom Babe feared. “Julian?” Babe reaches out with trembling fingers. “You’re here?”

Julian clasps Babe’s hand between his own. “Yeah, I’m here Babe,” he assures. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Babe collapses against his chest, but he can hear the steady un-ghostly thud of Julian’s heart under his head and the arms around him have more strength than a hallucination’s ever could.

“Oh, god, Julian…” Babe says, and for the first time the words are filled with joy not despair.


	87. Speirton - Accidental Kisses

It isn’t intentional, the first time.

His sister-in-law is around, has brought the kids with her, and it’s been a lovely afternoon but Carwood absolutely has to run to the store before closing and Mary hasn’t yet got the box of books Carwood’s brother has been storing in his attic for the last three months while their place was being fixed up, and so it’s agreed that Carwood will say his goodbyes and go to the store and Ron will fetch the box down and see Mary and the kids out.

He puts on his coat, then leans over the armchair to press a kiss to Mary’s forehead, then proceeds to the couch and does the same to Billy, Alice, and Ron.

They both freeze.

Someone who knew Ron in passing might describe his stillness as that of a predator about to strike, predicting he would have little taste for domestic affection, but Carwood knows better.

Ron’s stillness is that of a deer in the headlights, or rabbit crossing paths unexpectedly with a human – one of surprise, confusion, and a paralysing lack of references on how to react.

Carwood’s first instinct was not to draw attention to the slip and so he straightens, and when Mary caught his eye with a shocked expression he smiles as if that were something he did every day.

It stays on his mind the whole while he’s driving to the store, as he smiles at the clerk and loads the two boxes of supplies for while the store is shut up for repairs into the trunk of the car. He would mull over it but there’s nothing much to mull, it had been the slightest press of his lips against Ron’s forehead, a gesture that was comfortable and familiar as a greeting or goodbye to any of his family. And Ron was family, there was no doubt about that - they might still be learning their own ways of doing things but nobody could question what was in their hearts.

The driveway is empty but for Ron’s motorcycle when he pulls back in, Mary and the kids already on their way. He leaves the boxes for a moment, climbing the steps to let Ron know of his return. He can smell tea, and when he walks through to the sitting room he sees that Ron has made up a pot while he’s been out. He considers for a moment, then sits. The groceries can wait five minutes for him to refresh himself and perhaps talk with Ron about that strange moment earlier.

It seems Ron disagrees. Just as soon as Carwood is settled in the armchair he all but leaps to his feet before announcing that he’ll go fetch the boxes in and spare Carwood the trouble. Carwood wonders if it’s worse than he thought, that Ron is fleeing from the prospect of acknowledging Carwood’s earlier accidental gesture, but instead of walking all of the way out of the room Ron stops when he reaches Carwood’s chair. He stands for a moment, an expression the Carwood recognises as contemplation of strategy on his face, and then he leans over and presses his mouth to Carwood’s brow -lightening quick- before he straightens, regarding Carwood with curious anticipation. Carwood smiles, an expression Ron immediately mirrors, and Carwood is quite sure that there’s a spring in his step as he heads towards the door.

He smiles into his tea.

They’re learning.

 


	88. BabeRoe - Reunion

It’s a long ride from Louisiana to Philadelphia.

Gene hadn’t slept well on the train, the rattle of carriage and the rumble of the engine stirring him back away every time his eyes drifted shut. He’d tried to remind himself that he’s slept under far worse conditions, but it turned out that dragging those memories up was the opposite of conducive to sweet dreams. When he finally steps out onto the platform in Philadelphia it’s noisy and crowded, and the stink of smog is heavy in the air. Gene’s been out of the bayou before, it’s not like he’d never seen a city, but it doesn’t stop the palace from being overwhelming. He follows the station signs out to the street, and from there makes his way to a trolley stop using the directions that Babe gave him. Everything he needs to know is written down in the letter he has tucked in his shirt pocket, but he’s read it so many times that he hardly needs to pull out the (by now somewhat crumpled and coffee stained) page to check. He keeps his head down as he rides, quietly counting the stops so that he knows when to jump off.

Babe had always been chatty but Gene would have never called him poetic, yet as he starts to walk the final part of this journey he can’t help being impressed by just how familiar the place feels and how much he recognises from all Babe’s talk of home.

He feels self-conscious as he approaches the building, all too aware that this is the kind of neighbourhood where people don’t feel an ounce of shame at getting in each other’s business -if anything they’d be shamed by the suggestion that they’d failed to- although the lie that explains his visit is ready on his tongue and well-practised from its repeated telling to anybody who wanted to know why Gene was taking off up north when he’d only been back home a matter of months.

He makes his way up the steps slowly, and if he pauses for a moment before signalling his arrival then nobody needs to know that but him.

It takes barely a hot minute before the door is swinging open, Babe must have been waiting, counting the minutes since the time Gene’s train was due in, but that doesn’t keep him from looking at Gene with wide, awed eyes, as if he’s just seen a ghost, or perhaps an angel.

“Heffron,” Gene says, with a half nod of greeting. He doesn’t extend a hand to shake, he’s not sure he could take touching Babe under the circumstances.

“Gene,” Babe’s lips quirk into a sly smile. “Good to see you.”

The door swings shut behind him as he steps inside, and the hallway is shadowy and dim. Gene takes in the sight of Babe as he follows him up the stairs. He looks well. There’s none of the twitchiness that he’d carried with him at the end of the war (that they all had carried) and somebody has clearly been working hard to get three square meals a day into hi m because he’s lost some of the boyish skinniness that Gene remembers, there’s a layer of muscle packed onto those rangy limbs now.

Babe fumbles with the keys a little as he reaches the apartment door, the problems with his hands that he’d tried to hide in the war more obvious now there was no cold or stress or fear to act as an excuse. The door opened into a slightly shabby sitting room, cluttered with the same sorts of detritus that Gene remembered Babe carrying around in his pack during the war. He follows Babe in, letting the door swing shut behind him with a dull thump.

Babe turns and in the blink of an eye he’s in Gene’s arms.

It has been too long.

Gene wraps his own arms around Babe’s shoulders, trying to feel every change that homecoming had wrought upon Babe in his absence.

There isn’t an inch of air between them, legs tangling as Babe drags him across the room until they both fall backwards onto the couch, pulling Gene against him. “I missed you,” Babe murmurs against his lips. “God… Gene…”

Hearing him like that Gene doesn’t know how he’ll be able to bear leaving again, so he presses his mouth to Babe’s, savouring the greeting instead of thinking of the inevitable parting.

“I’m here,” he whispers as he presses kisses down Babe’s jaw, “And I’ll keep coming back to you.”

They were clinging to each other like drowning men, kisses their only air, and if Gene had his way then they’d stay like that forever.

 


	89. Webgott - Lap Kisses

Liebgott was drunk. Drunker than David had ever seen him before. Six beers deep and unexpectedly cheerful with it.  David has always pegged him at as the type to be a sullen or belligerent drunk, his usual tempestuous personality heightened by the remove of his inhibitions but it seems that he couldn’t have been more wrong. Sometimes around halfway through his fifth beer Joe had decided to count his blessings, and although several people had pointed out that thanksgiving was months away he would not be deterred, stating with his good health and continuing through the rest of his drink, a trip up to the bar for salted peanuts (one of the many things Joe was thankful for) and through most of beer number six. It was an enlightening list, David had never realised before that Liebgott had such strong sentiments towards cats, and a highly entertaining one, particularly when Joe had decided that not only was he grateful for his whole platoon but that he ought to express that gratitude by vigorously embracing every member who was either willing or too intoxicated to evade him. He’d nearly been knocked to the ground by Babe Heffron, who apparently thought that wild flailing was the best response to being grabbed unexpectedly. Or perhaps that too was the fault of the beer. David suspected he was one of the few in the room who remained anywhere close to sober. Early in the night Joe had scoffed at him for not drinking, but David couldn’t help but think that a clear-headed memory of the night’s events was a far more entertaining outcome than participating.

Sobriety, however, meant that he had no excuse for the inattentiveness that meant he didn’t notice Liebgott turning in his direction, nor the slow reactions that meant he failed to catch Liebgott before he fell and landed half in Webster’s lap.

Or perhaps he didn’t fall, because instead of trying to get up Liebgott threw his arms around David’s neck and pulled himself closer, wobbling for a moment before settling himself across David’s thighs. “Webster!” he slurred. “Web, Web, Web…” This close David could see the sharpness in his eyes, a reminder that however easy and charming his grin, Joe wasn’t yet out of his mind. “Webster!” Joe said again, a hint of a whine to his voice this time, and David realised that he was waiting for a response.

“Joseph?”

Joe pouted, and David couldn’t help but laugh at his indignation as he said, “No! Get it right Webster.”

David was pretty sure that Joe wasn’t quite in such a state that he’d forgotten his own name, but perhaps there was something missing here. “Oh? Well then what is it?”

“You’re supposed to call me Lieb,” Joe said loudly. “Because it’s our secret.”

Ah… David bit his lower lip, charmed in spite of himself as he remembered those long months in Europe when there had been so much that they couldn’t say or do, but a promise had hung unspoken between them in the meaning that only they could understand every time David had used Joe’s nickname. “Lieb,” he said, heart swelling at the way Joe’s face lit at the word. “You’re drunk.”

“And you’re here,” Joe said. “You’re here, and I’m here, and-” he waved an arm expansively, encapsulating the crowd in the room, and suddenly David found that he too felt like he was drowning in the feelings of gratitude that had been overflowing from Joe all night. They were both here, with their company, alive and together and utterly unashamed.

He’d never thought it would be possible, but then two years after the war they’d all received letters from Major Winters, talking of a willing preacher and a wedding that had been held in shameless defiance of the law because marriage was, at its heart, a promise to god and the government could mind its own business. He remembers the way his heart had stopped and raced in turns as he’d read it three times over looking for some proof that he’d misunderstood and that Major Winters wasn’t proclaiming not just to be like him, but that Captain Nixon was too, and that neither of them were willing to hide it. He’d buried the letter deep within his desk and skipped out on the next reunion, feeling sick at the thought of attending only to hear what people might say about a man they’d once respected -once loved- now that they knew the truth. Skinny had written him the week after the party had been held, the words stilted and heavy blots on the paper where he’d clearly thought had about what he was going to put down, carefully noting that it was hard not to respect guys like Winters and Nixon and what business was it of his what they got up to anyway. David had clutched the letter to his chest, glad for at least one comforting voice among the torrent that was sure to follow. But the torrent had never come. Letters flew back and forth between the company, and at first they’d by and large ignored the revelation, but then there’d been a few more hesitant admissions from guys who claimed they figured it didn’t matter so much really, not with guys like their officers. Then Bill Guarnere had apparently copied out the same letter a few dozen times and sent it to the entire goddamn company proclaiming that Winters being married to Nixon was a mile better than if he’d turned out to be a Quaker after all, that even he could see that there were men in the world with more charms than some of the girls certain members of the company had gone with during the war, and that if anybody else had a wedding -legal or not- without inviting him then there really would be hell to pay. It had been shocking until a few weeks later when David noticed that newest set of letters from Babe Heffron and Eugene Roe had the same turn address written on the back of them both, and a whole lot of pieces had fallen into place.

And so, the next time an invitation to a reunion had come through his mailbox, David had decided to go. And now he was here and nobody had said a word against Winters and Nixon when they’d arrived together or passed any comment when they’d left in the same fashion and a glance around the room showed more than a few other pairs of guys standing close in a way that David had come to recognise but had never expected to see among these men.

He looks at Liebgott grinning down at him, bright and brilliant and utterly unafraid in a way that David had never dreamed of seeing, his heart pounding as he realised that they could have so much more than a secret understanding now.

“Lieb…” he said, inflecting it properly in the way he’d always wanted to. “Lieb, I… we…”

And then Joe scoffs and crashed his lips against David’s, impatient and sloppy and tasting of salt and beer, and David’s heart felt fuller and lighter than it had in years.

 


	90. LuzToye - Whispers

George was no novice to kissing. From the heavily perfumed kisses of grandmothers and great-aunts that left waxy smears across his cheeks to the sticky lip-gloss flavoured kisses of the girls he’d known in school, the talc scented slightly drool-ey kisses of his baby cousins and the unexpected air kisses of the French exchange students next door - he was an expert in all kinds.

And nobody could compare to Joe.

They’d learned every inch of each other but the loss of novelty had never come with a loss of interest. Joe’s hands were firm on his sides as he held George close, stooping slightly so that George didn’t have to stretch so far to reach him, a little gesture that George had noticed in the early days of their relationship, the sort of small thing that had made his heart flip as he fell just a little further. His own hands were clutching at Joe’s biceps, George never squandered any opportunity to get a feel of those, but in truth his attention was on Joe’s lips.

Dry, a little chapped, and perfect against his own, Joe kissed like it was the only thing on earth he wanted to do, exploring every inch of George’s mouth with the devotion of a man at the altar.

George felt more than heard the words that he utters, blinking his eyes open in surprise.  They’re parted just a little by how he’s startled but he still feels the words against his lips as Joe repeats, “ _Marry me_.”

The sound of his answering ‘ _yes_ ’ is swallowed by Joe’s mouth as George closes what little distance there is between them, the slightest space between them too much, but from the way that he feels Joe’s lips curl into a smile against his he knows that he has been understood.

 


	91. Winnix - Domestic

Dick spat the mouthwash into the sink, running the tap to rinse it down the drain before checking his teeth in the mirror a final time. Everything was perfect. He’d gone over his notes for the meeting three times the night before and his suit had been dry cleaned specially. In truth, he’d run plenty of meetings like this before and much worse -he’d been through a war after all- but that didn’t stop the flutter of nerves deep in his gut. He wanted this to go off well for his own sake and for the company’s sake and (perhaps most importantly) for Nix’s sake - both to prove that Nix had been right in recommending Dick to his father and to see the grin that always overtook his face when proven right. Dick left the bathroom, checking his appearance once again in the hall mirror, because the men he’d be meeting with today were absolutely the sort to judge a book by its cover and Dick needed them to judge him well. He made his way downstairs, ducking into the kitchen where Lew sat nursing an oversized mug of coffee. Nix would rather lose a deal than schedule a meeting before 9am and while Dick could never live like that in a way he did admire how Nix stuck to his own unorthodox principles.

“I need to leave now,” he said. Twenty minutes to drive to the office, with another ten allowed for traffic, and he’d be their fifteen minutes before the start - enough to time to ensure everything was ready but not enough time for him to grow impatient waiting around.

Nix did not withdraw from his coffee but he did tip his head to one side a little, allowing Dick to swoop in and brush his lips over Nix’s unshaven cheek. It wasn’t quite the heartening good luck kiss that Nix would insist upon for an occasion the commence at a less inopportune hour, but then again beard burn would hardly give the impression that Dick was aiming for anyway. “See you at lunch,” he said, and Nix gave a sleepy hum of acknowledgement, bleary in a way that Dick couldn’t help but grin at as he walked out the door. His momma had always approved of couples who balanced each other out, and with that in mind how could she be anything other than approving of this man Dick had married in the eyes of all those who mattered but the law?


	92. Speirs/Webster - High School AU - Cool Kid/Nerd

Ronald Speirs was the embodiment of cool.

He wore a leather jacket every day, even at the height of summer when all logic said it should be too hot for jackets and in the depths of winter when the people around him would freeze in anything less than a real winter coat; he rode a classic motocycle which he’d restored and maintained himself; and had once responded to attempted mugging by turning around and glaring so hard at his would-be assailant that the man had handed his knife to Ron and ran away.

David Webster wore cardigans.

They were, if one were being generous, stylish cardigans -likely to have been found in some tiny hipster fashion place rather than the back of somebody’s grandfather’s wardrobe- but they were, nevertheless, cardigans, which he wore to the library and to marine biology club (a group founded by Webster which struggled every semester to reach the minimum member count for the school to continue to recognise their existence and permit them use of a classroom).

No matter how you looked at it, there were  were so many layers of social strata between them that from where Ron was standing Webster appeared to be practically fossilised. They shared a lunch period, plus more than half of their classes but had never actually spoke, Webster claiming from row seats in every class that didn’t come with a seating plan while Ron preferred to stake out a spot as far back as possible where he would be left largely undisturbed and had an excellent angle for viewing the rest of the room.

He wasn’t quite sure at what point his eyes eyes had started being drawn frequently to the back of David Webster’s head, only that they had and that it was becoming a problem. Despite all of the stereotypes linking young men with nerdy interests and poor personal grooming, Webster‘s hair was thick and glossy, an unfashionable length that nevertheless suited him spectacularly and provoked the same urges and twitching fingers in Ron as he got from seeing the silver lighters at the antique store in town or particularly high-end motorcycle parts.

Ron wanted, and what Ron wanted he usually took, however he was pretty sure that none of his usual methods would apply here. He was vaguely aware of the traditional ways of obtaining the sort of things he thought about while watching Webster which involved elements such as: the assistance of mutual friends (they had none) or overt flirtation (hardly his area of expertise). The truth was that Ron had never really dated, and he’d certainly never had to be the one to initiate things before. The sum total of his prior relationship experience was two dates with Maggie from his geometry class who had approached him with a lot of nervous giggling and asked him to go bowling and then to the movies only to break it off after a few hours of trying to peel away Ron’s aloof outer shell had revealed only equally chilly interior layers and not the deep inner feelings that she’d been hoping for; and a college history student called John at a festival he’d visited over the summer that had begun with John mistaking Ron for one of his friends and greeting him with a messy kiss before realising his error, and had ended after two days of slightly intoxicated making out before they’d been separated by the crowd during the final show and left on separate buses without so much as a goodbye. He suspected that neither of those approaches would be much use in this instance.

It didn’t help that every place their paths crossed naturally was somewhere any encounter would have an audience, and Ron knew too well the power of reputation to risk his on any sort of public misfire. He wasn’t much concerned about what his peers would think of Webster once Ron had laid claim, the association alone would be sufficient to counterbalance the fact that Webster seemed to have missed the elementary school classes about related to his peers and unlike Ron didn’t have the charisma to make it look deliberate, but Ron’s M.O was getting things done with ruthless efficiency and presenting his audience with a fait accompli - going up to Webster in the halls and just trying to talk to him would mean being unbearably unprepared.

The situation called for reconnaissance, their matching lunch periods suddenly terribly convenient. Nix would be annoyed to be eating alone, but somebody who had bribed their way into being voted onto student government just to get closer to Dick Winters didn’t get to judge Ron. Fortunately, while Webster wasn’t in Ron’s AP geometry class, Ron had already discovered that he took Algebra 3 right next door so it was easy enough to spot that head of dark curls in the hallway and trail him.

At first Ron was cautious but, after watching Webster nearly collide with two freshmen and actually bump into a trashcan due to it’s lack of ability to perform evasive manouvers, he concluded that the chances of Webster looking up from his book for long enough to perform counter-observation was incredibly slim.

He made his way, not all the surprisingly, towards the library, waving absentmindly towards the librarian before wandering towards the back of the room. Ron waited a few moments by the doors before following him in and made a circuitous route through the non-fiction section, grabbing several volumes on geology, before he settled at a desk a row over from where Webster was sat that happened to offer an excellent line of sight through an empty section of bookshelf.

Webster had spread out his things until books covered the desk and then rummaged through his bag to pull out a tupperware container before starting to pick at something that loosely resembled a salad, if the word could be stretched to cover a tub of lumpy couscous, wilted lettuce and a handful of carrot sticks - all rather worse the wear from apparently having been kept in Webster’s bag all morning. Food, Ron recalled, was banned in the library and as he watched David crunch his way through the slightly depressing carrots, he wondered what other rules Webster might be willing to break?

*

After a week and a half of investigation Ron felt that he’d learned all there was to know without closer contact. Webster ate the dullest lunches Ron had even seen but had the most eclectic selection of reading, picking up books from every section of the library except for the physical sciences shelves which he never ventured near and had therefore before Ron’s regular observation post, although algebra featured consistently in his selections. Ron had also learned a great deal about metamorphic rock formations, although he didn’t at present have any particular use for that knowledge. He’d followed Webster home on Tuesday, making a note of the fact that Webster elected to walk despite his house being on the bus route, and that there was a three car driveway and a garage attached to the house but no cars present when Webster unlocked the door and let himself in the building. He’d waited outside for about half an hour, but David hadn’t come back out and when one of the neighbours’ curtains started twitching persistently Ron decided waiting any longer was a bust.

He’d had slightly more luck gathering information on Webster’s friends, all equally nerdy although their specific interests were incredibly varied. He hadn’t yet selected which of them would be most useful in providing information and assistance to further his objectives but he was fairly sure any one of them could by swayed to his goals without excessive use of leverage.

This time he didn’t bother with the geology shelves, walking straight over to Webster’s usual spot and stopping. Webster didn’t look up. Ron considered for a moment, then took half a step sideways so that he was casting a shadow over Webster’s books. Webster’s head turned sharply to look up at him. That was better.

“Hi,” Ron said.

David looked momentarily suspicious, then his eyes landed on the history textbook jutting out of Ron’s bag and his expression cleared. “Is it about tutoring? My rate is ten bucks an hour, but a few people have already asked me so I can fit you in during Wednesday lunches or after school.”

Ron frowned. On one hand, extra credit assignements meant that he was currently averaging 112% in world history, but then again nobody knew it had been him who had ruined the curve for american history last semester so taking the offer would certainly provide him with a plausible excuse that could enable further investigation. On the other hand, the thought of paying for tutoring that he didn’t need made his teeth ache.

He looked down at the textbook laid out in front of Webster. Algebra again - Ron had taken that class a year ago and a quick glance over the page made it clear that Webster wasn’t finding it nearly as easy as he had.

“Algebra 3, huh?”

Webster didn’t have a face that was meant for scowling, he mostly just looked petulant as he said, “Unfortunately.”

“Oh, you don’t like it?” Ron said. “I thought it was pretty easy.”

It took a moment of Webster looking between the book and Ron, deep in thought, but Ron saw in his eyes the moment that the penny dropped. “Perhaps I could help you with history for free if you wouldn’t mind helping me catch up with algebra?”

Ron had the feeling that Webster needed more than catching up with algebra, but nevertheless the proposition got him exactly what he wanted. “I guess I could do that.”

“That’s probably too much to fit in a lunch hour. How about after class on Friday?” Webster suggested. “The library doesn’t shut til seven-thirty.”

“Sure.” Ron shrugged. “Friday works.”

He had an in. Everything else was only a matter of time.


	93. LipLuz - Comfort

Carwood had never expected to be a killer.

He hadn’t been raised as pacifist, his family had always taught him to defend the weak, but he’d never thought that he would cross the lines the war had sent him crashing over. He’d always thought that violence would turn his stomach, but from the very first moment his boots had hit Normandy soil his hands had been steady and his vision clear.

It had once been so easy to draw the line between themselves and the enemy, and between himself and those men on their own side who Carwood suspected had only joined up because they saw an opportunity to realize their violent urges without censure. But in the end they were all killers. It had been on his mind for a while, but of course it was Luz who finally coaxed the thoughts out of him. George Luz, who was nearly as good at getting other people to talk as he was at talking himself, a skill Carwood found useful when Luz was using it to keep up the morale of his fellow men but was rather discomforting to be on the receiving end of as George elicits a confession of doubts that Carwood had meant to take to the grave and leaves him waiting for judgement.

“You’re nothing like them.”

It’s not the words that shock Carwood, he’s tried to tell himself the same thing time and time again, it’s George’s tone. Insistent and incredulous, those aren’t such surprises, but the amusement stops him dead.

George reaches out, gripping Carwood’s steady hand between two of his own, his palms incongruously warm.  “Jeez,” he says. “Here’s me thinking about where to get my hands on smokes because I’m near out again and you’re getting all deep and philosophical on us.”

“Luz,” Carwood says, because it’s harder to be concerned in the face of that bright smile, but he knows it’s wrong to let George laugh his fears away.

“Lip,” George replies, squeezing Carwood’s hand tight. “You worry too much.”

 

 

 


	94. BabeRoe - Soulmates

Everyone knew soulmatches were rare. Plenty of people had soulmarks that were too generic for them to ever really be sure, and plenty of people were born without a match mark - they might have a soulmate out there but but the world was a big place and there was no guarantee that they’d be in your neighbourhood, let alone a suitable person. There were always a few romantic souls who’d go on the road in search for their soulmate and there were stories of unmarked people’s marks manifesting after a big change in their life set them on a new path although most people didn’t believe in that, and everyone knew someone who knew someone who’d eloped with somebody seemingly unsuitable because they believed they were a soulmatch, but Babe wasn’t interested in any of that. His parents weren’t soulmates, although his mother had a generic mark, but their marriage was a happy enough one, and Babe had always been raised that it was better to accept what was available to you and work on making the best of it it than to go chasing after impractical dreams of instant perfection. There’d been a handful of soulmatched couples in his neighbourhood but he’d never been friends with anybody who actually knew their soulmate until after he’d joined the army, and while there was a small part of him that envied the way Bill talked about his relationship with Fran, he was too busy thinking about getting through the war one day at a time to worry too much about wanting a soulmate for himself.

Anyway, Babe’s soulmark had always been… odd.

The most common soulmarks were shaped like hand touches -the most generic of generics being a broad hand touch to the hand that indicated a handshake greeting- although large blobs or shoulders or arms that indicated bumping or brushing up against somebody in a crowd were pretty common too though Babe had never met anybody with a mark like that who’d actually identified their match - a generic mark wasn’t much different from having no mark at all.

Babe’s mark, however, was distinctive enough that he was quite sure he’d know when it happened. It spanned his hand, a long slash straight across his palm, thinner than any mark he’d seen before and it must be from an indirect touch -only one person’s skin had to be involved in the contact for the mark to take, and wasn’t that a puzzle for the sort of people who studied these things- because no human hand could make a line so thin.

He doesn’t think about it when he joins the army, is glad that he can cram in tight spaces and bump shoulders with his fellow soldiers without worry about an accidental meeting with his match, and anyway, he’s wearing gloves so often that he barely even sees it.

All this time he’d figured he had a mark that would be real obvious when he got it, but he still almost misses it when it happens.

It’s a cold night like all the other cold nights there’ve been, so many adding up that Babe starts feel like he’s forgetting there were any other sort, but what makes this one special is that Doc Roe doesn’t come when called, and Babe is sent running to fetch him instead.

He’s pale and lifeless when Babe finds him, huddled in his foxhole like it’s a grave, and it’s wrong, wrong, wrong, but Babe can’t think about that, doesn’t even let himself spend too long on the why’s behind everything that’s happening lest he drive himself mad.

It takes way too long for Doc to snap out of whatever daze he’d in, but when he does move boy is he quick, so suddenly frantic that it’s easy for Babe to overlook the sharp sting of pain as something cuts into his hand when they collide.

Babe looks down to see the scratch crosses his palm, scoring his soulmark neatly down the middle from end to end.

“Wait, you’re my soulmate?” he says, but his voice comes out a startled whisper and Gene is already running. He traces his fingers along the line, the one he hadn’t thought about in so long, smearing the blood as he goes. He’d never really thought about a future with his soulmate, hadn’t been able to guess what sort of person the universe might pick out for him other than that he was sure they’d be nice and that they’d better have some fire in them to hold their own if they were gonna join his family, but now he’s know that it’s Doc Roe…

Well, that sure is something to think about…

 

 


	95. BabeRoe - Surprises

Gene knows Babe has been up to something.

He knows because Babe had been shifty every time they’d skyped during the two weeks Gene was down south visiting family, he knows because of several enigmatic and hastily deleted tweets Bill had tagged Babe in that mocked him for something that Bill had clearly thought to funny to need specifying, and he knows because when he’d remarked on the mystery to Renee she’d tried to laugh it off but Gene knew her well enough to tell the difference between her casual laughter and her ‘I know something you don’t you’ laughter and it was definitely the latter.

He asks Babe about it, just once, and Babe goes a shade of pink that’s clear on screen despite the low quality camera and harsh lighting and says, “It’s a surprise. Well, I mean, it’s mostly for me, but I hope you like it too,” tugging nervously at his shirt collar, and Gene decides to let it go and trust him.

He tries not to dwell on the secret while he’s away, and it’s not too hard with his mom and sisters and aunts and uncles all demanding his attention and complaining that he was too thin and too pale and the north couldn’t be good for him, what sort of person deliberately lived in a place where it snowed anyway? and keeping him distracted all day and tired enough to fall asleep without any time to think at night.

The train ride home, however, gives him plenty of time to start thinking about what exactly it is Babe has been up to while he’s gone.

There’s nothing obviously different when Babe greets him at the door and there are no obvious changes to the apartment as he glances around.

He answers a few questions about his trip, Babe eager to hear more details than Gene had had time to tell during their brief calls, but when it becomes clear that Babe is in no rush to offer up an answer to the question that’s been on Gene’s mind Gene doesn’t hesitate to push. “What I want to know is what you’ve been hiding while I’ve been gone.”

Babe flushes. “Oh that…”

Gene nods. “I’m waiting.”

Babe nods and then peels off his shirt. For a moment Gene stares at him, searching for a difference and then Babe turns. “Oh… Okay… This is new.”

The simple black lines turning his freckles into constellations are still slightly red around the edges, but Gene knows enough about healing to know that Babe must have had the ink done pretty much as soon as Gene was on the train south to have them mostly healed up by now. Still, ER doctoring and tattoo healing only overlap in that they fall under the very broad umbrella of medicine and so although he reaches out, he stops and asks, “Are they healed enough to touch?” and waits until Babe tells him that they’re fine before he lets his fingers brush up against Babe’s soft skin, tracing a line that skims along the side of his spine.

“Aren’t you…” Gene knows he shouldn’t rain on Babe’s parade but he can’t help but asking, “Aren’t you worried that some of the freckles will fade over winter and when new ones form they won’t match up to the lines?”

Babe laughs, shoulders shaking beneath Gene’s hand. “Oh Gene,” he says, voice dripping with amusement and affection. “I forgot you hadn’t seen these last fall.” They’d known each other a year, but they’ve been together only six months. It has been winter when they’d first kissed, falling into the bed during the first blush of spring, so Gene had been able to watch as summer coated Babe in freckles and knows they’ll wane again as the sun forsakes them, leaving Gene shivering in the snow, body craving warmer climes even as his heart holds him here. “Trust me, enough stick around that it won’t look too weird even if there is a few stray lines, and since they’re pretty much everywhere in summer they’re bound to be enough come back in in the same places.”

Gene has thought to himself more than once of counting kissing each and every one of Babe’s freckles but there’s so many that each time he tries he manages little more than a handful before Babe does something to distract him and Gene loses track. Now he has them spread out in front of him and Babe has all but drawn him a map. It’s been weeks since he’s touched his boyfriend and Gene had already been planning on ordering delivery for dinner and taking his time with Babe tonight, but this has just sealed the deal.

He brushes his other hand over Babe’s neck, skimming his hairline until he finds the uppermost freckle of Babe’s neck and presses his lips to it, quick and soft, counting one before he brushes his lips down half a centimetre and counts two, knowing that whatever number he gets to could never even begin to sum up the riches before him.

 

 

 


	96. LuzToye - Sleeping together

Joe yawns, then tosses the remote onto the table as he stretches and stands. “It’s getting late, I better split.”

George glances out of the window at the storm still raging on outside. They had to turn the movie up the hail was rattling the glass so hard and the weather report on the radio earlier had warned for falling trees due to the wind. “Why don’t you just crash here tonight?”

“Because your couch is shit.”

He’d salvaged it off the sidewalk and despite Bill’s dire premonitions the thing hadn’t turned out to be riddled with bed-bugs or fleas - however that was probably the most complimentary of things that could be said about it. Several of the springs were sticking out from the frame, no amount of air-freshener could fully mask the lingering smells of cigarettes and pot, and the throw blanket might cover the suspicious stains but everybody knew they were still there. They’d loaded the thing up with enough cushions to make it comfy to sit on, but sleeping there was probably a recipe for back problems.

That didn’t change the fact that Joe driving home in this weather was a recipe for him ending up upside down in a ditch.  

“Don’t worry about it,” he comments, “We always share blankets on the couch, I’m sure sharing the bed for the night is fine too.”

Joe laughs. Then stops and stares at George. "Wait, really?”

“Yeah.” George shrugs. “It’s a big enough bed.”

Joe frowns. “It wouldn’t be…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence but George can guess where he was going. Weird, awkward, inconvenient, but it wouldn’t be, “It’s just sleep.”

“Right, sleep,” Joe says. “Okay, I guess.”

George nods. “I’m pretty sure I have some of Bill’s sweats here from when his washing machine was busted, they won’t fit you well but they’ll fit a lot better than any of my stuff.”

They both head to the bedroom and George digs out the sweatpants from the back of his drawers, tossing them in Joe’s direction.

Joe heads into the bathroom to change, which is weird because George would have thought that with all his sporting hobbies he’d have picked up a locker-room indifference to nudity, but it’s kind of cute that he does. Maybe he thinks George is the type to worry about modesty.

He changes into his sleep pants and then tugs off his shirt, he gets warm when he sleeps and having another body in there is only going to make things worse. Still, he’s kind of relieved when Joe walks back in with his t-shirt still on – George isn’t generally self-conscious about his body but he’s not sure how well that confidence would hold up if he ended up standing shirtless next to a guy whose body was visibly that of a greek god even when fully dressed.

Now he’s started thinking about sleep, he’s acutely aware of how tired he is, so when he climbs into bed he burrows down into the blankets and it takes him several long moments for him to realise Joe isn’t joining him.

Joe is in fact hovering awkwardly by the side of the bed.

Urgh. George is too sleepy for this shit.

“Get in before I have to get out and try and tackle you in, because we know that isn’t going to end well for anybody,” he declares. He means it too. Just like he would have sat on Joe to keep him from leaving if he’d decided to get stubborn about going out in the storm. If there’s one thing George has learned from wrangling the many kids in his family it’s that even a small person can be hard to move if they make themselves a deadweight.

Perhaps Joe hears the serious in his tone, because he climbs into bed. At the very edge. Then lies flat on his back stiff as a corpse. George groans. Has he never shared a bed before or something?

He waits a moment, just to see if Joe will get over it if freed from scrutiny, but George is never gonna be able to fall asleep with Joe practically radiating discomfort beside him.

So he rolls over, wraps his arms firmly around Joe’s chest and pulls until Joe is comfortably in the center of the bed.

Then he shuts his eyes.

“Uh… George?”

He sighs. “Joe?”

“You’re holding me?”

“Yes.”

There’s a long silence and then, slowly, Joe relaxes in his arms.

Finally. Jesus, what did a guy have to do to get some sleep around here?

 

 


	97. BabeRoe - Jacket Sharing

Gene’s learned to live with a lot of things he never expected since moving up north, but the bitter cold of philidelphia winters is something he’ll never adjust to. Worse though, is the sudden chill of the fall, when lingering memories of a sweltering summer and a few days of late October heatwave could tempt you into going out without a jacket, only to be caught exposed under grey skies and buffeted by icy winds. It’s enough to make him almost miss mosquitoes.

He’s got his hands tucked deep within his jeans pockets and is longing for his proper winter coat but trying not to show is because Babe looks comfortable enough in his light hoodie.

Clearly he’s not doing a good enough job of hiding it, because Babe nudges him and says, “We’ve got a while to wait yet. You can share my jacket with me, since you’re shivering.”

Good manners says he should probably make at least one polite refusal, but he’s cold and it’s Babe who is local and used to this awful weather, so he nods.

He’s not expecting Babe to unzip the hoodie and press himself against Gene’s back, wrapping the fabric around him.

“What are you doing?” he asks, staring to turn only to be held in place by Babe wrapping his arms around Gene so that he can reach the zipper.

“Sharing,” Babe says, “Jeez, Gene, you’re freezing.” He’s struggling to pull the zipper up past the halfway point, his head tucked over Gene’s shoulder so he can see what he’s doing, although Gene doesn’t rate his odds since the only reason Babe’s got the zipper so far up to begin with is that he wears such oversized clothes.

“Babe…” Gene says, but he doesn’t know how to finish. When Babe gets his mind stuck on something there’s not much can be done to talk him out of his except maybe threatening to call his mom, and honestly as weird as this is Gene doesn’t want it to stop. Babe smells of cheap fabric softener and a little bit of toothpaste where his mouth is right by Gene’s cheek, and he’s addictingly warm against his back, radiating the kind of heat that Gene knows he’ll crave all winter. It’s comforting and Gene can’t resist the urge to sink against Babe, burying his face in the collar of the hoodie where Babe has finally got the zipper fastened.

It’s a weird thing to do, and he’s pretty sure the woman at the bus stop over the street is staring at them, but for now he indulges.

 

 

 


	98. BabeJulian - Forehead Kisses Pt 1

There’s only one pair of sneakers on the mat by the door when Babe gets home, and they don’t belong to anybody who lives there. A quick glance into the lounge reveals Julian’s on the couch playing videogames, but there’s nobody else around. It’s equal odds as to if somebody invited him over and then just left him there or if he let himself in. He’s got his feet on the table and a bowl of popcorn balanced on the seat beside him, Babe isn’t surprised, Julian likes to make himself at home.

Babe grins.

He’s been visiting his grandmother and now he’s hopped up on sugar and in a silly, sentimental mood. Seeing Julian looking like he belongs there makes something heady and warm bubble up in his chest and on impulse he walks over to the couch, stooping to press his lips to Julian’s forehead in greeting.

“What the hell!”

Both of their voices called out the same words at once - Julian in surprise and Babe in pain as Julian abruptly straightened and his head collided with Babe’s nose.

“Oh my god you headbutted me!” Babe yells, running his fingers under his nose to check for blood.

“You just… you just…” Julian’s eyes are almost freakishly wide and he’s stuttering at Babe in alarm, which Babe thinks is profoundly unfair given that he’s the one who just had Julian’s thick skull collide with delicate cartilage.

Babe doesn’t feel any blood but goddamn does his nose hurt. “I just kissed your forehead, chill.”

“Um… why?” Julian says, like it was a really weird thing for Babe to do.

Which, maybe it was? But it felt right. “I wanted to?” Babe says with a shrug, and flops down on the couch. “Is the other controller charged?”

“The good one isn’t,” says Julian, relaxing back against the cushions (though he’s still looking at Babe strangely), “But Spina was fucking with the shitty one and he thinks he’s got it working again.”

“So I’m probably gonna get electrocuted as well as headbutted today,” Babe remarks, leaning over to grab the aforementioned shitty controller from the table, “Nice.”

“Oh, you love it,” Julian says.

“I do love it,” Babe agrees, “Specially when I kick your ass.”

“Oh, bring it, bitch.”


	99. BabeJulian - Forehead kisses Pt 2

Julian would like to think of himself as a chill person, cool and unflappable in the face of all the drama queens and hot-messes that he hangs out with. Bill jumping off the roof then needing a ride to the emergency room? Just Bill being Bill. Spina drinking an entire case of energy drinks while studying for his finals and then starting a fire in the kitchen while sleepwalking? They’ve got a fire blanket and two different types of extinguisher so it’s nothing to worry about. A bat flying in through the living room window and getting stuck? Okay, so there might have been a bit of screaming that time, but he’d got things under control eventually.

Babe kissing his forehead? Apparently too much to handle.

The culprit, of course, didn’t think anything of it because Babe never did think anything of all the weird shit that he did even when it left confused and unwillingly fixating on the memory of a split-second brush of lips before it was interrupted by Julian busting his nose up.

Julian couldn’t stop thinking of it.

Every time Babe came over, or anytime he was hanging out at the house with one of the others and Babe came over, Julian caught himself bracing for Babe to repeat the gesture. At first, he was just preparing himself to avoid another accident, but it quickly slipped into a more breathless sort of anticipation, a hope that Babe would repeat the strange moment of affection.

It quickly became clear that the kiss was a one-time slip, but that didn’t stop it from lingering in Julian’s mind.

He couldn’t explain why it was so important to him, only that it was. It was hardly like he was starved for affection, nobody in their group of friends had an ounce of shame about piling into each other’s laps to get the best view of the TV on movie nights or rolling about on the floor fighting over remotes or game controllers or phones or some comment or another somebody had made – it was something special about that particular gesture, oddly sweet and domestic as it was.

He wanted it to happen again, but it didn’t seem to be the beginning of a habit for Babe and Julian couldn’t ask.  He couldn’t let it go either.

It would be strange to act but it would be stranger to think of it so long and so often and then not act.  He knew what he had to do.  Waiting for his moment of time was frustrating but eventually the opportunity came.  He knew that the others would be out, they had a weekly bowling match that Babe no longer attended after a fight with Spina about gutters and Julian skipped that week for a dentist’s appointment, so when he went to the house he knew Babe would be alone.

He hung his jacket on the peg and took the time to place his shoes neatly on the rack before walking through to the kitchen. Babe was sat at the table and despite a moment of trepidation Julian approached. There was no way to make Babe kiss him but perhaps if he instigated then there was the possibility of normalizing the gesture enough that Babe would repeat it.

He said, “Hi,” because while he the element of surprise helped he didn’t want Babe to startle and headbutt him as much as Babe would probably enjoy returning the injury, and leaned over, aiming a kiss at Babe’s brow.

Babe tipped his head back sharply as Julian’s shadow fell over him, but instead of the crash of skulls that had occurred when Julian had been started, it was Babe’s lips that look the brunt of the collision, the changing angles putting them in Julian’s path faster than he could stop his motion.

And so they kissed, and  _god_ Babe’s lips were even softer pressed against his own than they had been against his brow and for a moment Julian was so distracted by the feel of them that he forgot to pull back.

Then the whole situation caught up with him at once; kissing Babe – what the fuck?

He jerked away, acutely aware that a line had been crossed, even if it had been entirely by accident.

Babe stared up at him.

Julian stared back.

He could pull away, he could laugh, he could turn right around and pretend that never happened.

Or he could kiss Babe again.

His own stray thought startled him, but as soon as it crossed his mind all other options seemed irrelevant. Julian had thought the memory of Babe kissing his forehead had been driving him man, but he knew at once that the lingering memory of this would be far worse.

He cupped Babe’s cheek, guiding him towards a better angle and then swoops down to kiss him again. For a moment he wasn’t sure how Babe will take it, but then he felt hands clutching at his shirt, Babe’s lips parting to deepen the kiss into something more, and knew he’d made the right choice.

How had he never done this before, when it felt so good and Babe was so eager for it? It was perfect but then Babe turned his head away. “Stop,” he gasped. “We can’t!”

Julian pulled back. “Babe?”

“Bill will literally kill me if he finds out we were making out in the kitchen,” Babe explained. “There are house rules.”

He looked down at Babe -staring up at him with wet, parted lips and flushed cheeks- and then over to the door. Ten steps to the hallway, another dozen or so to make it upstairs, and from there they wouldn’t have far to go to make it to the much more appropriate location of Babe’s room. He looked back toward Babe. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”


	100. Winnix - AUs

**Fake dating** : These guys fall into a fake dating classic, with Nix due to inherit a massive fortune from a distant relative, one that would get him out from under the pressure of his father and family obligation in his day to day live, but the will places a contingency that he must be married to get it. Of course, eloping overnight would be suspicious (although Nix could probably sell a drunken vegas mishap) so it’s time for a relationship. Now Nix can be a lot of different kinds of asshole, but he’s not going to string some poor girl along just for money and he doesn’t really want to be married to the kind of person who might be talked into doing it for a percentage, and as he’s talking through this problem with Dick and Dick, well, he volunteers. Nix tries to brush him off, of course, because that’s ridiculous, but Dick is persistent once he has the idea. He keeps trying to argue that it’s  _sensible_ , that with their long friendship it would be utterly believable for them to progress quickly to a commitment once they realised they’d developed mutually romantic feelings. And no matter how many times Nix tries to point out that this is madness, c’mon Dick you know that you would never, Dick just continues being unhelpfully insistent that he’s reasonable until eventually Nix caves because it’s not like he has any better ideas.

So, they start up their fake romance. They play it slowly, this has to look like they really are slowly letting their friendship blossom into something new, so at first it’s just more lingering touches and stolen glances across rooms, and then Dick takes Nix to dinner and it’s not a date it’s just something that looks a lot like one, and so Lew pays back the favour with something that isn’t a date either but feels a lot like one.

Acting like falling in love brings all sorts of feelings to just under the surface that Lew is starting to realise he’s been repressing for a long time and puts Nix in an unfortunate position. Does he go ahead with the pretend relationship and marry Dick anyway, to be constantly tortured by their lie and his feelings; or does he break the whole arrangement off, to hell with the fortune and back to working under his father like he did before the money entered the picture, but at least it might allow him to salvage some of his friendship with Dick?

And he knows what matters more to him.

 

 **Bodyswap** : They decide, for the good of the men, not to let the news get around because it might cause alarm and loss of morale, so instead they have to impersonate each other until they can be swapped back.

Nix is expecting to see an exaggerated caricature of all his vices, but he should have known better because it’s  _Dick_ who is inhabiting his body and Dick’s perception of Nix is very different to how he sees himself. They argue over it: Nix accuses Dick of not really trying to keep up the pretence, the men will realise something is up in a heartbeat if Dick keeps going around in Nix’s body but acting like a saint, but Dick argues that the men haven’t grown suspicious yet, nobody but Nix thinks the idea of Nix sacrificing his own comfort and looking out for the men is anything wildly unusual, he’s a better man than he liked to pretend he is. Meanwhile, Nix is also really struggling to act as perfect as he sees Dick as being, he thinks of it as him being incapable of being so good, but in fact it’s more that he holds Dick up as an impossible ideal.

 

 **Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it** : Nix fights it, he resists for as long as he physically can. He finds that he’s all sorts of protective of Dick despite the mystery mind-whammy trying to steer his body and thoughts in another direction. He’s convinced that Dick wouldn’t want this if he were clear-headed, he’s not quite a virgin but he’s too damn pure for this.

Dick is very practical about it, once he understands what their situation is. Despite what Nix seems to think he’s not a puritan, he doesn’t have much personal interest in casual sex but he doesn’t think there’s anything morally wrong or inherently bad about it. If that’s what needs to be done then the best thing to do is get on with things. In truth, he’s glad it’s Nix he’s with, because he can trust Nix, he’s a little surprised by the extend of Nix’s hesitation, but he knows that with Nix things will be respectful and meaningful even if only as friends.

 

 **Secret kinks** : Being dirty doesn’t come naturally to Dick, he schooled himself out of any base leaning in that direction years ago, but the fact that it’s so unfamiliar makes it appealing. His default is very tender lovemaking but with Nix he learns to experiment with other things and finds that he’s surprisingly into Nix being rough and crass and that he enjoys trying to match the crudeness. The contrast of fucking the usual sweet lovemaking is exciting, although it will never be more than an occasional thing for Dick, because he also likes being gentle and being able to take care of Nix.

Nix’s kink is… not having sex? He’s deeply confused by this discovery about himself, but he’s so accustomed to casual sex that the thought that Dick is into his regardless of the sex feels huge to him, he gets totally overwhelmed by spending lazy hours just making out and cuddling and being together and the fact that Dick will be satisfied with whatever Lew wants to give.

**Their first kiss** : follows so many near misses. They come so close time and time again, but each time Nix freezes or Dick hesitates or somebody calls one of their names and they have to turn away before they can seal the deal. It hangs over them from Toccoa to Aldbourne, a maybe that they never quite dared; in Normandy and Holland and Belgium, a what if that they were afraid to lose; to the eagle’s nest and finally into Austria, the lingering knowledge that fate will only let them miss so many chances before the final one slips them by. Then Dick agrees to take the job and Nixon nitration and it seems like they might have more time, that there’s no need to rush this, expect that neither of them can bare to wait any longer. It comes in half a conversation, neither of their sentences quite answering the others, both of them searching for a sign that this thing that has rested unspoken between them for so long can finally be allowed to surface, drifting closer all the while until neither of them has to initiate, they just fall together, the easy cooperation of their every other interaction following as easily in to this as this as it has with every challenge they’ve faced.

**Meeting the parents** : So, Dick gets this 50% in the form of a job interview, which has its pros and cons. On the plus side, it being a professional context puts some helpful limits on the questions Nixon Sr can ask and the comments he can make, he’s curt, but Dick will learn later that he can be a lot ruder. On the downside, it’s double the pressure because he’s trying to prove to Stanhope that he’s good enough for the job and good enough for his son (‘don’t worry about it,’ Nix says, ‘he only cares about the company’, but Dick can’t –won’t– believe that’s true).

Nix studiously avoids meeting Dick’s parents for a long time. They won’t approve so why make everybody suffer through them disapproving in person. For a while Dick lets this slide, he knows Nix’s insecurities and while he tries to persuade Nix that his worries are unfounded he doesn’t want to push too hard. Even Dick’s patience isn’t endless though, so eventually he decides that if Nix won’t visit his parents he’ll get his parents to visit them. Of course, there’s the very real possibility that Nix will jump out of the nearest window rather than stick around if he’s tossed into a surprise meet the parents situation, but Dick can be sneaky. Nix has never seen photos of his parents and so Dick just… doesn’t mention it. He presents it to Nix as a dinner meeting he’d like company on, reminds Nix of his dream to own his own farm one day and hints that this is something to do with that. So, Nix tags along and at the dinner he’s his best self, calm and relaxed because he knows how to handle a business meeting, friendly because he guesses if this is to do with Dick’s dream farm there might well be more meetings like this in the future. Dick’s parents are instantly charmed, they can’t imagine why it’s taken so long for them to finally meet Nix.

Sure, when Dick hugs them goodbye and calls them mom and pop at the end of the meal Nix nearly has a heart attack, but once they get home Dick manages to distract him with talk of the good impression he’s made and the truth is that Nix likes it when Dick gets clever and tricky, he just prefers the subject be somebody other than him.

 

 **Moving in together** : Is hideously awkward. They’re both trying way too hard. Nix is a messy disaster who gets very tense about how he must be tidy because Dick hates mess, meanwhile Dick is forcing himself to ignore a bunch of Lew’s most annoying bad habits (he keeps his shoes on! In the house!) because he knows living with other people means compromise. There are a difficult few weeks until it finally blows up into an argument and they’re both startled to realise the other is trying to compromise, they’re just doing it with all the wrong things. After that they finally talk things out like adults and manage to come up with a set of house rules that involves compromise but it also respectful of their different priorities.

**A crossover of my choice** : Pacific Rim! Nix is a washed up ex-jager pilot. He didn’t even quit because of injuries, he quit because his co-pilot was his wife and having a marriage that breaks down in the drift while controlling a giant mech is a shitty way to end things. After she quit the programme they tested Nix with a few potential replacements but they were so incompatible it was almost shocking that Nix had managed to match with anyone. Nix doesn’t quit though and the PPCD isn’t in the habit of throwing away potential resources, even when that resource is a drunken ex-pilot whose primary occupation on the base seems to be complaining about other people doing their jobs badly while refusing to do any work himself.

Then Dick transfers in as a control room guy and Nix starts up the usual act with him, picking faults with his work, complaining that he doesn’t know what he’s doing, how can a guy whose never been in a jager beginner to understand what it’s like out there, fighting monsters and fighting with somebody else in your head (towards the end Nix and his wife had barely been able to sustain a drift long enough to fight, they were too at odds, their instincts in battle opposed each other in a way that was the antithesis of good piloting).

Most people ignored Nix’s complaining.

Dick orders Nix to join him in the newest jager prototype so that Nix can show Dick what exactly he thinks it is Dick doesn’t understand.

Nix things that alone proves Dick doesn’t get it, you can’t understand without drifting and that’s not how the drift works, but he goes along with the attempt anyway just to prove that it won’t work.

They’re a perfect match.

And that’s how Dick accidentally talks his way into getting an immediate reassignment as a pilot.

**An au of my choice** : Everybody knows that the Nixon Nitration company is run by supervillains. A big polluting chemical company, owned by a family in a town that shares their name? What else could it be.

Mostly the people of Nixon don’t mind. It could be worse, they could live in Gotham. The Nixon family aren’t petty thugs causing chaos in the streets, they rule the town with an iron fist but it’s with an eye to order and prosperity. What’s good for Nixon town is what’s good for the Nixon family, and when the Nixon family are doing well Nixon town prospers with them. It’s a solid working arrangement.

Oh, Nixon Sr gets up to his fair share of villainy, but it’s mostly old conflicts with other the supervillains, a longstanding rivalry with Luthercorp. It causes problems, but they mostly avoid civilian casualties so people learn to make sure they have coverage for acts of superpowered individuals included in their insurance and life goes on.

Blanche Nixon is making a name for herself as an investor in villainous schemes, while Lewis Nixon has taken more of an interest in following his father’s footsteps and trying to achieve dominance over other supervillains directly.

Then Richard Winters transfers in to the Nixon township police force.

Dick is not prepared for the live and let live relationship that most of Nixon’s cops have established with their town supervillains. In his hometown superpowered bad guys were just as subject to the law as regular bad guys. Of course, in his town they never had anything bigger than a few petty crooks with extra tricks up their sleeves, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to stick to his principles.

His superiors are obstructive about anything to do with the Nixon’s, cases involving them get shoved to the bottom of the pile and forgotten about, evidence always seems to go missing or turn out to be contaminated, even witnesses clam right up and suddenly forget how to speak English, but that just means that Dick has to work the case on his own time.

He focuses his investigations on Lewis Nixon, because he’s the most accessible, but what he finds surprises him.

Nix goes after other supervillains just like his father, but unlike his father Nix doesn’t make much of an effort to muscle in on their turf afterwards or take over their acts of villainy. If anything, places he’s attacked are improved once he’s through with them. Even when he is committing destruction it turns out to be of environmentally unsound land developments and the headquarters of dubiously legal organisations.

He finally makes contact with Nix, who will neither confirm nor deny that he’s using his family rep as a supervillain to do  _good_ , but Dick is determined to help him and Nix eventually caves, following up on Dick’s tips and letting Dick know about his sources and targets, and when a particular job goes wrong it’s instinctive for Dick to grab his gun and Nix’s spare mask and go rescue him.

And whoops, Dick just got himself labelled as a sidekick to one of America’s most notorious supervillains.

 

 **Pirates au** : They’re both respectable naval officers. Nix because his father is an admiral and he never had any goddamn choice about it, Dick because he genuinely thought that it was his calling and that he could do some good in the world that way. Alas, on their very first voyage, they’re assigned under the petty and tyrannical Captain Sobel. To Nix, Sobel is everything he’d expected a navel captain to be and the job is exactly as hellish as his father’s stories had always made it sound, and he can even enjoy drowning himself in drink when all they have aboard is the cheapest sort of rum. To Dick, it’s a frustration and a disappointment, Sobel is not what he expected a commanding officer to be, Dick doesn’t even know how he got to be Captain of the ship when he barely knows how she runs and keeps calling her an  _it_ , he treats the men badly and when they land he treats the people they ought to be helping even worse. For a year he suffers, but one night Sobel tries to sail them straight into a storm based on the navigation of his equally incompetent first mate Dike. The men try to warn him of the dangers, Dick practically begs him to see sense, but Sobel won’t listen. He threatens to toss any sailor who defies his order overboard, and Dick can see in the men’s eyes that they really believe Sobel will do it, that they’ll chance their luck in deadly storms because they don’t trust their own Captain not to drown them out of spite.

He barely knows what he’s doing as he pulls his pistol and orders Sobel below, tells the deck officers to disregard anything Dike says and consult with Nix about navigating them away from the storm instead of into it. Then Dick does what he’s beginning to think should have been done a long time ago and locks Sobel in the brig before taking charge of the ship.

They put Sobel off at the next port they come to, Dike too and few of the other officers at their own insistence, but there’s no navy presence there for Dick to report the incident too so they sail on. Dick is genuinely determined to find the next navy occupied port and report the whole thing up the chain, but then Nix hears of this plan and tells him he can’t. Good reasons or not, what Dick did was mutiny and almost every member of the crew could be counted as complicit in it for the week of sailing where they let Dick take charge and made no effort to restore Sobel to his position. Dick might think the navy will see reason, but Nix grew up with an admiral and knows better. Dick, along whoever else the navy decides are the most responsible for helping him, will be hung. The rest of the men would be punished according to rank and their records, but certainly nobody who stayed with Dick after Sobel was put off would be unscarred by navy involvement.

No, Dick turning himself in with the ship and the crew isn’t an option, and if he stepped aside all he’d be doing was passing the problem on to whomever took command after him. She was Dick’s ship and they were Dick’s men now.

 


	101. Speirton - AUs

**Fake dating** : Carwood had no intention of making a scene at his ex’s wedding to the man she’d cheated with, at least he hadn’t until the dozenth person had pulled him aside in the run up and asked him not to. He wasn’t even sure why he’d been invited since clearly nobody involved respected him enough to think he could be an adult about things. Perhaps they’d assumed he’d decline. Martha was evidently happier with Henry, who could provide all of the finer things that she’d dreamed of, than she’d even been with him and so Carwood was determined to be happy for her and to go and make it clear that there was no bad blood for people to fuss over.

He explains this all to Luz, who agrees and says Carwood should bring a date just to make a point of being over her. Carwood points out that he’s not seeing anybody but George just rolls his eyes and points out that Martha doesn’t need to know that and pulls over his laptop.

That’s how Carwood got in touch with Ron. He’d drawn the line on meeting anybody under false pretences and insisted that George outline in his post just why Carwood was looking for somebody. Most of the people who’d replied had been off-putting, their messages talking about their own exes and the proxy satisfaction they’d get from helping Carwood get one over on his, but Carwood wasn’t looking for revenge just a way to avoid any awkwardness. Ron, on the other hand, seemed reasonable. His main interest in going was to observe the wedding, his sister was an event planner who wanted to start her own wedding business and since Ron was putting up investment he wanted to be able to understand more of what she did. Ron was polite, intelligent, somebody Carwood would believably date, and so they agreed on a plan.

So Carwood calls Martha two weeks before the wedding, apologising for the imposition but wondering it would be possible for him to bring a plus one – only if they had the space of course, he’d hate to put them to any inconvenience. As it happened one of Martha’s cousins had been forced to decline and so there would be an empty seat at the reception dinner, conveniently on the table where Carwood would be seated.

They day before the wedding they meet to drive down together. Carwood realises then that it was a mistake not to meet with Ron in advance. The picture he’d sent over must have been several years old or taken in very unflattering circumstances, because while he’d been respectable looking in the picture in person he is almost disarmingly handsome. They’re going to have to pull this ruse off or all of Martha’s friends are going to think that Ron is an escort.

As they drive down Carwood is nervous that they won’t be able to convince people, things are stilted and awkward between them, Carwood is friendly but he doesn’t know how to create a sense of something more intimate without making things uncomfortable between them, and Ron is cool and distant. Perhaps Ron picks up on his concerns or perhaps it’s simply chance, but the restaurant they stop at that night is a fancy one and Ron suggests that they treat it like a date in order to get into character before the wedding.

The dinner goes well, it’s surprisingly easy to slip into a romantic mood when the setting is right, and by desert Carwood finds that he can quite clearly picture himself in a real relationship with Ron and  _Oh…_ this could be a problem…

 

**Bodyswap** : Ron has to deal with a lot of anxiety – every time he thinks about doing one of his usual daredevil stunts he remembers that it’s Carwood’s body that would be damaged if something went wrong and that stops him. He’s protective of Carwood’s body while he’s in it and meticulous about taking care of it, eating as healthy as possible and doing efficient but low stress workouts so that when Carwood gets his body back it’s in the best condition Ron can give it to him. This is perplexing for Lipton, who knows that Ron doesn’t usually take such care with his own body and also wonders if Ron is expecting him to do the same.

Lipton just confuses the shit out of everybody around them, who have no idea how to react to his personality on Ron’s body. He feels a little bad about the fact that he’s probably ruining the reputation that Ron worked so hard to get but he just can’t help himself – he sees somebody who needs help and instinct takes over.

 

**Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it** : Loss of control doesn’t come naturally to Ron. Nor does showing weakness or admitting to needing help. He recognises the symptoms when they start but he tries to ride it out alone, he might be as human as any of the men serving under him but they don’t get to see that and he needs his superiors to trust that he will not fail. It might be hard but the mask of spooky speirs is firmly in place.

Except that since Foy and their talk in the church Lipton has paid particular attention to Ron and he can tell when something isn’t quite right with the man. Speirs hides it well, but his reactions are a little slower, he grimaces at sudden noises and lights, and when Lipton dares to get close up he sees the signs of a fever, glassy eyes and a thin sheen of sweat on Speirs’ brow despite the cold. After the care Speirs took of him when he had pneumonia it seems clear to Lip that he ought to return the favour. He can see that Speirs doesn’t want anybody to see that something is wrong, so he waits to express his concerns until he can catch Speirs alone, has to wait until late and most of them men are either asleep or occupied with watch duties and seek Speirs out in his rooms.

But alone in his room Ron isn’t trying so hard to hide what’s wrong, so when Lip arrives he quickly sees that the problem isn’t so simple as a cold or the flu. That doesn’t mean he can’t offer to help though. It might not be as simple a solution as offering extra blankets and to shoulder some of Speirs’ duties, but something needs to be done and he’s not unwilling.

And Ron might be unwilling to ask for help, and from most people he would have rejected the offer (despite what people say, it’s not usually lethal in healthy adults, just very uncomfortable for several weeks until the fever burns itself out), but Lipton offers so easily, there’s no pity for Ron’s weakness in his eyes and no hint that he’s saying it out of guilt or a sense of obligation, and so Ron accepts.

It ought to be a perfunctory thing, Ron expects them to get it over with efficiently, but Lipton has never been the kind of man to be careless or casual about such things, no matter the reason, he makes Ron comfortable first, wipes away the fever sweat and coaxes Ron under the blankets, then takes the time to make it good, and takes care of Ron again when it’s done, fetching him fresh, cool water and staying with him through the night to ensure that his symptoms are abating.

**Secret kinks** : Ron’s think for shiny-stuff does not get left behind at the bedroom door. He likes giving Lipton expensive things (some cufflinks he found, a watch he ‘acquired’) and seeing Lip wearing them.

**Their first kiss** : Comes just after the war is over. Ron is drunk on champagne and sunlight and victory, loose limbed and too at peace to maintain his usual layers of defences. Lipton is drunk too but steadier with it, you wouldn’t guess it at the sight of him, and so it falls to him to help Ron back to his rooms. He means to simply deposit Ron on the bed and go, Ron’s not so far gone that he needs to be worried about, just left to sleep it off, but Ron holds tight and pulls Lipton down onto the bed with him, tries to kiss him. Lipton is ready to write it off as drunken disorientation, but then Speirs says his name. He tries pull away, but Ron insists he should stay, tries to kiss Lipton again and seems put out and confused when Lip pulls away. He’s insistent that they ought to, that it’s not a proper victory celebration without a kiss, and Carwood is a straightforward man so he asks if Ron will let go and sleep if he gets his kiss, and when Ron says he will then Carwood takes the bargain.

He half expects Ron to be pushy, to want more, or to renege on their deal and try and talk him into staying, but Ron kisses sweetly and lets him go easily when it’s done, sinking back onto the pillows with a sleepy smile.

Carwood smooths the blankets over him and slips out of the room. Just as he’s leaving he hears Ron call softly, “Celebrate with me again tomorrow?”

**Meeting the parents** : is a nerve-wracking experience for both of them. Lip loves Ron but he’s also fully aware of Ron’s intensity and capacity for intimidation and is slightly wary of meeting the people Ron must have inherited that from.

Similarly Ron doesn’t know what to do with the thought of somebody so inherently good as Lipton’s stories always paint his mother as being. Ron feels he ought to make a good impression but considers himself extremely lucky to have found himself in such circumstances as permitted him to get Lip to love him and he’s certainly not going to get so lucky twice.

 

**Moving in together** : It happens entirely by accident. Lipton stops over at Ron’s place sometimes but that’s all it can ever be as long as he’s needed to keep up the family business. Of course, Ron is considerate, gives him a drawer, then a shelf, then a key in case Lip ever gets there and Ron is running late. And sometimes Lip stays over for a few nights at a time, and maybe an extra night gets added onto a trip because the weather is bad and it’s hardly safe to drive, or they get distracted and suddenly it’s too late to go. Then one day Lipton is working a little late and his mother tells him to let it be and go home, and that’s when Carwood realises that he’s been spending more nights with Ron than not, that all the belongings he truly treasures have drifted over there, and his mother is watching him fondly like she realises that she just sparked an epiphany but she looks like she approves to, and so he goes. ****

**A crossover of my choice** : Howl’s moving castle fusion. Everybody knows about the great wizard Speirs, who lives in a moving castle and steals beautiful hearts. He’s almost the scariest person in all the land, second only to the witch of the waste.

Carwood is much too busy keeping a roof over his family’s head to go out and seek any sort of fortune, works hard so that his brother might have opportunities he didn’t, such as the apprenticeship he is in, having been the man of the house since he was a child and accepting that lot in life.

He keeps his family inn and does good reliable work, and being a good reliable innkeeper means that when a strange wealthy woman comes to their door and asks for a room he’s very polite when he tells her they have no rooms to spare that night, but he can direct her to somewhere that might. And he’s very polite but firm when he turns down her request (well, more of a demand) that he turn out one of the other guests and make up their room for her instead. That’s when she loose her tempter,  _nobody refuses the witch of the wastes!_ , and flings a curse at Carwood before storming out.

Carwood is quite startled, he can’t imagine how anybody could react so rudely to his perfectly reasonable behaviour, but when he crosses the foyer he catches sight of himself in the long mirror and sees the curse he’d been struck with. He’d been told more than once that he seemed old beyond his years, but the witch has taken it to a whole other level. His face is heavily lined, all of the colour gone from his hair until it’s wholly white, and his body withered and old.

Since he doesn’t want to alarm his family by having them see him in this state he packs up his things and sets out. He’ll have to find some work suitable for the old man he appears to be, so that he can keep supporting his family, and he’s fortunate that his body his hale enough to leave town without and issue. It’s not his place to seek a fortune for himself, but the witch’s meddling means that he’ll have to seek out some opportunity it seems.

He sets out for the next town over, where he’s less likely to have to worry about running into anybody he knows, but finds that while he’s still healthy the witch’s curse has worn his body down and he’s barely halfway there by nightfall. He rests on the roadside, it’s a warm summer night and while it’s hardly comfortable it’s not unbearable and there’s no sense in turning back, only to find himself almost ran into by the great moving castle of the wizard Speirs.

All his life Carwood has been taught to fear the castle, but Speirs only steals beautiful hearts and Carwood can’t imagine anybody mistaking him for beautiful now and he’s weary and stiff and so he knocks on the moving castle’s door.

For several long moments, the whole place falls silent and still, but then slowly the door swings open and Carwood steps inside to see a cosy, if messy kitchen. There’s nobody there and Carwood doesn’t like to impose, but then he supposed that the door didn’t open itself and the wizard must have let him in. He’s too tired to think more about it, and settles down to sleep in a comfortable armchair by the hearth.

When he wakes up the place is still quiet and in the daylight, he sees the place is in even worse repair that it had appeared the night before. Carwood has always been taught not to leave things in worse repair then he found them, and although he hasn’t added to the mess, it seems a poor repayment of the castle’s hospitality to leave it in such a terrible state.

He only means to do a few things, and then leave before he risks a run in with the wizard and get back to seeking a solution to his problem, but he has always been in the habit of getting caught up when there’s work that needs doing and before he realises it the shadows are falling the other way across the room and he’s let half the day pass him by.

And when he turns around he realises he isn’t alone.

For a moment he’s quite alarmed, but then he sees the person who has joined him in the kitchen can’t possibly be the wicked wizard. The person is handsome man, of about the age Carwood ought to be if not for the witch’s curse, who doesn’t look the first thing like Lip supposed an evil wizard ought to look. He’s staring at Carwood with a deeply puzzled look. “What are doing?” he said.

“Cleaning,” Carwood replied. Of course the concept is unfamiliar given the state the place has been allowed to get in. “And mending. You know the door of this cupboard was half off its hinges when I got here.”

The young man stared. “Why?”

“Well I imagine because nobody has been taking proper care of it,” Carwood said, wringing out the cloth he’d been using to wipe down the counters. “Who are you?”

“I’m Ron,” the young man answered, and then as if only just realising that Carwood was the one who didn’t belong, added, “Who are  _you_?”

Carwood hesitated. It seemed highly unlikely that Ron would know enough to put together his name with Lipton Inn back in town and even less likely that he’d spread gossip, but Carwood didn’t want to take the risk. “Carwood,” he said, without elaboration. He didn’t even feel especially rude about it since Ron hadn’t given a family name either.

He’s still quite startled when Ron offers to pay him to carry on fixing the place up. But it was work just like he’d been looking for, with pay to send back to his family, and perhaps if he was staying in a wizard’s house he might find some way to undo his own curse.

Carwood was a little unsure of what the Wizard Speirs would think of this arrangement, but the wicked wizard seemed to be chronically absent, leaving the house in the charge of Ron (a wizard of some skill himself, Lip guesses Speirs’ apprentice) who is quiet and a little awkward natured but then Carwood supposes that living in the circumstances he has would bring out a little peculiarity in anyone. In truth, he thinks it a shame that Ron is shut up tending the castle for a wicked wizard who doesn’t seem interested in keeping his house in order or training his apprentice. A few times he tries to gently broach the topic of Ron having other options, surely he ought to be permitted to enjoy his youth in the company of peers, but Ron seems to believe himself to be duty bound to the wizard and the castle.

He settles into life there, not having much luck finding a fix for his curse, but content in his work and Ron’s company.

They settle into quite the comfortable routine, but the witch of the wastes wants to be the only frightening power in the land not have Wizard Speirs drawing attention away from her and attacks the castle.

Carwood thinks it’s very poor of her to go after the castle and Ron and not attack the wizard directly and tries to help with the defence. He ends up getting in a confrontation with the witch and Ron has to rescue him, the curse on Carwood being undone in the process. With the curse removed, Lip is well enough to be of use fighting the witch and she is defeated.

Lip is not quite sure what to make of the fact that Ron and Speirs have been the same person all along, and Speirs is surprised to see an un-spelled version of Carwood (he’d known there was a spell on him, and a strong one too, wanting to figure it out was half the reason he let him stay), but since they are both same people inside –even if not what was quite expected– they settle things quickly and although Carwood’s inner sense of duty is telling him he ought to go back to his family and the duties he had before, Ron is quick to use the arguments Carwood made when tell Ron he should leave what he thought was a terrible apprenticeship in order to persuade him that he ought to stay. He thinks Carwood might have a gift for magic, that’s been neglected all these years, and Ron’s got too used to having somebody in the house with him, he doesn’t want to be left alone again.

And with all that magic around it shouldn’t be too hard to turn that into a real happy ending.

**An au of my choice** : Community centre fundraiser. Everybody is surprised when scary Mr. Speirs who lives in the creep old house at the edge of town (It’s actually a pretty normal house except for who lives there) brings a tray of brownies to the bake sale. Nobody goes anywhere near his table. The event is nearly over and his tray is still full so Carwood feels bad for him and decides to go over and buy one (he’s promised himself no buying anything after all the batter and test versions he’s eaten in preparing the cakes that he provided because he’s on the committee, but if it’s a good deed it doesn’t count). He isn’t expecting much, they look neat in a way that makes him think store bought, then he bites into one.

It is heavenly. He is immediately glad that nobody else has bought any because he’s going to need to take the whole tray and eat them for every meal, his healthy lifestyle can resume next week. It’s possible that Carwood moans. He cannot even begin to be embarrassed by it when he is experiencing such chocolatey bliss.

He has to ask where Ron got the recipe, and when Ron says it’s a family recipe that Carwood will have to come over to get from him because he doesn’t have it memorised Carwood says yes, and vaguely hopes that there will be more baking when he comes over.

Ron, who only came to the fundraiser at all for the opportunity to stare from a discreet distance at Carwood who he’s seen in town but never come up with a good excuse to talk to, is marking this plan down as a 100% success.

 

**Pirates au** : There isn’t a man on the sea who hasn’t heard of the dread pirate Ronald Speirs, scourge of the seas, reputed to have drowned a thousand men and called the souls of the strongest back from their watery grave in order to crew his ship. When the lookout reports his fabled flag on the horizon the captain of the merchant vessel Lipton is quartermaster aboard goes below decks and locks himself in his cabin.

They haven’t had a first mate since the man had ran off and eloped last time they were in port and the handful of ranking men aboard look to Lipton for a plan for no reason other than that he’s the eldest, half of the sailors barely more than boys, recruited because they didn’t yet know how to negotiate for better conditions or pay. Lipton got his start enlisting in the navy, has worked his way up to where he is now, knows that there’s little chance of mercy if they surrender and little chance of victory if they stand and fight. Even if only half of them are killed those who remain will be doomed with too little of a crew to reach safe harbour.

Handing over their goods in the hope of appeasement is no use, they aren’t shipping anything grand, not gold or silks, just staple goods to a chain of island colonies not yet developed enough for self-sufficiency. There’s nothing at all that might offer a way out.

Lipton tells the men the best plan he can think of, then watches as the pirate ship cuts through the waves to draw up to their side.

The boarding party land with swords and guns drawn, battle cries echoing in the air, then falter at the sight of Carwood standing alone and unarmed on the deck.

It’s almost amusing, watching these fierce pirates look around for a trap, then exchange befuddled glances when they find none. There’s little to mark out rank among them, but their eyes drift most often to one man, standing in the centre of them all, tall and dark coated, face shadowed by the brim of his hat.

Lipton nods. “Captain Speirs, I presume?”

“You know me?” Speirs doesn’t sound surprised. It made sense, a man like that could hardly be unaware of his reputation.

“Sailors tell stories.”

“Then you know what I do.”

“The stories say you leave no survivors—” Speirs nodded, but Lipton wasn’t done. “—but I have to wonder, if you’ve never left survivors, then who precisely is telling these stories in ports across five continents.”

There was a long silence.

Several of Speirs’ men were starting to look very uncomfortable.

“Are you the captain of this vessel?” Speirs asks.

Lipton levels him with an unimpressed look. It’s perhaps not the right response to a man who rumour claims could kill him as easily as look at him, but the question is so blatantly foolish when Lipton knows he doesn’t look a thing like a merchant vessel captain. “I’m the quartermaster. Captain Dike is below.”

Speirs’ lip curled with disdain. “Bring him to me.”

“No,” Lipton says, folding his arms.

Speirs finally raises his head enough that Lipton can look him in the eye. “Excuse me

“No,” Lipton repeats. “I won’t.” Then, frankly, “Anyway, I can’t. He locked himself in his cabin at the first sight of your colours.”

“And the rest of the crew?”

Lipton stays silent. Speirs’ men will find them if they search but he isn’t going to give them up so easily.

“Very well,” Speirs says, the holds out an arm.

Lipton stares at it.

Speirs continues to hold it out, and when it’s clear Lipton isn’t sure what to make of it adds, “Unless you’re comfortable transferring between ships unaided, in which case go ahead.”

“Transferring between ships?”

“We need a quartermaster,” Speirs said simply. “You’ll do.”

Lipton is aware he must be gaping like a fool but he can’t help himself.

“Or I could order my men to search the ship,” Speirs suggests.

Lipton takes the proffered arm.

“Don’t worry,” Speirs says, in a tone that isn’t anything like reassuring. “I think you’ll make an excellent pirate.”


	102. Speirgott - AUs

 

**Fake dating** : They’re only acquaintances but they’re both sick of being told that they need to date somebody because a nice boy/girl would influence them to soften up. Of course, it’s always framed as concern, worry that they’re lonely, that they aren’t living life to the fullest, that the friends/relatives/co-workers making the comments only want to see them happy – the fact that being in a relationship ought to make them more easy-going is just a convenient side benefit. So after a session of sharing their mutual frustrations with the fact people seem to think they need their personalities changing by love, they end up deciding to pretend to date each other.

That’s right, find the gentle influence in that relationship, assholes.

They make a terrifying power couple.

Joe finds great delight going to the people who told him he’d be happier in a relationship and telling them that they were right, and watching their horrified faces as they try to figure out how to convey that they didn’t mean  _this_ relationship. And if this was what real relationships were like, having a partner who agreed with him and supported his shit instead of being a source of pressure to conform, somebody who was interested in the things he was interested in rather than expecting him to perform trite hallmark romance rituals, then maybe dating wouldn’t feel like such a chore.

Ron never really cared what people thought about his relationship status, he just wanted them to stop talking about it, so the plan hasn’t really been a success on his front. But, Joe is clearly thrilled with the results and while the time they spend together doing things to keep up the ruse wasn’t a motivating factor when they’d come up with the plan, Ron could get used to the close relationship that’s developed between as a consequence of the plan. He’s not much of a people person, but he finds Joe’s company enjoyable and free of bullshit.

They never set an end date for their plan so they just keep going, neither of them have enough interest in pursuing somebody else for it to be worth breaking off the good thing they have going on, but neither of them are naturally inclined towards celibacy either so it only seems natural to incorporate real physical elements into their fake relationship.

Ultimately, they are in their fake relationship for just over four years; three years and nine months of which involve doing everything they would do everything they would do in a real relationship except not calling it a real relationship because that would imply an expectation of traditional relationship behaviours that neither of them want. They move in together while fake dating and the only reason that they eventually drop the ‘fake’ part of their relationship is because it’s not really compatible with getting married.

 

**Bodyswap** : I feel like both of them would find this a very uncomfortable experience. Ron likes to be in control of himself too much to feel comfortable being in a body that isn’t his and knowing that his body was in the control of another person, even somebody he trusted, would bother him. Joe isn’t quite as freaked out. He would be if it was anybody else, but Ron’s so protective over his own body and autonomy and Joe knows he’s the kind of person who will offer the same level of consideration that he expects. They break from their normal routines, sticking close because they both feel better when they can see what their own body is doing, and they’re both going for minimum disruption as they work out how to switch back.

 

**Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it** :  Aliens.  _Aliens?_ What the actual motherfucking shit is wrong with the world that they get abducted by aLIENS! Joe is not handling this whole extra-terrestrial life revelation very well, and Ron is exceedingly pissed that they managed to get the drop on him.

Then the aliens explain  _why_ they’ve been abducted and Joe just about hits the roof. Not only does he have to deal with accepting aliens into his reality, but they can’t even be cool aliens, no, they’re creepy voyeur aliens who don’t seem to understand the concept of good consent. Ron is equally busy wondering why the aliens would go to this much effort to kidnap them for this purpose, when sex isn’t exactly top-secret information and it doesn’t seem to have any strategic value.

Joe reckons the aliens are just pervy.                

But if they want fucking? They’re going to get fucking. Joe and Ron are about to give the aliens a very comprehensive education in what two physically fit, flexible human males can get up to for entertainment, including several things that they themselves have never tried before but if you suddenly find yourself in a room where the gravity levels are controlled by a wall dial why not have some fun with it?

After the aliens drop them back home they decide that contrary to their initial research findings if humans are as vigorous as that then earth probably isn’t the best target for their invasion. They’ll have to try somewhere else.

**Secret kinks** : Speirs’ possessive streak and all that comes with it isn’t a secret to anybody – it’s so big it can practically be seen from space. What is less well known though is just how much he enjoys it when Lieb gets possessive right back. Lieb loves it too, especially when he leaves nice obvious marks in places Ron can’t easily hide them and then gets to enjoy seeing Ron walking around the next day with a look that says he dares anybody to comment.

**Their first kiss** : Ron can be a pretty smooth talker when he wants to be, it’s just that he usually finds that being terrifying is more efficient. Terrifying doesn’t really work with attraction though, and anyway his whole scary/ruthless persona doesn’t really work on Lieb the same way it does on everybody else. Ron puts on the scary face and while everybody else is quaking in terror Lieb just grins and scoots closer.

So whenever they meet he turns on the charm instead, and the first few times it works, Lieb is so surprised by seeing this unexpected other side to Ron’s personality that he lets himself be swept along.

It doesn’t last. Once he’s had time to process Lieb proves that he can match Ron at this game too, flirting until it’s Ron who is falling under the onslaught.

It’s not a seduction, they have their own goals in mind and the flirting begins as a means to an end, but as time goes on it’s not necessary to play those games anymore yet they keep doing it and after that it’s only a matter of time before they have to acknowledge that it’s become something more.

First kisses are usually tentative, quick and a little uncertain, but that’s first kisses for people who don’t have their combination of intense personalities. It’s not heated, they both know this isn’t going any further tonight, but it’s passionate, an embrace close enough that Ron can feel Lieb’s heart beating against his chest and Lieb can hear the tiny hitch in Ron’s breath as their hands entwine; and in the physical gesture both of them can let loose the feelings they aren’t yet really to put into words.

**Meeting the parents** : Ron turns into a pod person when he meets Joe’s parents. It’s what he does, he observes and then presents himself in the manner the situation calls for. In canon, it’s dangerously badass captain speirs; meeting the parents, it’s Ron the unnervingly charming history enthusiast. Ron gets along brilliantly with Joe’s parents (although they’re quite confused as to how he doesn’t seem anything like Joe’s descriptions), meanwhile Joe spends the entire dinner side-eyeing him like, ‘who the hell are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?’. When the dinner ends and his parents leave Joe turns to Ron like ‘what the fuck was that?’ and Ron explains that he was trying to get them to like him. Joe’s response is that he appreciates the effort but also could Ron please never do that again because it’s frankly a little creepy.

Meeting Mr. and Mrs. Speirs is a bit of an ‘ _oh_ ’ moment for Joe. He’d never really thought about how Ron turned out to have such an interesting personality, had assumed it was a unique quirk or a deliberate counter to a restrictive upbringing, but seeing Ron’s parents makes sense of everything. Mrs. and Mrs. Speirs are counter-culture types, very educated but very eccentric and with very little care for social norms and who raised their son to trust his own instincts above any sort of rules or convention. They would probably be a bit overwhelming, except Joe is already used to Ron’s brand of weird and he finds that if he just rolls with the odd stuff they’re very easy to get along with.

**Moving in together** : It’s the dog’s fault. They hadn’t made a plan to move or live together, but then Joe had found the abandoned puppy on his way home from work one night and brought it back to take care of, but neither of them work hours that are suited to taking care of a dog alone and Ron’s apartment complex forbids pets and Joe’s charges an extra $300 per month in fees for an animal which is daylight robbery and more than Joe could possibly afford when keeping the dog would already be adding food costs and a pet-sitter because of his work hours and insurance in case of vets bills, but also Joe has not so secretly wanted a dog since he was a kid but it’s never been practical to have one and he’s sick of waiting for circumstances to be right when there’s this ball of fluff following him round the apartment wagging its tail every time he looks at it.

Possibly making an offer on a house is not the most sensible reaction Ron could have had, but he’s always had problems with impulse control when it comes to the things that he really wants and he can’t slip the way the dog makes Joe smile in his pocket and walk off with it like he did with gas station gum as a kid, but he can slip his phone from his pocket and search until he sees a nice house in an area that would shorten both their commutes, with a yard big enough for a dog to play in. He won’t finalise the purchase until he’s check that Joe’s okay with the plan, but he’s pretty sure once Joe sees the house he’s not gonna be able to say no. Later he will publicly rationalise it that real estate is a good investment, a down payment on a house better use of his money than gaining fractional interest in a savings account or buying shares that might devalue, but the truth is that he doesn’t want to see the heartbreak on Joe’s face if he has to get rid of that dog, so he’s just gonna make it so that can’t happen. ****

**A crossover of my choice** :They’ve been married five years (“ _no, six”_ ; “five”; “ _six, our anniversary was in June”_ ) and… it’s not what it once was. At first it was easy to think it was just part of getting older: of course things aren’t as exciting and as passionate as they were when they met, they’ve lost the novelty and replaced it with a mortgage on a house in the suburbs where they do household chores and go to neighbourhood association meetings. But familiarity doesn’t have to mean the death of love and yet… there’s something hollow, in their home and in their relationship. Both of them seem more dedicated to their work than to each other, Ron leaves early every morning for his job as an executive as a finance company, Joe stays late every night making sure the team he leads as a software engineer will meet their deadlines, and both of them travel often and don’t ever seem to be able to find the time to call.

Or at least, that’s what it looks like.

Of course, Ron did years of undercover work for his government before he finally got recruited to the private contractor who now employs him, has more than enough skills to keep what he’s really doing concealed from innocent civilians, even his husband.

And of course, Joe knew how to keep his mouth shut in the army and it’s not a skill he’s forgotten, so if his employers want him to keep his husband unaware of what he’s really doing when he’s away, well it’s probably for the best. Ron works in an office and likes a world with rules and order, he’s never be able to cope with the truth.

But when somebody gets in the way of assassinating treasonous Virginia senator Guy Arnold, they both immediately look into finding out just who the hell has come into the game and thinks that they can play on their level and are surprised to see a familiar face.

There’s only one thing to do –and their bosses agree– take out the competition.

But it’s easy to decide on the logical course of action when they’re sitting in their respective offices surrounded by people who have no investment in the situation. It’s very different to be sitting at opposite ends of  _their_  dining table, feeling simultaneously too close and too far apart, Joe gripping his steak knife too tight while Ron’s gun suddenly feels cold and heavy against his thigh like it hasn’t since before his first kill, both of them waiting to see who will make the first move.

Both of them are professionals, they follow orders and they do efficient work, but they’ve never gone up against an equal match before, let alone an equal match who is intimately familiar with all of their habits and weaknesses, and things are about to get heated…

 

**An au of my choice** : Spy!Ron, taxi driver Lieb who gets pulled into his mission.

It’s a good attempt, but the opposing agent has made a rookie mistake with the shoes. If you wanted to be a good undercover agent then you needed to accept the fact that steel capped boots wouldn’t go with every persona and that sometimes you had to risk a few broken toes for the sake of a disguise. Ron could take down the guy who he’s spotted tailing him, but if he’s spotted on guy then chances are there are at least two more on him and in a crowded street the risk of being exposed is just too high. He can’t lead them to his original intended destination and compromise his contact, but as soon as he deviates from the plan the shit is going to hit the fan and he’ll need to move fast. He walks for two more blocks, scouting out his options, when he sees the eye-catching yellow of a cab idling at the roadside.

He makes sure to keep his approach casual, waiting until he’s pulled level with the cab, then yanks the door open and slides into the back seat.

“Drive!” he orders.

“Look pal, this is a taxi not a tour bus, if you don’t know where you want to go—”

The first bullet shatters the window next to Ron as he flattens himself against the seat. The driver –the driver I.D stuck to the centre console says his name is Liebgott—puts his foot down.

“What the fuck?!” Liebgott yells, but he doesn’t try to kick Ron out of the car, weaves through the downtown traffic with an ease that Ron knows his pursuers could never manage. He’s been compromised now though, and if they were following him then even safehouse he has in the city is potentially burned. He can’t abandon the job, but he can’t do it alone with the resources he has.

He looks across at Liebgott, who is cursing up a storm, but only in the way that could be expected when dealing with downtown Frisco traffic, not like he’s fallen apart when the shooting started. There’s a thin chain around his neck and it could be jewellery but it looks cheap and, more importantly, familiar – if Ron’s even half the spy he knows himself to be then there’s dog tags on the end of that chain.

Ron takes his assets where-ever he can find them.

He leans forward and offers Liebgott a new job.


	103. BabeJulian - AUs

**Fake dating** : College AU in which Babe sort of proudly told everybody he knew that he’d be bringing his boyfriend home for thanksgiving, only to get dumped a week before the break. He’s a little bit heartbroken, a lot more pissed off because the guy was such a douche about it, but mostly he’s dreading the embarrassment of going home sans boyfriend. Either he’s gonna get pitied the whole time for being dumped, or people are gonna think he never had a boyfriend to begin with and was just saying it to look cool or something. He just can’t face the prospect of going home without a date but his family and friends are way too nosy and perceptive for Babe to just find somebody on the internet who wanted some free food. 

That’s when he remembers that his roommate isn’t going home for the holidays, something about not wanting to spend half his break on cross-country busses, and Babe and Julian aren’t exactly close because of their schedules don’t really overlap enough for them to hang out, but Julian certainly knows Babe well enough that he could be a convincing boyfriend for the weekend and Mama Heffron’s cooking is more than enough repayment. Julian goes b/c he’s a starving college student who never says no to free food and tbh he was dreading the thought of being alone over the break anyway.

Of course, while they’re at Thanksgiving dinner Bill announces that he’s transferring to Babe’s college for his final units, which leads to Babe and Julian hiding in a bathroom for a hurried strategy meeting in which Babe really doesn’t want Bill to know about the lie or to think they’ve broken up (if Babe says he dumped Julian all he’ll here is ‘why? Why? Why?’ and he can’t say Julian dumped him because Bill will probably get all protective and vengeful) and Julian really doesn’t want to give up on Babe’s mom’s cooking (“You live within driving distance and your mom cooks like this! Why aren’t you going home every weekend??”) so they decide to keep up the ruse indefinitely, and one day they just kind of forget that they’re faking it and start making out and there’s a little bit of awkward panic but in the end if they make such good fake boyfriends they must have the potential to be excellent real ones.

 

 **Bodyswap** : They’re both cute and bodyswap plays out accordingly. There are a lot of minor accidents as they get used to having each other’s heights and centres of balance. They try to do the pretending to be each other thing but they aren’t very good at it; however, when their buddies see that both of them are acting so weirdly all of a sudden and spending every free moment whispering together they come up with own theories about the cause of this behaviour.

**Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it:** Look, they were  _all_ warned about the weird poisonous European plant, the effects of which quickly start getting described as sexpollen by the men even if high command would never. They know how to identify it, to avoid it, and should anything happen they should report it to a medic where they can be issued with medication to counter the worst of the effects. Sorted, right? Well, except for the fact that when Babe and Jules accidentally stumble right into a massive patch of the stuff it’s so  _embarrassing_. They were warned, they were super warned, and if they go back and report to a medic the gossip will be all round the company in ten minutes flat and endless amounts of teasing is sure to follow. And well, they’re both affected, so they could just, y’know take care of each other. A few times. Just to make sure that the problem was thoroughly dealt with.

**Dark!fic [whoops, this turned from ‘how I would write this’ to me actually writing it]** : When the dead rise they have a plan. They’ve seen all the movies, talked it through over beers night after night, they aren’t hardcore preppers or anything, but who doesn’t have a zombie plan. Bill and Babe are gonna stick together, defend their neighbourhood, and kick some zombie ass.

At first it almost seems to be working. They set up at the Guarnere place, it’s got the most room, a big chest freezer full of food, even a goddam generator. They reinforce the windows and doors against the zombies, set up radios and co-ordinate with other groups in the neighbourhood, there are rumours that the police, that the government, that the army is coming but none of them have high hopes for a rescue. They’ll look out for themselves and each other, just like they always have done.

Then things start going wrong. It turns out the food supplies don’t last nearly as long as they’d thought when so many people are taking a share, then something goes wrong with the generator and they lose heat just as winter starts to get in. Henry Guarnere and a few buddies go out on a supple run, looking for more food and replacement generator parts.

None of them come back.

Bill isn’t the same after that, angry, reckless. Babe has heard news of the radio from a few of the other groups of survivors, knows about infighting and cabin fever from being trapped and under that kind of pressure. People who survived the zombies only to die because they fall out with their buddies. He doesn’t want that to happen to Bill, so he starts to volunteer for more supply runs himself, drags Bill along with him, because killing zombies is the only thing that seems to calm him down anymore.

He’s on a supply run when he meets Julian. There are a few tense moments when they run into a stranger as the big box grocery store they’ve been slowly cleaning out, all of them pointing guns at each other, and Babe hates that they’ve come to this, fights to the death over instant ramen and tinned ham, but then the stranger lowers his gun and so Babe copies the motion and Bill is in a good enough mood to back down too. Julian introduces himself, tells the story of how he’d been in the city visiting friends but now he’s trying to stock up enough supplies to make it home to Alabama. He doesn’t say what happened to the friends he’d been visiting and Babe knows better than to ask.

He doesn’t ask to come back with them and they don’t offer, they’re struggling for resources as it is and Babe would vote for welcoming a stranger in if they needed it but he’s not sure everybody in the house would agree with that, but Julian has his own place.

They keep meeting. Julian becomes a de facto partner on supply runs, covering their backs in exchange for a share of the haul, he doesn’t want much, just the stuff he’ll need for the trip when he eventually attempts it.

This goes on for weeks, and for those handful of hours every few days Babe can almost forget that the world has ended. Julian likes science fiction, they grab the same grocery store paperbacks on their hauls and talk them over next time they meet, used to follow football but only ever played baseball, was never much of a fan of video games but never minded listening to Babe talking about how much gaming had prepared him for their current situation and didn’t make fun of him for it like most of the others.

Maybe that’s the problem.

They get comfortable, cocky maybe. The store isn’t barricade and secure like the house, but it’s not exposed like the streets and that starts to be enough to feel safe.

That’s when things go wrong.

Babe isn’t keeping an ear out like he ought to, doesn’t hear the shambling steps, and he’s long since stopped being able to pick out the smell of zombie from the general stench of death that permeates everywhere that people once were. By the time he sees them it’s too late.

Bill has gone off to search the back rooms, leaving Julian and Babe alone in the cleaning products aisle, since Doc had complained that if they kept leaving that shit of their supply list they were going to have outbreak of regular disease that would take them out without the zombies needing to get close. They’re loading laundry detergent onto a stolen cart, laughing at the pictures of the boxes, the photos of people in clothes the kind of pristine white neither of them has seen since the very first outbreak, when Babe finally looks up and sees the huddle of undead at the end of the aisle.

“Oh shit!”

Julian’s head snaps up then too, but Babe is already turning, looking to the other end of the aisle for an exit, they can double back around, the zombies are faster than they are in most movies but they can’t keep up with an unburdened human sprinting, but there are three at the other end.

They’ve been boxed in. For a chilling moment Babe wonders if the zombies are getting smarter, but no, this has to just be bad luck.

He could try shooting at them, but the noise might draw others and anyway, their ammo supplies are even more depleted than their food stocks and much harder to replenish.

There’s only one option. He meets Julian’s eyes, can see that he knows it too.

They run.

For a few moments Babe’s whole world shrinks down to the hammering of his heart in his chest, the thud of his sneakers against the tilled floor, the seizing of his lungs. He barrels forward, using the cart to clear a path until it catches on something and he has to abandon it.

He thinks he might hear footsteps just behind him, hopes it Julian and not one of them, but he can’t turn his head to check.

He doesn’t know what to do. There was no way of losing the zombies in the open plan floor of the shop and they couldn’t leave, that would mean leaving Bill behind, and anyway, exposing themselves out in the open wouldn’t fix this.

There’s a storage closet coming up on his right and he points it out to Julian in a yell. He might be dooming them both, if the door is locked then that pause will give the zombies time to catch up.

He reaches the door, sneaker souls squeaking as he stops, rattles the handles and for a moment he thinks it’s not open, but then he shoves at it and it must have just been stiff because it swings open and he staggers inside, Julian on his heels and slamming the door shut behind him.

Babe leans against the wall, trying to catch his breath, whole body shaking with adrenaline, with relief.

“Babe…”

Julian’s voice is barely above a whisper and when Babe turns he sees Julian staring down at his arm in wide-eyes horror.

Babe follows his stare.

A bite mark.

“No,” he says, pointlessly. “No, it can’t… you can’t…”

Julian has been pale as long as Babe has known him. Maybe it wasn’t always like that, perhaps once upon a time he’d spent time in the sun, got freckles or a tan, but hiding from zombies also means hiding from the sun and so Julian is pale. Now he goes pales still, skin taking on a deathly pallor as he looks towards Babe’s gun. “You… Babe you have to…”

Babe knows. He knows what he has to do now. He’s seen it happen a few times, but there’s always been somebody else to do it.

“I… I…” he can’t. He has to but…

Julian grabs the gun, pulling it up until the barrel is levelled between his eyes.

“Please Babe!”

He curls his finger around the trigger.

He can already see the way Julian’s dark eyes are shifting from pleading to unfocused. There’s no time to hesitate. The infection takes people so much faster than they’d ever imagined. There’s no time to find a cure, to deliberate morality, once somebody has been bitten they have minutes.

Babe hasn’t met a single person since the outbreak that wouldn’t rather be taken out than become one of those things.

He pulls the trigger.

 _Click_.

He pulls again.

_Click. Clickclickclick._

It’s jammed.

It’s jammed and he’s waited too long, there’s nothing of Julian left in the creature that stands before him.

Stands between him and the door.

“Julian…” Babe says helplessly, but the zombie doesn’t even blink. “Julian…?”

It’s the last word on his lips.

 

 **Secret kinks** : everybody thinks these two are such sweet vanilla munchkins, but they would prefer the term enthusiastic learners. They would be open to kink but aren’t really confident enough to try anything too outrageous, though they do dabble in a lot of giggly role-play.

**Their first kiss** : Mistletoe grows in Belgium. Babe’s not got real great plant identification skills, it’s not something you really learn growing up in a big city, but Julian recognises it while they’re out on patrol and once he points out it Babe can kind of see how it looks like the stuff he used to see hanging in doorways – except growing on a tree. There hasn’t been a whole lot of celebrating that Christmas, deep in the woods as Bastogne there’s no place to hang stockings and noise discipline and carol singing aren’t too compatible, but this they can have and when their lips press together it’s like a little taste of home.

**Meeting the parents:**  okay evil brain says Babe meeting Julian’s parents when he’d giving them Julian’s things after his death, but also NO, I am all angsted out after dark!fic. So, Julian is just wounded, bounces from hospital to hospital in Europe and then stateside, writing Babe letters all the while, and when he finally gets cleared to go home Babe borrows a car and picks Julian up from the hospital and they road trip down to where Julian grew up, the closer they get the more Julian points out the things that he knows, and Babe brings Julian back to his parents, mostly healthy, whole but for a scar that looks more like it came from a shaving cut than a wound was damn near deadly. They say he’s welcome to stay for dinner, they mean he’s welcome to stay forever.

**Moving in together** : They start out in a shared house with a few other guys before they’re even dating so they’ve lived together but they’ve never lived  _together_. In fact, moving in together romantic stylez is a first for both of them and they spend the first few weeks in a little bubble of honeymoon-eque bliss, sickeningly adorable as they beam at each other while talking about fixing the place up. Nobody should look that happy while talking about a persistent mold problem, but it’s  _their_  mold problem and that makes it inherently romantic.

**A crossover of my choice** : Hogwarts au! They meet on the train! Babe is deliberately trying to shake the group he’s with b/c between his own siblings and their friends and Bill and Bill’s siblings and friends it was all getting more than a little crowded and overwhelming. He manages to slip away and finds Julian sitting in a compartment by himself. The spend the whole train ride becoming best friends, and there’s nobody with I for a last initial that year so they stand together at the sorting too, going into Gryffindor one after the other. The stick together like that all through Hogwarts, picking the same electives, trying out for quidditch together (neither of them make the cut, it’s for the best, they’d only get hurt). It’s no surprise when they stick together after graduating too.

**An au of my choice** : When Babe was very small he was often reminded that ‘curiosity killed the cat’ but by the time he was a teenager he’d learned the ‘but satisfaction brought it back’ ending to the phrase, and it’s become a bit of a life philosophy.

So when he’s reading a magazine at the dentists and comes across an article about destigmatizing sex toys because they were beneficial, he follows it up with some googling when he gets home. Which quickly turns into browsing a few online stores but reading dimensions on paper wasn’t enough for him to get a sense of how something would feel, and how was he supposed to know what was best from ten different vibration settings when he’d never even tried one. So, since he’s got some birthday money laying around, he goes on a bit of a spree.

But then the estimated delivery date on the final order confirmation is 7-14 days, so Babe puts it out of his mind. In fact, the next week of his life is so chaotic that he’s forgotten all about his order until he gets a knock on the door.

It’s not a delivery guy waiting there when he answers though, it’s his neighbour, Julian. They’ve hung out a few times so Julian shouldn’t feel odd about visiting Babe but for some reason he’s bright red and stuttering as he explains that he was accidentally delivered a parcel meant for Babe, and he’s ever so sorry but he opened it and well…

That’s went Babe looks down into the open box Julian is holding, and remembers his little shopping spree.

Now Babe is also bright red, because what he seemed fairly innocuous when they were just pictures on his screen look a lot bigger in person and the number of them is… well…

But the thing is, that while Babe gets embarrassed pretty easily, growing up in a pack of kids who’d give him endless shit has given him a knack for being able to bluster his way through.

“Impressive, aren’t they?”

Babe can bluster, but he’s not very effective at it. Julian gets even redder. Babe probably should have pretended he was giving them as a gag gift or something. Oh well. He knows when to accept defeat, so he takes the box from Julian and apologises for the mix up and then resolves to just somehow avoid running into Julian in the halls after that.

If anything, they seem to run into each other more than ever.

Julian had never really thought about Babe that way before, but now every time he runs into Babe in the hall he can’t help but remember what was in that box and it fuels his imagination. He’s got a whole lot of ideas by the time he finally makes his move and they get together.


	104. Webgott - AUs

 

**Fake dating** : Why does Joe gate-crash Webster’s weird shark vlog live broadcast and tell all the viewers (probably, like, three people) he’s Webster’s boyfriend? Well, because it made Webster go all purple with rage.

Of course, it’s not true, they can’t stand each other, but it turns out that’s the video that goes semi-viral and suddenly there are all sorts of opportunities for that cute shark blogger and his boyfriend who does the funny comic book reviews. They decided to go along with the misunderstanding for a while because they can both profit from it but also, they are massive dicks about it. They need to appear to go on a date so Webster plans something that caters entirely to his interest and Lieb is bored and uncomfortable the whole time; Lieb retaliates by deliberately oversharing details of their pretend sex life (he considers insinuating that Webster is whatever the shark version of a furry is but then realizes that would make it seem like he was into that too); they try to embarrass each other and deliberately sabotage each other’s videos knowing that they’ll get away with it because can’t argue with the boyfriend and still get good endorsement deals.

They spend a lot of time together in their fake relationship, but eventually the benefits start drying up so it’s time for a fake breakup and they can go back to avoiding and openly disliking each other like usual.

Except it turns out not to be the relief that it ought to have been. Instead of being wonderfully free of each other, Joe finds that he’s still ordering terrible coffee to stop Webster from stealing sips, Webster watches the trailer for Justice League just to poke holes in the plot only to realise he’s got nobody to point out plot holes too. They both end up watching each other’s vlogs, looking for clues as to how the other is handling their ‘break-up’ and because they miss having reasons to make fun of each other (nothing more! of course). They’ve always though that the other one’s topic of vlogging is weird and stupid –there’s already a million comic book vlogs why does Joe think he’s special? If people wanted to watch about sharks they would watch an actual documentary not just Webster talking about sharks and sharing information that people could get faster by googling— but now they’re actually watching suddenly caring about what the other one has to say, appreciating their enthusiasm for this thing that matters to them.

**Bodyswap** : If they’re already together, then they pretty much immediately end up having sex because it’s interesting to explore how stuff feels to the other person and being able to touch the other person knowing exactly how it will make that body react. Joe discovers that Webster isn’t lying when he says he isn’t ticklish anywhere but also accidentally reveals his own weak spot to Webster.

If they aren’t together yet, then once the initial freak-out is over and they’re assured that they’ll swap back, Lieb gets naked at the first opportunity. He is determined to find some flaw on Webster’s body. Nobody should be that pretty. He’s got to have a weird birthmark or lopsided nipples or overly bony knees or  _something._ Webster, on the other hand, turns into a total prude – he doesn’t want to see Joe’s body while Joe isn’t in control of it and anyway it would be the most awful thing to see it while they were swapped and then swap back and have the memories but never get to see it again. Meanwhile Joe has given up on finding a flaw, having ended up with a very confusing boner from seeing Webster naked and touching himself/Webster’s body, and jerks off instead.

Turns out an orgasm is how to swap back and Webster is very startled to find himself back in his body but also naked and in bed. Meanwhile Joe is super relieved to be back in his own body right up until the moment that he realizes that means Webster is going to know what Joe was doing in Webster’s body and oh  _shit_  that’s awkward and what if he reads into it. Joe is just gonna have to never be in the same room as him again.

**Sexpollen/fuck or die/aliens made them do it** : Nobody is quite sure how it starts, only that it seems to spread through the company like an infection, and there was only one way to relieve the symptoms. Nobody talks about it but everybody knows, a guy starts showing the signs and he slips away with a buddy for a while and when he comes back the fever has broken and he’s on the mend. There’ve been rumours of guys in other companies who’ve had to be taken off the line and hospitalised because things have become so bad, but nobody in Easy lets it get to that point.

Joe thinks he’s one of the lucky ones, time and time again he sees guys around him develop the symptoms –the flush, the sweating, the inability to focus–, and time and time again he’s passed over without so much as a hot flash. In Bastogne it almost becomes bitter, the fever might be dangerous but at least it would have tricked his brain into thinking he was warm for a while.

But no, the fever doesn’t creep up on Joe until later, and it doesn’t feel like he expects it to when it comes.

It had been talked of –in whispers—as feeling like burning up, sudden and painful but that’s not what happens to Joe. It’s like static in the air, electricity on his fingertips, and an unwanted curl of warmth deep in his chest. It builds slowly, takes days to spread under his skin, beginning the day they drove into Hageneau until a week later he finally starts to feel like he understands what people meant about saying that the feeling could have driven them mad.

It doesn’t feel like wanting sex, not the way he’s wanted in the past, he just wants something to drive the itch out of his skin and that’s the only way he knows of to do it.

He goes to Webster. They aren’t buddies, but there’ve been rumours about Webster since Toccoa –nothing anybody could ever prove, quite possibly based on nothing more than that he talked too soft and spent too much time with his nose in books— that make Joe think that he’ll go along with it anyway. Webster has been in the hospital for months, doesn’t know about the affliction that’s swept through the front lines, so he won’t question the fact that Joe’s symptoms aren’t quite like the others. He’ll stick around and drive the feeling right out of Joe.

**Dark!fic** : Webster has sailed all his life, spends days and nights out of his boat, and he’s heard all of the old sailors’ stories. Of course, they were just old superstitions, nothing he had to really worry about. When he first catches a glimpse of the figure on the rocky outcropping by the shore he thinks perhaps he’s spent too long on deck in the sun without a drink, that the heat is getting to him, because there’s no way a person could be there. Nobody could swim out to them, the currents were treacherous, just waiting to dash a body up against the rocks spread out below the surface. But he keeps seeing the figure, a man. He’s not there every time Webster sails by but he’s there often enough, and one day he calls out to David. It’s not any greeting he’d expected, the stranger on the rock is rude, and Webster adjusts the tiller and sails a little closer than ever before so that he can shout back. He hears the stranger’s laughter as he sails away, lively and rough like the ocean David has always adored, and the next time it’s he who calls out, determined to hear that laugh again.

Day after day, the stranger teases him with gently mocking words and a charming laugh whenever David attempts to return his fire. Day after day, David steers closer, until he can see the dark eyes watching him, the way that the strangers red lips quirk with amusement whenever David lands a glancing blow in their verbal skirmish.

Their talk begins to consume him, even when he’s on the shore his mind constantly wanders back to the outcropping, what he can say to get a smile, a laugh, to hear the stranger say his name.

He gets bolder, turning sail right towards the outcropping with a mind to lower his anchor and be able to snatch more than few words before he sails onward, and that’s when he hears a sickening crack and the deck beneath him jolts hard enough that he topples over the rail.

The water is icy, Webster doesn’t know how the strange man on the rocks can bear it, and though he kicks hard the tides keep dragging him deeper.

It’s only as he sinks under the cold, dark waves that he finally remembers the old sailors’ tales.  _Beware the sirens_ , they’d said,  _beware their beauty and beware their words for they always know just what to say to lure a sailor to their doom_.

**Secret kinks** : These two don’t have a lot of  _secret_  kinks once they get going, but Joe a has massive praise kink. He doesn’t talk about it because he doesn’t think it needs talking about, everybody likes compliments after all, but what really gets him going is to see/hear/feel Webster’s reactions and the feeling of success, of knowing that he did that, made Webster feel so good and want more of him.

**Their first kiss** : was more of a collision of lips than a kiss, angry and meant to prove a point even if neither of them could quite remember that point was after their lips met. It begins as a battle but instead of ending in a victory for one or the other it just keeps going, they press closer and suddenly it’s not a fight, it’s a dance, with them syncing up, moving together not against each other, to a much more satisfying conclusion.

**Meeting the parents** : Joe is super dreading meeting Webster’s parents, he’s expecting them to be awful snobby intellectual types, so he’s very surprised to discover that they’re super normal. The house Webster grew up in is in a nice neighbourhood but nothing too flashy and when Joe gets inside he sees bookshelves but also that they have the football game on T.V. David’s mom and brother are debating the refereeing; David’s sister would fit right in with any of Joe’s sisters and cousins, her conversation topics bouncing between make-up tutorials and memes; David’s dad talks to Joe about fishing but he has a normal level of it’s fun to sit outside and chill out and maybe have some fish for dinner interest, not Web’s shark-lover intensity. It turns out that Web’s pretentious nerd thing makes him the weird one of the family and they are equally relieved to find out that not only has somebody managed to connect with David and he’s not just sitting alone by the sea with a book all the time, but he’s even managed to start a relationship with somebody  _normal_  who they can have a regular conversation with.

Meanwhile, Joe has always given an image of his family as super nice and loving and warm and he’s not wrong exactly, but them caring about Joe makes them super protective and when David visits for the first time everything is super calm where Joe can see; but every time Joe goes to get some more drinks or his phone charger out of the car or to the bathroom, some relative or another seizes the opportunity to give Webster the ‘mess with him and they’ll never find your body’ talk. Joe doesn’t understand why Webster always looks terrified when the name of Joe’s six-year-old cousin is mentioned, but Joe is a favourite cousin and little girls can be vicious.

**Moving in together** : Is hard. Not least because neither of them is willing to give up their space to go live in the other persons apartment with their things and their rules. They take a long time to move in together, long enough that they get some comments about how weird it is that they aren’t progressing their relationship, but they’re going with what works for them. When they finally take that step it’s because both of their leases are up (they’ve been thinking about this for a while, picking their contract extensions so that they have end dates that match up) and they move into a place that’s  _theirs_ , 50/50, where they can have a bookshelf that holds all of Webster’s pretentious literature and Lieb’s comic collection, Lieb’s pans and Webster’s plates in the kitchen cupboard, and they splash out for one of those fancy mattresses that’s different on each half because Lieb likes soft and cushiony but Webster likes firm and supportive. Neither of them is a natural compromiser, but they’re both more stubborn about wanting a life together than they are about the details and so when they finally take that step they make it work.

**A crossover of my choice** : Jurassic Park fusion! Webster is an expert brought in to consult on the possibility of a new aquarium being added to the park (Honestly Webster why the fuck would you want sharks to be even BIGGER?) and Lieb is one of the keepers. They meet, they argue, but when an attack by poachers brings the park security down, they have to work together to keep themselves safe from the suddenly loose dinosaurs and the poachers who will stop at nothing to get what they want, while Joe is also determined to protect the dinosaurs he works with who he’s hand-reared since infancy.

**An au of my choice** : Joe is just messing about on the internet one day when he finds a blog about events in the area he lives, it’s ‘anonymous’ but it doesn’t take him long to start recognising events and descriptions of people and realise that the blogger is somebody in his social circle and then after following it for a while he narrows the potential writer down until he’s sure it’s Webster. He begins to put together the stories, matching pseudonyms to real people but there are two things that are bugging him: 1) who is this mystery guy that Webster has a crush on that doesn’t seem to match up to anybody Joe can think of that they hang out with, and 2) how come despite the fact he’s been involved in a whole bunch of the events written about, Joe himself doesn’t rate so much as a mention on of Webster secret blog?

He doesn’t know, but he’s going to find out.

He spies on Web for an entire day (except for ten minutes he went outside to smoke) but when he goes home that night and checks Web’s secret blog, does he get a mention????????? no, but apparently Web’s mystery pretty boy turned up in the few minutes he wasn’t watching and managed to make enough of an impression to get gushing paragraphs about his perfect hair and clever jokes. fuck that guy.

> **At which point an anon suggested: "Joe finally including Babe (maybe not because he would tell Bill right away) or Chuck on a secret, hoping he will help him figure out who is the pretty boy Web has such a major crush on. And Chuck reads Web's blog sitting next to Joe, his grin gets bigger and bigger, his face gets all red from barely contained laughter. Joe's like "what? you figure it out?" . Chuck just look at the screen at Joe, at the screen at Joe and burst out laughing. Joe is even more confused."**

So even when Chuck finally stops laughing and tells him Joe is not convinced: THIS IS NO TIME TO MAKE JOKES CHUCK but Chuck will not stop saying this ridiculous thing, so that’s the point Lieb brings Babe in for a second opinion

Chuck is not allowed to say a word about his theory to Babe. Babe reads the blog feeling very uncomfortable as Joe stares intensely at him and Chuck just sits there grinning to himself. When he gets to the end he turns to Joe and says, “why did you make me read this blog about Webster’s crush on you?”

Chuck immediately falls apart laughing again while Lieb stares at Babe and then demands that they both explain how they came to this mad theory.

  _Bonus 'blog excerpt':_

> _He turned up at the café today, the one I thought nobody else knew about, but he didn’t even look in my direction and I don’t know if it’s a mercy or a torture._
> 
> _Seeing his smile in the sunlight I was forced to abandon my work for a full half-hour because every word that my fingers formed was for him, a thousand sonnets ready to be spoken for his eyes, at once so sweet and sharp, and the ever-dangerous curl of his lips._
> 
> _I almost wish that what I felt was agony, that I might have good reason to hold the feeling at bay, but even when he is the soul of disdain I cannot help but admire the strength of his character so be so resolute and the wit of his words even turned in opposition to my own, and so I am enamoured and unarmoured against him._
> 
>  

**Pirates au:** Lieb has been a pirate for years, has recently come into his own ship and is getting started out. Webster is a rich hobby sailor/naturalist, he owns a small boat and employs a minimal crew in order to sail out to the places he wants to study.

One day their paths cross and Lieb’s crew attack Webster’s ship only to find that he doesn’t really have anything interesting on board. What a loser. A guy who can afford his own ship should at least bring some decent booze along.

It’s not a dead loss though, because while Chuck is holding him at gunpoint so that Lieb can search his cabin Webster starts running his mouth, he seems to think they’re going to shoot him, as if a guy who surrendered at the first sign of a ship flying unknown colours was worth wasting a bullet on. The reason he gives them to not kill him is that his father is rich, a rich man who would pay generously for safe return of his son.

Joe raises his eyebrows in Chuck’s direction. Chuck shrugs. They don’t really have a ship set up for prisoners, but Webster doesn’t seem like much of a theat. They tie him up and Chuck fetches Bull down to carry Webster back to their ship while they finish ransacking his.

They instruct the crew of Webster’s ship to return to port and see that their ransom demand gets to his father, then they go back to their own ships to carry on their usual work and wait for a response.

Webster is kept locked in their small bring, it’s not like Joe’s the kind of captain who uses it on his own crew so he’s mostly left alone down there except for when the crew come down to stare at him like he’s something in a zoo – which happens pretty often because there’s not much entertainment on the ship.

It’s funny they way Webster turns his nose up at the ships’ biscuits and wormy apples at first, then wolfs them down once it’s been long enough that his stomach overrules his taste buds and his pride. They have better food aboard of course, but they’re not going to waste that on a prisoner and anyway the taste of common life should be a good addition to his education.

The way Webster talks becomes the subject of great mockery among the crew, his haughty tone, his polished accent, the ridiculous long words he uses as if nobody ever taught him that the point of talking was to be understood.

Joe finds particular fun in taunting their pampered pretty boy prisoner.

He pokes at the fact Webster insists on using part of his tiny daily water ration on washing even though there’s nobody aboard the ship who gets near enough to smell him, says Webster is more concerned with being pretty than any whore he’s ever met and then laughs harder at the way Webster flushes and stammers in indignation. It is quite the thing though, if Joe didn’t know better he’d think Webster was somehow sneaking cosmetics in somehow, to have such flawless porcelain skin and rosy pink lip. Being locked away barely touches his looks except for the fact that he’s a few shades thinner than he was when they met.

Somewhere along the line Webster starts to snark back, his fear of Joe as a dread pirate captain fading in favour of annoyance at Joe constantly coming down to tease him. Doesn’t he have a ship to run? Or does his first mate do all the real work while Joe prances about wearing a ridiculous hat.

Joe finds that it’s even more fun once Webster starts giving (nearly) as good as he gets and sometimes their jibing even wanders into something that could almost be mistaken for pleasant conversation.

They’d had Webster aboard a month when they hit a fierce storm.

It’s an all-hands on deck situation, but they’re running the ship with the minimum number of men possible which is okay under good conditions but in this situation they’re stretched thin. Joe just happens to pass by Webster’s cell as he’s going below decks to grab something before returning to captaining them through the storm when Webster yells to be let out.

It makes Joe pause. Webster has actually been a pretty compliant prisoner, early on he was too scared of them to ask for anything, once he got comfortable he asked if he could go above decks for sun and fresh air every once in a while but hadn’t argued when he’d been refused. If the ship wrecks then they’re far enough from land that he’d likely be doomed, imprisoned or not, but it’s not like letting him loose will hurt anything so Joe does and Webster follows him back to the decks.

Joe takes command, this is his ship and his crew and like fuck it’s going to be taken from him by something as stupid as bad weather. He’s fighting a losing battle though, and it only becomes clearer when he snaps at Skinny to get up the rigging and adjust the sail, only to remember a moment later that he’d already charged Skinny with going below and ensuring the cargo stayed balanced so they wouldn’t tip in the storm. He looks across the deck and sees every member of his crew already occupied with vital work.

He turns to Webster. “You ever tie your own sails on that little pleasure cruiser of yours?”

For a moment he wonders if Webster will protest, but he just nods and starts up the rigging. There’s too much else to be done for Joe to watch and see if he’s doing it right, but they make it through the storm with the sails undamaged so Joe has to assume that was Webster’s work.

Joe would be stupid to send him back to the brig when there’s so much work to do, he puts him under Chuck’s command and orders him to make himself useful with the repairs and earn his keep since his ransom still hasn’t been paid.

That’s how they learn that Webster is mostly exactly the useless dandy they’d assumed him to be, but he really does know sailing.

Sure, he’s not so good at the manual labour parts, he’s got soft hands and a body that’s not used to heavy lifting, but he understands the finer workings of the ship, has ideas about how they can not just restore her but improve her.

And his suggestions aren’t half bad. Soon enough people are following them without bothering to triple check them first.

Webster still sleeps in his cell, but nobody bothers locking the door anymore and he comes and goes with the rest of the sailors.

He occupies an odd position, not quite prisoner anymore but not crew either. He challenges Liebgott in a way the crew would never, goes back to his cell when he wants to slack off and get out of the hot sun on deck, but stays up burning the midnight oil redrawing them copies every fancy map he ever owned from memory under the watchful eye of Johnny Martin, the chief navigator.

Joe wanted him when he was in that cell, but Joe also runs an upright sort of crew (by pirate standards) and his own men would have mutinied if they thought he was taking inappropriate liberties with their prisoner and Joe wouldn’t have blamed them one bit. Now though, things are different. Webster is technically still their prisoner, sure, he won’t be going anywhere until his father buys his freedom back, but he’s not scared of them anymore, has proven several times over that he’s not going to be pushed into anything he doesn’t want, and that’s when Joe ups his game from flirting to outright seduction. Soon enough Webster isn’t going back to his cell every night because he’s being kept far too busy in the Captain’s bunk.

Months pass. Webster’s father never replies. Webster doesn’t know if it’s because the message got lost or if his father just decided not to pay, and he decides he doesn’t want to.

Joe asks once, what Webster would do if they money ever arrived, he’s had plenty of chances to escape by this point but perhaps honour is holding him back from taking the opportunity. Webster laughs (a little bitter, he can’t quite keep from being angry that his family weren’t clamouring for his rescue even if he doesn’t need it anymore) and says he’d split it among the crew the same way all the loot was and spend his share on books, just like he always does. Just like he always will, until the day they go to their final rest on the ocean floor.


	105. BabeRoe - Cooking

·  **Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?**

Gene bought a dishwasher. They struggled to afford it but he just can’t fact the thought of coming home to a stack of dirty dishes after 12 hours on shift.

·  **Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?**

They are both chopper people generally, although Gene is pretty handy with a knife if he needs to be.

·  **Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?**

Gene eats his cereal dry and oftentimes straight out of the box.

·  **Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?**

If they’re at home they will drink tap water but Gene keeps a case of bottled water in his car.

·  **Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?**

Babe will hoard them until they are overflowing and falling out of the cupboard and Gene has to tell him that is TOO many because they buy takeout faster than they wear out the containers.

·  **Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?**

They both get cartons – they only have a small refrigerator and cartons fit better

·  **Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?**

Babe is the main grocery shopper and will use whatever is normal for the supermarket. Gene likes to go to little specialist local places which mostly use paper bags.

·  **Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?**

Babe is chief grocery shopper and as such continually works to grow their bag collection.

·  **Who hoards salt/pepper packs, to-go silverware, and other to-go condiments?**

Neither of them hoard these things but Gene has a massive stash of napkins tucked away places.

·  **Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out?**

Babe will if Gene’s away for a few days because he doesn’t care that much about it but if Gene is around he makes sure to keep on top of it.

·  **Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?**

Babe. He bites his tongue and says nothing because he knows Gene only forgets when he’s tired and grabbing the chips as a quick food before falling asleep after a long day, but going to get chips and finding they’ve been left open to go stale is the worst.

·  **Who uses paper plates?**

They both do. Gene knows it’s not ideal but with the hours he works sometimes it’s just necessary, and given Babe’s tendency to drop and break regular plates when he’s rushing it’s maybe for the best.

·  **Who uses coasters?**

Gene’s mug is usually resting on a stack of medical textbooks, Babe on whatever slightly out of date magazine he’s reading.

·  **Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?**

Babe does this which Gene doesn’t mind when it’s just the two of them but is kind of embarrassing when they have guests.

·  **Who loses the bread ties?**

One of Gene’s favourite little indulgences is proper fresh bread from the bakery instead of pre-sliced stuff so this isn’t a problem they have.

·  **Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?**

Babe is the only one of them to really use ice b/c he can’t handle the heat but he’ll only kick it under the fridge if Gene isn’t looking.

·  **Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?**

Some days Gene feels like he gets as much medical experience in the kitchen as he does at work because Babe is a disaster.

·  **Who organizes the spice rack?**

Gene is the one in charge of this since Babe is so bad with spices –‘what’s wrong with potatoes and butter?’ he asks– although Gene is gradually introducing him to more flavours he has to be careful not to overwhelm Babe’s sheltered tastebuds.

·  **Who uses the microwave more?**

Gene because he reheats food at odd times due to his shifts.

·  **Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?**

This is also Gene – he does it to make sure the noise doesn’t disturb Babe when shifts mean they’re on different sleeping patterns.


	106. BabeJulian - Cooking

·  **Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?**

_God_ Babe wishes they had a dishwasher, because he hates washing dishes. Julian doesn’t mind doing it by hand and will usually swap that chore with one he doesn’t like.

·  **Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?**

No fancy kitchen gadgets for these boys, they both do it by hand.

·  **Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?**

Julian likes hot cereals like Weetabix so he heats of the milk first then adds as much cereal as he needs to get the right proportions. Babe thinks milk first is weird.

·  **Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?**

They’re both soda guys and their dentist would despair if either of them ever actually went.

·  **Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?**

You name it, these boys will hoard it. You never know when you might need a tub and they aren’t going to buy their own when they come free with takeout.

·  **Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?**

Neither of them consume a lot of milk so they get the long-life stuff that comes in cartons.

·  **Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?**

They’re plastic bag people, it’s just what they’re use to.

·  **Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?**

If anybody ever questions their ability to adult they show that person the plastic bag cupboard. I mean, what could possibly be better adulting than a hundred plastic bags shoved inside each other, right?

·  **Who hoards salt/pepper packs, to-go silverware, and other to-go condiments?**

Julian’s got some freaking weird condiment preferences so every few months he goes to Costco and buys a bulk box of the to-go packs of the stuff he likes.

·  **Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out?**

Garbage duty is not one of their better chores. Babe usually does it in return for Julian doing the dishes but he has to be prompted a few times before he gets to it.

·  **Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?**

Oh as if there’s ever a bag of potato chips that doesn’t get finished in one sitting with these two around.

·  **Who uses paper plates?**

Oh god if their mothers could see the inside of their cupboards… these two a paper plate addicts, they’re just so convenient!

·  **Who uses coasters?**

They’re so not at the maturity stage where they’d own coaster let alone have furniture nice enough to need coasters using on.

·  **Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?**

They both do. If it’s something good they will bicker over whose turn it is to lick the spoon.

·  **Who loses the bread ties?**

Both of them but it’s fine because thanks to the wonders of toast and sandwiches and grilled cheese and bread for soup they get through loaves so fast they barely need to bother with ties.

·  **Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?**

They used to do this but then the puddle leaked through the floor and their downstairs neighbour complained to the landlord so they don’t anymore.

·  **Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?**

Babe cuts, Julian burns, so they usually arrange it so Julian preps while Babe is on stove duty.

·  **Who organizes the spice rack?**

There is no organisation except what happens naturally, with the stuff they use most often being put in arms reach locations while the other stuff drifts to the back to go forgotten and stale.

·  **Who uses the microwave more?**

They both use it a lot, but while Babe reheats things Julian is more likely to be the one looking up recipes to make with just a microwave and experimenting.

·  **Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?**

Both of them! It’s a game – they like to see how accurate they can get it without looking at the timer.


	107. luztoye - cooking

·  **Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?**

They’re both big fans of the dishwasher – why make more work for yourself, right?

·  **Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?**

Luz is all about that chopper life. He grew up helping prepare meals for a  _big_ family so he’s in the habit of using every quick trick available to make things go easier even if it isn’t really necessary for just the two of them.

·  **Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?**

Luz has rice krispies and uses carbonated lemon soda in place of milk for extra pop!

·  **Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?**

They prefer bottled water but neither of them is fussy about drinking from the tap instead if they’re out.

·  **Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?**

Joe’s instinct is to hoard them but George inherit a set of fancy storage contains that renders this unnecessary.

·  **Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?**

Neither of them really drink milk.

·  **Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?**

George is chief grocery shopper (Joe just gets stressed out in busy stores) and he tends to remember to bring his own – When Joe does go he gets plastic for the reusability.

·  **Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?**

They have a decent number of plastic bags for reusing but they’ll throw them out once they get stretched/worn out.

·  **Who hoards salt/pepper packs, to-go silverware, and other to-go condiments?**

Luz and he keeps them all in Joe’s car! Joe bitches when he opens the glove box and sixteen packets of ketchup fall out but inwardly he quite likes the reminders of George being comfortable in his space.

·  **Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out?**

Neither of they because if the garbage can is too full then they have to go over and put things in it properly instead of throwing things in from a distance.

·  **Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?**

Luz! He’s grown up sharing with so many siblings and having to discipline them into good habits that he doesn’t even think before he goes off on his standard rant about remembering to clip the bag and “Do you like stale chips? Do ya? Do ya really wise guy?” which Joe finds simultaneously hilarious and unexpectedly intimidating.

·  **Who uses paper plates?**

Neither of them, they don’t really see the point since buy paper plates then putting them in the trash and taking the trash out isn’t any less hassle than just keeping some dishes clean in the first place.

·  **Who uses coasters?**

Both of them. Joe suspects that putting a glass down without using a coaster will summon his mother across the state just to glare at him and George agrees.

·  **Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?**

Luz gives the impression of being somebody who would do this, but actually his family would complain so much when he tried it growing up that he doesn’t do it anymore.

·  **Who loses the bread ties?**

This is George. He just gets way to into making sandwiches and suddenly there is ten ingredients and four knives on the counter and it’s easy for a little thing like a bread tie to go astray.

·  **Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?**

Neither of them and they wouldn’t understand doing it – picking up some ice is a lot less work than cleaning up the water once it’s melted.

·  **Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?**

Luz is a good cook but not a particularly safe one! They keep a first aid kid and a fire blanket in their kitchen just in case.

·  **Who organizes the spice rack?**

Both of them keep it organised as they are both fans of properly spiced food.

·  **Who uses the microwave more?**

Joe will, but only if George isn’t around. He can cook and they both like home cooked food but Joe tends to think of it as too much effort for one person so when it’s just him he’ll reheat a ready meal or some leftovers.

·  **Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?**

Joe does this sometimes. George frequently puts stuff in the microwave and then gets caught up in something else, leaving it bleeping repetitively until he gets around to emptying it.


	108. webgott - cooking

·  **Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?**

Webster likes washing the dishes by hand, when Joe asks why bother when they have a dishwasher Webster’s explanation is a lot of wishy-washy pretentiousness about authenticity and the value of experiencing domestic labour properly (he never had chores as a kid and the novelty of doing these things for himself has yet to wear off)

·  **Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?**

Webster uses an easy to use chopper because he’s less likely to get distracted and chop one of his fingertips off that way.

·  **Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?**

They usually have breakfast together so whoever gets theirs hands on the box gets to put in the cereal first and whoever is left will start with the milk and wait their turn for the box.

·  **Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?**

Webster drinks bottled water, Joe doesn’t drink water at all – water is what you make coffee with and he supposes it’s a base ingredient for beer and soda but with all those ways to improve it why would anybody smart drink it plain?

·  **Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?**

Both of them throw them away – Joe because he just forgets not to, Webster because he read an article once about how reusing disposable containers could be dangerous because the plastic degrades and has been paranoid ever since.

·  **Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?**

Joe buys regular milk in whatever it comes in depending on the store he’s visiting. Webster keep experimenting with soy and almond and other weird milks and so the inside of their refrigerator door tends to have every possibly combo of milks in.

·  **Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?**

Web likes paper, Joe likes plastic (it’s sturdier).

·  **Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?**

Joe keeps them to reuse and is very confused as to why Webster keeps trying to recycle them when they’re still perfectly good for using.

·  **Who hoards salt/pepper packs, to-go silverware, and other to-go condiments?**

Lieb keeps a stash of sugar, those little pots of longlife milk/cream, and a bunch of coffee stirrers in his car – he’s had too many times where he’s got a drive-thru or collect coffee and been told the other stuff is in the bag only to find it’s not and he only actually drinks his coffee black when he’s being deliberately contrary with people who put lots of extras in.

·  **Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out?**

Joseph Liebgott – bin stacking champ 2k4eva. It’s not that he’s got any objection to taking the rubbish out, it’s just that his idea of when it needs taking out is “when the tower of garbage becomes structurally unsound” – once when Webster was away and couldn’t ruin his efforts he got the trash pile nearly as tall as the refrigerator.

·  **Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?**

Joe gets annoyed – Web wasn’t allowed potato chips much growing up so tends not to think about these things.

·  **Who uses paper plates?**

Neither of them really go for paper plates, having both been raised in families where full sit-down dining table meals were the norm.

·  **Who uses coasters?**

Neither of them are very good at remembering to use coasters, they’ve both just embraced the fact that their table has a bunch of rings on it.

·  **Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?**

Joe always does this, Webster complains about the germs to which Joe points out that given all the other places his tongue has been it’s a bit silly for Webster to be bothered by the knife.

·  **Who loses the bread ties?**

Joe doesn’t lose them he just can’t be bothered to use them.

·  **Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?**

They both do this and then deny it and blame it on the other one.

·  **Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?**

Webster is very bad when it comes to getting distracted while cooking and not noticing that he’s put himself in hazardous positions. When they cook together Joe often claims half the work is supervising Web so that he doesn’t put his hand down on a hotplate or something.

·  **Who organizes the spice rack?**

Joe is the only one who actually uses the spice rack so any organisation is down to him. Webster prefers to buy the pre-mixed, pre-portioned packs of ‘spice for chilli’, ‘spice for fried chicken’ ect because he doesn’t know enough about spices to get a good flavour doing it himself.

·  **Who uses the microwave more?**

They don’t have a microwave anymore since Web tried using one to reheat coffee without remembering to take the metal spoon out. Joe doesn’t know what to judge him for more – putting metal in the microwave or the fact he was going to microwave his coffee (yuk!)

·  **Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?**

Before Web killed it Joe would stop the microwave with a bit of time left, Webster got irrationally irritated by how he doesn’t clear the leftover seconds when he’s done.


	109. winnix - cooking

·          **Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?**

Lewis Nixon has never washed a dish in his life. He can occasionally be pressed into loading the dishwasher but only if every other possible option has been exhausted first.

·          **Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?**

Nix buys his food pre-chopped and doesn’t understand what Dick’s problem with that is. Dick chops by hand.

·          **Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?**

Nix’s breakfast of choice is coffee, if he’s going to all the effort of food then it’ll be a proper cooked breakfast for him. Dick likes porridge & oatmeal type cereals.

·          **Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?**

Nix doesn’t just buy bottled water he buys fancy spring-sourced bottled water that costs three times as much as regular water and complains that everything else tastes bad. Dick tried some once and thought it was exactly the same as regular tap water.

·          **Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?**

Dick keeps a collection, Lew doesn’t understand why since if he ever needed more he could just buy proper Tupperware.

·          **Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?**

Dick likes his out of a carton and Nix usually buys plastic jugs, although he’s happy to swap over once it becomes clear that for some reason Dick cares about the container his milk comes in.

·          **Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?**

Lew picks whichever the cashier says first, Dick usually brings his own but will get paper if he forgets.

·          **Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?**

Lew is a plastic bag hoarder. He doesn’t  _do_ anything with them and he’s not sure why he does it, there’s just some base instinct deep inside of him that says that it’s a thing he’s supposed to do.

·          **Who hoards salt/pepper packs, to-go silverware and other to-go condiments?**

Lew likes to put pepper on the weirdest of foods so likes to keep a few of the small packs in his wallet just in case he’s eating anywhere that doesn’t offer it.

·          **Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out?**

Nix feels very domestic at acquiring the habit of putting the garbage in the can instead of leaving it on the nearest horizonal surface – actually taking it out remains a step too far though.

·          **Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?**

Dick doesn’t really eat chips so this is mostly Nix who gets annoyed when they aren’t sealed – although he goes for the twist method though not clips.

·          **Who uses paper plates?**

Dick has a guilty stash of them for days when he just really doesn’t want to deal with regular plates. He feels vaguely disappointed in himself on the rare occasions he uses them but it’s reassuring to know that they’re there.

·          **Who uses coasters?**

Dick’s face the first time Lew scolded him for not using a coaster is a memory Nix will treasure forever. He got a set as a Christmas present from his sister one year and is surprisingly committed to using them.

·          **Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?**

Dick wishes Nix would pick up this habit – it would at least be an improvement on leaving them sitting on the counter covered in sticky stuff.

·          **Who loses the bread ties?**

Both of them are pretty careless with bread ties, they prefer to just twist/fold.

·          **Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?**

Nix used to - there was frequently a small puddle of melting ice coming out from under the fridge but then he stepped in it in his socks once which was enough to mostly correct him out of the habit.

·          **Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?**

Nix is a very inattentive chef and he tends to burn himself not looking where he’s putting his hands.

·          **Who organizes the spice rack?**

Lew ‘organises’ the spice rack – although nobody else understands his system and sometimes even he’s not sure why he feels so strongly about them being in a very specific and mostly illogical order.

·          **Who uses the microwave more?**

Dick will use the microwave on the rare day he’s too lazy to cook. If Nix is too lazy to cook he’s too lazy to microwave and will just eat something that needs zero prep.

·          **Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?**

Neither of them – Nix wouldn’t be paying enough attention to get to it on time and Dick believes in cooking things for the proper amount of time down to the last second.


	110. Speirton - cooking

·          **Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?**

Speirs will usually hand wash dishes, he rinses as he goes along. Carwood, used to dealing with a lot of dishes from working at his mother’s boarding house, will wait and load them in the dishwasher en mass.

·          **Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?**

Ron cuts everything and will not tolerate any easy use chopper in his house. They have a large and well-maintained knife collection, because Ron believes in a sharp knife for every occasion.

·          **Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?**

Carwood goes for cereal with a splash of milk and maybe some sugar – very sensible, while Ron isn’t really a breakfast person.

·          **Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?**

Both of them drink from the tap, Carwood things bottled water is a waste and Ron just doesn’t see the point.

·          **Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?**

They have an entire cupboard full of disposable containers. Carwood has always been the type to keep them for reuse, but coupled with Ron’s hoarder instincts he finds that he’s the one having to be ruthless and throw the dingy ones away.

·          **Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?**

Lip likes to get his milk in reusable glass bottles delivered from the milkman, Ron will occasionally grab a cartoon if they need a top up though.

·          **Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?**

Carwood picks paper out of environmental concern, Ron likes old cardboard boxes to move things from the cart to the car and to the house.

·          **Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?**

Ron hoards, Carwood recycles.

·          **Who hoards salt/pepper packs, togo silverware and other togo condiments?**

Ron Ron Ron if they’re being given away for free he will inevitably end up with a pocketful.

·          **Who lets the garbage can overflow before throwing it out?**

Neither of them, they’re very good at emptying it promptly when it gets full – which isn’t that often because Carwood tends to sort out all the recycling and makes a strong effort to minimise their waste.

·          **Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?**

Carwood doesn’t really get annoyed, but he does wish people would use them. Ron doesn’t even notice.

·          **Who uses paper plates?**

Ron used to use them a lot when he was younger, but now he’s living with Carwood he knows that Carwood would disapprove of the environmental impact.

·          **Who uses coasters?**

Both of them are pretty good about remembering to put something down between their plate/cup and surfaces, although Ron is more likely to use some random thing he found nearby than go and get a proper coaster.

·          **Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?**

Carwood would never lick a spoon, but he does run his finger along to get anything that’s stuck and then lick his fingers. Ron doesn’t mind.

·          **Who loses the bread ties?**

This is Carwood’s bad habit – he gets frustrated with himself for it but they just seem to disappear on him.

·          **Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?**

Neither of them would admit to it, but Ron has done it a few times – never if Carwood might see though.

·          **Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?**

Neither of them – they’re both good in the kitchen.

·          **Who organizes the spice rack?**

Carwood organises it regularly because Ron tends to grab things and put them back without looking which has lead to some  _interesting_ mixups.

·          **Who uses the microwave more?**

Ron is quite lazy about real food if he’s only cooking for himself.

·          **Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?**

Lip. He finds the noise annoying.


	111. Webgott - German

  * generally if one of them starts speaking german the other will immediately swap languages to match
  * lieb is more likely to start it because he is pretty much bilingual whereas for Web it’s a second language (he’s good at it but it’s not instinctive)
  * Web will sometimes use german to say salty/bitchy things he wants to say but knows he shouldn't
  * German is also Lieb’s favourite language for swearing
  * they have a lot of their arguments in german because Webster feels awkward about the others hearing what they’re arguing about and will switch for a little privacy
  * they also have some of their most publicly romantic moments in german b/c Lieb is a lot more comfortable being openly mushy if he knows nobody can understand enough to tease him for it
  * their friends will often keep their distance when web and lieb speaking german because they assume they’re fighting but that’s mostly down to the fact the german can have a harsh sound if you’re more used to romance/latin-origin languages
  * that said, they have definitely ended up in a game of chatting or having romantic and flirty conversations while maintaining an agressive tone and body language because it’s funny that their friends think they fight so much
  * one time, Lieb realises that nobody else speaking German means he can get away with making dirty comments to Web in public and nobody will know and thinks it will be funny to try and fluster him
  * he’s not expecting that because he knows no-one else understands Web just responds making an unsubtle innuendo back
  * then suddenly they’re both escalating the sexiness seeing who will snap first
  * it ends with them both leaving the party very abruptly
  * their friends are slightly worried that they’ve gone outside to murder each other in the parking lot
  * but nobody wants to go after them and check
  * it’s probably for the best as anybody who looked through the window of Lieb’s car would probably be very overwhelmed by the levels of nudity and flexibility being displayed




	112. luztoye - escalating kisses

Joe isn’t drunk, not even close to it. The first time they were in England the beer wasn’t bad, even if they did insist on serving it warm, but apparently the state of things has only gotten worse while they were in Normandy because since they’ve been back it’s been impossible to find beer that isn’t watered down.

Sober as he is he has no excuse for how he keeps bumping up against George’s side as they walk, but it also means that George has no reason to trip and send them both stumbling into an alleyway once they’re out of earshot of the pub.  
Joe gets himself steady easy enough, grabbing George’s jacket to balance him and pull him back to his feet.

As he straightens George’s lips glance across his, so swift that for a moment Joe thinks that the kiss might only have happened in his mind, before pulling back - eyes wide and dark and uncharacteristically serious.

A man could drown in eyes like that.

He has no control at all as he’s presses his own mouth to George’s. He’s pulled back in like he’s drawn by a magnet, by gravity, by forces huge and unstoppable and utterly unimportant. Joe tastes a mix of smoke and sickly sweet chocolate as George parts his lips and he’s never had a sweet tooth before but now there is nothing he wants more than to have that taste on his tongue forever.


	113. Liebgott + Speirs - tourist

Joe hates tourists.

He hates their ugly clothes, their loud voices, the way that they stop in the middle of the street to check maps and take phones without any care for the fact they’re getting in the way. He hates the way they move in packs, how they always visit the same half a dozen spots mentioned in the travel guides and act as if that means that they’ve ‘done’ a place, and how they always seem to not understand how to tip.

Being a cabbie means dealing with tourists pretty much every day, and he’s spent years building up a simmering resentment for anybody who falls into that category.

Joe is not a tourist in Boston, he’s a visitor.

He’s got his phone tucked securely in his pocket (has no plans to whip it out and start taking selfie) and while he’s well aware of Duck Tours and the Freedom Trail he has no intention of going on either of them. He also has no pretention to the idea that he’s going to get a comprehensive experience of the city or that a week could ever result in knowing the place like a local, but he wants this trip to be about more than mindlessly consuming what’s marketed to him.

Accordingly, it’s day three of his trip and he is once again eating at the sketchiest looking place he could find, walking further and further from his hotel each night in an attempt to find something that suited his tastes. There’s something charmingly familiar about the cracked linoleum, the fact half the menu is covered in sharpie alterations, and the way the waitress scowls at him every time he interrupts whatever it is she’s going on her phone with his requests for service. Her complete and utter disinterest in the fact he’s a paying customer who might even tip kind of reminds Joe of his sister.

The food is actually pretty good, if almost certainly made with cut-price ingredients and loaded with grease, and the company is even better in that it’s non-existent. Back home he can never just sit and eat a meal without having to deal with some kind of interruption or conversation, but here he has delightful perfect solitude.

It’s bliss.

So much so, that he orders desert - a chocolate fudge cake so sumptuous that he’s glad he’ll be leaving in a few days and probably never coming back, because if he had that within reach every day he’d have to give over his whole life to eating it at frequently as possible and while the prospect appeals to his baser instincts he’s rationally aware that giving into the impulse would be unwise.

The time spent communing with the cake means that by the time he leaves the sky is truly dark, although the pavements are slight bright with the glow of buildings, traffic, and street lamps. Things look different in the dark but Joe knows cities, even if this one isn’t his.

He’s been walking for nearly half an hour and has seen nothing familiar when he has to admit to himself that his knowledge of cities might not be enough to cut it.

Embarrassingly easily has never been his style, he’s far too aware of other people’s fuckups to be overly self-conscious of his own, but he’s gotta admit that he’s feeling pretty damn foolish right about now.

Because there’s no way of denying it - he’s lost.

He’s pretty sure he’s somehow ended up walking in the entirely opposite direction from his hotel and he’d taken so many turns that when he looks back over his shoulder he’s not sure he’d even be able to retrace his steps back to the diner.

“Lost?”

Joe resolutely doesn’t startle at the voice that calls out from his right, but it’s a close thing.

A man steps out of the shadows of the alleyway beside him - tall, dark haired, and dressed in a slightly crumpled business suit that suggested a day of wear and possibly more physical labour than the wearer had anticipated while dressing. “Lots of tourists don’t realise how different this place looks in the dark.”

Joe bristles at the man’s use of the T-word but he can hardly deny that he’s exhibiting that sort of cringeworthy behaviour by being in his present situation. Hell, he’d been seriously considering pulling his phone out and trying to navigate via GPS despite how much he loathes to see people wandering down streets while staring at their phones.

"Just taken a wrong turn,” he says stubbornly.

As the stranger moves forward into the glow of the streetlamps, Joe gets a better look at him and at the classically handsome face that’s staring at him with a look that suggests he’d not at all convinced of Joe’s words.

“Oh, well if you don’t need directions…” he says, and Joe’s quite sure he’s being taunted with the possibility of assistance that’s contingent on him letting go of his pride long enough to ask for it outright.

“I’m fine,” he says, through gritted teeth.

The stranger gives him a once over, judging him no doubt, before he shrugs. “If you say so,” he concedes. “But just so you know, the best bar in these parts is two blocks away from here, just follow this street to the end and turn right until you see the sign.”

Joe blinks, not sure why the man is telling him that, but then he catches the strangers eyes raking over him again and realises that its interest and not mockery writ over the man’s face.

“Well…” he says slowly. “That sounds simple enough, but perhaps you’d better show me.”

The stranger’s lips curl slowly into a smirk and Joe knows he’s read this right. A little voice in his head is muttering furiously about the dangers of taking off to unknown places with total strangers who appear mysteriously out of deserted alleyways, but Joe ignores it. Sure, serial killers are a thing, but it’s a slim risk. Anyway, there’s something about the heat in the stranger’s eyes that has set a matching burning deep inside of him, and he’s suddenly aware of how long his recent dry-spell has been dragging on for. “I’m Joe.”

“Ron,” the stranger offers. Joe contemplates the name, sounding it out in his mind, imagining how it might feel on his tongue.

Oh yes, his thinks his night has just got a lot more interesting.


	114. Webgott - Lab Partners

Joseph Liebgott suspected that if he ever found out who it was who’d been responsible for the fire in the chemistry building they wouldn’t have to worry about the police or the insurance company because he’d kill the idiot himself. An illicit bathroom cigarette was a common indulgence but tossing the smouldering butt into a wastepaper basket was stupendously moronic. There was nothing like the hope and dreams of undergrads for kindling and once the flames had reached the storage room - well, the explosion must have been a sight to see. As it was they’d evacuated a five-block radius because of concerns about the chemical composition of the smoke.

Miraculously, nobody had been badly hurt but the building itself had been utterly gutted.

Which was how he’d ended up here.

In the biology building.

It was an architectural nightmare -all twisting corridors, mezzanine levels and stairwells that only let you out on certain floors- with low ceilings and small windows that meant there were few spaces suited to his particular areas of experimentation, sublimation best suited to places with more ventilation than most of the rooms there had to offer. And while the university had prevailed upon their insurers to pay up enough to start replacing the equipment lost in the fire there was neither space nor funding to replace everything that had been lost. While some of the biology departments’ resources could be subverted to his purposes the lab techs got terribly twitchy about anyone doing things that they weren’t personally familiar with. Especially since Joe was a doctoral student whose supervisor was a few years short of retirement, spent most of her time on field research letting Joe do whatever he wanted, and had the glib attitude towards experimental science of one who had probably inhaled a few too many fumes over the years.

All of those things would have been bearable, however, if not for his latest lab partner.

Sharing lab space was an unfortunate part of being a student (or indeed, anywhere on the lower tiers of the department organisational chart). However, his previous lab-mate had been an easy going Australian geochemist called Trevor who kept very strange hours in order to better be able to keep in touch with his friends back home and had been happy to come to an arrangement that meant they rarely occupied the lab at the same time and on the rare occasions they were their simultaneously never bothered Joe except occasionally to offer to refill Joe’s coffee mug while he was up.

Joe wasn’t sure what had happened to Trevor in the reallocation, but his replacement was a nightmare.

David Webster was first and foremostly a biologist, which Joe had little time for in general, and he seemed to think that being a biologist in the biology building meant that his work took some sort of priority over Joe’s. Not only that, but he had the most terrible lab habits of anyone Joe had ever worked with, leaving hard-copy books stacked on the benches and never mind that they were flammable, and questionable biological matter (Joe tried not to look and certainly wasn’t going to ask what it was) strewn all over his workbench. He wore hideous turtleneck sweaters that made scientists everywhere look bad just by vague association, refused to have music playing in the lab in favour of audiobooks, and the terrible habit of loudly pontificating over his own work despite the fact that Joe had no interest at all in listening to him. Joe had initially tried to just avoid him but it turned out that Webster was a workaholic and, since he didn’t presently have funding for a research trip, only left the lab for coffee and sleep and sometimes not even then.

And so, Joe was slowly being driven insane.

The worst of it was, Webster genuinely didn’t seem to realize how unbearable he was.

He spent an absurd about of time smiling, although what joy he found in microscope slides of what were probably fish guts Joe couldn’t begin to imagine; frequently asked all sorts of nosey questions about Joe’s work as if he expected Joe to actually want to tell him the answers; and on those rare occasions that he did venture out in search of much needed caffeine supplies had the bizarrest habit of inviting Joe to come along with him.

Once it had become clear avoidance was impossible, Joe had tried ignoring David, and when the failed he gave into the temptation to speak his mind and tell Webster to ‘fuck off you fucking moron, why do you think I give a shit what you have to say?!’ but that had only resulted in Webster bringing him a takeout cup of green tea and several days of pitying glances and Joe finding condescending pamphlets about managing workplace stress scattered around the lab.

In Joe’s opinion, the only think that seemed likely to relieve his stress would be pushing Webster up against the central workbench and…

…well, that was the kicker wasn’t it. The thought of curling his hands into one of Webster’s stupid sweaters and pushing him across the room, pinning him against the central bench so that he stared at Joe with that ridiculous look of wide-eyed open-mouthed exaggerated surprise he acquired whenever anything even slightly unexpected occurred, it was such a tantalising fantasy, but whenever Joe imagined the ending, his fist planted squarely in Webster’s face, it left him feeling oddly unsatisfied, his frustration with Webster only mounting higher.

He was increasingly certain he’d have to do it anyway just to find out if he got more pleasure from the reality of Webster pinned under him, close enough that Joe would be able to almost feel the way his heart would quicken in confusion and alarm and hear the startled noise he’d no doubt make when Joe made contact, the daydream of everything he wanted even if he couldn’t shake the lurking feeling of some element being not quite right. Probably that strange feeling was just another layer of irritation at everything about Webster’s existence. It was now simply a matter of waiting for his moment to act.

With the amount of time Webster spent making a nuisance of himself in the lab, it wouldn’t be long.

 

 


	115. Song prompts: BabeRoe + The Vaccines - If You Wanna

Babe gets it.

He’s not going to pretend he’s not a little hurt, a little disappointed, a little jealous. But he does understand.

Gene was always kinda outta his league anyway.

So they tried. And he failed. And it turns out that sleeping alone is so much worse now that he knows what sleeping next to Gene feels like.

But hey! All his friends keep telling him that he’ll be over it soon.

They might even be right, but right now Babe is all alone and it doesn’t feel alright at all.

That’s why he’s been drinking at a club a little further afield than any of their usual spots, been drinking without his friends because he’s honestly kind of sick of people trying to cheer him up. Though after a few shots, making his own distraction starts to feel real tempting so he orders another for the road, slugs it down and hands the glass back to the bartender before she’s even had time to get to the next customer and pushes his way out onto the dancefloor.

Babe isn’t usually much of a dancer, his limbs are too long and his sense of rhythm is shockingly bad, he’s been told more than once he dances like a lame giraffe, but he wants to lose himself in the press of warm bodies for a while and the people here are drunk enough that they won’t care.

He spends a few songs in the arms of a tiny girl with bright green hair, more clinging to each other and jumping than really dancing, but there’s a tall blond guy with her who keeps giving him  _looks_ and Babe isn’t drunk enough that he’s looking to get into a fight without anybody there to back him up. He turns away, bounces between a few other groups of dancers and finds that he’s been buffeted towards the far wall. He shakes his head to clear it, thinking about going back to the bar for another shot and then thinks better of it, turning back towards the dancefloor…

…and a very familiar face.

Dark hair slick with sweat, pale face flushed with the kind of exertion that Babe had only ever seen out of him in bed, blue eyes widening in shook as he stares right back at Babe.

Gene has every right to be there but it still feels like a low blow when Gene had given him the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” spiel and said it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship with Babe it was just that his job really didn’t let up enough for him to have a relationship with anyone.

“Babe…”

The music is too loud for his voice to carry, but Babe would recognise the shape of his name on those lips anyway, has seen the way Gene lingers on the ‘a’ when he’s gasping it out in the throes of pleasure, the way he makes the second ‘b’ pop when he’s frustrated, the pause that comes halfway through when he’s amused but trying to pretend he isn’t.

Babe should walk away.

They’re through. Over. Done. Nothing good will come of walking across the room, of following Gene out of the propped open fire escape and into the alleyway behind the club, metal door swinging closed and muting the music inside to nothing more than a dull thud of bass.

“Babe…” Gene repeats, and now Babe can hear him and it  _hurts_ the way his voice still wraps around the syllables that don’t belong in his mouth anymore and turns them into something more achingly sweet than ever. Gene had taken so goddamn long to stop calling him Heffron and at the time Babe had been so delighted when he’d finally stopped, but now… now…

Babe wants to kiss him.

He’s been trying too hard to convince himself that he was moving on, getting over it, but now Gene’s standing right in front of him he knows that couldn’t be further from the truth.  He wants Gene, wants to beg him to come back, to take Babe back.

When Gene pushes him back against the wall, brick scraping uncomfortably through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, Babe is bracing for a fight.

When Gene presses his mouth against Babe’s instead, capturing him in a hungry, drunken kiss, Babe has no fight left in him.


	116. Song prompts: Winnix + Tegan and Sara - Floorplan

It’s too much.

It’s been too much for a long time, he thinks.

From the moment he met Dick he drew far more of Lew’s focus than anybody had before, his eyes always fixed on that sweep of red hair passing through a crowd, the quiet command of Dick’s voice, the steady look in his eyes as he gazed at Lew and saw a far better man than was really standing in front of him.

Lew has seen him tired and stressed and scared, seen him flushed with victory and crushed under the weight of failures but right now Dick looks earnestly happy and it makes Lew’s chest ache.

Lewis might have lured him to Jersey for a while but that was never what Dick really wanted. The company, the money? No, Dick wanted a goddamn farm. Probably a wife, kids, a dog.

So he’s quitting. He’s made his money working for Nixon nitration but as comfortable as Nix had got having him here this was never where Dick wanted to stay.

He’s bought his land and he’s going after his dreams.

It’s so  _sweet_.

Most of the staff like him, and those who don’t would never admit it openly, so his leaving party is well attended and Dick stands up at the front of the room bathed in light and talks about how glad he is to have had the opportunities he’s had there, how much he’ll miss them (but not enough to stay), and Lew can’t stand to hear another word of it.

He turns and slips out of the side door, willfully looking away from Dick for what feels like the first time since they met.

He doesn’t see the way Dick’s eyes follow him.


	117. Song prompts: WintersSpeirs + Guns and Ships - Hamilton

Dick doesn’t know what to make of Ron.

At first it was easy, he was just another solider. He’d done good work on the assault at Brecourt, but after that their duties hadn’t closely aligned. He may have been a particularly brutal soldier, but that was between Ron and his superiors and while Dick wasn’t in the habit of turning a blind eye to misconduct he was also too occupied with his own men to linger on thoughts of Speirs.

He heard the stories as the war progressed, everybody did, but he heard all kinds of stories and while some certainly had more than a grain of truth of them, most were just the idle gossip of men who had no other source of amusement.

At Foy, Speirs had simply been the first man he’d laid eyes on.

And Dick hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of him after that.

He’d only meant for Speirs to attempt to salvage Dike’s mess, but instead Ron had set to salvaging the attempt. Dick wasn’t certain if Ron thought himself impervious to bullets or was merely unafraid of death as he moved out in the open without hesitation to find where I-company had failed to meet Easy. It had been hard to follow the progress of the battle from his vantage point, only later had he truly understood what had occurred, from Lipton’s reports and the way the whispers that followed Ron’s name shifted from  _‘ten men’, ‘no, twenty’, ‘gave them all cigarettes’_ to an awed refrain of  _‘he came_ back _’._

Watching Ron closely had made him more of a mystery, not less. Dick was ever more certain that at least some of the rumours were true and at the same time arrested by how easily he could picture Ron out of uniform, a quiet, contemplative young man whom Dick might have easily been friends with.

As the European theatre calmed, his relief was tempered by the knowledge that war in the pacific showed no signs of abating and while he felt called to continue his duty there if it was required of him, so many of the men he’d come to treasure were finished with war. Even Nix wavered, and Dick hoped that his friend made whatever choice he needed.

But Ron, Ron watched the newsreels with a familiar air about him.

Whatever happened, Dick would not be fighting alone.


	118. Song prompts: Speirton + West Side Story-Tonight

Ron is not a romantic. He has no strong opposition to it, has never disdained romanticism in others, it simply isn’t in his nature. It hardly matters, he leads a solitary life anyway.

He’s had no grand premonitions as he walks down the high street, a shame since a little vision might have prevented him from colliding with the man passing him in the opposite direction.

Perhaps one a fairer day it would be nothing more than a brief bump, forgotten mere moments later, but they were in the deepest part of winter and the ground was damp and icy underfoot.

Ron couldn’t say which of them slipped first, for they tumbled down apace, but it was the other man who hit the pavement first, landing with a splash in an icy puddle while Ron finds a relatively dry landing against his chest.

Casting blame is Ron’s first instinct but it fades at the breathless apologies of his companion and when he looks up and sees the other man’s face, his open concern for Ron, such an unfamiliar look, any ire deserts him.

He stands, offering his hand to pull the other man to his feet. Once upright, the other man strips off his coat, the back soaked through and Ron is possessed by the urge to offer the stranger his jacket, and then is baffled by his own sudden silliness. It’s not nearly cold enough for him to have grounds to feel seriously guilty about soaking the other man’s coat and even if he did there’s little chance of it fitting well over shoulders far broader than his.

“Coffee!” he blurts out, “I’m so sorry, let me buy you a coffee to warm you up.” The words spill from his lips and he wonders if he’s going mad but the other man smiles, settling his ruined coat over his arm.

“Thank you,” he says, then, “If you’re… might I ask another favour?”

Ron blinks, wrong footed, but then nods. “Ask away…”

“Keep me company?”

Oh…

_Oh!_

Ron stares.

“Or not,” the man says hastily. “I’m sure you’re in a hurry…”

“I can join you,” Ron agrees. “But I’ll have to ask a favour in return.”

“Of course,” the man says.

“Your name.”

“Carwood Lipton,” the man offers, holding out a hand in proper introduction.

_Carwood Lipton_ , Ron sounds it out in his head as he takes Carwood’s hand, and he smiles.


	119. Song prompts: BabeJulian + Just A Step Away - Carly Rae Jepsen

It’s kind of silly, he does know that. It’s the sort of thing that would make Bill complain that Babe’s been watching too many soppy movies with his sisters, but that’s why he didn’t tell Bill.

The official story is that Babe is borrowing his car to go interview a source for his essay that will only speak to him in Baltimore. It’s not a particularly clever lie but Bill didn’t challenge it so he either doesn’t suspect or doesn’t care.

Babe is not going to Baltimore.

The thing is, Julian never did like public speaking. He got flustered and babbled and tried to deflect by making really bad jokes and Babe thought it was adorable, but when Julian called him up and expressed his terror at the announcement that his professor was requesting a public speech and the class on it, even Babe had to concede that adorable probably wasn’t going to be enough to get Julian the A he wanted.

They’d emailed back and forth and Babe had offered Julian all the assurances he could, it was a good speech, or at least it would be if Julian could get the words out.

They’d tried all sorts of tricks to help him with his nerves when they were in high school but picturing the audience naked had only ever flustered him worse and calming herbal remedies just made him sleepy.

There had only ever been one trick that worked.

And that was why Babe was currently driving to Birmingham.

Bill might kill him when he saw just how much mileage Babe had put on his car, but if Babe was smiling at him from the front row of the auditorium then Julian would forget about the rest of his audience altogether.


	120. Song prompts: Winnix + The Rocket Summer- Cross My Heart

Lew doesn’t tell anybody.

That’s not what any of the guidance says. Oh no. According to the books he ought to find a group, ought to tell everybody close to him, have plenty of people ready to force him back in line if he started to slip.

He can’t imagine anything worse.

At first, he starts so slow that it barely feels like starting at all. He wonders if he’s just lying to himself, doing just enough that he can convince himself he’s trying without having to make a real change.

That’s what he’s thinking the first time he gives up.

Even making the smallest change possible, he only lasted a week and a half. Who did he think he could have ever fooled like that?

It’s six months before he tried again, and then he told himself that a token gesture was still a step. He lasted a month and a day that time and only took two to try again.

It happened so slowly that for a moment he shared Dick’s panic when they came home from dinner to find the cabinet overturned and the top come off that particular bottle, the dog lapping at a pool of amber liquid.

Dick reacts faster, crossing the room and scooping the dog up, and impressive feat given the quantity of scraps Lew slips under the table for the mutt.

“Nix! Go find the number for the veterinarian!” Even know, thinking that Lew’s vices might have poisoned their pet he doesn’t sound angry, there’s no blame in his eyes, though Lew would take it as his due, just fear.

“Dick… er…” Lew finds his mouth is suddenly dry.

“—A dog’s metabolism can’t handle—,” Dick pauses, sniffs the bottle, and frowns. “Nix? This smells like…”

“…apple juice…”

The words come out rough and desperate, he’s still not sure he wants Dick to know. Doesn’t want Dick getting any ideas into his head that Lew’s a reformed man when he still feels like he could fall off the wagon any day now.

Dick stares at him, eyes wide and unfathomable. “Apple…?” he sniffs the bottle again. “Nix… How didn’t I notice?”

Because it had been slow. Achingly, embarrassingly slow. He’d take the first drink of the bottle and then top it off with water. Started ordering his drinks on the rocks when they were out so that they’d be a little waterier, last a little longer before he’d order another. Then he’d started topping the bottles back off after his second drink too. It had taken him three years and a dozen slips before he’d reached the point he was watering his whiskey enough that he’d worried the change in colouring would be obvious even to somebody who didn’t know their liquor.

His progress had been more rapid after that. Mostly because while whiskey and water just tasted dull, whiskey and apple juice was an off-putting combination.

The current bottle had been in the cabinet a year and a half, Lew carefully moving it around the shelves so that Dick wouldn’t notice that it wasn’t being replaced, and he couldn’t even taste the whiskey anymore. The gradual decline hadn’t just been the only way he could have hoped to do it, but the only way to keep Dick from paying attention to the gradual decline of the taste of whiskey on Lew’s tongue and he says so.

Perhaps Dick’s embrace might have been more conventionally effective if he’d set the dog down first, but Lew is satisfied nonetheless.


	121. "Quick, pretend we're dating!" - Webgott, Speirton, Toye/Guarnere

**Speirton** \- Ron doesn’t actually say it. Ron doesn’t say anything to Lipton. He just introduces him as his husband. Fortunately, the people they’re meeting mistake his flabbergasted shocked for just being flustered. You see Ron’s bosses admire stability. They don’t official discriminate in their HR policies but Ron’s eagle eyes quickly picked up that employees who had the ‘right’ sort of home lives (married, minivan, 2.5 kids, can’t do meetings on Saturdays because it’s soccer practise) progressed a lot faster and a lot easier than those who didn’t. So, when his boss asked about the picture on his desk –(which in itself was mostly put there for appearances sake) Ron and Lipton with paintball guns, hoisting the cheap trophy that went to the winners of the mini-tournament their friends held, Ron grimacing at the camera while Lip looks fondly amused– Ron gave the ‘right’ answer rather than the true one.

That was three years ago.

Since then Ron has slowly progressed an entire fake relationship. He lets his co-workers see over his shoulder that he’s browsing online for rings in his lunchbreak, then not three months later lands a promotion that gets him bumped to department head. The wedding was a family only affair, Carwood wanted to keep it small so Ron couldn’t invite his colleagues of course, but he appreciated all of the presents (thank god Carwood is so used to Ron that he doesn’t question the month when Ron suddenly replaces half of their appliances and homewares) and the new private office he’s awarded shortly afterwards. He’s come up with cunning excuses for every holiday party and company barbecue but there’s nothing he can do about suddenly running into the district manager while grocery shopping.

So now Ron’s holding Lip’s hand, angling it so that nobody will be able to notice that he isn’t wearing any rings, acutely aware that things are on the verge of going all to hell as his boss tells his roommate about how good a worker Ron is but how it’s such a shame his husband is too busy with all his community work to ever come along to company events.

But Lip, sweet supportive Lipton, smiles and says, “Yes, I’m a lucky man,” and only somebody who has known him all the years Ron has would be able to pick up the terse note in his voice that says Ron is going to have a lot of explaining to do when they get home.

 

 **Webgott** \- Joe’s got good instincts for people, so when he jumps onto the train carriage he cases the room fast and decides that the blue-eyed guy sitting at the table on the left is the one most likely to go along with what he’s about to do.

He tucks his right hand into his pocket, (because, well, he’s not oblivious to the fact that certain types of people might find the blood splatter on his knuckles off-putting no matter how good his reasons are) and scrambles through the narrow gap between the guy and the table (thank fuck this is a first class carriage or there would never be enough room for him) and into the empty seat between the guy and the window (and honestly what sort of person sits in an aisle seat when there’s a window seat free!).

“Quick! Pretend we’re dating!” is all the warning he gives before he’s dragging the guy by the jacket to use him as human cover, and Joe’s not actually gonna kiss him because that would be creepy, but from the aisle it’s certainly gonna look that way and that’s why when the station guard sticks his head through the doorway he just looks around the carriage for a moment and then turns away again.

Joe waits, counts thirty seconds, and then pretty much climbs over his convenient stranger’s lap in order to get back out again.

He’s two steps from the doors when the locks engage and the train starts to pull out of the station.

Fuck. He could have sworn this train still had a few minutes before departure.

He turns, cursing, and is startled to come face to face with the guy he’d just been using for cover and he… has a notebook out?

“This is a story, isn’t it?” he says, and woah Joe is getting crowded so hard there’s a suitcase handle digging into his back.

“A story?”

“You were running. Nobody runs unless something interesting is happening. Do you have a ticket for this train?”

No. No, Joe doesn’t. And given that it’s an intercity he also probably doesn’t have enough cash in his wallet to buy one. The look on the blue-eyed stranger’s face says he knows that. “I’ll buy you a return to the next city, and back again so you can get wherever you were going before you decided to hide on this train. But I want to know everything.”

 

 **GuarnereToye** \- It’s hissed in Bill’s ear as Joe comes back from the bar and he has a brief moment of, “Wait? What the fuck?” as Joe presses a beer into his hand before he sees her.

It’s unfortunately really, she’s a cute girl really, but given the determined glint in her eyes and the bachelorette party sash she’s wearing proclaiming her ‘#1 bridesmaid!!’ Bill can’t blame Joe for taking drastic measures.

Over the years Bill has learned that bachelorette party members have a sixth sense that allows them to detect a single off duty firefighter across a crowded bar even when there was no outward element of their appearance giving them away. For the first sixth months of the job Bill had considered it a sweet perk, but after a while it started to drag. Some nights you just didn’t need a drunk chick currently participating in an extravagant reminder that she wasn’t married yet setting her sights on you. The ones that wanted a one-nighter weren’t so bad, but this one had a look that suggested she’d be ending the night by asking Joe to be her plus one and throwing elbows when it was time for the bouquet toss.

Joe needs something to get this girl to back off? Bill’s gonna give him such a boyfriend experience that by the time this chick leaves she’ll be doing it because she’s worried if she gets any closer she’ll be invited to their wedding.

At the point they get kicked out of the bar for making out on the pool table he wonders if maybe perhaps he might have gone a little bit overboard, but Joe did ask. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	122. webgott - too far

Webster is back at his unbearable whining again. This time he claims that he wrote Joe a note asking him to get groceries and has decided it’s the highest mark of disrespect that Joe hadn’t followed the direction. Of course, Joe saw no such note, certain Webster had various things scrawled upon the kitchen chalkboard but Joe had assumed those were merely for Web’s own benefit since they certainly weren’t legible to anybody else.

“Look, calm down,” he interrupts, because Webster is working up to a tired and Joe doesn’t want or need the headache, but oh shit, that is not the right move, not when Webster’s look of shock is darkening to a scowl.

“Calm down?” Webster snaps. “All I asked you to do was one little thing, because I knew I wouldn’t get back from work until after the store shut, so if we were going to eat you’d need to get the groceries this time. But apparently you’re telling me couldn’t even be bothered to do that!”

“What I’m saying, is that I couldn’t read it,” he dismisses. It’s so like Webster to make a slight out of a simple misunderstanding. “You’re handwriting’s shit. Maybe that’s why the Christmas card you sent to your parents came back ‘return to sender’.”

He knows even before the whole sentence it out of his mouth that it’s exactly the wrong thing to say, he’s angry but it’s the kind of frustration that will pass, or at least it was until he made this fight about something bigger than it ought to be. He’d only meant to jab at Webster’s astonishingly sloppy handwriting for a guy who write so often, but the way the blood drains from Webster’s face makes it horribly clear that jab landed harder than he’d meant it to.

He waits for Webster to yell, to cuss him out, to cut him to shreds with big words, or deliver the lowest blow he can think of in retaliation.

The  _‘tap’_  of Webster setting his pen down on the table is thunderous in the silence.

He stands, and Joe is still waiting for the tide of fury as he turns and walks right out of the room without a word.

He waits for several moments, then sinks back into the couch when it comes clear that Webster isn’t coming back.

_Fuck._ And they  _still_ don’t have anything for dinner. Not that they’ll be eating together now. When Webster gets into one of his moods he makes for terrible company and Joe has got used to just giving him some space to cool off, to brood and to reflect until he’s ready to let it go.

He settles back on the couch —there’s always pizza— and turns the T.V on. He flips through the channels but nothing catches his interest and he keeps finding his graze drifting back towards the bedroom door.

It takes about fifteen minutes before the door pushes back open and Joe sighs with relief. Good. Webster has seen sense and realised that Joe didn’t mean anything by what he said, now they can sort out something for damn dinner and—

Webster walks into the room with his gym bag slung over his shoulder, stuffed far fuller than it ever is on the rare occasions Webster gets into his head that he out to have some kind of workout regimen, the head of his toothbrush poking out of the end pocket.

“Web…?”

He can’t be… Joe shakes his head but even as he’s thinking off all the reasons that this isn’t what it looks like Webster is lifting his car keys from the hook.

“What are you doing?” he blurts. After all, it’s not like Web can run back to his parents’ place, because, well….

“Going out,” Webster snaps. “Away.”

“Away where?” Joe pushes. He’d tell Webster he’s being a dumbass if he didn’t think it would just push him further away. It’s late and none of their friends live particularly nearby, and anyway Webster so rarely drives his car at all, let alone at night and when rain is pouring from the sky by the bucket load.

“Somewhere I— I—”

The only thing more painful that hearing the way Webster chokes on his words is the knowledge that he is the cause of it; and  _finally_ Joe remembers how to move, springing from the couch to place himself between Web and the door. This has gone  _way_ too far. Webster tries to side-step around him but Joe grabs him by the sleeve. “Look, I shouldn’t have brought up your parents. Just… stay,” he insists. “Don’t worry about dinner. I made good tips this week, I’ll order pizza. Or we can get that green Thai stuff you like. You can be mad at me, that’s fine. You want space? …I’ll sleep on the couch. But don’t leave!”

Webster hesitates and for a moment Joe thinks that might be enough, but then Webster is pushing past him, forcing Joe out of the way so that he can unlock the front door.

“Jesus christ, Web,” he calls out. “I’m sorry.”

The door slams in his face.

 

 


	123. hypothetical canon compliant webgott

Like, the slowest of slow burns. Slow like I could never write because I don’t have the patience or the persistence to bring something to the required length.

We’re talking 10 chapters until they even meet, because they’ve got to get through basic and then even when they get into the paratroopers they aren’t assigned anywhere near each other to start with. And we’re establishing their characters, their motives, the way they’re settling into the army (Joe is a natural, Webster… not so much.), and most importantly the different ways in which they don’t feel like they quite fit in with the others (and maybe  _everybody_ feels like this, but the focus is on these two), seeding the origins of their respective individual arcs that are equally as important as relationship development.

And eventually they meet, and there’s no instant connection or instant clash, I’d be aiming to frustrate readers here by having them remain utterly indifferent to each other as anything more than a face in the crowd.

And then there’s some meeting, some extra exercises, for the people who might be qualified to use as translators depending on where they end up going and they both get grouped together with a handful of other German speakers and  _finally_ interact. The exercises are hard, neither of them is quite what the army deems an ideal translator – Webster’s is a little too textbook, his accent isn’t great and his vocabulary is all the sorts of words that would be useful to a schoolteacher but aren’t so good for a soldier; Joe has the opposite problem, he uses colloquialisms the other American-educated German speakers don’t recognise, if you know what you’re listening for the influence of also speaking Yiddish is obvious in how his pronounces certain things [[but it’s been years since I took a linguistics class so I might be misremembering the stuff I learned about phonological similarities, if I were write this for real that would be one of those things I’d have to go back and check properly]], and because he’s used to speaking it at home he tends to talk faster than the inexperienced translators can follow and even when he tries to remember to speak slowly and clearly he can’t manage it for long before forgetting himself and anyway he feels like the other translators ought to be able to keep up with him in they expect to do their jobs properly – and they end up arguing their way through the training exercises, each coming away with a critical opinion.

But whatever, there’s hundreds of guys station in that camp and it’s easy enough for them to ignore each other.

So, things go on, at this point it essentially remains a canon-verse gen fic that just happens to have a pov focus on Liebgott and Webster following their separate perspectives on the war.

{[Here I am uncertain as to what direction I’d take. generally I try to make a point of sticking to events as shown in episodes because it means less blurring of the lines between writing about the fictionalised versions of the men from Band of Brothers as a TV show, rather than using too much information about the real guys b/c personally I’m not interested in straying into historical RPF,  and in the show Webster is shown among the easy guys from ep1 even if it is just a brief hole digging scene, but at the same time it would be interesting to draw on the fact that while Liebgott seems to have been with easy from beginning to end, Web actually bounced around a few companies before joining easy shortly before Holland so my gut feeling is I’d take that route but fudge the details to keep it strictly fiction which would be easy since I got Web’s book from the library so I couldn’t check the details anyway]}

So they go through Normandy and have their own first experiences of war and then they’re back in the UK and they happen to be billeted nearby each other and now Webster is with easy they’re training together and their downtime tends to overlap and Webster starts to notice Liebgott a little more, nothing untoward, nothing weird, just that women seem to like him, think he’s a good looking guy and he’s got wits and charm, but of course he’s only noticing that other people are noticing these things, it’s strictly analytical nothing personal about it…

And Webster he keeps up those strictly objective writerly observations, just because Liebgott is an interesting subject for his observations about the army and war, and maybe Joe Lieb notices that college boy is paying him a little more attention, perhaps a little too much, and so he asks around about what Webster is always scribbling away in that notebook of his since he does it so often while staring at Joe, and he learns from a hodgepodge of people that Webster is making observations about the war and Liebgott feels kind of annoyed at being treated like a specimen for study, and in reaction that’s how the game starts among the men of seeing who can get Webster to believe the most improbable stories.

So they aren’t close but they’re talking and it’s almost sort of friendly in that they’re both having fun when they converse although it’s often for different reasons (webster thinks Joe has such interesting observations, Joe is just marvelling at the gullibility of this guy). they overlap but they’re still in separate platoons, don’t get to spend a lot of time together once they drop on holland and then of course Webster is shot and ends up getting sent back to England anyway

And we see Webster in hospital, languishing with his injured leg [[I always think his whole staying in hospital thing is interesting in how people respond to it, because yeah, compared to the other guys coming back to the company despite being injured it was kind of lame that he was gone so long but you do have to account for the fact he’s at the disadvantage of being compared to a bunch of guys who are a level of badass that I’d call unrealistically exaggerated army-mary-sue writing if I hadn’t known the show was based on truth]] and maybe the reader gets to see the moments that would have been Webster’s opportunities to get out and get back to the company and the woosh as they fly right by him because the doctor said stay in bed and do p.t stretches and Webster isn’t the type to question it or break off and do his own thing.

Meanwhile Joe is going through Bastogne, freezing his ass of and growing some very unfortunate facial hair [[off topic: somewhere in my notes doc is a scribbled note about doing a reaction fic solely to document how terrible that moustache is. So bad.]]

And of course then canon plays out, the tension of Webster’s return and then the reconnection, and Joe likes Web a little better now he’s finally done something to really prove himself. And there’s a pull between them, but there’s an awful lot push them apart too. Their personalities still clash on a lot of things, they’re busy with their duties, and fuck, the war might be nearly over but it’s not over enough and every brief glimmer of hope on the horizon is shot down in a way that makes it impossible to build anything when they can’t even let their guards down.

When the war finally comes to an end they’re exhausted –mentally, physically, emotionally—they’ve got no energy to be putting into a relationship and so there’s no romance (see this is why I could never write this fic for real 3 pages into the outline and I’ve covered the whole canon timeline without even getting them to flirt), canon ends with them stepping away from each other. Webster’s got school to finish and some growing up to do and Liebgott needs space to figure himself out after the war.

So Webster goes back to the life that if we’re being honest he was kind of running away from when he joined the army, and after everything that’s happened suddenly the pressure he was under before (to impress his teachers, to make his parents proud, to keep up with social demands of the aspirational upper-middle class) all seems trivial and whereas before he would have considered himself stifled for a while it just feels soothing to be back in the comfortable familiar bubble of the world he’s grown up in, to put everything he’s seen and learned behind him like a bad dream.

And of course when joe comes back to settle in turn of the decade san francisco post the mass dishonourable discharges of soldiers coming back from the pacific and it becoming something of a gay hub so that’s… educational. Queerness had always been kind of a distant abstract concept prior to that and of course Joe was attracted to women so there was no need for him to think about it, but driving a cab means meeting all kinds of people in all sorts of situations that kind of challenges his earlier perceptions

And I think I’d go for a timeskip here, because there’s slow burn and then there’s just letting years pass without having the characters interact at all, but then there’s a reunion.

They go.

Webster is tentative, he was never that close to a lot of these guys to begin with, hasn’t really kept in touch in the years since, maybe they only really want the guys who were friends there but they did invite him and maybe enough time has passed that he’s started to get a little bored again, the comfort zone he’d retreated into is beginning to pinch.

And Joe really does want to put the whole war behind him, to live his life without those shadows hanging over him and he did have friends in the company, friends who written so say they’ve missed him and they want to hear from him so he goes and he has a surprisingly good time because it turns out the guys are much less of a reminder of the war when the beer is flowing freely and everybody is having a laugh and at some point his paths cross with Webster and huh… he’d never thought anything of the vibe he got of Webster back in the old days, but now he’s got a frame of reference and one that fits in with the way that Webster was always a little too prone to just following the crowd when it came to women, the whole interested in brains not bodies seeming flimsy and it’s a bit of a lightbulb moment of  _oh so that’s what his deal is_  and maybe Joe has a few too many beers and gets it into his head to mention it to Webster, not in a flirty way or in a challenging one but just… Joe’s older and wiser and he understands now (and maybe there’s a little bit of showing off about the fact he’s figured it out because he’s feeling pretty clever for that right about now).

Webster reacts badly.

No. no he’s not. What the fuck Liebgott? He’s shocked, offended, it’s preposterous, why would anybody think that??

[[The gentleman doth protest too much, methinks]]

And, well, for Joe it’s whatever. He thought he was right but Webster’s having none of it and it’s not like he cares so he drops it and the reunion ends and he’s willing to forget all about it.

But being confronted lingers and sooner or later Webster has to confront himself. Sure, he has a girlfriend, but only because a co-worker set them up as part of a double date, and he likes her well enough, but he appreciates her in the same way he appreciates a nice photo of a landscape or golf, there’s no passion or love. And maybe he does pay a lot of attention to men, but he’s always sort of convinced himself that’s normal, he spent a lot of time in all male environments growing up and he figured a degree of sexual interest in men just came with going through adolescence removed from female company, and if interest in that possibility lingered in him, well that was probably true for a lot of people, but people mustn’t talk about it because it’s not polite, right? Right? Suddenly the mental walls he’s used to fit himself into the worldview he was raised with are all crumbling.

Three months later he writes to Lieb and admits that he might have been right about Webster. They were never that close but Liebgott was the one who guessed and so he’s the only person Webster can think to talk about this to. And when Lieb’s responds he’s curt and to the point, barely a step about ‘yeah duh’ with a side-note of ‘called it’ but he doesn’t shut Webster down so Web keeps writing to him because he’s always expressed himself best that way and doing this helps him figure himself out.

Meanwhile Joe is reading these letters in confusion because a) they were never that close why is he suddenly getting Webster’s internal monologue set to paper in his mailbox every other week and B) honestly why is Web suddenly writing like  _Joe_  isthe expert on these things?? Joe’s driven around a few drag queens but that hardly means he knows how to answer all these weirdly philosophical questions Web keeps posing

(Webster doesn’t really expect an answer, he just feels there are questions that ought to be asked)

But since Joe gets a kick out of feeling smart by actually being able to answer Webster’s rhetorical questions, he maybe asks a few likely looking passengers a few casual questions, and he knows how ‘just asking for a friend’ sounds even if it’s true, but he gets answers and suddenly there is a correspondence

[[ _holy shit this has really gotten away from me, when I typed slow burn at the start I really wasn’t expecting it to end up being this slow!!! Anyway,_ ]]

Webster’s like having this whole mental overhaul. Joining up took up his quarter life crisis so now this is a slightly premature mid-life crisis. But the more he thinks about it (and the more literature he surreptitiously accesses because some things don’t change and Web understands the world best when it’s written out on a page for him to read and reread until it makes sense) the more he realises that this is what he wants and that ignoring/repressing this aspect of himself is part of his problems, so he begins to very hesitantly explore the possibility.

And he keeps writing about it to Joe, because somewhere in the confusion his sense of what not to put to paper has been swept away.

Joe finds himself reading the papers and getting annoyed. At first he thinks it’s the oversharing, he doesn’t know he doesn’t care about how Web has taken to people watching to try and work out if he can spot other gays (also that’s really stupid, Web, what the fuck??). Then it’s maybe a sense of, nostalgia? Because sure there’s not a particular significant age gap between them, but there’s something youthful about the way that Webster is approaching this whole sexual awakening thing that’s got him feeling old and kind of discontent about being settled down in bachelorhood.

But then Webster’s explorations go a little further, he’s talking about having found a bar, about being nervous because he isn’t a guy who does illegal things or associates with criminals and being so nervous about that he almost forgets to be nervous about the actual going out with the intent of meeting potential partners thing.

And Joe reads and he thinks  _bad idea_ and then he tries to reason to himself  _why_ it’s a bad idea because it’s not that he strictly disapproves of that sort of thing, and sure it’s risky but plenty of people do it every day and anyway Webster has the kind of money that can smooth things over if he were to get caught so he has less to worry about than most. But he can’t help picturing Webster, and he’s still a 23-year-old solider in Joe’s mind despite seeing him at the reunion, and when he pictures him with a stranger’s hands on him it turns Joe’s stomach to lead.

Unlike Webster, Joe isn’t the type to languish in denial. He’s never thought about men that way before but Webster not shutting up about it has started him thinking and all of that thinking has been focused on Webster, and he’s not sure if he wants Webster for real or just because he’s the one who put the possibility in his head, but he does want, and he feels all kinds of jealous about the fact that Web is out experimenting with men and those men aren’t him

And then Webster goes out to sea and gets eaten by a shark and the story ends.

 

No. I’m fucking with you. Even I wouldn’t do that.

Time  _still_ crawls on [[and the pov starts to settle]], because this is the slowest of burns, and Webster’s explorations bear a little fruit, he’s getting comfortable with himself, and maybe the relationships he’s finding aren’t lasting perfect romances but they are motivated by genuine interest so they are a step up from previous relationships.

And Web and Lieb keep talking and the letters turn to phone-calls and they’re settling into something like friends. And since Web seems to be actually doing alright relationship wise Joe decides the best way to get Web out of his head so he can stop feeling weird about it is too get himself laid, and he tries women at first but they’re just too different to really work to get Web off his mind so he decides what the hell and he’s picked up enough info that he doesn’t do Webster’s baby-steps inching into the shallow-end approach, he just goes out and picks up a guy.

It doesn’t get Webster out of his head.

Well, first time is always more of a learning experience, so he goes out and hooks up with another guy. And another. And it’s good, but it’s not good enough. This mental fixation on Webster isn’t just curiosity sparked by Web being the one to get him thinking about this, he wants Webster. He’s getting a kick out of the letters, and he finds himself thinking about, dreaming about, fantasising about Web (and fuck, now he’s picturing him in this context he wonders how it never occurred to him before), and it’s weird but it’s fine because it’s just thoughts and they don’t have to mean anything.

And then Web mentions his job is moving to California. It’s San Diego, not  _close_ but it’s  _closer._  Close enough that seeing Webster in person suddenly becomes viable.

Seeing Webster in person would make a whole lot of things that had only been possible in Joe’s mind before suddenly very easy to do.

Webster wants to hang out when he gets there, but Joe puts him off. He’s busy, it’s too far, the excuses are legit but after a while it’s starting to seem obvious that he’s ducking Webster, obvious enough for it to start to be suspicious even to Webster who is somewhat less gullible now that he was when they met but still a little more trusting of Joe than is probably entirely sensible (at some point Webster casually brings up the ‘more rats than people in London’ fact and wonders how California cities compare, and Joe just doesn’t have it in him to mention that he totally made that fact up).

Joe isn’t a coward. He meets up with Webster.

It’s weird to see him again. Letters don’t convey all the changes Joe wasn’t pay attention to last time they were in a room together and those that have happened since, he takes in the fine lines that have settled around Webster’s eyes partly covered by the glasses he’s picked up along the way, the way a desk job has settled on his body, he’s still in decent shape but it’s obvious he’s not getting made to run up and down mountains anymore, and he wonders what Webster sees looking back at him.

Whatever it is, his eyes are soft and he still has that same slightly too easy smile, talks like they’re old friends and nevermind that they haven’t seen each other in years and were never that close to begin with.

And they get lunch and they talk, about nothing and everything, just easy chatter and Joe thought that maybe seeing Webster is person, where he couldn’t edit himself the same way he must do in his letters, might make it easier to remember all the things that were grating about him, but Joe’s mellowed out over the years and Webster’s grown up and instead it’s just dangerously comfortable, and they stay until the meal is over and they’re starting to get  _looks_ from the servers for hogging the table and so they get out and into Webster’s car and Joe is thinking maybe it’s time to leave but then Webster announced that he wants to go swimming. Joe has already learned from his letters that this is a  _Thing_ for Webster but he’s still not expecting him to drive them to a discreet stretch of beach and strip out of his clothes with the same lack of self-consciousness they all got used to in the army except back then Joe wasn’t looking and now he is and Webster as he stands up to his waist in water, breeze whipping through his hair as he asks why Joe isn’t following him in, and he doesn’t have the glossy youthful perfection he did in Joe’s mind but he’s real and he’s there and Joe has been driven just about crazy enough that suddenly he’s kicking off his shoes, pulling off his shirt, letting his clothes fall into a pile on the sand and following Webster into the water.

He doesn’t stop. He’s close and then he’s too close and then he’s pressed dangerously up against Webster and kissing the splash of salt from his lips and he’s not sure if Webster pulls back in shock or is dragged back by the current but there’s a moment in which he thinks he’s finally got his answer and he can put Webster out of his head as an impossible dream but then Webster is crashing back with the waves and close again and Joe doesn’t know how this is going to work between them, all he knows it that he wants to make it work and he will.

 


	124. webgott - "you don't have to pretend you like me"

Joe had become used to Webster’s whinging over the course of time spent in his company, his greatest annoyance with it that he couldn’t voice his own objections without Webster making haughty jabs about the hypocrisy of Joe complaining about Webster’s habit of complaining. And when he wasn’t picking faults Webster tended to drone on about topics best suited to boring a person to sleep. Joe had learned to cope by largely tuning Webster’s nattering out unless somebody else reacted in a way that suggested it was worth of attention. And so it took him a few moments to registere the subject of Webster’s present monologue.

“Wait, what?”

“I said, you don’t have to pretend you like me,” David sighed. Joe got the impression he might have been lecturing on the subject for quite some time prior to getting Joe’s attention. “But would it kill you to be civil?”

_Civil_?

Joe was quite proud of the job he did of turning his choke into a dismissive scoff.

Webster thought that Joe would ever consider a pretence of liking him, oh that was a good one. If it had been Joe who had blown off Harvard literature to come here he’d probably call that irony or something. Pretending to like Webster was an entirely impossible proposition.

For although he was perhaps the most tiresome and frustrating person Joe had the misfortune of meeting, despite his coddled naivete, he also evoked in Joe an dreadful sort of fondness and a dangerous attraction. There were few things more agonising that not being the master of his own feelings 

The truth was that if Joe was sharp with him, it was only because it was the best mask for an attraction he could never indulge; pushing Webster away held far fewer risks than holding him close.

“Yes,” he answered, because disagreeing with Webster was one of the few pleasures he allowed himself. “At least to you.”

The quiet simmering fury that lit up Webster’s features was the closest Joe would get to the sort of passion he truly desired.


	125. webgott - lip biting

 

Joe tries to ignore it, does everything he can to keep his attention elsewhere, but eventually he can’t help the snarl that escapes him.

“Stop biting that fucking lip!”

Beside him, Webster makes a startled, indignant sound but lets his lip slip from between his teeth. The biting has left it red and slightly swollen so that his mouth settles into a slightly parted pout as he looks up at Joe with an innocent, guileless, but slightly wounded expression.

It’s somehow even  _worse_.

He’s not supposed to want this. Not supposed to notice the way Webster’s head will start to loll on a long watch or think of smoothing away the crease that forms on his brow every time he stares out at the horizon, watching for movement. He certainly shouldn’t be thinking of how easy had Web settled on his knees to get the height needed to look over the wall, or the fan of his lashes as he looks up, confused.

“Lieb?”

“Fuck off,” Joe snaps, before the temptation is too much. Why did he have to partnered with Webster so often? Why not somebody who wouldn’t be driven insane?

“But we’re supposed to be…”

“It doesn’t take two of us to see that nothing’s happening here. Go back and help Heffron stack boxes or something,” he orders. “I don’t need you.”  _Shouldn’t. Can’t_   _stand to_.  _At least, won’t ever say…_

 

 

 


	126. winnix - you don't have to pretend you like me

“You don’t have to pretend you like me.”

It’s slurred but Lew isn’t at the point where his eyes are glazed over just yet, the alcohol has workedf away at his filters but this isn’t just drunken babble.

Dick wishes the words on his lips were ‘don’t be ridiculous’ or ‘why would I need pretend something that’s true’ but the reality is…

He loves Lew, there’s no question of that. Love is a hardy emotion, slow to build but almost impossible to chip away at, at least Dick’s love is. Liking is more fragile, built of little things and more subject to the vagaries of daily life. He loves Lew, absolutely and eternally, but he doesn’t like the way Lew’s drinking has worsened, or the tone he takes when he talks about his ex-wife. He doesn’t like how distant Lew is as a father, how easily he’s willing to allow that relationship to disintegrate. He doesn’t like the way Lew shirks work and takes the comfort and security of his position for granted when so many men go without. He doesn’t like the fact that he knows that Lew is better than this but Lew doesn’t seem to be willing to make the effort.

And he’s terrified of what all that dislike might add up too.


	127. webgott - domesticity questions

**10\. big spoon/little spoon?**

Lieb is the little spoon. He gets cold at nights and having Web wrapped around him is even better than a blanket. In the early days of their relationship he was kind of defensive about it, strongly emphasising that he was only doing it for the warmth benefits not because he’s a cuddler but once he realises that this isn’t something Webster is interested in teasing him for he slowly embraces the snuggling even in situations where the extra heat probably isn’t necessary

**18\. who uses all the hot water?**

oh jeez, can I say both of them? because let’s be honest it has to be both of them.

Webster never had a limited capacity hot water tank growing up so he will just use it without even thinking about it might run out. He runs his baths so the water goes right up the brim and then gets in with a book and will just stay in there for hours, draining a bit of the water out and topping up with hot whenever it starts to get too cold. Sometimes he falls asleep in there and Lieb ends up having to jimmy the lock to wakes him up and make him get out, muttering the whole time about ‘stupid fucking water obsessed idiot, gonna drown one of these days’.

Despite this Lieb is the more common culprit for using up the water because he has the strength of will to get up in the morning and shower before Web is even properly awake. And while he is perfectly capable of and used to taking quick efficient showers, why should he if he doesn’t have to? Anyway, Webster likes to swim in the ocean and that isn’t warm so he has no good justification for bitching about cold showers.

(Fortunately, because Lieb showers in the morning and Webster takes baths in the evening there is usually enough time for the hot water to refill between their uses, but it sucks to be their neighbours on the days when something disrupts their routine).

**47\. how do they make up after a fight?**

Tentatively.

Most of their fights aren’t based on issues where one person is right and the other is wrong, they’re based on differences of opinion and feeling, and neither of them is the type to just give in and let the other person ‘win’. Most of the time they disagree affably, they won’t be together if they didn’t enjoy the challenge and the spark, so more of their arguments end in make-up sex while still bickering than in a lasting fight. On the rare occasion they get into a lasting fight, they end up in sulky standoffs, ranging form ignoring each other to being outright deliberately a problem, until eventually one of them will make a small peace offering like going back to making two coffees in the morning instead of just their own, and then they wait until a return offering is made, until gradually they let it go. usually the causes of their fights are so petty that if it drags on for more than a day or two they start to forget whatever thing caused the argument in the first place, usually because they’ve found something else to squabble over.


	128. Guarnere/Toye - domesticity questions

**3\. how did the relationship start?**

Friends to lovers. Maybe one day I’ll write these two in a meet-cute scenario just for the sake of experimenting but friends to lovers feels so natural. They’ve known each other years, they’ve both dated other people but each time it’s felt like there’s something missing or not quite right. Then the simultaneous dry spell hits, going out and getting dates starts to seem so draining and it always ends in disappointment; hooking up still takes effort and you never really have any guarantee it’ll be good; so suddenly both of them have lost interest in seeking out potential partners but also they both still want sex. I feel like Bill would be the one to suggest ‘friends with benefits’ first, mostly expecting Joe to shoot the idea down as making things weird between them, but instead he thinks about it, and well, it’s not a bad idea, is it?

It is.

Because of course it’s easy to fall into domestic routines when you’re living together anyway and to start going to bed together and waking up together in a morning, well it’s very easy to start engaging in relationship behaviour out of habit and once it starts they both find themselves wanting more, but this is supposed to just be friends with benefits, right? They aren’t supposed to be falling in love…

(Maybe they’ve have both wanted but kept it to themselves and eventually tried to move on but always missed what could have been but Joe got drunk and spilled his guts to Luz and Bill was never good at keeping secrets from Babe and maybe another set of friends would have kept such disclosures private but soon both confessions are going around the gossip network and it’s only a matter of time before the rumours of mutual pining get back to the subjects and then they sort of have to talk about it don’t they. And by have to I mean they avoid each other for a week until Lipton asks to speak with them both in private but actually locks them in a room together because he’s nice but even he doesn’t have the patience for this nonsense.

**15\. what habits of the other drives them crazy?**

Bill is Messy. Joe isn’t a neat freak, would honestly have considered himself to be on the untidier end of a messy to clean scale but Bill is something else. He doesn’t just put shit down wherever, he drops it or tosses it over his shoulder without looking where it’s going. Tell him to put the scissors in the drawer? He’ll do it, but it’ll be whichever drawer is nearest to where he’s standing, even if it’s a goddamn sock drawer. This wouldn’t be so bad except that a) Bill also being down a leg means that Joe can’t get up the same level of conviction to bitch him out about turning the whole apartment into an obstacle course/trip hazard, but most importantly b) Bill always knows where to find shit. It’s makes no sense. He has no system of organisation and doesn’t seem to pay any attention to where stuff is or should be, but instead of suffering the logical consequences for that, whenever he needs stuff he just makes an immediate beeline for it and whenever Joe asks Bill always knows even when it’s totally illogical stuff like the T.V remote being in the bathroom cabinet.

Nothing winds Bill up more than Joe being ‘bad with technology’. mostly because they both know that he’s smart enough to figure it out it’s just that he doesn’t really care enough to learn and he knows there are people who actually enjoy that stuff who’ll sort it for him. Dryer busted? Joe’s got a manual and a toolkit and it’s solved in ten minutes. Car trouble? He’s all over it. But ask him to hook the Netflix up to the TV and you’re gonna come back to him having unplugged half the cords in their media set-up and pointing the stereo remote at the DVD player and looking puzzled that it’s not working.

**36\. typical date night? out or at home?**

They like to stay home. Joe likes to stay home because if they go out Bill had to have an opinion on everything whereas if they stay home they can stick to food Bill cooks himself and can’t complain about and movies picked out because they’ve either seen the film before before and liked it or the film has been out long enough that he can research them enough to know that it’s something they’re probably like (sitting through a crap movie at the cinema because you’ve already paid when you can’t even talk shit because you’ll disturb the other moviegoers is the worst). Bill likes to stay home because a big part of date night is about setting a  _mood_ and onces he’d in the mood he’d much rather be on the couch where they can get right to things then have wait to get back from downtown, whatever some people might think about delayed gratification.


	129. luztoye - domesticity questions

**2\. who flirts more?**

George is super extra about flirting. It’s part of how he expresses affection in general and something he genuinely enjoys: he’ll flirt with the bagger at the grocery store who has the world’s most obvious crush on Joe, the old ladies who always sit at the bench he walks by on the way to work, with his friends. He’s naturally quite handsy with people and he has fun coming up with ‘clever’ lines and unusual compliments, making people blush is a challenge he can barely resist. But Joe is his absolutely favourite person to flirt with. Joe had kind of assumed that getting together with George would be the end of the flirting because it wasn’t necessary for George to hit on him anymore, but instead,  now he doesn’t even have to worry about Joe getting the wrong impression,   George takes it as a free pass to flirt with Joe as much as he likes.

**3\. how did the relationship start?  
**

For a long time they had friends in common but through various circumstances didn’t really know each other. George was the guy that made the funny videos Joe’s friends all seemed to like and Joe thought he was some sort of minor internet celebrity not somebody they actually knew; meanwhile Joe was just the hot guy that sometimes appeared in Bill’s instagram posts and George kept joking that Bill should do George a favour and hook them up but never really expected anything to come of it.

Then one day they just happen to walk into the same coffee shop and have a mutual moment of “Oh hey! You’re that guy!” which is enough to get them talking and the sparks are pretty much immediate and things just sort of flow from there. and they aren’t keeping it a secret on purpose, it’s just that they don’t quite remember to tell their friends and then one day Joe wanders out of the shower and into one of George’s videos and kisses him before wandering out of shot, except it turns out it was a live-stream not a recording he could edit and somewhere across the city Bill flips out in surprise and throws his phone across the room and then has to borrow Fran’s so he can call them and bitch them out because what the fuck when did they even meet.

**9. do they act different in public and at home?**

Joe is a lot more willing to indulge George’s ridiculousness when they’re at home. In public he will shut down the more extreme of George’s antics (George tries to do the thing where he leaps and expects Joe to catch him, Joe stands there with his arms folded and says he hopes George learned a lesson when George looks up at him in disappointment from the ground) because there is a time and a place for being loud and bouncing all over the place and it isn’t the goddamn grocery store. At home, however, he will play along and even initiate from time to time. Similarly, George is actually often a lot more mellow at home, perfectly at ease for them to sack out and watch the game on TV for a few hours whereas when he’s out or in a bigger group he’s clamouring to  _do_ something.


	130. winnix - first love

When Lew was ten his father’s assistant made a terrible mistake.

Instead of enrolling him in the ‘Young Leaders of Tomorrow’ camp he’d been attending for the past two years, the assistant had signed Lew up to an outdoor adventure camp.

When the error had been revealed, Stanhope had fired his assistant on the spot. But the fees were non-refundable and since the camp still achieved its main objective of keeping Lew out of the way when school couldn’t, away he was shipped.

Lew’s first impression when he stepped out of the taxi was that the kids at camp were feral.

They were running, they were screaming, they were covered in dirt. Even during gym, the kids at his prep school were instructed not to shout more than necessary.

Lew is a confident kid, he’s very good at holding conversations with adults and dealing with peers who’ve grown up with the same rules and expectations he has. Chaos? Chaos he has no frame of reference for.

The counsellor who eventually checked him in, mistaking Lew’s shocked disbelief for shyness, had paired him with Dick Winters, who’d been coming for the past two years and was already proving to be a natural at guiding uncertain new campers.

Of course, once Lew wrapped his head around the idea of this lack of order being for real he threw himself into taking advantage of it whole heartedly, while Dick was 50% the voice of restraint and 50% along for the ride.

For Lew, it’s the best eight weeks of his childhood.

Of course, the magic has to end eventually and it seems like barely any time at all before he’s packing up his clothes (torn, stained, utterly ruined even beyond their housekeeper’s ability to repair, his mother is going to pitch a fit) and getting ready to go home again. Back to too many rules and friends who never questioned those rules, and even in that moment he knew that this blissful summer would quickly fade to nothing more than a wistful memory of a brief escape and things he could never really have.

He almost laughs in Dick’s face when Dick tries to get him to promise to write.

It’s just not possible. Stanhope wouldn’t agree with the notion of his son having private communications and Lew was sure that phone calls or writing letters would be taken a distraction from schoolwork and that Dick would be assumed to be a disruptive influence, an unwelcome reminder of something his parents had never meant to permit him to begin with.

Dick, nice, good, rule-abiding, authority-respecting Dick, surely sees how hopeless holding onto this friendship is?

No.

Dick’s seen a summer of Lew sneaking past counsellors and charming second helpings in the canteen, bartering illicit candy off the older kids, and he doesn’t believe for moment that Lew can’t find a way to get around his parents if he tries. Maybe it won’t be easy, but there are public callboxes still and Lew could offer to get the mail for his parents and sneak own letters out of the pile before they saw them, or maybe Dick could disguise his messages as something else. Either way, he’s not accepting Lew’s dismissal.

Lew is sceptical, but for Dick he’ll try. The worst that will happen is that his father will prove him right.

Ten years later, when Lew steps of the train an onto a platform in Pennsylvania, Dick’s waiting is done and he finally gets to hug Nix and say, “I told you so.”


	131. winnix - pretend we're dating

Nix might be the one to say it but it’s Dick’s fault the idea is in his head in the first place.

All that talk about maturity and how he shouldn’t let the fact he’s grown to wonder what he ever saw in Kathy (he knows, he saw somebody who shared enough of his flaws that they managed an understanding, but two damaged people who weren’t even trying to improve was hardly the foundation for a family) show in front of the kid.

So, he says he’ll go to the birthday party and he doesn’t cancel even when he finds out the new husband, the  _step-dad_ will be coming along.

And Dick happens to be headed the same way on the same day, so he agrees to give Nix a ride (they both know Nix is gonna end up resorting to liquid courage to get him through this, Dick doesn’t approve but he supposes it’s a step up from Nix not going at all) and they’re pulling up in front of the party location and Kathy is there looking all ‘perfect couple’-y with her new husband and it’s not that Nix isn’t over her or is jealous of him but he knows these sorts of people and knows what they’re like and he has the sinking realisation that he’s going to be asked polite questions about what he’s doing with his life and if he’s moved on and he might be content with his own situation but he knows that by their standards he’ll seem like a washed up failure.

So he blurts it out. And while Dick is still blinking in total confusion Nix leans over and kisses him.

Then he gets out of the car and doesn’t look back, and hopes that Dick’s face doesn’t give away that things between them aren’t what Nix wants Kathy to think they are.

On the plus side, Kathy is looking so shocked that Nix is sure he’s going to be spared the condescending questions simply because he had ripped away her frame of reference for what to ask. On the other hand, he’s probably going to have to do a lot of damage control with Dick later.


	132. baberoe - "Pretend we're dating!"

Babe got dared to jump from the roof to the trampoline by Bill and he’s not going to listen to any ‘why would you think that was a good idea dumbass???’ remarks because there were a whole bunch of people there at the time and nobody tried to stop him so clearly it’s not that obvious that it was a terrible suggestion. Of course, when he promptly bounced right off the trampoline and onto the pavement, he smacked his head hard enough to be out cold for a few minutes and while none of the onlookers might have had the sense to stop him they do have the sense to call an ambulance so that he’ll get checked over.

Just as the ambulance is arriving he grabs Gene by the sleeve and says “Quick! Pretend that we’re dating!”

When Gene asks why Babe’s reasoning is that he doesn’t want to go in the ambulance on his own but that they’ll only let a significant other or relative in with him. Gene tries to explain that isn’t how it works but Babe is very insistent and kind of out of it from the head injury and having been drinking so Gene’s logic isn’t really penetrating.

So, Gene plays along. Kind of.

The problem is twofold.

One, Babe is a terrible actor who is really overdoing it.

Two, the paramedics know Gene and they’re pretty sure he doesn’t have a boyfriend.

And it only gets worse when they get to the hospital, because not only do the ER staff know Gene doesn’t have a boyfriend, but more than a few of them have heard him talking with Renee about his crush, and guess who happens to fit the description of Gene’s crush right down to the last freckle?

That’s right, the guy currently laying across a row of chairs with his head in Gene’s lap and making very loud declarations of his love.

Fortunately for Gene (or maybe not), Babe is sufficiently out of it not to get suspicious of the fact that Gene’s face has gone a funny shade of pink all over and that pretty much every staff member who comes through keeps giving them very significant and amused looks.

 


	133. luztoye - are those real

George is still talking as Joe tugs his shirt up over his head, but Joe is used to that. There were only a handful of ways to get George to  _stop_ talking and though Joe had plenty of plans for his mouth they weren’t suited to multitasking.

“–so then, ‘cause remember that thing on Thursday, then we–” George breaks off. “Those cannot be real.”

“Wh–?” Joe glances around the room as he dropped his shirt, wondering if George was referencing the prints hanging on the wall or the scattering of trophies tucked away on the corner shelf, and feeling vaguely put out that George picked this moment to get distracted.

“Your abs,” George continues. “They’re fake, right? Y’know, like whatsherface in the pirate movie where they contoured her tits in with makeup.”

Joe… does not know. Fake abs? Is that a thing? He’s just trying to figure out how that would even work when George pokes him in the stomach. Which… it doesn’t  _hurt_ precisely but it sure isn’t a comfortable feeling. “Hey! What are you doing?”

“Testing,” George answers, dragging his fingertips over Joe’s abs in a way that has Joe flexing and gritting his teeth to avoid revealing how ticklish it feels. “Holy shit… they’re really real, aren’t they? How the fuck…?”

Diet, exercise, and a lot of genetic good luck – but Joe’s pretty sure that’s not really what George is interested in.

He grabs George by the other wrist, adjusting his hands until both are pressed flat against him instead of teasing and says, “Now just imagine how real they’re gonna feel when you’re bracing against them for balance as you ride me.”

Mentally, he adds one more entry to the list of ways to make George speechless.

 


	134. Babe, Chuck, Lieb - Roommates

“Pass the remote,” Joe called, leaning over the arm of the couch. It wasn’t like Babe was really paying attention to the football game he’d put on and Joe really wasn’t interested in watching the Steelers flatten the Browns.

“No,” Babe huffed.

“Excuse me?”

On the other side of the room, Chuck looked up from his laptop.

“Why should I?” Babe demanded.

Joe stared at him. “Because you like me?” he tried.

Babe wrinkled his nose. “I tolerate you.”

Joe raised his eyebrows at Chuck who shrugged. He had no more idea that Joe what had put Babe in this apparent sulk. This could be bad. There’s incidents didn’t happen often but when they did Babe threw himself wholeheartedly into sullenness, usually in reaction to some sense of being slighted that he wouldn’t forgive until whatever had pissed him off had been rectified.

“What’s wrong?” Joe sighed.

“Honestly?” Babe said, finally looking up at them. “I know one of you did it.”

Joe glanced at Chuck who looked back in befuddlement. “Did what?”

“I found  _this_ on the kitchen floor!” Babe held up an empty packet of what had once been a bag of sour gummy snakes.

Oh  _jeez_.

Joe looked to Chuck immediately. He didn’t even  _like_ sour candy, it just tasted chemically and weird. Joe’s sweet tooth was strictly reserved for chocolate, but Chuck was less picky. Today, though, his face was the picture of innocence.

“I’ve been out all day,” he pointed out.

“Well maybe you ate them yesterday,” Babe accused. Then, apparently realising no confession was forthcoming, sighed loudly and burrowed further into the couch.

Resigned to not getting the TV remote for the time being, Joe decided to get started on the laundry, so that later when Babe and Chuck were doing their shares of the household chores he could have his all wrapped up and lay claim to the TV while they were occupied.

He started in the bathroom, sorting out what was already in the hamper, but then moved through to the bedroom where he knew there would be clothes that had failed to reach the hamper.

Mentally he counted the days and realised that it was also time to change the sheets again. Joe walked over to the bed and he looked at it. There was a strange powdery residue on one of the pillows. Joe frowned then stuck his finger in it.

Cautiously, he licked his finger, then he grimaced at the gross taste of citric acid and sugar on his tongue.

Still, at least they had their culprit.

Babe had been sleep walking again.


	135. academic conference - Winnix, Webgott, Speirsroe

1 - Nobody knows how Nix got his position? Connections???? God knows he doesn’t seem like he could get past an interview with the kind of stuffy guys that make up Yale department heads and HR. He’s kind of weirdly critical of corporations for somebody who teaches business, although he seems to accept them as an unavoidable either rather than having much faith in any system of resistance. And while In theory he teaches, he doesn’t grade for attendance because half the time he doesn’t even to show up for his classes

And yet all his students keep passing, and it’s not just that he’s giving out passing grades for free either because when his students move onto the next level classes they have the skills and knowledge they need, plus a lot of handy shortcuts and ways to hack their way into needing to do minimal work, so clearly Nix teaches at some point, he just doesn’t like to be caught doing it.

He’s really not sure how he ended up in the agricultural studies seminar of the conference, there were a lot of tiny drinks on his flight out there and the coffee at his hotel was questionable so he doesn’t really wake up until the Q&A session at the end, when he happens to be alert just long enough to hear somebody a) doing the thing where they pretend they’re asking a question but really just using it as an excuse to talk about their own work and b) saying some seriously dumb shit about GMO’s. Nix might not be a science guy or a farming guy but he’s had dinner with ex monsanto lawyers who got drunk enough to get sloppy about sticking to their NDA’s and he can tell the room all about just how shady those fuckers are. And does so, loudly, without any regard for the guy who still has the microphone and is still trying to finish his bullshit.

For Dick, who has been super uncomfortable with being up on the platform as part of the speaker panel and very not happy with the rudeness of the Q&A guy trying to hijack his talk, this would be a *suddenly sits up straight and starts paying attention moment* except Dick wouldn’t slouch to begin with - but he’s suddenly more focused. He hadn’t missed the fact that the response to his talk was less than enthusiastic, the finer points of the impact of GMO corn on grain subsidies is important but it doesn’t exactly make for edge of your seat listening and it’s kind of nice to have somebody actually seeming to be responding with energy if in a tangential way.

Nix has no idea that Dick had just zeroed in on him and he shuts down derailing guy and then slopes off at the end of the panel to go find more caffeine. He’s just arguing the maximum amount of espresso shots the barista is willing to put in one mug when a tall and serious looking redhead approaches him. Nix: *suspicious squinting* (is he about to be told off for disrupting a panel? The guy he shut down certainly seem like the type to go complain about him)

Meanwhile Dick basically rushed out after the panel and was as rude as he could reasonably be to his fellow speakers so he could chase after Nix and he wants to talk to him some more so he offers to buy his coffee.

And, well, academic meet-and-greets aren’t really Nix’s thing but he’s not going to say no to some free coffee and somebody who takes him seriously when he’s talking shit about agricorportations.

*

2 - I’m making Lieb a biologist just because I am cracking up at the idea of him giving a talk on his work and Webster asking about a million questions and comments and Lieb just *squints at Web’s I.D badge*  _literature??????_  “YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE”

Webster is a literature guy but also he knows most of the people in the literature talks and they’ve already had the same discussions arguments a hundred times before, so he’d indulging his passion for sharks and going to this marine biology talk which he thinks is great he just has a few teensy questions about some holes he noticed in Lieb’s presentation where the data is a little flimsy and the methodology seems weird.

Joe rips into him.

Web’s questions aren’t wrong, but the reason Lieb’s research doesn’t answer them is because he works with a tiny school and he has to do the best he can with basically no funding, and sharks are a lot more expensive to work with than books, do you know how much a boat suitable for Lieb work fucking costs to rent? It’s a lot.

Webster doesn’t know how much it costs to rent a boat suitable for shark watching because he hadn’t rent since uh… his parents might have bought him one as a very flashy graduation present.

And as they continue their ‘discussion’ out of the presentation room and through halls, crowds scattering like frightened pigeons in their path, Webster is once again struck by his mouth saying words before his brain gets any input and suggests that if that’s the problem then Lieb should come on his boat with him and fix his research that way/

And Lieb’s first instinct is to be like “No and also fuck you!” because this is the most condescending conversation he’s had since he worked in service industry jobs to pay for college, but that’s overruled by the part of him screaming “Hell yes” because free boat and continuous future opportunities to show this asshole all the stuff he doesn’t know and he ends up saying “FINE” and the next thing he has Web’s number in his phone and plans to meet up for a boat expedition.

(Webster is gonna love it – sure Lieb will be near constantly mocking him, but his shark knowledge is impeccable! Lieb is schooling Web so hard but instead of getting annoyed Webster is eating it up with wide eyes and gaping in awe when Lieb gets the dive gear on and resurfaces with footage of the sharks so close up he could almost touch them and okay Lieb is kind of enjoying this)

*

3 - Roe is a paramedic and is working a first aider for the convention, as is required for an event of that size. He’s never been to one of these things before and he figured it would be fairly low key, maybe a twisted ankle or an allergic reaction, perhaps heart trouble - a few of the speakers are getting on a bit in years and the excitement of debate might get too much for them. He’s not expecting their aid station to be approached by a seriously looking security guard who says they need medical assistance at the building security HQ because of an ‘incident’. He and Renee had been partners long enough that they don’t even have to talk to decide that Renee will stay at the aid station and Gene will go deal with the incident.

Gene’s not sure what he’s expecting when the guard lets him into security, but he’s worked with the aftermath of protests and concerts and playoff finals and what he sees looks very much like the result of a brawl.

He’s seen a few brawls in his time, and he knows enough to pick out with pretty good confidence who started it. That’d be the guy sitting completely calmly on the opposite side of the room to the others without a scratch on him except for split knuckles.

Gene decides to deal with him last. He treats the three other guys who have been roughed up (none of them are dangerously hurt. in fact, to Gene’s eyes it looks as if somebody with some expertise has deliberately gone for maximum shock factor without inflicting any dangerous damage) and sends them away, they’re talking about complaining but none of them really sounds like they have the conviction to go through with it.

Then he goes to tend to the instigator’s hands.

Ron sees nothing odd about launching himself onto the stage and vaulting over the table in response to a panelist being the most wrong. Everybody has heard stories that he’s been involved in similar instances at several conferences before and a significant number of his fellow historians are wondering why he keeps being invited. But he is literally the best in his particular area of expertise and most of the guys he is rumoured to go after are the kind of guys who state their dangerously bad opinions as facts, which buys Ron a little leeway with his colleagues.

He’s totally glib as he explains this to Gene, who is just staring up at him like ‘crap, i’m going to have to keep an eye on this guy aren’t i’


	136. big 5 ships, who cries when the dog dies in movies?

Winnix - As previously established, Nix has a weakness. He is generally embarrassed by this weakness and tends to make an effort to find out if it is likely to a problem before watching a movie in company, however when it comes to the moment he can never control himself.

Luztoye - Joe’s jaw is getting tighter and tighter as it becomes clear that the dog is in peril, and George is shuffling closer and closer until he’s practically in Joe’s lap (he’s got a weird way of slithering under Joe’s arm without Joe even realising he’s doing it) the eventual scene is rough but they get each other through it.

Speirton - Sentiment does not come so easy to Ron that he finds himself emotionally invested in fiction very often and he tends to be faintly puzzled by people who are. When he enters the lounge to find that Lipton has been visibly crying Ron finds himself in a blind and furious panic. What is the cause of this unthinkable disaster and how can he fix it? When Lip glibly explains that the cause was a movie, Ron is perplexed and only somewhat comforted. It’s good that the reason wasn’t something more serious but nevertheless, Lip being in distress is entirely unacceptable. After Lip goes to bed that night Ron devotes several hours to going through their entire collection and removing anything that might cause a repeat of the incident. He is really not good with tears, okay…

Baberoe - Babe will tear up when the hero’s best friend dies, or the love interest is torn away, or the mention proves to be a traitor… but when the dog dies? Niagra’s got nothing. Eugene is slightly concerned that he’s going to make himself sick from dehydration

Webgott - Just two guys, chilling on the couch, five feet apart, definitely not both trying to hide the fact that they’re crying.


	137. speirton - knight/prince au

People worry about what will happen when Prince Ron is crowned King.

He performs his present duties well, will certainly manage the kingdom efficiently, but it’s hard to imagine the cold, aloof Prince mustering the care the kingdom needs. To be ruled by a man good at keeping the grain stores full and threats at bay but poor at ceremony and indifferent to his citizens as anything other than a mass to be governed is better than being ruled by a man who is personable but cannot run a country, but most people would prefer to have both.

Ron knows this. What he doesn’t know is how to fix it.

He wants to be everything his kingdom needs, but that’s an exercise in contradictions. Justice and mercy are hard to balance, caution and frivolity often harder. The big picture thinking will keep his citizens alive, but he can’t defend their borders against invaders and sit at court mediating the petty problems that occur daily even though his presence there would certainly increase his people’s confidence in him.

Looking to his father for guidance is no good. The King is every bit as severe a man as Ron is, perhaps even more so, having been hardened by years of governance.  But his father had been fortunate in his marriage and the people did not need to have a caring relationship with the King when they loved and were loved by the Queen. It was an expedient solution, but one Ron had found hard to adopt.

He’s met a thousand noblewomen, ladies of the court and foreign ambassadors, but he’s never found one who make a suitable wife, though he was prepared to sacrifice the prospect personal affection in order to choose the future queen the kingdom needed. 

His parents relationship was a loving one, but through history there had been kingdoms governed successfully by royal couples who were partners in governance alone and Ron had embraced that eventual fate a long time ago. The thought of the daughter of some Duke, elegant, mannered, and with a perfect understanding of the court politics, sitting on the throne and governing in his name is not so intolerable, not if he could find a woman with the capability whose loyalties could be trusted.

In the meantime, all he can hope is that his father’s health persists, so that Ron may continue to focus his attention on border skirmishes and defending outlying hamlets from roving wildlife.

The palace guard and many of the soldiers who patrol the kingdom are wary of Ron, but out here on the wild edges of his realm the men cheer at the sight of his horse. It’s easy for them to trust him when their leader welcomes Ron with a smile and open arms.

Of course, it was that easy demeanor and welcoming heart that saw Knight Lipton assigned to the furthest reaches of the kingdom in the first place. He was a skilled knight, would have done well in the city or serving in some more prestigious post, but the king had observed the way Ron’s eyes had lingered, the way he listened more attentively to Lipton’s counsel, and shortly after had decided that Lipton could best serve the crown in the far reaches. As the prince Ron could find myriad reasons to follow and call it duty and his father never objected to trips, but nevertheless the message was clear. An affair conducted away from society. That was all Ron could ever have. Heirs were needed and a reputation for disinterest in women would make finding a queen even more of a challenge than it already was.

But as he swung off his horse, lose and easy in a way that he never could in the cities where he had to keep the crown steady on his head at all times, boots thudding down into the mud, he pushed all that aside.

There was a squire already rushing up to take his horse, another directing him to the current command tent where he’d be sure to find Lipton. There would be no passionate reunion yet, Lipton took the assignment seriously no matter the reasons he’d been given it, and it being seen to be at work that gave Ron the reason to come here again. He could wait an eternity if at the end of it they could have a little more time.


	138. ToyeGuarnere - Driver/Hitchhiker au

Joe loves his stupid shitty truck, has fond memories of being a kid and squishing into the bench seat with his brothers and sisters and going on errands with their Dad, Mom complaining that it would be coming out of Dad’s beer money if they got a ticket for overloading and sharing seatbelts.

All the sentimental value in the world doesn’t change the fact it’s a two and a half ton heap of just held together mostly be rust. He does what he needs to keep it safe and road legal, but keeping it running smoothly is another challenge altogether.

So it had been an annoyance but not exactly a surprise when he’d found himself broken down in the middle of nowhere.

He’s with triple A so it’s easy enough to get a tow and make arrangements for the truck to be transported home, where he has his own stash of the increasingly rare parts it needs. But he still has to get himself home.

He’d managed to hitch a ride partway east, but he’s still at least a day’s drive away from home and that’s assuming he can find a single ride heading in the right direction instead of having to cobble a route together from people going part way.

He’d got the last guy to leave him at a rest stop - the man could have taken him a bit further but it had seemed smarter to get out somewhere he was more likely to picking up a new ride.

He’d been waiting for an hour, a few people had come by but only one of them had been headed in the direction he’d needed and she’d been wary of picking up a passenger and Joe wasn’t the type to push.

Evening was starting to draw in and his chances of finding a ride were getting slimmer, people were warier after dark, plus less likely to be driving through the night. He could be stuck here till morning. He’d been in worse positions, of course, but that didn’t mean he was looking forward to it. He had enough money in his wallet to keep him in coffee but not much more.

He’s resigning himself, eyeing up the grim looking diner, when are car pulls out of the gas station, starts to rev and speed up to the slip road, only to suddenly slow down and pull up beside him.

It was an 80s Camaro, a little dated but clearly well maintained, gleaming with polish except for the tinted windows. Joe frowned. He needed a ride but the first rule of hitch-hiking was to not just take any offer going, he wasn’t worried about serial killers or anything, that was just scaremongering and horror movie bullshit, but he didn’t want to spend hours stuck in a car with an asshole.

The window rolled down to reveal a guy about his own age, with a face that looked like it was made for punching and a smirk that invited people to try him.

“Headed north-east?” he said, a thick Philly drawl that set Joe at little at ease as soon as he heard it. Of course, it wasn’t proof he wasn’t trouble, but a guy who talked like that probably had at least a few things in common with Joe.

“Yeah,” Joe said. “Going my way?” The highway split off in two directions just a few miles up and too many of the people who’d pulled over for him had been headed the wrong way to what he needed.

The guy grinned and everything about it screamed asshole, but maybe he was Joe’s kind of asshole. “Hop in.”

Joe only hesitated for a moment. He was potentially a tool but the guy was heading his way, probably all the way to Pennsylvania going by that accent, and for that he’d put up with a lot. He hiked his bag up his shoulder and pulled the door open, climbing into the front seat.

The interior of the car was as well cared for as the outside, clean although not the obsessive cleanliness of somebody who cared more for appearance than functionality; the windows were still the original and unupgraded hand crank style, but the sound system had clearly been refitted recently, high quality speakers in both doors and a docking station on the centre console - it was a high quality job too, seamless looking integration instead of the chop-shop messiness that Joe usually associated with people attempting to force modernisation on a classic.

“Nice ride,” he offered. “I’m Joe.”

“Bill,” the guy responded. “How’d you end up out here?”

Joe had hitched enough times to know the routine. This guy didn’t look like he needed putting at easy with casual chit-chat that would indicated Joe wasn’t a serial killer, but he offered up his explanation of how he’d ended up stranded anyway. Possibly he fudged a few details because he loved his stupid truck and he wasn’t sure a guy driving a car like this would appreciate the beauty of it from his description, but Bill nodded understandingly as Joe talked.

“So, where you looking to end up?” Bill asked.

“Pittsburgh,” Joe said. “Home.”

Bill said nothing and in the silence, Joe was pretty sure he felt the tension in the vehicle double. Going out on a limb he added, “Yeah, s’my city, shame the Steelers are getting their asses kicked this season though.”

“Football fan?” Bill said, the tone wary.

“Yeah,” Joe said, he didn’t just follow football, but it was the only sport for which he held particularly strong team loyalties.

“I’m more of a hockey guy myself,” Bill remarked. “But it’s probably for the best you aren’t, being from a city with such a shitty team an’ all.”

“Hockey’s alright,” Joe conceded. “But I mostly follow the college level stuff not the pros, I’ve got a cousin who plays.”

Bill nodded approvingly. “College hockey ain’t bad, and there’s less rich bastards getting their pockets lined out of it.”

“Right,” Joe said. He liked sports but he had little patience for the idea of paying multi-millionaires just to see them play when there were plenty of amateurs doing it for free who just wanted their ticket sales to cover their costs so they could keep doing what they loved.

There wasa a junction before they hit the freeway for real, light turning orange as the draw near, and, fuck, it’s not that Joe disapproved of trying to beat the lights, it just that when he’s doing it he Joe knows he has the skills to pull it off. Bill pressing down hard on the gas has him pressing back against the chair out of instinct, watching the road as they go roaring through the intersection so fast that Joe can’t even tell if the lights changed or not.

“Jeez, grip any tighter and you’ll give yourself bruises,” Bill said.

For a moment Joe didn’t understand, but then he looked down and saw how his fingers were digging into his knee, an instinctive response to that reckless driving. “Nah,” he said, and then, because he refused to make a big deal he added, “It’s a prosthetic.”

“Huh, weird…” Bill said, turning his face away from the road to look at Joe and Joe started to bristle before he continued, “I mean, what are the odds… You don’t happen to wear size eleven shoes do you?”

Joe blinked. That… was not where he’d be expecting Bill to go with a sentence that began like that. “Size nine,” he said. “Why?”

“Damn…” Bill shook his head. “Guess I’ll have to keep looking then.”

“Looking for what?” Joe asked. He’d witnessed a variety of reactions to his leg since shipping home, some better than others, but he couldn’t quite make sense of Bill’s.

“My soulmate,” Bill said, casually, like it wasn’t the weirdest possible thing he could possibly have said.

“What, true love bullshit?” Joe asked. Based on shoe size? Was this some sort of fetish thing? He’d gotten rides from some weirdos in his time, but the only alarm bell Bill had been ringing was the ‘asshole’ one, nothing about him had pinged Joe as the type to go all sexual-harassment as soon as he had Joe shut in a confined space.

“No, S-O-L-E,” Bill corrected. “You gotta have noticed how these fuckin’ prosthetics always wear through shoes faster than normal, so you end up with one that’s fine and one that’s falling to bits. So I figure if I could just find somebody that wears the same size as me but had a prosthetic wearing out the opposite shoe, we could get balanced out pairs.”

Joe blinked. It was true that he’d experienced the same phenomena but he’d never thought further about it. Hell, he’d never given that much thought to shoes in his life, although it wasn’t a surprise that some people did. He had one cousin who’d get out a toothbrush and some special fancy cleaning paste if so much as a fleck of dirt marred the white of his sneakers, but he’d always put that down to being one of those weird teenager things.

He glanced down at his boots, scuffed and stained and maybe one was a little more worn out than the other but it was hard to tell given how battered they both were. “Pretty sure I wouldn’t be the right for you even I did wear the same size,” he said. “Shoes aren’t exactly a passion of mine.”

“Ah well,” Bill said. “It’s a long way to Pennsylvania, maybe I can convince you otherwise.”

 


	139. speirsluz - the nanny au

Speirs is the rich widower, left with three kids he cares deeply about but doesn’t understand or know how to deal with because he was always a very hands off parent. At first various relatives helped him out but it’s been a while now since his wife passed and his family need to get on with their own lives so Ron has to start being the primary caregiver for his kids - but since he’s so ill-equipped to do that he’s outsourcing for some support. He is determined that their caretaker will be a male one because they already have plenty of female influence from aunts/grandma and he feels this will be less like he’s trying to substitute their mother.

George Luz’s life has just imploded. His boyfriend dumped him out of nowhere and although they’ve been sharing an apartment for over an a year it’s the boyfriend’s name on the lease so he tosses George’s stuff out on the sidewalk to make room for his new guy to move in. This wouldn’t be so bad but they also met working together in the same music store and when their breakup carries over to fighting at work George finds himself fired which seriously limits his options for finding a new place.

He’s couch surfing and browsing wanted ads and job sites hoping like hell he can find something before he has to move back in with his parents when he sees the ad for the nanny position. And George doesn’t have any professional experience in childcare, but he’s spend his whole life chasing siblings around and babysitting cousins. He’s twenty-three and he still gets put on one of the kids tables at family events because somebody has to wrangle them and that’s how it always been. He’s never considered wrangling kids as a career because he already did enough of that and also well, it’s not real work, is it? When he thinks of watching kids he pictures teenage babysitters geting paid five bucks an hour to sit on the couch and watch movies while the kids are asleep and the parents are on date-night. This ad is something else though.

He figures he’ll give it a shot.

He gets various family to write him references, enough of his female relatives have taken their husbands surnames that it’s not immediately obvious that they’re all from family. He’s not going to lie, but he’s not going to bring it up if nobody asks.

Ron doesn’t ask.

Mostly because while this George Luz guy has an excellent resume Ron has written him off the minute he turned up to the interview. Ron works in a corporate environment, when he thinks professional he thinks suits, a few of the other interviewees have turned up in khakis and polo-shirts and Ron is willing to concede that might be acceptable levels of professionalism for something who works with children, but George shows up in jeans and a t-shirt with a slogan that isn’t quite inappropriate but would certainly raise eyebrows if he wore it to pick Ron’s kids up from their fancy private schools. He mostly goes ahead with the interview because they’re both their anyway and he figures he can learn from George’s answers what not to look for.

He’s just wrapping up the interview when there is a loud shriek from upstairs when Ron left the kids the playing.

He rushes upstairs to find bright pink vomit everywhere. Apparently they’d snuck a stash of candy back from visiting their aunt and taken the lack of supervision and an opportunity to binge eat and the littlest one had overdone it, projectile vomiting, and is now wailing while his siblings look on in grossed out horror.

Ron can deal with this. He’s a competent, successful individual and so he very calmly and rationally goes to get the cleaning supplies from the closet.

Meanwhile George steps right over the mess and ducks down to take hold of the vomit covered six year old.

“Hey buddy,” he says, “Good attempt at replicating disneyworld, I haven’t seen a mess like this my cousin Frankie ate a whole tub of cotton candy then rode space mountain right after.”

The sobbing trails off. The older two are staring. They don’t know who this guy is, but this isn’t how things usually go.

Ron comes back with the mop to find George has lifted the kid from the centre of the mess and hands him off to Ron. “Here, you get this one cleaned up and I’ll take care of the mess.” Ron hands over the mop with argument because he’s so surprised and also because he can’t keep the sick covered child from transferring mess over to him if he’s only holding the kid one handed.

George isn’t doing any of this to impress Ron, it’s just instinctive for him - he’d been raised his whole life knowing that in situations like this you help out. While he’s cleaning up he chats to the other kids, ‘Where did they get the candy?’, ‘Did they have a good time with their aunt?’ and while the kids are braced for an interrogation about who’s to blame for the sugar overload and then being scolded George just puts them at ease and then gets them to pitch in with the cleaning. By the time Ron’s got the littlest showered and into clean clothes the mess is  gone and the ten year old is chattering to George about minecraft while the thirteen year old looks marginally less sulky than has become her default state as she listens in and rolls her eyes a lot. There’s no tantrums, no fighting, not even the usual pervasive sense of being on the brink of disaster.

Ron wraps up the interview, which has way overran by this point and despite his initial doubts when Ron is deciding who to call back… well all of the other interviewees seem rather unmemorable by comparison.

(And then slow burn as George slowly befriends the kids, gets into shenanigans, deals with his breakup, and slowly convinces Ron to loosen up a little, until one day Ron looks at them and realises that, oh, he’s not seeing his family + George, he’s just seeing his family and he’s fallen hard).


	140. lieb/chuck/babe + ship meme questions

**who starts the pillow fights:** Lieb starts them by smacking people with pillows to express his annoyance only to have Babe grab a cushion and wallop him right back. Sometimes Chuck joins in and sometimes he just sits back and enjoys the show.

**who cries when someone dies in a movie:** Babe always sits in the middle when they’re watching a potentially sad movie so that they can both hug him when he gets a little teary.

**who brings home stray animals:** It’s not so much a stray animal as spots a house on Chuck’s commute that is keeping a rabbit in a cage that’s way too fucking small for it. It doesn’t even have a proper run to move about in. At first he tries talking to the family but they’re the kind of people who buy a rabbit as an easter present then get bored once it’s not a cute little baby bunny anymore and now basically ignore it. So then he calls ASPCA and the Humane society, but both of their local branches have bigger problems and can’t prioritise a legal battle to get these peoples rabbit away from them. So he bitches about the situation to his boyfriends and they come up with a plan. Babe, with his innocent unassuming face, with go to the door pretending to be a market research guy looking for local opinions on a plan to build a new mall right down the road (imagine the traffic chaos!) and keep the residents busy, while Joe and Chuck go over the back fence and perform a rabbit rescue.

**who draws in the dust on their cars:** Babe will literally spend hours doing elaborate doodles on dusty cars

**who starts the snowball fights:** Babe gets the most excited about snow and will try to hype the others up with him. Chuck will usually be huddled in his jacket and having none of this cold, wet nonsense, but Lieb gets dragged in by competitiveness.

**who throws away the directions to things:** Poor Chuck. Why is he surrounded by people who don’t read instructions. He left Joe and Babe alone with the ikea furniture for half an hour and now they somehow made a chair with seven legs… How??????

**who sings in the shower more often:** Babe does, loudly and badly. Chuck will also occasionally sing in the shower but at a much more unobtrusive volume but also much more tunefully.

**who’s behind the wheel more often during road trips:**  Chuck. He and Babe conspire together to make sure that Lieb isn’t the one taking all of the driving because he already does so much and while he’s not unwilling it does make it less vacation-y for him. But Babe doesn’t really have the attention span for long distance driving.

**who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines:**  They get the stack of magazines from Chuck’s mom when they’re repainting the lounge because they don’t have any newspaper to put down because they recycle it as soon as they’re done. Except they take forever to start painting because Joe starts flipping through the magazines reading out the funny bits and then Babe joins in and finds the quizzes - [hilarity ensues](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosmopolitan.com%2Fsex-love%2Fnews%2Fa59538%2Fwill-he-be-great-in-bed-quiz%2F&t=NzcyMGM1ZjcxMWQ2ZmZkZWQ0NTg0MGVmMWQzN2M3MWE0YTMxN2E1OSxrQXNzanA2cQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AD4ywn9-dWA1UDVgaQPS39A&p=http%3A%2F%2Fdamnyoualex.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F170950611325%2Fliebchuckbabe-who-cries-when-someone-dies-in-a&m=1).

**who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa:** Babe is the worst for this, followed by Lieb. Chuck is weirdly immune to it (he’s got a knack for spotting the hinges which gives it away but it’s such an unconscious habit he doesn’t even realise he’s doing it).


	141. luztoye - ship meme question

**who cries when someone dies in a movie:**  Despite what some people would assume for his tough-guy appearance Joe is perfectly comfortable crying at a sad movie even in public (and lets be honest, looking like that means Joe’s never had anything to overcompensate for with macho bullshit). George isn’t really the crying type, he is always more likely to try and laugh off or push down his sadness.

**who brings home stray animals:**  Both of them. Fortunately there is a good no-kill shelter near where they live so they can put the animals into somebody else’s care otherwise they’d be living in a zoo. Joe is more likely to be the one finding abandoned dogs, George is more likely to end up being the one to wind up bringing home something a little weirder like a raccoon or a fox cub.

**who travels more:** George because as they get older his relatives have become more and more scattered so their is a period where they are all doing a lot of travelling in order to see each other before they eventually agree that it has become ridiculous and instead start organising semi-regular family reunions hosted by the family members who live most centrally on a rotating basis.

**who buys the things in infomercials:** George. It’s not even that he believes that they’re gonna be useful they just amuse him and he likes playing with them to find which ones work and which ones don’t

**who draws in the dust on their cars:** George likes to doodle things in the dust whenever he goes past. Joe sometimes puts off washing his car for a little longer than he should just because he likes seeing the silly little pictures

**who starts the snowball fights:** In the early days of their relationship it’s usually George, but once Joe gets used to this happening every time there is snow he decides the best defence is a good offence and so usually ends up starting because he likes to beat george to it

**who throws away the directions to things:** George didn’t even check to see if there was directions, he just started putting the furniture together based on instincts. Sometimes there are a few screws left over but only once has it ended with a chair collapsing when Joe tried to actually sit on it.

**who gets more obsessed about things:** Joe. George has boundless enthusiasm for all things so nothing stands out as an obsession, whereas Joe is generally lowkey but if he gets interested in something he is really interested.

**who started liking the other first:** George was attracted to Joe from the start, but didn’t make much of it because pretty much anybody would be at least a little attracted to somebody who looked like that, but Joe was the first one to develop actual feelings~~~

**who insists on learning how to ballroom dance:**  Joe already knows, used to be pretty good but doesn’t really do it anymore, so George starts taking lessons in secret so that he can be Joe’s dance partner. (George isn’t very good at keep secrets so Joe figures it out within a month but he decides not to say anything and let George have the fun of ‘surprising’ him once he gets good enough).

**who mistakes salt for sugar:** This happened when Joe was making breakfast the weekend they went away to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. In fairness, they hadn’t got much sleep the night before.

**who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning:**  both of them do. George because he just doesn’t think about it being a problem, Joe because George sleeps like a very clingy log so it doesn’t ever disturb him.


	142. Webgott - ship meme

**who cries when someone dies in a movie:**  Webster is too much of a student of fiction to get emotionally invested enough to cry, he’s too busy making note of the narrative devices used to make the scene emotive and how it contributes to the overall story and emotional tone of the movie. Joe cries, but only if it’s really sad, and when he does Webster knows to pretend not to see because the first time it happened Joe made it very clear he didn’t like when Web made a fuss about his reaction.

**who brings home stray animals:** neither of them do this. Webster is weirdly convinced that all wildlife that isn’t in the sea has rabies even species that don’t carry rabies. Joe likes to pet the street cats and he will give them food every once in a while but he would never mistake them for potential pets who would be happy to be in a house.

**who leaves the bathroom door open:**  Webster. He likes to soak in the tub for ages and usually he will read but sometimes he props the door open and talks to Joe instead. Joe jokes that the reason the door is open is so he can check Web hasn’t drowned when he’s been in there for hours.

**who spends more cash:**  Physical cash? Webster. If he sees something he wants he will buy it right away instead of waiting to plan the purchase, he doesn’t think about things like coupons and online deals and timing his purchases so that he doesn’t accidentally get bank charges buying a three hundred dollar piece of diving equipment the day after the rent has gone out of his account but before his next paycheck has cleared. Also he worries that if he doesn’t get things right away they will sell out despite that fact that has only ever happened to him twice ever in his life (but he really wanted that shirt with the subtle shark pattern that made it tasteful enough to wear to formal events but still sharky, and going back to the store with his wallet only to find they’d run out of his size was traumatic)

**who buys the things in infomercials:**  this is Joe’s problem. He will end up watching infomercials and the shopping channel when he can’t sleep at night because his working hours have messed with his circadian rhythms and when he’s too tired to do anything but too awake to actually go to sleep buying a ladder which folds down to the size of a shoebox seems like a great idea. They’re bound to end up needing a ladder at some point, right? He usually ends up forgetting he’s ordered these things after he finally does go to bed, so the delivery is a really weird surprise. In fairness, the roomba with disco-ball attachment is pretty neat.

**who draws in the dust on their cars:** Why does Web even have a car? He doesn’t drive it, he just bums lifts off Joe. He certainly doesn’t clean it. It just sits there gathering dust next to Joe’s finely tuned, perfectly polished car. Joe feels like he’s perfectly justified in drawing dicks in the dust, if Web doesn’t like it he should take care of his fucking car!!

**who starts the snowball fights:** Joe. With no warning. They’ll be out walking along in the snow and Joe will stop to ‘tie his shoe’ and wave Webster on ahead and then a minute later ‘BLAM!’ Web takes a lemon-sized lump of snow to the back of the head. Every time.

**who insists on learning how to ballroom dance:**  Lieb feels like this is exactly the sort of posh rich people thing that Web would be into. Webster is completely baffled as to why Joe would think this would be something he is interested in, he’s never danced in his life, even at parties the best he manages is an awkward semi-rhythmic shuffle, but Joe has decided so along to the dance classes they go. It’s a lot less stuffy that Joe thought it would be and he really takes to the quicker dances, much to the frustration of Webster who was just barely managing not to trip over his own feet doing the slow ones.

**who sings louder while cooking/showering:** Lieb likes to sing along to the radio when he’s cooking, he knows the words to most of the songs from hearing them in the car, and he also dances. Web prefers to be a spectator for this.

**who would carry who over the doorstep of a new home:**  In a fit of giddiness, Joe tries to sweep Web of his feet, but it doesn’t really work because despite being a nerd Web is actually a pretty solidly built dude. He manages to get Webster off the ground but then overbalances and they both go crashing down.

**who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen:** Lieb gives Web a marker moustache when he falls asleep too early on a date-night because he stayed up reading the night before. Given what he does to Web’s car, Web is mostly glad when he wakes up and realises that’s all Joe drew.

**who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order:**  Neither of them. Webster keeps changing the system he uses, sometimes he goes by genre first other times he sorts them by year. He’s constantly finding new ideas for how to sort his books and experimenting with them to find the best system so that he can find any book instantly and instinctively (which never going to happen because there is just too many books). Joe puts books back on the shelf wherever there is a gap and just asks Webster when he needs to find a book because they have too many bookshelves and like hell he’s going to try and figure out Webster’s organisational system of the month is when he can just get Web to find it for him and then listen to Web’s pleased babble about proud he is of his system.

**who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa:** Web pushes with confidence and drama and when the door doesn’t budge and he he trips over his own feet Lieb laughs at him. Laughs and laughs and laughs. Webster gets pretty pissy pretty fast because it’s not that funny, which of course just makes Lieb laugh harder, because “literature! Web, you study literature and you can’t even read well enough to see that the door sign said ‘pull’”. It wouldn’t have been as funny if Web hadn’t gone for such a flourishing push, but since he was being ridiculous anyway Joe thinks he deserves it. Webster sulks for three and a half hours. 


	143. Alphabet prompts - Joseph Liebgott

_J:_ _What’s their sense of humour like?_ Joe tends to run towards a pretty vicious and dark sense of humour. He likes jokes that burst peoples’ bubbles and making humour out of difficult shit, which means that a lot of people don’t like his jokes – not helped by his tendency towards very deadpan delivery that leaves people uncertain as to if they should be taking his comments seriously or not.

 _O_ _:_ _What are their hands like?_ Joe has fast moving hands, all quick, clever fingers, he’s excellent at anything that requires a high level or co-ordination and dexterity, cutting hair, elaborate card shuffling tricks,

 _S:_ _How stealthy are they?_ Moderately stealthy.  He can be sneaky as hell when he wants to be but it’s not really his style.

 _E:_ _How are they with children?_ He makes a big show of not being the kind of guy who has the patience for kids but it’s mostly just a front to get out of being roped in to babysit for his siblings and friends who have kids. He gets on pretty well with kids in a grouchy-uncle kind of way, will grumble about kids these days with their high-tech toys and whatever other weird stuff they turn out to be into.

 _P:_ _How do they handle money?_ He’s fairly sensible with money most of the time but he’s not immune to wild impulse purchases when something particularly catches his eye.

 _H:_ _What is their deadly sin?_ Sins? Joe? Never… 0;-). If he had to match up to one it would probably be wrath but despite his reputation he rarely gets angry without good reason.  Except bad drivers, and slow walkers, and people who put their phone on loudspeaker in public, and… okay, so maybe he is pretty quick to anger but, fuck, have you met people?

_L:_ _What is their favourite board game?_ Operation. He’s freakishly good at it and he finds it funny to watch whoever he’s playing with get more and more frustrated as the buzzer keeps going off for everybody except him.

 _I:_ _On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?_    6-ish? He generally feels pretty good about himself but love is a strong word and his doubts run deeper than he’d ever admit.

 _E:_ _How are they with children?_ So, for all his public grumpiness, if he’s alone with kids he will drop a lot of the facade and be quite willing to get down on the floor and play with them as long as it’s a good game. He doesn’t hold with little kids watching YouTube or playing video games but if it’s lego or good old fashioned pretend games like from his own childhood memories he will gladly get stuck in.

 _B:_ _Do they have any allergies?_ Ya know he’s the perfect candidate for being the ‘lactose intolerant, gonna eat that dairy product anyway’ guy, especially if the thing in question is ice-cream or milk chocolate, he’ll go for a dairy free option if it’s on offer but his sweet tooth is too strong for his allergy to stop and if dairy desserts are all that’s on offer then he can tough out the stomach ache for the sake of sugar.            

 _G:_ _How do they flirt?_                Lieb is a handsy flirter, nothing that would be a big crossing of boundaries but he is very physical. Sometimes it is caring gestures but more often it is pigtail pulling type behaviour, instigating play-fights as an excuse to be physically close with the object of his affection or being so overtly affectionate that it seems more like he is making a joke of it.

 _O_ _:_ _Can they dance?_ Joe doesn’t dance often but when he does he does it well. He’s not one for fancy moves but he’s got a good sense of rhythm and he knows how to go with the flow.

 _T_ _:_ _Where are they ticklish?_ Nowhere _._

 _T_ _:_ _Where are they ticklish?_ Okay, that’s a lie. He’s actually  _very_ ticklish. But nowhere he’d admit to. Joe hates being tickled. Like, not playful, ‘hahaha, stop’ and then goading the person to start again, like really do not even fucking hint at it. The last person that tickled him ended up with a broken nose, not because Joe meant to punch him but because once the tickling starts his instincts take over and his instincts are to make that shit stop right now by whatever means necessary. Joe is a tickling free zone.


	144. Alphabet prompts - George Luz

_G:_ _How do they flirt?_ Enthusiastically. George has no shame and no concept of out of his league - he’s more of a ‘there’s no harm in trying’ kind of guy

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ The Pro. How could he not be? On the other hand, he gets quite enough of kids with his family so he’s not exactly jumping at chances to deal with more of them.

_O_ _:_ _Where are they ticklish?_ More like where isn’t he ticklish.  Just looking at George funny will have him giggling

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_ Surprisingly strong.  He might be a little guy but his hands are a reminder that he’s worked with them all his life and has the scars and callouses of manual labour

_G:_ _How do they flirt?_ With the cheesiest pickup lines, the more bad puns the better.  George is a firm believer in the idea that laughter is the gateway to love and he uses it often.

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ He’s good at that fine balance between being a peer/playmate and somebody responsible enough to take care of them. As far as possible he tries to go along with them and make sure they’re having fun but he’s got stern side that not a lot of people expect but which comes out in great force when it comes to issues of the wellbeing of any children under his supervision, he might be a fun-loving guy but if it comes down to it he is also capable of being as strict as the situation calls for.

_L:_ _What is their favourite board game?_              He likes most board games but they are all beaten out by his love of charades. Which is not to say that he’s good at it, but if they were giving points for enthusiasm he would surely come out on top.

_U:_ _What’s their voice like?_ His baseline is fast and enthusiastic, full of energy and sounding like he’s almost bouncing from word to word, but he’s also very good at doing an even reassuring voice when the situation calls for it, that’s what makes him such a good radioman.

_Z:_ _How do they sleep?_ Like a very restless log. He tosses and turns and talks in his sleep, all the while being totally dead to the world. He can sleep through anything, alarms, bombs, an entire circus traipsing through, without even stirring.


	145. Alphabet prompts - Babe Heffron

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ Babe is a big kid himself so he tends to be pretty good at dealing with kids on their level.

_D:_ _How they react to being flirted with?_ Sweet blushing boy. He gets terribly flustered and tries to deflect because oh no he doesn’t know what to do with this _._

_W:_ _Can they dance?_ Oh, poor, sweet, Babe. You have to give him points for enthusiasm at any rate.  He’s got no talent and his giraffe limbs hardly lend themselves to elegant movement but given the opportunity he’ll always make an earnest go of it.

_A:_ _What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?_ Hmmmmmm, I am struck by the notion of Babe as an artist, all paint and charcoal smudged, doodling away in the margins of all his exercise books and frustrating his science teachers with reports that are almost entirely diagrams because he’s good at them and knows he’ll get marked up for those even if he doesn’t understand a thing of what they’re supposed to be explaining.

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_ Long and slim and usually covered in pen either from smudging or because he’s written notes on them because he’s a forgetful sort and he’d only misplace a note.

_D:_ _How they react to being flirted with?_ Once the immediate heart stopping panic of ‘what??? What is this?’ has passed, he will try and flirt back but it is a process that mostly involves a lot of stammering because while he can be smooth on his own terms the moment somebody flirts with him he gets overwhelmed and totally forgets any words he can string together.

_B:_ _Do they have any allergies?_ He has a very inconvenient allergy to penicillin. Sure, there are alternatives available but it doesn’t half make things twice as troublesome as they need to be.

_A:_ _What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?_ So, art. He’s not especially disciplined or studious about it, particularly when it comes to mastering other styles, but he enjoys it so much as to always be well practiced.

_B:_ _Do they have any allergies_?        He only has the one and that is so rarely relevant that it is easy to forget. He doesn’t get sick often, having a strong constitution, but that does mean when it does come up somebody has to careful that it doesn’t end up being overlooked in treating him because Babe is not likely to remember to say something.

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ He plays with them well but sometimes he can get a little swept up in being childlike himself and so it’s always best that somebody else is along to keep Babe from breaking a wrist trying to do a handstand at the goading of five-year-olds.

_H:_ _What is their deadly sin?_ Sloth. Babe is in a weird bind because he was raised with a strong work ethic and he loves the idea of getting out there and living each moment of life to the max, but also, naps? So good….

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ When it comes to the prospect of having kids of his own, Babe is still in the ‘hell no I am a kid’ stage of his life. It’s not that he’s somebody who firmly doesn’t want kids, but he’s so far from being ready to even give serious consideration to the possibility.

_F:_ _What’s one thing they’re really bad at?_ Lying. He has no talent for deception at all. At best he can deflect but even that tends to come with a lot of being obviously flustered that tends to get people’s suspicions on alert.

_F:_ _What’s one thing they’re really bad at?_ And another thing, keeping secrets. He’s better at this, but he’d really rather people didn’t tell him their secrets because while he will make his honest best effort to keep a confidence if somebody asks him to sooner or later he finds it almost always seems to end up putting him in the position of having to lie in order to maintain the secret and he inevitably fails. He might not reveal the secret but his stuttering attempts to avoid doing so reveal that there is a secret being kept and create suspicions. When a surprise birthday party is being planned there is almost as much effort made to keep it secret from Babe as from the surprisee because there have been too many conversations where Babe’s part is “But why aren’t you planning anything for their birthday? I thought you were friends… wait. Oh. Oh no. it’s a surprise party isn’t it. And now I have to keep it a secret. And I can’t. oh no, it’s ruined.”

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_                Constantly moving. Babe is a fidget. When he’s not doodling he’s playing with a pen cap or a length of string or whatever else he can get his hands on. Without something to fidget with he usually ends up working thumb holes in the cuffs of his sweaters.

_O:_ _What’s their most petty little secret?_ When he was fairly young he was the accomplice to some older kids shoplifting candy. At the time he didn’t even realise what was going on, they just told him it would be a great joke to pretend he was lost and then later gave him some candy as reward for helping them play the prank. It’s only when he’d older that he realises they were actually having him distract the shopkeeper so they could steal. The true petty secret part is this however: he feels a little bad about being used for crime but not really, the thing that really pissed him off is that they gave him such a small amount in reward for his part when he realises now that they must have been able to steal quite a bit with his distraction and he didn’t get a fair share.

_N:_ _What do they usually eat for breakfast?_ Sugary breakfast cereals are Babe’s favourite. His kitchen can be sure to contain at least two boxes of processed crap with terrible cheap quality freebies in on any given day.


	146. Alphabet prompts - Lewis Nixon

_L:_ _What is their favourite board game?_ He likes monopoly, he feels like he ought to be good at it what with the whole family business thing, but unfortunately monopoly doesn’t actually work like that.

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ In Nix’s world children begin with nannies, then have au pairs through prep school, until finally they’re old enough to be sent away to boarding. On special occasions like Christmas they might be trotted out for very brief display, but mostly childhood is something that must be endured in offspring until they can be developed into proper members of society. He doesn’t think he’s spoken to a child in the whole of his adult life. Once he starts to have a more varied social circle he realises that the normal he’s grown up with isn’t the normal for everybody, but learning to deal with kids from scratch with no experience or reference is hard work.

_W:_ _Can they dance?_ Yes, he’s even had formal instruction. However, he doesn’t enjoy it, mostly because that process of formal instruction sapped all the fun out of it.

_I:_ _On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?_ Yikes.  Ouch. Like, 3, 4, he can edge up to five on a very good day but the truth is he knows little of love and even less of having it for himself.

_S:_ _How stealthy are they?_ Passably. He can hide whiskey in his footlocker but he’s not good at sneaking up on people. It simply isn’t the Nixon way to blend into the background.

_N:_ _What do they usually eat for breakfast?_  Coffee.  Frequently Irish.

_I:_ _On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?_ So I said he starts low and can be pushed towards higher numbers with the support of his friends, but here’s the kicker, too much love from his friends and all the self-doubt comes crashing back in again and makes the self-loathing worse than ever because maybe they love him but he doesn’t deserve that love.

_X:_ _What’s their most petty little secret?_ He’s been dying his hair since he was not quite thirty because he’d started to go grey at the temples but felt he wasn’t old enough to try for the whole sliver fox look just yet.

_O:_ _What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?_ Why did this father ever marry and have kids? It certainly wasn’t for love. To have an heir seemed more likely for a while, but it begins to feel flimsy when the man threatens to cut off and disinherit his children for the slightest infraction. And the idea that it was a social obligation is a contender, but you’d think if it were that he’d make a little more of an effort to seem like a good father and husband.

_N:_ _What do they usually eat for breakfast?_ On the rare occasions he does it breakfast it’s usually more like brunch and will be from a café or someplace. He’s not much of a cook in general but in the mornings… trying would be a recipe for a housefire.


	147. Alphabet prompts - Ronald Speirs

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_ Ron has pianists’ hands,strong and slim and elegant and softer than they should have any right to be on a man who uses them so roughly.

_O_ _:_ _How do they sleep?_ Ronald Speirs doesn’t sleep, he waits… Nah, but seriously, Ron is a very light sleeper, he tends to wake up at the slightest disturbance which is what creates the sense he was never asleep to begin with.

_N:_ _What do they usually eat for breakfast?_ Something protein heavy and usually cooked. He’s taken the breakfast is the most important meal of the day message on board hard. Eggs are a common one, and not just the easy preparations of them like scrambled.

_A:_ _What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?_ Ron’s an ancient history geek, he thrived on the stories of Greek gods and Roman soldiers, he likes the legends but the real stories are even better.

_L:_ _What is their favourite board game?_ Ron is into table top role playing. He plays as a character very similar to himself which means that his character’s capacity for ruthless violence has worrying implications. He takes the game very seriously. Also, he’s a dice thief.

_D:_ _How they react to being flirted with?_ Getting flirted with is very out of the ordinary for Ron. He’s got the looks but his aura is so unapproachable that most people don’t have the nerve. This means that when it does happen the surprise is enough to make a crack in his shields very briefly. Maybe the person will impress him in this moment but more often than not they just act dumb and the walls come right back up.

_S:_ _How stealthy are they?_ I mean I’m sure it’s no surprise that Ron is the MOST stealthy. Especially when it comes to the fine art of mysteriously appearing directly behind people who are talking shit.

_P:_ _How do they handle money?_ Ron likes nice things. Nice things he doesn’t have to pay for are best, but when taking isn’t an option he has other methods. He will be quite cheap with the things that aren’t important to him – has an apartment in a way worse neighbourhood than you’d expect, but uses the money he saves from having a cheap address to fill it with way more expensive things than he could otherwise afford.

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ I’m still very attached to an older head-canon of mine which is that Ron is like catnip for pre-schoolers. Babies stop crying when he holds them, sticky fingered toddlers hug his legs with impunity, and Ron doesn’t really know what to make of any of it – kids that little are totally oblivious to the things about him which are intimidating to older kids and adults, but nobody is really sure why they adore him so much.

_I:_ _On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?_ 6-8ish? Ron rates himself pretty highly but he doesn’t have any delusions, he knows that he’s not without flaws. I think it would really depend on the context. When he’s thinking of himself in terms of skill/competence the number is a lot higher than if he looks at himself in terms of human relationships and emotional connections which he knows isn’t one of his strengths.

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_          They’re either very still or moving with a lot of force. Ron’s hands are precision instruments, he rarely wastes a movement.

_S:_ _How stealthy are they?_ Look, Ron may be able to basically turn invisible, but even he isn’t 100% perfect. He’s very good at keeping a lot of things off his face, he has an excellent blank look, but even he isn’t perfect at concealing all of his emotions. When he’s really pleased he can’t help but let a little of it slip through.


	148. Alphabet prompts - Joe Toye

_J:_ _What’s their sense of humour like?_ He has a very dry sense of humour and a deadpan way of delivering jokes that means somebody who isn’t paying attention might not realise he was joking at all, which combined with the fact he has a very quiet laugh that is only obvious if you’re paying attention to him and not in a crowd, means that he has a reputation with some people for being humourless, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth.

_O_ _:_ _What’s their most petty little secret?_           Hmmm… weirdly he’s the kind of guy I find difficult to imagine having a lot of secrets. He’s very upfront about most things. However, a guy with his level of fitness and his reputation for being a healthy athletic guy, well it’s best if everybody doesn’t know just how big of a weakness he has for ice-cream.

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ Joe thinks of himself as being bad with kids and doesn’t generally volunteer to deal with them because of this. He had to grow up pretty fast and it’s meant the childishness is a bit of a mystery to him.

_T:_ _Where are they ticklish?_ Most of the traditional tickling spots get nothing out of him, but the insides of his elbows are oddly sensitive. Of course, testing that requires taking the risk of an elbow to the face as starts tickle flailing.

_O:_ _What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?_ He’s a smart guy and there’s always gonna be a part of him that wonders how different his life could have been if circumstance hadn’t forced him out of education before he’d had a chance to really start exploring his potential.

_Y:_ _What is one question they’ve always wanted an answer to?_ Where  _is_ the best place to get chow in Berlin and why isn’t Malarkey sharing?

_E:_ _How are they with children?_       He might think he’s bad but he underestimates himself. He might not be the bouncy-kindergarten-teacher-enthusiastic type of person he thinks of when people say good with kids, but kids actually like his calm and respectful approach.


	149. Alphabet prompts - Richard Winters

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_ Blunt but careful. He’s worked with his hands too much for them to be soft but he’s still good at soft handling because he makes the effort.

_I:_ _On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?_ 8-ish. He was nurtured to have a good attitude towards himself and doesn’t feel it right to be overly self-deprecating but at the same time he is a perfectionist who holds everybody to a very high standard and himself to the highest standard of all which means he always perceived himself of falling just a little short of what he could be if only he could eke out a bit more self-improvement.

_C:_ _Can they swim well?_ Yes. Dick is a very strong swimmer. He learned to swim in open water so he’s unperturbed by the cold or currents and he’s good at judging his own limits so he can swim distances without having to worry that he’s going to overshoot his capabilities and not yet back to shore. He finds it very calming – the physicality of it and the solitude he usually gets in the water, either because he’s under the surface and it’s blocking the world out or just because he tends to swim early and in isolated natural spots rather than spending the afternoon at a pool or on a crowded beach.

_H:_ _What is their deadly sin?_ Pride. Not the brash, show off brand of pride, but he wants to be the best that he can be and works hard to do that and he’s so used to genuinely being the appropriate man for the job that sometimes that gets in the way of his seeing that other people are just as capable. It’s reinforced by the fact he’s used to being very independent so it doesn’t occur to him to look for strengths in others because he expects himself to be sufficient alone.

_A:_ _What are/were this character’s best subjects in school?_ I can see him thriving on math. It’s clean, straightforward, there’s a right or a wrong answer and all you have to do is learn the correct method to get the right one. He found it much more relaxing than the classes where he had to work subjectively and hope his judgements were in line with those of the teacher. Math is honest and practical.

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_ Always busy but never fidgeting. He likes to be doing something, particularly practical things, but not to play around. He isn’t one to sit about and be inactive, if he’s listening to the radio or watching the tv then it’s almost certainly at the same time he’s doing something useful like washing the dishes or mending his shirts at the same time.

_D:_ _How they react to being flirted with?_ Dick isn’t much of a flirt, it’s just not his style. but he’s socially well-adjusted enough to notice and be flattered when it happens even though he usually just demurs rather than entertaining the possibility that it might go anywhere.

_W:_ _Can they dance?_ He’s an okay dancer, he has coordination and a bit of rhythm but he tends to be a bit awkward in putting it all together, especially if people are watching which in most dancing situations they would be.

_I:_ _On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do they love themselves?_ It’s generally pretty high, but his perfectionist standards mean he’s plagued by moments of doubts. He doesn’t expect himself to be perfect, he’s too sensible to forget that nobody is perfect, but he sets the other bars so high that they can be hard to achieve too. He often has a deep sense of falling short of expectations although in truth the only person who would put such heavy expectations on him is himself.

_N:_ _What do they usually eat for breakfast?_ Cereal, often with fruit. He likes to eat something fairly substantial and nutritious to start the day but he doesn’t usually have time to prepare anything complicated.

_T:_ _Where are they ticklish?_ The insides of his wrists, but just slightly.

_E:_ _How are they with children?_ Eh, Dick’s pretty good with children but only if they’re expected and he’s had the chance to mentally prepare himself. He’s aware of how to act to kids and appropriate childcare behaviour but it doesn’t come naturally to him so he prefers the opportunity to brush up before he has to deal with the real thing.

_R:_ _What are their hands like?_  He’s very good at detailed work like sewing buttons, can use them very precisely.

_S:_ _How stealthy are they?_ Not a lot but more than most people realise. He’s so earnest that people who don’t know him well imagine that he has no capacity for stealth but he can be pretty sneaky it’s just that he only brings that side of himself out if there’s good and honest reasons that make it the right thing to do which is a rare occasion.


	150. Style or comfort - big five

 

**Speirton** : Ron likes to be comfortable but he’s also very aware of the importance of appearances so if it comes down to a choice he will pick style although he cultivates a style that is also fairly practical. Carwood is fundamentally a comfortable person. It’s not that he doesn’t want to look good but he doesn’t have much perception of style, when he’s looking at the appearance of something he’s noticing if it’s clean and in a good state of repair not if it is fashionable.

**Winnix** : Dick likes everything in his life to be smart but practical. He wouldn’t be caught dead in sweatpants except for exercising and all his clothes get ironed and hung up as soon as they’re out of the laundry, but also they are basically comfy. His house is cozy though and his car was picked to be practical, a big trunk and capable of going long distances without trouble. Nix lives a stylish life, all designer clothes and a minimalist uncomfortable apartment, but that’s more because it’s what he feels like he’s supposed to have, the decor was all picked out by a designer picked out by a realtor who’d been recommended through his mother, and he can’t be bothered to chance it himself. When he’s drunk enough it doesn’t matter that the couch is actually stiff and lumpy, he’ll pass out on it just the same. After they get together Nix gets better at making choices that will lead to comfort. At first he wants to laugh at how quaint and old-fashioned all Dick’s stuff is, but he quickly starts to realise that despite appearances it’s usually better. Dick’s grandpa-ish plaid blankets keep his bed warm at night and food served on sturdy second-hand floral-patterned plates tastes just the same as on delicate square ones.

**BabeRoe** : Team comfy! These two are united in not caring too much about how they look as long as they can be comfy. After a long day on his feet working Gene doesn’t want to be in stiff jeans and pinchy shoes trying to impress people, he just wants to kick back in his sweats. And while Babe isn’t quite the person who goes to the grocery store in his PJs, he would if it was just a little more socially acceptable. Drive-thru is fair game though. Their bed is a giant nest of blankets and pillows slowly spilling out and turning the room into a natural pillow fort and sitting on their couch is like being devoured by marshmallows.

**LuzToye** : They are both fairly stylish dressers but in a very low-key way,  Joe has a particular advantage here because he could make a potato sack look like he should be wearing it on a runway. But for home things they prioritize comfort because that has a much bigger impact. Also, Joe drives a vintage car that looks kinda run down on the outside but when you turn the engine on it purrs…

**Webgott** : Both of them are incredibly style focused in different ways. Joe likes to have a ‘idgaf i woke up like this’ appearance, except in order for the ‘this’ in ‘i woke up like this’ to mean ‘perfect’ he has to put in a lot effort. Joe is the person who will be standing in front of the mirror making sure his hair is perfectly messy and spends hours in the thrift stores picking out clothes that will make it very clear that he doesn’t care about fashion. Whereas Webster likes to fit a more conventional idea of looking good, but again, he doesn’t want to look like the sort of person who pays too much attention to a silly thing like his appearance because Webster is a serious intellectual and serious intellectuals probably aren’t supposed to spend fifteen minutes trying to decide if the royal blue shirt or the navy blue shirt brings out his eyes better.  
When they first got together there were some shenanigans as they tried to hide how fussy about their looks they from each other but after they have a secret pact to make sure nobody else ever finds out just how much product is in their bathroom cabinets. All of the public rooms of their apartment are kept in-keeping with a balance of their personal aesthetics but their bedroom is just piles of clothes everywhere, handcuffs on the nightstand, blankets and cushions in heap on the bed, the place where they can drop all of the appearances.


	151. Fake dating - Webgott

 

 

David Webster doesn’t really date. He’s not good at it, it stresses him out, he’s never really wanted to. But friends and relatives keep pressing him to put himself out there, that he’d find somebody if he only tried a little harder, is it so difficult for him to pull his nose out of a book every once in a while?, and eventually the annoyance of it gets too much and Webster’s mouth runs away with him.  “Oh yeah, well as a matter of fact I’m already in a relationship with somebody,” and “His name is… Joe!” and “No, you can’t meet him or his family, they live in, uh… San Francisco” and nobody is quite believing his story but Webster is starting to realise that a long-distance boyfriend would be the perfect excuse to keep people from prodding at his relationship status, if only he can make the lie convincing. So he writes ‘Joe’ a letter, pays for a stamp, walks down to the mailbox, and sends it to a nonsense address. And that makes people look like maybe they’re considering the possibility that what he said might be true, so after a week Webster writes another letter, and another, and…

Sometimes the letters are updates on his life or discussion of the situation he’s got himself into with this fiction as if there’s somebody else in on the joke, sometimes he’s busy and he uses the letters as a place to draft essays or make plans. Writing them is cathartic, he can pour out all his secrets, his hopes and frustrations and day-dreamings, to somebody who cares (even if that somebody is imaginary), and slowly he fleshes out Joe’s character, letting little details slip to his friends. Dark hair, dark eyes, a quick wit and perhaps a quicker temper; they met while Joe was visiting with friends in Boston and quickly fell utterly in love; ‘Joe’ is wonderful, although Web is careful not to make him too perfect or nobody will believe in him. He slips up a few times, tells one person Joe drives a cab then forgets and tells another that he’s a barber, so when they meet he’s forced to spin a quick line about Joe working two jobs that fortunately he friends take as a hint of a romantic attempt to save up the money needed for ‘Joe’ to move and progress his relationship with Webster.

It’s a comfortable fiction. Sure, sometimes he feels a little guilty about lying to everyone, but it’s not like it’s a lie that’s doing any harm and Webster is quite sure he can keep the story up as long as he needs and then, when the time comes, slowly put some space between his letters and spin a story of them growing apart across the distance.

There’s one thing he doesn’t know.

His letters just so happen to fall under the purview of a particularly determined mailman. And while the addresses seem nonsensical at first, this guy is persistent and eventually figures out where it is the letters seem to be being sent.

Joe is confused when the first letter arrives, pressed into his hand by a mailman who looks all too proud to be doing so despite the fact the letter (an envelope of heavy expensive feeling paper; the address written in neat, elegant cursive; and, most importantly, not his address on the front) is clearly not for him. He’s even more confused when he reads it, the frustrated confession of a young man apparently so entirely exhausted of being pressed into a relationship that he’s resorted to inventing one. Then he sets the letter aside as an oddity, but not an important one, and is ready to forget it.

Then a second letter comes, and a third. He reads with continuing perplexedness, both at what sort of person this David Webster is to throw himself into the lies that the pages describe and at how Joe has somehow ended up the recipient of the letters in place of the imaginary lover. He expects it to end soon enough but David’s letters keep coming and slowly their contents shifts from stilted words clearly intended only as a way to fill a page and maintain the lie, to stories and jokes about the imaginary version of Joe the letters are supposed to be going to; they’re refreshing and Joe starts to look forward to the arrival of new letters. The amusement becomes fondness and he starts to feel like he really knows David, but the more information David gives him the more curious he becomes and by the time some confluence of events puts him in New York, Joe has gleaned enough about Webster that it’s not hard to track him down and Joe decides to deal with this once and for all and satisfy his curiosity with a visit.

The thing is, over time Joe has constructed an idea in his head of the kind of person who would resort to sending letters to a fake boyfriend, especially the sort of person who would end up doing that despite being smart and funny (even if Joe’s fairly sure some of the things he laughs at while reading the letters aren’t intended as jokes) and some of the details of that imaginary version of Webster weren’t especially flattering, so when the door swings open Joe really wasn’t prepared for the realisation that, oh no, he’s hot.

While Webster is gaping in shock at the revelation that his lie came closer to reality than he ever could have predicted, Joe is coming to a conclusion.

David Webster thought all his problems could be solved by pretending that Joe is his boyfriend?

Well, now he’s about to get a dose of the reality.

 

*

 

Hahaha, their story is one that nobody would believe was true. Like, Web includes elements of it in a book and the plotline is the one most readers don’t like because it’s too unrealistic. Even a few of their friends who eventually they tell the truth are like “Sure, that’s definitely not an absurd lie to cover up the fact you probably met on grindr or something”.

The most important thing about the letters is that Webster genuinely thought that nobody was ever going to see them and so he wrote in them like a personal diary except not Webster’s actual diary because that is still carefully censored, half because he’s worried about friends/family finding and reading it and half because he has this vague pretentious daydream that by the time he dies he’ll be a famous writer and people will be clamouring for more of his works and so things like his diary and emails will be released to his adoring public so he likes to make sure they’re always up to standard. 

Like, when Lieb mentions having read all the letters Webster’s immediate reaction is utter horror as he tries to remember what he wrote and exactly how embarrassed he should feel right now. The answer is very. He majorly overshared in those letters. There were things written down there that he barely liked to admit to himself and he’s certainly never shared with another person. They’re a terrible mess of deeply personal confessions about himself and cringey unedited writing that totally goes against his general attempts to make it seem like his elegant turns of phrase come naturally to him when really he’s been practising for hours in his head clever comebacks for certain situations and drafting and redrafting his writing before he shows it to people. Also, there’s some stuff that’s embarrassing for sillier and simpler reasons, like the one time he wrote Lieb an impassioned three page rant about the season finale of cheesy drama show that is his guilty pleasure, or rambled on for several paragraphs about how in his perpetual single-dom he might not want to have to deal with getting with an actual person but a guy has urges and so he was thinking of buying some sort of sex toy but then he looked on the internet and there was just too much choice how was he supposed to even start figuring out what he wanted?!?! (Lieb didn’t make much of this letter at the time except for laughing at how sheltered Web seemed on the subject, but after he meets Webster and can imagine visuals to accompany that struggle he looks back on it with more interest).

A lot of fun shenanigans resort from the fact Lieb now has a wealth of dirt with which to tease Webster but it does also create a weird imbalance after they’ve met and into the early days of their relationship because Lieb knows so much about Web, even things Webster would really rather he didn’t, meanwhile Webster is playing catch-up on getting to know Lieb and also he’s probably never going to get the equivalent of some of the things he’d inadvertently shared about himself because he wouldn’t have shared them with Lieb on purpose so he has to accept that it’s unrealistic to expect Lieb to give those things away just because Webster was too dumb to keep his own secrets.

Webster can’t make Lieb unread/know all the things he wrote but he does try to convince Lieb to burn the letters when he goes home (he brought one of the recent ones with him when he visited as evidence that he was getting them, but Web wrote enough to fill a couple of shoeboxes and he wasn’t gonna bring them all), but Lieb refuses.

On the surface this is because he wants to wind Webster up, enjoys how irritated Webster gets at knowing all those secrets of his are written down on paper and it’s his own damn fault for writing them down in the first place without thinking of the consequences.

Honestly though, it’s because he doesn’t want to lose them. Joe likes those letters, even knowing that Web couldn’t know he was reading them and was writing to an imaginary guy who just so happens to have a lot in common with him, he got emotionally invested in the story he was reading as much as, if not more so, than Web did writing it. It warmed his heart to read about Webster’s friends asking after him; Web’s little cousin who has an ambition to be a flowergirl ever since one of her friends did and has decided that they will be her means of fulfilling that ambition even if she has to plan their wedding herself (Web even once includes a picture she drew of what it was going to look like, with a note mentioning he felt guilty about sending it off into the void but she was so insistent that it was sent - Joe keeps that picture on top of one of the piles of letters so he sees it whenever he opens the box); the one letter that came just after thanksgiving where Webster wrote his detailed opinions on every single side dish and then asked imaginary!Joe about his own thoughts on the subject as if he’d briefly forgotten that he wasn’t writing to a real person and he could make his imaginary boyfriend’s opinions whatever he wanted them to be.

A lot of the parts Webster is most mortified by are the moments Joe likes best, because they’re Web being complete honest, and when Joe uses them to tease him when they meet it’s not about prodding Webster to hurt him it’s about prodding him enough that Joe can break through the affected hipster shell to the person that he knows Web is underneath. As I mentioned in the first post, there are a few parts when Webster is unintentionally hilarious, and those are Joe’s favourites because he’s an utter twit sometimes but he’s so damn earnest about it that it usually manages to pass through annoying and end up being adorable.

There are parts that Joe rereads over and over again, especially after he finally gets to know Webster in person and has a context to put the stories from the letters in and there is no way on earth that he is burning them or even letting Web find out where they are so that he can destroy or censor them because Joe likes them exactly as they are for the same reasons that they make Web uncomfortable, because even though the letters are written to an imaginary guy what’s in them is  _real_.


	152. Fake dating - Speirton

Ronald Speirs is an asshole.

Or so they say.

For years he’s reaped the benefits of fame with a bad-boy reputation, but now the media has turned on him. They once adored him being dark and scandalous, but suddenly it seems like all the tabloids want to do is tear him down and people who once welcomed him with open arms are suddenly keeping him at a distance.

When it starts to look like this media backlash might seriously hurt his career, P.R steps in. It’s time to turn Ron’s image around, and if there’s one thing the tabloids love more than a rogue, it’s one reformed by romance.

Enter Carwood Lipton.

He’s a friend of a friend of one of the P.R agency staff and the opposite of everyone Ron has ever been romantically involved with, so the perfect figure for this P.R narrative: Ron met him and was so immediately enamoured that he was determined to clean up his act so he could sweep Lipton off his feet.

For his own part, Lip is mostly interested in using the oppotunity to raise the profile of the charitable project he works with - he doesn’t want to be a celebrity boyfriend but if he does then Ron will practically be obliged to support the charity and Ron’s fans will follow.

The deal is agreed before they ever meet, which, in hindsight, was perhaps a mistake.

Because Lip had been preparing to grit his teeth and put up with Ron’s terrible ways for the good of his cause but in person Ron is so unlike his reputation that Lip begins to wonder how much of it he’s even earned and how much, like this, is just a media fiction.

Ron is clever and charming, with a quiet wry, sense of humour and while he’s supposed to be toning it down in public for the sake of P.R he doesn’t seem at all regretful about the fact he’s spending most of his nights in with a book instead of out at rock-star parties and trashing hotel rooms and all the other things he’s rumoured to enjoy.

The last thing Lipton expected was to actually like Ron, but suddenly he finds himself blushing when Ron compliments him to the reporters and his heart is skipping beats when Ron puts an arm around him for the cameras.

He knows that Ron isn’t in love, he’s just playing the part; but he does it so well he’s not just hooking the reporters, he’s well on his way to convincing Carwood’s heart even if his head is telling him this is a bad idea.

The orignal plan was to wait until the media were buying, then claim that they were bringing their relationship down a notch because Lipton prefers his privacy, then once they were out of the public eye and interest waned they could quietly let the relationship die out and Ron could spin a sad but sweet story of a happy relationship but incompatible goals. If Lip ends things before they can let that story play out, he becomes the guy who dumped mega-star Ronald Speirs, right when the man is making the cover of people magazine for how happily in love he is, which will certainly blow his chances of using Ron’s celebrity to get his charity the money it needs for it’s big project.

But if Lip stays and follows the script, the act might just break his heart.

 

* * *

 

 

Ron and his relationship with the rumours around him is one of my cornerstones in approaching his characterisation so I love working elements of that into AUs where I can. 

For this verse, fleshing out Ron’s side of things, hmmm…

I think the truth is that Ron was cultivating the rumours from the start, he was in a band to begin with and it’s just not very cool for them to be upfront about the fact they’re a group of comfortably upper-middle class teens with caring families who met at a fancy prep school  - they’re supposed to be raging against the system and so when they get their big break there are some exaggerations and outright fabrications in the stories they tell to the public in order give them more personal reasons why.

So for a while things are simple, or as simple as they can be when you’re young and crashing into fame like they do, so much faster and more intensely than suspected. Then things start to go wrong, there’s some legitimate issues with partying too hard and outlandish rock star behaviour, then the drummer admits he just can’t handle the intensity and the brutal tour schedule and honestly their bass player never meant for their fun high school project to take over his life like this, but they agree that it’s better for everybody if they play it as a dramatic rock and roll break up which splits the blame and lets everybody save face.

So the chart-topping band goes down in flames and Ron’s solo career rises from the ashes.

He’s good at what he does, there’s no denying that, but the fact is Ron’s not really a people person, he doesn’t always do so well at making nice to interviewers and while he appreciates his fans he’d not one of those celebrities who takes being accosted when he’s at the corner store buying cigarettes with grace. So the asshole reputation starts based on mostly true observations about his personality, but he’s got talent enough that people don’t mind and he’s got a work ethic people can respect - he knows that keeping his career going means effort not just coasting until he becomes one of those embarrassing celebrities who goes bankrupt because they get too caught up in the lifestyle and forget to keep earning it.

Then things start to get a little wilder. Ron’s never smashed up a hotel room in his life, but he spent half an hour at a party then ditched to do something more interesting to him and woke up the next morning to find that the party had got totally out of control after he left but the main pictures that had leaked were from earlier in the night when he was around and so he’s assumed to have been involved in that part too, and shockingly it works in his favour. people that thought he was an anti-social dick like the idea of him getting into wild party shenanigans, it makes him seem less aloof and unfriendly if they can imagine him partying with them. So Ron starts going to parties, sticks around long enough to be seen and photographed and then once people are drunk enough not to notice his exit he bails.

And honestly, if pretending to be a hard drinking party guy is the price he has to pay to do the job he loves and have the lifestyle he has, it’s a fair trade.

There isn’t any real reason why the media turns on him, except that they’re bored. There are younger celebrities being lively and interesting and glamorously outrageous for them to talk about in the columns Ron previously occupied, so it’s time for him to be shunted into the role of condemned for being  _too_ outrageous, a washed up moral lesson to all the young upstarts out there. It’s the same old cycle, the media builds ‘em just to tear ‘em down because their readers like that familiar old story, they get to enjoy the fantasy of the fabulous in-crowd and their lifestyles, but they also want to be able to gloat over their eventual downfall - a karmic balance against them being hot and rich and successful.

Of course Ron isn’t having that, and his people agree, so they contrive the scheme of the first section and he plays his part.

Except, well, Ron’s got used to playing parts and had braced himself for this one, but it’s not nearly as much hard work as he’d been expecting.

Carwood is easy to like. He’s not half as demanding as Ron had been prepped for when the PR team chose this strategy but hadn’t picked a partner for him yet, he’s smart, he genuinely is a good guy he’s not just putting it on as part of a role, he cares so much about this charity, seems so genuine to Ron despite the fact so many of their public actions are basically getting scripted by a PR team. For Ron, acting like he could be falling in love with this guy doesn’t take any work at all.

But Ron  _is_ playing a part and ‘perfect boyfriend Ron’ who is earning those small, secret smiles like they’re in on a joke together (which they sort of are) is just as much of a fiction as ‘rockstar troublemaker Ron’ - there’s shades of truth in both but every time he steps out of his front door he’s putting on a mask in case of paparazzi or random fan encounters. He’s not a guy who trashes parties and he hasn’t slept with even 3/4s of the people he’s rumoured to have been with, but he’s also not the guy who makes the grand romantic gestures the PR team have set up for him or to be so hard in criticising the lifestyle he supposedly hard before. 

The public act is still all bullshit to him, but those quiet moments when they’re out of the limelight and he can just be him are different and Ron is used to being the most enigmatic guy in the room, but the look in Carwood’s eyes when they’re alone and not acting anymore is a bigger mystery than he has ever been…

 

 


	153. Speirton - Fake Dating Pt2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a couple of people have encouraged me to write more for this verse since I posted the first part on tumblr and today I finally figured out how I'd end it :)

So in the end, Lip can't keep up the act. He's getting in over his head and his feelings aren't nearly as fake as they ought to be, he knows he's going to get hurt if he stays so it's time for them to stage their breakup and there's conflict because it's hard to do it without one of them coming across like the bad guy and if Ron plays that part then it undoes the whole image rehab thing they were going for in the first place but if they claim that Lip initiated the breakup then he's going to get the hatred of all of Ron's fanbase and that is not something Ron would wish on anybody. And so they find themselves at odds, arguing over a breakup but for none of the normal reasons.

In the end the best solution that they come to is to keep up the appearances of staying friends for a little while, it's hardly convincing, when do celebrity couples really manage to break up amicably? but it gives them a way to deflect gossip and rumour and the public can't get angry at anybody if there's nobody to blame. (of course, they can and they do but it's harder for the gossip to gain traction when they have no facts to go on, not that a lack of facts keeps a small section of the fandom from pretty much tearing themselves in half speculating over who is to blame for the breakup).

So. Friends.

It's supposed to take the pressure off but now goddamn it’s even harder.

The showmanship is gone but Ron keeps doing the things that make his heart beat faster, the same things that are going to break it because Carwood can't have this, not for real, and if anything it's worse because now there are none of the awkward forced/fake moments to remind him to shore up his defences, there's just Ron being clever and casually charming and there's nothing he can do except keep telling himself that this means nothing to Ron except as a PR stunt.

and Ron, Ron is lost and confused because he isn't acting any more, he's being his regular self, the honest version that has prompted people to call him aloof and abrasive and downright creepy, but the way Lip looks at him hasn't changed, he still acts like he's somehow seeing right past all of Ron's flaws and defences and finding somethings that makes him smile that small soft smile that's nothing like the flashy celebrity grins Ron is used to and is so much better for it. Lip is supposed to only be in this for the money and has already tried to back out once already so why? why? why? why does he look at Ron like that?

but they keep up this 'friendship' and gradually the media interest dies down and they don't need to keep up appearances anymore, it's time for Carwood to retreat back to the quiet life, just like he was always planning to, he just never thought it would be this bittersweet to do so. his bags and packed and his flight is booked and the game is up but he's sentimental so he goes to say goodbye to Ron in person and he knows that this is all a game and he knows it's going to hurt but Lip thinks he might have broken his own heart a little already so what're a few cracks more?

He kisses Ron. He kisses Ron softer, slower, more tenderly than he ever has for the cameras because those were supposed to be the kisses of a comfortable couple but though this isn't a first kiss it's the first one that counts and Ron has kissed models and actors and rock stars and it all might mean nothing to him but it means something to Carwood and he wants one thing out of it that's real.

And then it's over, and he's in the car and on his way to the airport and all he has is the memory of one kiss.

The flight is awful. Half the music on his shuffle is Ron's music and Ron's picture is in all the in-flight magazines (there's even an article that has a few lines speculating about Lip because those things are always behind the times) so he spends most of the time staring out of the window and thinking about the kiss, how good it had felt and how he's never going to have a chance like that again.

Things aren't any better when he disembarks. Perhaps it's bad, but he has got a little used to Ron's lifestyle and it's strange to be collecting his worn out old car from the long-stay parking and he thinks about driving himself home but the thought of his empty house, dusty and stale from being shut up while he was out of town and, worst of all, empty, is unbearable so he drives to the lake instead. It's always brought him peace before and maybe it can help him through this too.

But when he arrives there's a sleek black sports car parked in his usual spot so he has to park on the grass, strange because he's gone to the far side of the lake which isn't a well trafficed area, and when get gets out he sees the other car has a small sticker on the rear window marking it as a rental, which stranger still because this isn't the sort of place tourists usually come.

Then the driver door swings open and Ron steps out.

Because for almost as long as Ron has known Lip he's been baffled by the way that Lip looks at him, the softness in his gaze, the ease with which he smiles at Ron, but it took Lip kissing him on his porch for the penny to start to drop and watching Lip drive away for the implications to hit.

But Lip was driving away and there was no way to catch him up, there might be a little time until his flight actually took off but the time it would take would put airport security between them and there's no way Ron could negotiate that before Lip's flight left.

So what does Ron "Extra" Speirs do?

Charters a plane.

He's in the air before he realises that he doesn't actually know where Lip lives, and sure he could get in touch with his PR people and hope they can find employee who is friends with Lip and set this whole thing up and get them to share but that'll take time Ron hasn't got. One thing he does remember though is Lip talking about a lake near where he grew up, a place he liked to go to think and be calm.

So Ron takes a chance.

And is disappointed.

He finds the place, a parking spot that's really more of a verge at the side of the single track road and a narrow footpath leading to a glade at the lakeshore, but it's deserted, there isn't even any signs that somebody has been there recently and so there's nothing Ron can do but wait for the PR company to get back to him and hope that lead pans out. So he gets back in his car, sends another email to the PR people just in case they missed the first (or second or third) but there's nowhere around here he wants to go except to Lip and so he stays.

And about half an hour later he hears the sound of another car pulling up behind his and he looks up and

oh

because of course

the minimised security and lack of lines means that travelling by private plane has got him there faster

and Ron has been so focused on getting to Lip that he hasn't really planned for what to do when he sees him, so he takes the direct route, crosses the space between them in three quick strides and kisses him, returning all the care and confession that Lip had shared in the first kiss and pouring in his own floor of tangled emotion and there's nothing fake about this, it's the most unguarded Ron has been in years and Lip doesn't pull away, instead he welcomes it, wraps Ron up in his arms, a more tender and protective gesture than Ron's PR would even have approved even for the cleaned-up softer version of his rockstar image, but perfect for him, just like everything else Lip does

"Come home with me," Ron says when they break apart, in the same moment that Lip asks, "Stay?" and there's a million reasons that Ron can't just abandon his plans to stay in Virginia but then some people could probably come up with a million reasons for him not to have come in the first place but they'd have been wrong, and so he says, "Yes," and knows everything will be fine because Lip answers Ron's own request with a "Yes" at the same time and the truth is that it doesn't matter to either of them where they are as long as they're together


	154. Fake dating - LuzToye

Joe Toye knows how to picked em. His relationship history is one long embarrassing list of liars, cheaters, and dirtbags. It’s reached a point where when he goes on dates he’s not so much telling himself that this one will be different, as he is hoping that when things inevitably go wrong this partner will at least end things with him in an interesting way - George, the bartender at The Airborne, likes to listen to his break-up stories and tell Joe he’s only a few more bad breakups away from enough to fill a stand-up set and honestly, if that’s the way things are going to be then Joe can learn to live with that.

Until The Ex comes back.

The original heartbreaker.

The one the ring that still lurks at the back of Joe’s nightstand drawer was meant for.

He’d thought things were perfect, they were going to have the house with the yard and a couple of dogs and maybe even a couple of kids in the future, he could see their whole lives laid out ahead of them in the perfect domestic bliss he’d spent the whole war dreaming about.

Then she’d decided it wasn’t enough.

Glamour, riches, adventure, there was a whole world out there that she wanted a taste of and the comfortable life he’d dreamed of seemed boring in comparison. He’d tried to compromise, she wanted a different live than the one he’d envisioned for them? Okay, they could build that different life together...

She’d said no. Said he’d hold her back. That she didn’t want him to do it for her sake, she wanted somebody who shared her dreams to begin with.

And she’d left.

It had been years since then and Joe’s not in love anymore, but some of the wounds from that final fight still stung. Maybe his dreams weren’t right for her but she’d been wrong to call them boring, to say that nobody could  _want_  to settle for that life with him.

Of course, should they run into each other again, it’s going to look exactly like that. Him, all alone in the house he’d bought for a family, with a string of failed relationships behind him.

He tells all this to George, who commiserates.

It’s ridiculous, he promises, and only Joe’s inability to spot the right guy (or gal) that makes it so. Who wouldn’t want the fun, comfortable, easy life their small town offers, and anybody would be lucky to have Joe as their partner, this woman must have been crazy to turn Joe down.

It’s tragic, really, how romance just doesn’t seem to come to the people who most deserve it. And George understands, he has his own relationship woes in the form of a hopeless crush on a guy he bemoans is never gonna see him the same way, won’t notice flirting if it it was standing right in front of him and calling him irresistible.

And George must be feeling real sympathetic because he gives Joe more than a couple of drinks on the house, and it’s probably those that are the reason Joe blurts out that he doesn’t care that his love life is a mess, he just doesn’t want her to know. He’s not sure what George’s excuse for suggesting “Fake it” is, but once the idea is in his head...

She hates this town and the people in it, thinks she’s better than all of them,  she’ll never stick around so there’s no way he’d have to maintain the ruse for long, just long enough that she can’t use his life as proof the dream she rejected was always doomed to fail. And, well, George is right there and maybe a bit of apparent competition will help him catch the eye of his mystery guy too.

And it works.

The Ex says she’s glad that Joe found somebody he could make it work with, somebody who fit in the place she never wanted to settle for, nobody seems to question the lie despite the fact that George moved in with no prior notice three days before The Ex came back and hasn’t ended the lease on his own apartment, the routines of their lives fit together smoothly, and everything is going well.

Until it’s not.

Because suddenly The Ex is talking about staying in town this time around, and Joe can’t live a lie forever, plus it’s no good to George if he doesn’t end up single so he can try and take advantage of using Joe to get his mystery guy’s attention. But when Joe starts thinking about the fake break-up that is the obvious next step he finds he dreads the thought of going through with it, but is it just because he’s finally living the ideal life he’s always wanted, or is it because of who he’s living it with?


	155. Fake dating - Winnix

I think I wanna give them the undercover-as-lovers variety of fake dating now you’ve put the idea of them as cop types in my head. Partners for years, it shouldn’t be too hard for them to act like they’ve taken it to the next level as part of their plan to set up house in a new neighbourhood and infiltrate the neighbourhood association that they suspect as being a front for one of the biggest money laundering organisations in the state.

But when the op starts, they hit a problem.

Because it might just be too easy…

It turns out there wasn’t much separating their professional partnership from a domestic one to begin with and while the first night they share a bed they wind up laying there stiff and awkward and sleepless for what feels like hours, Dick wakes up he finds that having Lew wrapped up in his arms, all slow, sleepy blinks as he waits for Dick to shut off the alarm before burrowing back down under the blankets - well it feels like the most natural thing in the world.

And it doesn’t take Nix very long to realise that the satisfaction he gets at wrapping his arm possessively around Dick when they meet the neighbours is coming from something a whole lot more personal than just the feeling that he’s pulling off the cover.

They’ve worked together for years, have an all-star track record when it comes to making big-deal busts, but now after years of working together like clockwork they’re out of sync with each other and distracted, but the bad guys aren’t going to wait around for them to figure out the new dimension their relationship has taken on and if they’re not careful they’re going to end up confronting their feelings the hard way…


	156. Fake dating - BabeRoe

Babe didn’t mean to lie, he just didn’t tell quite as much of the truth as he could have done. He didn’t even realise it had happened - it was a total shock to him to realise that whenever he’d talked to people back home about Gene, his hopelessly out-of-Babe’s-league unrequited crush, they’d been thinking that he was talking about Gene, his boyfriend. And then, well, maybe he doesn’t correct them. Because it’s a nice fantasy and he’s pretty sure he’d get mercilessly teased if he revealed the truth after so long, and well, nobody needs to know?

Yeah, that really drops him in it when it turns out there’s some big event in his city and suddenly a whole bunch of his family and old friends are coming to town.

Gene catches Babe in the ensuring freakout and since Babe might be a liar but apparently not a very good one, he tells Gene what the problem is – kinda. He fesses up about the fact that they think he has a boyfriend and about the fact he may have said some things to encourage that impression, but he doesn’t let on that they think that the boyfriend is a specific person and that specific person is Gene. Half-truths got him into this mess, maybe they’re get him out again too?

Gene, angel of mercy, says that if it’s stressing Babe out so much he could always pretend to be Babe’s boyfriend for the duration. After all, they probably won’t be staying long and it shouldn’t be too hard since Babe can just use the fact that Gene is busy at med-school and internships to cover for the fact that his ‘boyfriend’ isn’t doing typical boyfriend things like meeting the family.

Babe is pretty sure this is the universe getting a kick out of torturing him with his own lie. But okay, it could work, because it’s not like they have to actually  fake like they’re a couple, Babe just needs to make excuses for why his boyfriend isn’t there, which is probably what he would have done anyway, but now he has the added security of knowing that Gene is playing along and won’t inadvertently do something that makes it clear Babe is a liar.

Sorted.

No.

Because apparently Bill knows somebody at the hospital Gene works at (Bill always knows somebody, it’s a universal constant that never fails to make Babe’s life more complicated) and so word gets out that Gene is working when he’s supposed to be meeting his boyfriend’s family and suddenly his supervisor is clucking about how Gene works too much anyway and swapping things around so that Gene can have some time off because it will be good for him and anyway he shouldn’t let his boyfriend down. Gene’s co-workers are all so pleased to know he’s found somebody after all, he’d seemed so lonely, and they want to be as supportive as possible.

So suddenly Gene is free to come to dinner on Monday night, and to join Babe in giving his family a tour of the area on Tuesday, and to the game Bill has tickets to on Wednesday, and Babe’s mom is already talking about plans for the rest of the week too.

Frankly, Babe isn’t sure he’s gonna survive that long…


	157. SpeirsWinters - Ship meme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> specifically, ship meme questions answered with [masquerade](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11743317) -verse in mind

_who believes in love at first sight?_ Neither of them. A huge part of their relationship is based on the fact that they both see past first impressions and can accept each others capacity to be complicated.

_who started liking the other first?_  Dick admired Ron long before he met him. He’d seen a few of Ron’s movies and was absolutely caught up in how brilliant he was and how he brought such nuance and depth to the stock villains he played, how he was clearly so serious and committed he was. It was a strictly profession admiration tempered by all the stories he’d heard about how Ron was a disagreeable person and a terror to work with, right up until the point when they do their first scene together at which point Dick realises at once that the rumour-mongers are just people who don’t understand because Ron brings such intensity to the set but although he’s aloof he’s never unpleasant.

_who is more likely to suggest a romantic, candle-lit dinner?_  Dick isn’t usually one for grand gestures but he likes to be romantic towards Ron because Ron never seems to expect it and Dick feels like he ought to.

_who’s behind the wheel more often during road trips?_ Ron is a car person, not so much a fan of road trips and his car really isn’t designed for luggage but they make do. 

_who hooks bait during a fishing trip? who catches more fish?_ Most of the time Dick does a good job of seeing Ron instead of the parts Ron plays, but even he’s not wholly immune so when he takes Ron out fishing he initially treats Ron like the city-slicker type who doesn’t like dirtying his hands with nature that he’s seen Ron play so often, so he assumes that Ron won’t want to deal with the mess of bait and honestly he’s pretty prepared for it to be like the time he took Nix fishing and Nix lasted all of fifteen minutes before getting bored and complaining that they could just buy fish from a shop. By the end of the day, when Ron somehow has a haul that’s nearly twice as big as Dick’s despite the fact they’re using the same bait and fishing in the same spot, Dick has fully accepted that Ron is the idea fishing partner.

_who sets up the tent and who gathers firewood during a camping trip?_  Teamwork - tents go up a lot faster if you can have somebody to do each side or one person to hold it down so it doesn’t blow away while the other person does the actual tent putting up parts.

_who insists on learning how to ballroom dance?_  Ron has to learn the basics for a part and Dick decides to learn too because it could be useful and Ron might be less tense about the whole thing if they’re doing it together. (he’s not at first, because he’s too busy being convinced that Dick is outperforming him and the instructor’s frown clearly means Ron isn’t doing well enough enough for the part which is such a great opportunity and a break from his type-casting, but once they get good enough that they can practise together that does help him a lot)

_who goes all out on the other’s birthday?_  Ron gets …extravagant…with presents. In an expensive way. Sufficiently so that it mostly makes Dick feel uncomfortably like his affection is being bought mixed with the sense that maybe Ron doesn’t know him as well as he’d like because otherwise surely Ron would get that if Dick wanted a diamond encrusted watch he’d have bought one already. It takes him awhile to be able to express this to Ron and Ron feels uneasy by the end of the conversation because he doesn’t have a lot of reference for relationships and generally he’s used to being assumed to be cold hearted but making up for it by spending money on his partners. The next year his present is still ridiculously extravagant, but in a ‘months of observation/planning/preparation’ way rather than throwing money at the situation way. Dick is still a little overwhelmed by how OTT it is, because he honestly doesn’t need Ron to go to such extremes, but he does admire the thoughtfulness of it.

_who sings louder while cooking? while showering?_  Neither of them are big singers but when Ron is really relaxed he will occasionally hum to himself a little bit. This is a very rare thing that only happens when he’s very happy and usually only in private but every once in a while Dick will catch him at it.  
  
 _who teases the other for said singing?_ Ron’s humming is rare and precious like rainbows and Dick would never make fun.

_who insists on checking their zodiac sign compatibility every so often?_  Nix. Ron and Dick really don’t go for astrology but when Nix turns up for brunch it’s time for their horoscopes and Nix’s own theories about how they intersect. Dick is pretty sure Nix doesn’t believe in that sort of thing either so he doesn’t know why Nix does it, but that’s a pretty familiar feeling and at least Ron looks as dubious as he feels.

_who drags the other to fortune tellers at fairs?_ Again neither of them are really superstitious and they are too good at what they do to be impressed by hokey performances. 

_who would carry who over the doorstep of a new home?_  Dick is a traditionalist at heart but also Ron is not exactly receptive to the idea of being picked up bridal style, so it’s more a helping hand on his arm up the step and Dick holding the door for him to go first which is understated enough not to bother Ron but just enough of an obvious gesture to satisfy Dick and make Ron smile.


	158. Speirton - Ship meme

**who slams the oven door and who plays the trombone** : Ron is well aware of his reputation and uses it to fuck with people, so when he sees this he knows that if recreates the video it will create entertainment for him. Better yet, recreate the video and post it on the internet but then delete it after a few hours ago, leaving the people who saw it wondering if it ever existed at all. He doesn’t explain this part of the plan to Lip when he asks for help, but Lip is good friends with Luz and has taken up a philosophy of just not asking when it comes to internet and meme related shenanigans, so he just goes along with it. Ron plays the trombone for maximum surreality. Where did Ron even get a trombone from? …well they’re shiny so you can guess…

**who brings home stray animals:**  Ron comes up with the tiniest black kitten and no explanation whatsoever. For the first two weeks it basically hides under their couch non-stop. By six months it is bringing home dead birds twice its size. (Ron is so proud)

**who draws in the dust on their cars:**  Neither of them. Ron isn’t really a doodler and if Lip saw a dirty car his reaction would be to put cleaning it on his to-do list.

**who starts the snowball fights:**  Lipton has joking tried throwing a few little ones at Ron but Ron will never throw any back. Some people think it’s because he’s a fun suck but actually Ron would be down for some very intense snowballs fights with other people, but not Lip because Lip always gets sick in winter and Ron worries about his health too much to throw snow at him.

**who started liking the other first:**  Ron, technically, although he did not initially 

**who starts the tickle fights:**  Discovering that Ron is super ticklish was a big shock for Lip and the knowledge is a secret weapon that he keeps in reserve only to use on very special occasions.

**who mistakes salt for sugar:** Ron. Twice. He’s good at a lot of things but he’s never learned to cook because he’s never had any motivation to until their relationship started and he found that cooking for Lip was very satisfying for him. He’s a quick learner but everybody is vulnerable to mistakes when starting out. He swears there won’t be a third time though.

**who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order:**  Ron, because he is the bigger reader of the two and he is the one who brings in a large enough number of books to justify it, but Carwood fully supports the arrangement.

**who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation:** Ron. Gift shops have very poor defences against shoplifting.

**who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile:**  Ron. So much Ron. He just… he has no way to express how pleased he is with this relationship, especially not when Lip is awake, but Ron could watch the peaceful look on his face as he sleeps for hours.


	159. Winnix - Ship meme

**who brings home stray animals:**  Nix is a dog lover, okay. He doesn’t consider himself the kind of person to take in strays off the street, but he is even more not a person who could leave a dog in distress.

 **who draws in the dust on their cars: Nix**  will occasionally do this when he’s in a whimsical mood.

 **who starts the snowball fights** : Nix is faux-nostalgic for the kind of epic snowball fights that you see on kids tv shows and talking about how he never got anything like that, they would through a few measly handfuls around but that was all, and so Dick decides that if he’s going to mope about missing snowball fights then he won’t mind if Dick provides

 **who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion:**  Nix does this. He occasionally gets it into his head to be flashy for no reason which Dick finds odd at first because he isn’t the type to be impressed by that sort of thing but eventually he just embraces the fact that this is Nix’s way of conveying that he’s in a romantic mood and if he goes along with it then he can transition them to a romance that feels more natural to him.

 **who cries when someone dies in a movie:** Neither of them usually. Dick is usually pretty stoic because he isn’t the type to get overly emotionally invested in fiction. He will think it’s sad but he can’t really switch off the part of his brain that knows it’s just actors faking it. Nix has spent too many years playing the good dgaf guy to let himself be anything other than scornful of sad parts in movies, he always just complains the actors are hamming it up, but if a dog dies then it’s a whole other story…


	160. BabeJulian - Ship meme

**"who cries when someone dies in a movie"**

Babe grew up watching a lot of films older than his age and so is pretty inured to shocking stuff in film and also is in the habit of hiding his reactions because he doesn’t want to look like a crybaby in front of various cool, older friends/relatives so he might get a bit tense but otherwise he plays it cool.

Julian has never had anybody to impress that was and is utterly betrayed when Babe shows him Up for the first time. Sure the movie had a sad beginning, but Babe hadn’t expected to deal with Julian sobbing against his shoulder ten minutes in.

 

**"who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa"**

Babe. Every time. It’s surreal. It’s like he has some sort of weird anti-instinct. He doesn’t even seem to realise that it’s so weird, he thinks everybody finds doors this uncooperative, meanwhile Julian just starts making a habit to speed up every time they are walking towards a door so that he can get to his first because Babe’s door jinx stresses him out.


	161. emoji heart prompts - webgott

 who is more affectionate in public? in private?

Joe is the more publicly affectionate, not that most people would realise that’s what it is since his own way of showing affection generally involves a lot of pigtail pulling and teasing, sprawling all over Web and “Whatcha doin’? …urgh boring!” that all amounts to a message of “I’m paying attention to you, now pay attention to me back dammit”. In private it tends to vary more, Webster is cat-like in his affections, sometimes he seems to barely notice Lieb is there (especially if he’s caught up in a book or wrapped up in thoughts, in which case he wouldn’t notice an alien invasion) and other times he’ll suddenly be all cuddles and practically on Lieb’s lap wanting attention immediately

 who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

Neither of them likes to be caught at it, Joe is prickly about being soft and Webster gets a little pretentious and stuffy about being seen as sentimental, and so neither of them will take responsibility for the way their hands go from bumping, to brushing, to touching, and -oh look!- they’re entwined and while neither of them want to be the one to admit to starting it (handholding is the province of clingy teenagers and people with something to prove and; worst of all, slow walkers) but sure as hell neither of them is going to be the one to pull away either.

 who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people?

Webster gets a bit performative at times, like maybe his feelings aren’t valid if they don’t have witnesses and he doesn’t make a show of them in a proper manner, and will try to make overcompensatory gestures, usually based off what a ‘proper’ romance should look like, that are mostly just very awkward for everybody because the truth is that sure his relationship with Lieb is a bit irregular and they got off to a rocky start, but most of their friends don’t care about that as long as they’re happy and it seems a bit weird when Web tries to force a show of normalcy.

 who developed a crush on the other first?

Webster developed a fascination with Lieb’s mind fairly early on, Web enjoyed the challenge he presented and could admit attraction came with it, but that was more about wanting to understand him than thinking about him romantically. It wasn’t until Lieb started reciprocating his interest and they got to be friends that Web begin to consider that a romantic relationship between them could possibly be viable enough for him to be interested in the idea.

 who initiates most physical contact?

Joseph Liebgott is one handsy mf.

 who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?

Neither of them is exactly cutesy but Lieb is more likes to send flirty texts - albeit in such garbled textspeak and loaded with emojis that their main result is to make Web want to tear out his hair.

 who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities?

Webster doesn’t really believe in superstitious/supernatural stuff, can say very firmly that he thinks people are largely in charge of their own fates and if they are influenced eternally it’s by far more earthly factors than the stars. He’s also a writer. And writers procrastinate. So yes, he has read in great detail about their respective signs and the relationships between them, even used a variety of sources, and he knows it isn’t real but also that information is there now, in his head forever, and every so often when they’re disagreeing about something there’s a tiny part of Webster’s brain that will pipe up ‘it’s because he’s a Taurus’ and then Web will always lose the argument because he’s too distracted being pissy at himself for mentally going there.

 who is more protective?

The cold hard truth of it is that Web is a disaster. Lieb did not set out to be the protective boyfriend, constantly keeping an eye out for Web and reminding him to ‘for fuckssake think before opening his mouth or rushing off to sea in bad weather’ but he’d rather be that than leave Web to blunder headlong into his own ridiculosity.

 who said “i love you” first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first?

I feel like these two would take an age about saying it, neither of them wants to be the one to put their heart on the line and risk it being too much too soon and scare the other off which honestly they’re both right in thinking is a possibility (at least in the early days). In the end Lieb is the first to say it although it’s not to Webster it’s a “of course I fuckin’ love him” snapped at somebody who is questioning the relationship which Webster overhears and gives him the confidence to be the first to say it directly because he knows that all he’s risking is returning the admission he’s already received by accident.

 who believes in soulmates?

Neither of them. Lieb thinks the idea that people can only have one love in their life is stupid, like what sort of shitty way to put way too much pressure on a relationship than having to decide if a person is ‘the one’ or not and Web hates any notion of predestination


	162. emoji heart prompts - baberoe

who is more affectionate in public? in private?

Babe is more publicly open with his affections; he doesn’t go in for big displays but he’s very cuddly if they’re sitting together. Gene is reserved and gets self conscious initiating public displays of affection but he likes being on the receiving end and he’ll return the affections more openly when it’s just the two of them.

who is more likely to plan something big for valentine’s day?

Neither of them tend to go for big plans on Valentines (or other big occasions) because everybody at the hospital wants holidays off and Gene always ends up volunteering to cover those shifts because he feels like other people need them more whereas Babe is very accommodating of the fact Gene’s work often monopolises his time. However to make up for the fact he can’t be there on the day -no matter how much Babe says he doesn’t mind- Gene tries very hard to make it up when he has got the time off; it’s one of the few occasions they really go out for, normally they tend to just be cozy at home and both of them like things fairly low-key, but for whenever they celebrate their valentine’s day they get all dressed up and go to somewhere fancy where everything is candlelit and table-clothed and the menu is all in french but that’s not a problem because Gene reads it all aloud to Babe and makes recommendations.

who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

This is the one sort of affection that Gene is comfortable initiating, it’s so easy for him to slip his hand into Babe’s under the table or when they’re walking side by side and Babe always smiles so much when he does so.

who developed a crush on the other first?

Babe is a ray of sunshine of Gene’s life when he’s just adorably friendly and Gene is infatuated for a long time before Babe notices Gene’s quiet adoration and is charmed into seeing him in the same way in return.

who initiates most physical contact?

While Babe is the one for traditionally affectionate contact, Gene has a knack for finding reasons for contact, hands brushing when passing things or casually checking up on Babe’s health.

who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities?

Gene is more than a little superstitious and while he doesn’t go in for star signs in particular in the early days he does find himself looking over articles and hoping the optimistic sense he gets from them comes true.

who believes in soulmates?

When Babe falls for Gene he does so wholeheartedly and unshakably. He may take a little longer to get there but once he’s decided something is right, it’s right.


	163. emoji heart prompts - luztoye

who is more affectionate in public? in private?  
George tends to be more affectionate in general because that is his natural way with everybody, but Joe is more marked with his affections, being notably more caring towards George in public in a way that he isn’t with most people and this carries over to their private life too.

who is the bigger romantic openly? Secretly?  
George has a tendency for cheesy, soppy gestures, particularly of an amusingly dramatic sort; but Joe has a deep running romantic streak and often comes up with deeply personal gestures that don’t necessarily fit traditional notions of romance but are often more charming because they reflect such intimacy and consideration.

who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?  
Screw hands, George will go into full limpet mode but then Joe is hardly hesitant with manhandling - that said traditional hand-holding is rather sedate for them.

who developed a crush on the other first?  
George was attracted first but it was Joe who brought real feelings to the table when he responded to George’s mostly casual flirtation with startlingly sincere interest.

who is more likely to send cutesy texts to the other?  
George’s chatty nature makes him more the texter of the two of them in general, whereas Joe will generally only text if there’s at least a vague purpose to it George will text for any reason, that he’s bored, or hungry, or horny, or saw something interesting, or –most importantly– if he just happened to be thinking of Joe.

who tends to get sick more often? who is better at taking care of the other?  
George is more predisposed to catching coughs and colds, he can’t go a winter without a sniffle or two, but he can usually bluster on through, he gets sick enough to be inconvenienced by it but he doesn’t really suffer with it. Because of this he tends to be bad at dealing with sick people, it’s not that he thinks they’re faking or anything but he can’t ever quiet the part of him that it a bit dubious of people getting laid up for days with something that caused him to take some cough medicine and get on with things - he knows in theory that people are affected differently but it’s hard for him to be appropriately sympathetic when he doesn’t really understand what they’re going through. On the other hand, Joe has the immune system of a tank but is also an excellent caretaker, he wouldn’t mollycoddle George and George wouldn’t want that but he is great about making sure that one flavour of cough medicine that George likes is always in the medicine cabinet even though only the pharmacy across town stocks it.

who said “i love you” first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first?  
George says it first, but in a casual sort of way; he throws around that sort of affection easily enough and so it’s hard for anybody to guess if he means it like that or not (the truth is he knows it and is playing it safe by taking advantage of the ambiguity he knows comes from his tendency to jokingly talk about loving his friends) but Joe is the first to say it in an unmistakably meaningful manner.


	164. emoji heart prompts - winnix

who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

Sometimes Dick is deeply afraid of losing Nix, for a whole tangle of reasons he can barely explain to himself, and knowing that he can hold onto him to can help.

who developed a crush on the other first?

Dick wanted Nix while Nix was still a married man and therefore and impossible dream and so it is almost overwhelming for him when things change enough that he can begin to have hope for the possibility.

who initiates most physical contact?

To begin with it’s Dick, who shows his affection in small but physical ways; but once Nix has got used to the fact this sort affection is clearly welcome he embraces it thoroughly and takes every chance to show his affection in that way, which comes far easier to him than sharing it in his words.

who spends time reading their zodiac compatibilities?

Nix gets soppy and indulges in reading them and allowing himself to think that despite his own mistakes their happiness is written in the stars

 

 


	165. emoji heart prompt - luz/speirs

who is more likely to make huge declarations of love in front of other people?

Okay, my actual thought for this is Luz I agree. However, for the hell of it I also want to propose a version that is the opposite way around: so, Ronald “there’s no kill like overkill” Speirs does not do having mediocre moves, he does not often do public affection but if he’s going to then his declarations are dramatic and his gestures the grandest.

It becomes clear that their relationship being visible to their friends is important to George, and George watches a lot of rom-coms and talks a lot about the stuff he’s watched, therefore by listening Ron has learned a lot about what George looks for in romantic gestures -of a certain sort- and if each of these individual actions is romantic then logically what he needs to do combine them for maximum effectiveness.

The end result is a meticulously planned extravaganza involving fireworks, a string quartet and a frankly alarming quantity of roses that ends with George joining Ron on his motorcycle to literally ride of into the sunset.

Ron is probably not gonna show that much emotion publicly again for several years, but honestly it’s gonna take their friends that long to get over the shock.

(George proposes first because he notices some of his DVDs have moved and hears whispers that Ron has been lurking suspiciously in the vicinity of jewellery stores and he’s honestly concerned that somebody might have a heart attack from shock if Ron ups the ante for a proposal)


	166. emoji heart prompts - speirton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all emoji prompts are sans actual emojis because ao3 doesn't like emojis as text and i'm too lazy to do the html/css to include them that way

who developed a crush on the other first?

Ron was enraptured with Lipton’s goodness long before they spoke but he had no idea what to do with his mess of emotions until Lip started paying attention to him in return and opened his eyes to the world of possibilities and hope

who is more protective?

Most people would think Ron and he’s certainly the more obviously so, bristling with protectiveness and ready to fight anybody who threatens Lip, although those occasions are few and far between because almost everybody likes Lip. But in truth it’s Lipton who is most protective, he might not be so quick to pick a fight but he cares so much for Ron and his emotional wellbeing and he can’t stand to let people think badly of Ron and will firmly shut down any slight against him.

who said “i love you” first? or, if neither has said it yet, who is more likely to say it first?

Lip says it first; it comes easily to him, he’s said it to plenty of others, those words aren’t soley romantic for him and he’ll gladly give them to friends and family without a second thought so it’s easy for him to include Ron in that group. But Ron is the first to say it with passion and deeper meaning, opening the floodgate for the both of them.

who initiates most physical contact?

Lip is generally more likely to initiate casual physical contact, he was raised in a physically affectionate household and so he doesn’t hesitate to put a hand on the shoulder of his friends or kiss his boyfriend’s cheek in public. Ron isn’t used to such gestures but he likes them and is compiling a mental list of what is appropriate in what situation so he can return the affection without making Lipton uncomfortable (given his way they would just make out all the time but he’s aware that Lip has a stronger sense of social norms than he does and he tries to be accomodating.)

who is more likely to initiate hand-holding in public?

Conversely, this is Ron. He has a possessive streak and since Lip won’t tolerate being throw over his shoulder cartoon caveman style and carried off whenever Ron gets bored with sharing Lip’s attention or feels like someone is showing a little too much interest in him he must content himself with holding on to him in this way instead.


	167. webgott - bleeding

Webster is late.

It’s not unusual. He often gets caught up at work - he might bitch about wanting to work on something less ephemeral than newspaper articles but he’s passionate about what he does. But he also has deadlines, complains plenty about having to submit rushed and substandard stories because his editor won’t even look at anything than lands on his desk after 8pm sharp.

Even accounting for working to the deadline and going out for a drink or two after work, Webster should be home by now.

Joe isn’t worrying, tells himself that he has no good reason to. There’s a million reasons for Webster to stay out late that aren’t important at all and a million more than might piss Joe off but are still no reason for concern. None of it helps his mounting unease as it grows later and later, the house slipping from quiet to silent as the neighbours retire and he can no longer hear the muffled sounds of their lives through the walls.

He could go to bed. Webster has a key. He doesn’t need Joe to wait up for him.

But the thought of going up there, to a dark and silent room, cold sheets and an empty bed, when he’s grown so used to being the one to follow Webster up, to slipping in beside him and pressing up against his warmth as Joe plucks whatever book Webster is reading from his hands and leans across him to place it on the nightstand before turning out the lights…

Pacing through to the kitchen, he eyes the coffee pot on the counter for a few moments before dismissing the idea. He doesn’t want to entertain the possibility of being up for hours. There’s a mostly full bottle of bourbon resting on top of one of the cabinets, a gift from one of Web’s coworkers that has gone largely neglected because Joe preferred beer to liquor and Webster would rather drink nothing at all than the cheap stuff. Joe considers it for a moment but then dismisses the thought.

He really ought to go to bed. He’ll need to wake for work in the morning and sleep disturbed by the sound of Webster creeping in whenever he finally deigned to return was still better than no sleep at all.

Resolved, he makes his way up the stairs, rinses his face and brushes his teeth. When he exits the bathroom he glances at the two other doors off of the narrow hallway, one that leads to the room that is Webster’s bedroom should guests inquire and otherwise serves as a personal office, the other leading to the room that is officially Joe’s but in which he’s never slept alone. Both of the doors are shut and with no light gleaming out from under the cracks there’s nothing to draw him in.

He heads back downstairs.

There’s a newspaper resting on the coffee table. He’d read all of the parts that interested him that morning but now he picks it back up, attempting to focus his gaze on the society pages and advertisements that he routinely skipped past.

In the quiet of the night he hears the scrape of the front door opening as loud as a gunshot and has to fight the urge to jump to his feet. He keeps his eyes firmly on the paper as he listens to footsteps going into the kitchen, the sound of the tap running and cabinets rattling. He’s reading a line about a gala for what could be the fourth or the fortieth time when he finally hears Webster’s voice, just a quiet, startled “Oh!” as if Web wasn’t expecting Joe to be sitting on their couch when he entered the sitting room.

Joe starts to lower the paper, then lets it slip from his fingers all together.

Webster is clutching a dishtowel, scrunched up and lumpy in a way that Joe recognised as it being wrapped around ice. And Joe can see why.

Web’s right eye is swollen up, already darkening into what will no doubt be a hell of a shiner by morning; his lip is busted; his shirt is flecked with dirt and his trousers torn at one knee; the knuckles of the hand holding the makeshift ice-pack are split; and when Web lifts the ice to his face it’s with slow delicate movements that suggest there are plenty more bruises blooming beneath his shirt.

“Why the hell are you bleeding!?”

Webster grimaces. “I…” He stops, sucks in a hissing breath, tongue darting out to swipe over his bloody lip. “Some guys stopped me as I was walking home,” he says slowly. “I wasn’t expecting it and there were three of them, they got a few hits in…”

“Muggers?” Joe asks, hating the fact the question is hopeful.

Webster shakes his head. “No. They didn’t even pay attention to my briefcase, just came at me.”

Joe swallows, standing up and walking upstairs. He turns the tap on, grabs a washcloth from under the sink as he waited for the water to run hot and tries to organise his racing thoughts, fear and speculation chasing each other around in his mind.

He and Webster were discreet, made sure to give nobody a reason to look twice at them, and in this sort of neighbourhood people generally stayed out of each other’s business, but there was no such thing as being perfectly safe. Could those guys have followed Webster home? Any hope of sleep dies with the thought.

He dampens the cloth, then wrings out the drips. There’s nothing he can do about the men that jumped Webster, but he can do this.

When he gets downstairs, Webster has stripped his shirt and settled on the couch, is prodding at the reddening marks on his ribs.

Joe rolls his eyes and swats Web’s hand away. “Here,” he says, curling one hand under Web’s chin and tipping his face up so that Joe can use the warmed cloth to wash away the blood and grit.

“Do we have a problem?” he asks quietly.

Webster shakes his head, small sharp side to side jerks and never turning far enough to break away from Joe’s touch, before he clenches his jaw and says, “No. I don’t think so. I… they were just drunks, didn’t like the look of me I guess.”

Joe stares at him, trying to imagine what a stranger might see that would make him a target. The boy that Joe had met all those years ago in Georgia had a face that was practically begging to be knocked into the dirt, pretty and haughty with the mannerisms to match, but now…? It was senseless. Tossing the washcloth to one side he slides his thumb over Webster’s cheek and down to the corner of his mouth, stopping short of his lower lip which looks ready to bleed again at the slightest touch. Webster looks up at him through one wide blue eye, ice-pack still covering the other. Joe’s glad that Webster isn’t working tomorrow, that Web will be able to sleep late and heal up, stay home where he’s safe from the world, but there’s no way his face will be back to normal by Monday morning and he wonders what Web will tell his boss.

“Come on,” he says, free hand dropping to Webster’s shoulder. “Come to bed.”

He won’t sleep tonight, but if he’s holding Web then maybe he’ll rest a little easier.


	169. SpeirsLuz - Model & Photographer AU

Every designer wanted to have Ronald Speirs seen in their clothes.

Getting Ron pictured in those clothes was a harder matter.

He scared off photographers like he changed shirts, which as a model was often a few dozen times per day.

None of the big names in the industry could stand to work with him and several of the photographers attached to magazines had threatened to resign over being asked. Most of the people who were willing to shoot Ron would prefer to do so with something other than a camera.

But the fashion houses kept clamouring and so photographers kept having to be found - a few old hands who knew they business too well to be perturbed by even the most uncoperative of models, a steady supply of new up-and-comers who were still naive enough to think the rumours about Ron must be exaggerated, and the occasionally foreigner excited to work with a top american model and utterly unaware of Ron’s reputation.

George Luz fell into none of these categories.

But when he’d walked into the studios his directions had pointed him to that morning and found himself face with a harried looking P.A asking, “Are you the replacement photographer? Oh god, please be the replacement photographer!” he’ said yes. Because while he hadn’t been thinking of himself that way it wasn’t an unreasonable description since he’d temporarily swapped assignments with Frank who’d begged off claiming that an entire day of taking stock-photos for a floristry catalogue was sure to disturb his hitherto unmentioned allergies. He hadn’t expected to be met by an assistant, but he supposed somebody must be in charge of keeping the flowers from wilting while they waited their tone.

He thought nothing of it as she chattered nervously about the difficulties of the job and how she was so glad he was here at last because she was beginning to worry, leading him deeper into the building all the time.

It was only when he walked into the studio that he realised he might be facing a problem.

And that problem was the most attractive man he had ever seen.

He was tall, dark haired, and intense eyed.

And decidedly not a catalogue’s worth of flowers.

This was the point where George probably should have turned to the P.A and said, “Whoops!” or “I think you’ve mixed me up with somebody else,” or indeed anything but, “Thanks for showing me down, I think I can take it from here.”

Which was what he said.

And apparently it was exactly the sort of thing the photographer she was expected would say because the P.A didn’t pull him up as a fraud. Instead, she smiled and said, “Great, call me if you need me, otherwise I’ll be back in two hours,” then showed herself out.

Probably the real photographer would turn up soon enough and George would get booted out, but he was pretty sure he could play the fool well enough to pass his part off as being just as honest of a misunderstanding so he decided to enjoy the opportunity while it lasted.

He spent a few minutes getting the equipment set up to his preferences, trying to pretend that it wasn’t a bit weird for his subject to be watching him so intently. Once he was ready he looked over at the model and said, “Okay, take your jacket off and put it back on again.”

The model fixed him with a discomforting stare. It was hard for George to define how it was different from his previous look, but there was something pointed about it. “Normally I only hear the first half of that sentence,” he remarked.

“Well, on this occasion, the aim is to sell the clothes not you,” George said, or at least he assumed it was. The set-up resembled that of the fashion catalogue shoots he’d done, although he doubted that any item of clothing in the room except perhaps his own had ever been featured in a mail-order catalogue. “So the photos need to put the viewer in the mind of putting clothes on, not watching you take them off.”

And this is an AU prompt so I’m not going to let it malinger while I try and hash out all the dialogue but George is very chatty while he talks Ron though poses while Ron is mostly intense and silent until:

“You talk a lot more than the photographers usually do,” the model said, in a tone that revealed nothing.

It was likely true though, if only because George talked a lot more than most people usually did. And he had to talk when he was shooting, how could he possibly take photos that let the viewer connect with the subject if George didn’t make his own connection first. He talked to everyone and indeed everything that he photographed, coaxing personality out of every furniture collection or small time catalogue model who was working for minimum wage and the portofolio boost.

And he was determined to coax at least a smile out of this handsome stranger. George wasn’t sure what the purpose of the shoot was, but while bored and aloof certainly suited the model they suited him in the same way an old coat might - he was clearly comfortable and familiar with the expressions, but there was something a little worn about them that suggested to George that it was high time for an upgrade.

So he fished, baiting his model with easy compliments and gentle mockery in turn, hoping to catch a reaction. From there he moved to self-deprecation, somehow managing to elicit a look even blanker than those which came before so clearly that was no good, and onto idle commentary about the state of the business in general And there! The smallest upward quirk of his lips. It’s the subtlest of expressions and yet it transforms every inch of him into something lighter and softer and full of life, a glimpse of an entirely different sort of beauty to what George has seen from his thus far.

And he’s just revelling in that expression when he realises that his two hours are up and the P.A is coming back along with a burly guy in a far cheaper suit than any of the ones George had been shooting who is hustling the model out before George even has a chance to say goodbye.

Well, that won’t do.

There was no seeing around bad suit guy because he’s fuckin’ huge but George bounced up onto his toes anyway, hoping for a glimpse of a reaction as he called out, “It was nice working with you!”

If the model reacts he misses it, but when he turns back the P.A is staring at him with both eyebrows raised.

“Really?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” George asked. It had been a pleasure to work with a model that attractive and that talented, an invigorating change from inanimate objects or rookie models who’d been picked for their looks but had no idea how to cooperate with a camera.

“They didn’t tell you? I suppose that explains how they got you to agree to the job, but I’m surprised you didn’t recognise him,” she exclaimed. “That’s Ron Speirs.”

George dropped his camera.


	170. LuzToye - Movie Star & Bodyguard

George usually sleeps through hair and makeup. It’s not that he doesn’t respect the crew members doing it but if he’s going to get dragged out of his trailer at 5am in order for his actual messy bedhead to be primped into screen-worthy messy bedhead, then present but not alert is the best they’re going to get.

There’s a reason he usually does voice-work.

But this is a job that he could hardly turn down.

So, he snoozes and is made pretty.

They’ve just finished off putting concealer over his dark circles and then painting new ones with better colour contrast over the top, when there’s a knock at the door and in steps Renee, the production manager and a guy who is… look, George works with enough gorgeous people that he’s pretty sure his idea of an average level of attractiveness is deeply skewed but even on that scale this guy is capital-H 11/10 level hot.

“Has Buck been fired?” he asked. “Are they recasting Captain Steele?”

It would be a shame, he liked Buck, but he was sure they could still hang out off set and this new guy had even ogling potential than Buck did.

“This is Joe,” Renee says. “He’s joining the security team.”

George nods, although he’s not sure why that means Renee has brought him to George’s trailer at this hour of the morning. George is a friendly guy who likes to be on good terms with the crew but this introduction seems excessive. Renee must see George’s puzzlement.

“There’s been some fan… incidents,” she continues. “So, they’re beefing up the security for the whole cast.”

George raised his eyebrows. He’d had a fairly solid fan following for a few years now but he’d never had any encounters that seemed like they might call for serious security. Though, most of his past projects had been indie comedies and B-movies meant to keep cinemas running during the slump months, and as he’d been discovering since he signed on, being a co-star in the latest instalment of big screen adaptation of  _the_ hot comics franchise of the 21st century was a totally different professional experience.

“So, if the fans get too intense I’m supposed to shove him at them and run, right?” he speculated, looking Joe up and down. “They’ll assume he’s a new mystery guest star and forget all about little old me. Huh. Good plan, I like it.”

“He’s going to be your bodyguard,” Renee says, rolling her eyes, which sounds little ridiculous to George but he can think of some other things Joe can do with his body if he likes.

But they can work up to that. Right now, Joe looks pretty scowl-y and serious and while the strong and silent type is nice to look at it gets frustrating fast and that’s just not gonna do if he’s hanging with George on set.

“Okay,” he says to Renee. “But when somebody leaks set pics to Instagram and the fan blogs get into a frenzy about the hot new guy don’t come crying to me.”

Renee laughs and George turns to Joe. “C’mon, pull up at seat,” he says. If he’d known he was expecting a guest he’d have asked craft services for more coffee. Joe hesitates and George rolls his eyes. “Trust me, it’s cool,” George promises. “Even the hardcore fans aren’t nuts enough to be staking out the set  _this_ early.”


	172. Winnix - Please don't get married.

It was all too much for Nix.

He’d watched Dick’s new connection bloom in smiles and furtive whispers, touches that were the picture of polite respectability but came easier and more often than he’d even seen Dick be with anybody other than himself.

Two marriages behind him and Nix wasn’t sure he actually knew what love looked like, surely not like the relationships he’d had before or they might have lasted, but if he had to guess he’d guess it looked like the way the shielded hope in Dick’s eyes gave way to confidence and delight with every conversation and meeting he had with Miss Rosen.

Watching Dick fall in love made his stomach ache. He’d said nothing. Friends didn’t ruin friends’ chances of happiness. He even felt vaguely guilty about wishing for it to all fall apart, although not so guilty as to stop hoping.

There had never seemed any point in saying anything, because the only reason he could fairly ask Dick to turn away from his happiness would be to make a better offer and Lew had already proven to be thoroughly incapable of being a husband, let alone the sort of husband who could offer Dick the white picket fence, vegetable patch and chicken coop kind of domesticity he so clearly craved.

There was still no point in saying anything, but ever since he’d overheard Dick on the phone with the bank (there were only two reasons he’d be withdrawing such a large sum, the down payment on a house or a truly extravagant ring, and they both led to the same thing) the words that he’d been keeping bitten tightly back had pressed against his lips.

He’d still had no intention of saying anything, but then Dick had remarked that he’d seemed upset, looked at him so gently and so seriously and asked, “What’s wrong?” that the truth had escaped him against his will.

“I love you.”

The worlds hung in the air between them, a weight that would surely crush the friendship now that Nix no longer bore it alone.

Dick shook his head. “What?”

“I’m completely and utterly in love with you,” or at least Nix thought he was. He hoped he was. What else could this agony possibly be? “Please don’t get married.”

Dick stared. Nix has never been very good with other people’s feelings but Dick looked decidedly horrified.

“I know this is the wrong time to say it–” not that there was any right time at all, “–but–”

“No.” Dick cut him off with a hand on Nix’s wrist. “I… why do you think I’m getting married?”

“You and Miss Rosen…”

“I’m buying her parents farm,” Dick said. “They’re too old to keep it up, but they refused to sell unless they were absolutely sure of the character of the person it was going to.”

Now it was Nix’s turn to stare. “Huh.” Moon eyes over buying a farm. How very Dick. “Okay. Let’s just forget I said all that then.”

“No,” Dick said slowly. “No, I don’t think we should…”


End file.
